XVII

Calum's POV:

After a long pause I decide to tell her. I never talk about this with anyone, but she's not anyone.

I sigh heavily "My mum got sick."

"Okay, and?" she pushes.

"And she almost died. She had cancer and was on chemo. They didn't think she was gonna make it. Gave her an expiration date and all that shit. I was totally pissed at the world and didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone."

"Shit." she whispers.

"Yeah. So I fucked any girl just to keep myself busy. I drank to numb myself. Experimented with some stuff, found some stuff that worked too well. Got hooked on it. Got in fights constantly. Then one day I went to see my mum in the hospital. I'd come straight from a party that I blacked out at. I was hung over, my clothes were dirty, I'm sure my eyes were bloodshot as hell. The disappointment on her face was enough for me to quit it all." I pause and inhale sharply. "Then she got better and went back to work during the summer. There, now you know."

I leave out how afraid I am to really care for anyone. That once I admit how much I care they'll die on me like my mum almost did.

"We're both so fucked up, you know that?" she asks, leaning up on one elbow to look down at me.

"Yes, yes we are." I reply.

She sits up and straddles me again, leaning down.

"Let's be fucked up together then." she says, her lips barely brushing my own.

I can't think clearly when she's doing this, when she's sitting like this, when she's this close, when I can feel her breath and practically feel her pulse drumming with anticipation.

I lift my head off the bed slightly to connect our mouths. I kiss her gently, feeling vulnerable after everything that was just said.

After debating my next move I wrap my arms around her waist and roll her over so that I'm on top. Then I realize how badly I want her, how badly I need her right now. I push her shirt up slightly and touch her hips, creeping up slowly.

"Cal - " she says right as I hear Luke call from outside the door.

"We're going to get food, you guys wanna tag along?" he asks.

I groan and roll off of Jackie who's laughing to herself.

"Damn it, Luke!" I yell through the door.

"So that's a yes, then?" he asks, giggling like an idiot.

He has horrible timing.

"Yes." Jackie calls, sitting up and tugging her shirt back down to its original position. "C'mon." she says, holding onto my hand and towing me behind her as she opens the door to reveal a widely grinning Luke. "Shut up." she smiles widely at him as her cheeks flush crimson.

I love how much she blushes, it's like she can't hide her emotions because they're constantly on public display via the blood vessels in her cheeks.

I just scowl at Luke as he turns and begins to walk to the car.

Jackie's POV:

The four of us pile into Calum's car and the playful bickering commences.

Luke wants Pizza Hut, Michael wants Macca's.

"What's Macca's?" I ask.

"McDonalds." Calum answers immediately.

"Oh, Californians." Michael jokingly remarks.

Calum eventually serves as the tiebreaker when he chooses Pizza Hut.

"Would it be all right if I invited Ashton?" I ask the group from the passenger seat.

Luke and Michael both reply with "Of course." but Calum just shrugs his shoulders. I text Ashton telling him to meet us there and letting him know who I'm with.

Much to my disappointment Candy isn't our waitress. I would've liked for her to see me with Calum again.

I just sit back and observe the three boys interact with one another. You can tell they truly care about each other. You can tell they're more than friends. They're each other's family.

They order our food and I find myself staring at Calum. Just watching him. And he's watching me, too.

Then a large hand waves in front of my face, breaking our shared stare. I look up to see Ashton.

"Oh, uh, sit." I say embarrassed to be caught so engrossed in Calum.

Ashton pulls out a chair next to me and sits down. The group hollers hellos and ask him how he is.

A few minutes later Ashton breaks away from the conversation he's having with Michael to whisper in my ear.

"Why am I here again?" he asks.

"Because, Ash." I say.

"Okay, then." he says, sagging back against the chair.

Our food comes and everyone picks up a slice of pizza.

"So what're you doing for your birthday?" Ashton asks through a mouthful of pepperoni pizza.

Why'd he have to ask that? He knows I don't celebrate my birthdays. I haven't for a long time. But we always go to a movie of my choice together. It's become somewhat of tradition, I suppose.

"Whaaaa - a birthday?!" Luke wails from across the table? "How old?"

"Eighteen." I reply quietly, choking back a giggle at his reaction. It's only a birthday.

"Party?" Michael asks me.

I scrunch my nose in response. The last time I went to a party didn't end too well. Or maybe it did. It brought Calum and me closer together, I guess.

"Maybe." I reply, knowing full well I don't really want one. Even if I did, where would I have it? Nowhere, that's where.

"I can finally move out." I sigh to myself.

I've been saving money for the day I turn eighteen. Being eighteen means freedom. Being eighteen means independence.

"Where are you gonna move?" Ashton asks me.

"Don't know yet. I need to start looking for places though." I say excitedly.

"You can move in with me and mum now that you'll be eighteen." Ashton offers.

"I don't wanna intrude." I reply.

"Seriously, it'd be fine. Mum's at work all the time anyways, so it gets lonely. Besides, she's fine with it, I already asked." he says.

"Really?"

"Really."

"I'll think about it." I say.

"YOLO, Jackie." Luke interrupts which makes me laugh.

"What? I don't think YOLO applies to living arrangements, Luke." I reply.

Calum's POV:

I didn't know her birthday was soon but I'm happy that she won't be a minor anymore. Happy for more than one reason.

Fuck, she looks good right now. Especially when she laughs at something Luke or Michael or Ashton say in conversation.

I can't get over how beautiful she is.

I really need to stop thinking like this when I'm around her, it's not good for my health.

"Cal?" Jackie asks.

"Uh, yeah, sorry, what?" I reply.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." I say, rising from my seat.

I've held onto her hand this whole time. I never hold girls' hands.

What is this?

She lets go of my hand as she hugs Ashton goodbye.

I get that Ashton's only trying to protect her, I'd do the same thing if I were him.

I hold the car door open for Jackie and she climbs in which is funny to watch because her small stature means she needs to exert much more energy than the boys and I do.

The radio blasts Green Day as we drive home and Michael screams each and every lyric at the top of his lungs.

It's dark outside by the time we get back home and we're loitering in the living room when my mum comes shuffling through the front door.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Jackie's POV:

I see a woman come through the front door and Calum drops my hand immediately.

She notices though.

"Oh, hello there." she says kindly. Her hair is short, from the chemotherapy I assume. But it fits her. It frames her face and I can already tell that it fits her personality too.

The whole lot of boys mumble their greetings and I step forward to shake her hand.

"I'm Jackie. Nice to meet you." I say in the most confident voice I can muster.

"Nice to meet you too, sweetheart." she says, shaking my hand.

Her eyes lock on my cheek and I remember the bruise that I covered this morning. I forgot to touch it up throughout the day. Stupid.

"Okay well I had a long day, Cal. I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late." she says and Calum rolls his eyes dramatically.

"I'm not ten, mum." he challenges.

"You act like it." she chuckles as she wanders down the hall.

She seems nice.

"Sorry about that." Calum says, grabbing my hand again. Why didn't he want her to see him holding my hand?

"It's fine. But maybe I should go." I say, chewing on my lip while I think.

"What? Why?" he asks me.

"Because your mum's home."

"Yeah, and?"

"And you didn't want her to see this." I say, gesturing to our interlocked hands.

"That's because she's never seen me do this." he says quietly. "Please stay."

"Why?" I ask. Why does it matter if I stay or if I go? It doesn't.

"Because." he replies and once I look into his eyes I know my decision is already made for me.

I can't say no. Not to him.

"Okay." I say, sighing heavily.

I don't get it, but okay.

Once I look away from Calum I see that Luke and Michael are watching us intently.

A/N:  Hello! Thanks for reading! Alsoooo, thank you so much for voting and commenting! It really means a lot to me.