XV

Jackie's POV:

I wake up panting and sweating at 3:00am.

My heart's pounding and my anxiety's sky high so I know I won't be able to fall back asleep anytime soon. Nightmares are a fairly regular thing for me, but I usually get up and do homework, which I really don't want to do right now.

I decide to go get a glass of water and end up walking like a ninja, cringing at the cupboards squeaking with each one I open in my expedition to find a glass. I finally find one and prance over to the sink.

I must look ridiculous.

"Damn it." I whisper to myself, realizing that the faucet will make noise too.

I try to turn it on slowly and quietly but I guess I wasn't slow or quiet enough.

"Hey." I hear a voice that I immediately recognize to be Calum's say from behind me.

"I couldn't sleep and I got thirsty, sorry." I say without turning around as I shut off the water.

I leave out the part about having nightmares.

"Want some?" he asks, holding out a tub of ice cream across the breakfast bar. I nod and take the spoon from him, scooping some into my mouth.

"Why are you awake?" I ask him through a mouthful of ice cream.

He shrugs, locking eyes with me "I'm just worried about you, I guess."

"You don't need to worry about me, Cal. I've made it this far." I say but in reality my heart melts at his concern for me.

I move to put my now empty water glass in the sink.

When I turn around he's stalking around the bar and towards me. I'm amazed by how coordinated he is at 3:00am.

"I'm allowed to worry about you Jackie. Are you okay?" he asks and I nod but my watery eyes betray me as a tear streaks my face. I've been crying a constant and slow cry the entire night. I hate feeling weak like this.

I don't think he'll never know how much it means to me that he's here, doing this for me.

His hand stretches out to wipe the renegade tear from my cheek and I fight the urge to pull away and run because I'm afraid of getting attached.

The reality is that I want to get attached.

So I let myself.

I fall into his chest and hug him tightly as I quietly sob. One of his hands comes up to my lower back and he slowly rubs circles in an attempt to soothe me while he brings his other hand to my hair, stroking it gently.

"Come back to bed with me. I don't want to be alone." I say almost inaudibly into his chest.

"Okay." he says and starts to move, but I'm not ready to move yet and my body is heavy with emotional exhaustion.

"Tired?" he asks and I nod "But I'm terrified." I say as I look up at him.

"Don't be. I'm here." he says and grabs my hand, pulling me behind him.

I don't think he understands what I mean by being terrified. He probably thinks I'm talking about my dad. He'd be right, but I'm also terrified of this - him and me. That I'm going to get attached then be abandoned.

He starts down the hall but instead of going to the guest room, he goes to his room.

He leads me to the bed and I immediately snuggle under the blankets, making it obvious to him that we're going to sleep together, nothing more.

But he doesn't seem disappointed or surprised in the least. Instead he lifts the blankets and lays down next to me, tucking a piece of hair that has fallen onto my face behind my ear.

He puts his hand on my hip and pulls me to him then wraps his arms around me protectively and I bury my head in his chest.

It's amazing to me how safe I feel when I'm with him.

Like nothing can touch me.

"Sleep. You're safe. I've got you." he says as he kisses the top of my head. Soon I drift into the most solid, comfortable slumber I've had in years.

Calum's POV:

She falls asleep quickly but I don't. I lay there, holding her, comforting her until I see the beginnings of daylight creeping into the room. So many thoughts and questions fill my mind.

Should I tell her?

Should I tell her why I've done the things that I've done?

Should I keep everything from her?

Should I push her away?

Could I push her away if I wanted to?

Am I already in too deep?

I feel my pulse quicken with anxiety about commitment but then another thought comes to me: she can be the start of something new. Something beautiful.

I drift off to sleep, holding onto the idea that Jackie and I can fix one another. Put our broken selves together and make each other whole again. 

Maybe.

Maybe.

Jackie's POV:

When I open my eyes light is leaking into the bedroom through the curtains.

Calum is laying on his back and my head is on his chest. I realize that my left leg is strewn across both of his, but I don't care.

I close my eyes again and focus on sensation - on his heartbeat in my ear and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, the quiet snore that escapes his lips with each breath.

If I could live like this forever - just like this - I would agree to it in a heartbeat.

It's bliss, and it's beautiful.

We lay like that for who knows how much longer but eventually I feel Calum shift slightly under me and my eyes flicker open to look into his.

"Hey, gorgeous." he compliments groggily and I feel my cheeks flush.

"Uh, have you seen my hair?" I tease and point to my matted bedhead.

"You're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Nothing can change that, definitely not hair." he says and I feel myself slipping into subliminal euphoria.

"Nobody's ever told me that." I say quietly and look away, his gaze is too intense and I'm starting to get uncomfortable talking about this.

"Well, you deserve to be told that every second of every day." he says, his voice filled with sleep.

"I don't deserve you." I say slowly and start to shift to move off the bed, I have the primal urge to run, to get away, not to get close to him, not to expose myself to him.

"You've got it backwards." he says as he wraps his long fingers around my wrist to pull me back to him.

In this moment I make a decision - I will bare my soul to him. Or at least try to.

So I force myself not to think and lean over to kiss him.

We've only kissed a few times and this is even more exhilarating than the other times.

His lips fit against mine and once again I have the overwhelming feeling that we were made for each other. The way he makes me feel isn't nothing. It can't be.

His hand moves to the back of my neck as he tries to pull me closer, but there is no closer.

I break the kiss to shift and sit astride him.

His eyes widen astronomically and I say "Calm down and kiss me." he chuckles and pulls himself up so he's leaning against the headboard.

"Yes, ma'am." he says with a smirk as he pulls me to him once again.

We do that for a while then reluctantly pull away from one another, both breathless.

"I have to go to work." I groan and climb off of him as he whines.

"Later." I promise and leave a lingering kiss on his lips.

Both of our lips are swollen and we're out of breath, but I love the feeling.

A/N: Hi! How are you on this fine day/night/afternoon/whenever-you're-reading-this?

Take a look at that gif on the side. Luke's totally rocking that blow up guitar. Apparently Ashton thinks he's a bird. And he's wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. I can't breathe.

Anyhow, thank you so much for reading! Please vote and comment!