IX

We walk in and I realize that I should be uncomfortable with how close he stays to me.

Always by my side, but instead of making me uncomfortable it makes me feel... safe?

I can't remember the last time that I felt safe. I've needed to be on the defensive for so long and even when I was little safety was an illusion. I realize that now.

But it's addictive like a drug. Now that I've felt safety, I never want to feel unsafe again.

I scoff at myself - if I want to avoid feeling unsafe then I guess I'll need to stay the hell away from my house. I don't feel like being homeless so I'll deal with living without feeling secure.

The last time I came to the fair was with my parents and brother back when my sister was still alive.

It was a long time ago. A happier time.

I snap back to the present when Calum asks me if I want to go on the Ferris wheel.

"Uhm, you go ahead. I'll wait here." I say as I sit down on a bench next to the line for the Ferris wheel.

He furrows his brow and looks at me questioningly before saying "Well, I don't want to go alone so I guess you'll have to live with the guilt of depriving me the joy of riding on the Ferris wheel. I don't know if I'll ever really get over it." he says dramatically crossing his arms.

I sigh deeply, standing up. I can't believe he's making me do this.

If anybody else did this to me I'd tell them to go screw themselves.

Then again, it seems like he can talk me into anything.

"Prepare yourself for a panic attack. I don't like heights." I say laughing lightly as his eyes get wide.

"Oh, you don't have to go if you don't want to. I was only kidding." he says quickly as I walk to the line.

I look up at him and stare into his eyes sternly "No, I want to try." I say and he smiles slightly.

The line goes faster than I was hoping it would. 

What the hell am I doing? I think to myself as I step into the giant bucket that will lift us 100 feet above the ground, where I could easily plummet to my death if a screw is loose or it flips over because the wind is too strong, or an airplane could crash into it and we could burn in a fiery inferno.

Or, or, or.

Stop, I command to myself and I push one foot in front of the other then sit down inside the death bucket.

Calum sits across from me and I spread my arms across the width of the seat to grasp the edge on either side.

The seats are benches meant for two people on each side, but my arms are long enough to stretch across and soon my knuckles turn white from holding on so tight.

"Having fun?" he asks on our first rotation at the top.

"Best. Ride. Ever." I say in a tense and sarcastic tone.

I suddenly realize that there aren't any seat belts on this ride and my grip tightens even more as I squeeze my eyes closed.

We're still at the very top of the wheel's circumference when he stands up and I scream with wide eyes and mouth agape "What are you doing?! Sit down!" and he just laughs as he pries my fingers off on my left side.

"Now, now, Jackie were you actually worried about me? Here I thought you didn't like me." he says, smirking as he holds my hand and sits down next to me.

Don't get too attached, I think to myself and say "Maybe I just didn't want to witness your body plummeting to the ground." I pause "Or maybe your different." I say softly, looking at him.

So much for not getting attached.

Then the Ferris wheel jerks and I shriek, squeezing his hand hard. 

"Sorry." I say loosening my grip.

"No worries." he replies then moves his hands to my waist and pulls me across his lap, so my thighs are perpendicular to his and his forearms are sturdily secured around my waist.

There's that feeling again.

Safety.

"Put your arms up." he demands and I put my hands up in response.

He leans into my ear and whispers "I said your arms. I've got you, don't worry." and I believe him.

I believe that he's got me.

And most of all, right now, I believe that I don't need to worry.

I raise my arms and shriek again, but this time it's a happy shriek - one of exhilaration and youth and dare I say... happiness? 

Maybe.

We stay like that for the duration of the ride, but when they start to unload passengers we get stuck right where we'll be the last ones out and I tense again, thinking something went wrong.

"You're okay. You're safe." he says, noticing me tensing up.

In that moment I make a decision.

I will trust him.

I already trust him.

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe he'll break my heart.

Maybe he'll hurt me.

But I have to try.

So I kiss him.

I hardly know him, but I don't care, I kiss him anyway.

And he kisses me back.

We move in such unison to one another that I can't help but think that we were made for each other. That even if things don't work out between us when push comes to shove, that our bodies were and will always be designed for one another by whatever forces you believe to exist.

I don't know what to believe. And right now it doesn't matter.

He pulls me even closer and kisses me with more urgency and I feel like he's thinking the same thing that I am - were we made for each other?

He pulls away slightly, smirking as he whispers "But I thought you didn't want to move too fast..." 

"Yeah, well, if you don't want to, I mean..." I trail off, turning my head teasingly.

"Shut up and kiss me." he says before pulling me back and reconnecting our lips.

The ride jerks again, but I don't care.

He'll take care of me.

I'm safe.

I don't need to worry anymore.

...

We go on some of the other rides at the fair and play a few of the booth games.

There's one where you have to hit tin cans that are stacked in a pyramid with an airsoft gun.

I hit my intended target each and every time and Calum shoots me a look.

I can tell that he's trying to figure out why I'm so accurate.

"My, uh, my dad used to take me to target practice before he started drinking." I say setting the orange-tipped handgun down on the counter. 

"Why?" he asks, puzzled, and I hesitate.

I don't want to tell him that.

But if there's one thing that I hated about my family growing up it was that they kept secrets, so I decide to tell him.

"My mom got mugged when I was super young, like, 6 months old maybe." I say scratching my scalp - yet another nervous habit of mine.

"I wasn't with her but from what I've heard it was pretty nasty. She got 3 of her ribs broken and fractured her arm and stuff. So anyways, my dad totally flipped out about it - and I don't blame him, but he thought I should be taught how to defend myself from a young age." I pause "Little did he know I'd actually be using what I learned someday." I say wryly as I gesture to the attendant who's handing me some stupid, cheap stuffed animal prize.

"Holy shit." he says and I just smile to myself.

Is he really this innocent or is he just patronizing me?

"You've never been around violence, have you?" I inquire, looking up at him.

He inhales sharply and deeply before saying "Not with my own family. But I've definitely seen and been involved in my own fair share of shit." he says clenching his jaw.

I force myself to acknowledge that I really want to know more about him.

And with that I nod and ask "Tell me about it sometime?" and he smiles weakly then nods slowly in response.

We get a funnel cake to share. It's overly sweet but I'm too focused on Calum to complain.

"Tell me about you. You know about me. I want to know about you." I say.

"Well, my mum and dad moved my sister and me here a while back. We didn't want to move at first. We left everything that was familiar to us. I miss Australia a bit, to be honest." he sighs "My mum's a lawyer. Dad's a doctor. They work opposite shifts but sleep most of the time they're home. I love 'em though. Anyways, that's why Luke and Michael are there so often, to keep me company. We've known each other for ages. Been through a lot together. What else do you want to know?" he finishes.

"What do you want me to know?" I counter.

"Everything and nothing." he says and I understand completely because I feel the same way.

"Ready?" he says, throwing the now empty paper plate into the trash bin.

I nod as I grab his hand this time as we walk out of the fair together.

Best. Day. Ever.

A/N: Hey, you. Yeah, you. Thanks for reading! It means the world to me. As always, vote and comment, please! The next chapter will be up soon!