Would you be able to rest?

5 years later.

It was just another day.. nothing particularly special about it. You wake up like you do everyday. Go down stairs eat some breakfast with Tony. Go for a little walk around the forest collecting some strawberries. Like you've done every summer for the past two years. Then you either decide to curl up by the couch and watch a movie together or you go into the city and grab some dinner together. Today was exactly like the days before. You've gotten into your daily routines trying to make things work with what you have. Today was no exception.

Tony and you were happy.. you truly were happy. There was nothing you could put a finger on that shouldn't make you happy. It was a friendship build on trust and mutual understanding. And on the outside looking in people might have thought you and him were secretly married to one another, setting a great example on how to move on and start your life over. But on in the inside the truth was far from that. It consisted of Tony waking up in the middle of the night hearing you scream in terror before waking up with sweat dripping down your body. Haunted by your very own memories, haunted by the memory of him... But Tony loves you no less for it, he would wrap you in his arms, turn on your favorite song, stay up till you fell asleep again.

You sit outside in your garden down by the lake. As Tony walks to you sitting by your side.

"You slept well tonight" he states.

"Yeah.. I guess I did" you smile. "Thank you for being patient.. being there"

"You don't need to thank me y/n.. I'm just happy you're doing better" he smiles back.

"Your birthday is coming up" you state. "Any wishes?"

"Fifty three years old" he sighs.. "in ten years I'll look like your rich old sugar daddy" he chuckles.

"Well you sorta already do" you smirk.

"Oh shut up you're the ancient one here.. how old are you really now?" He asks teasingly.

"In human years..." you stop as you quickly do the math. "One hundred an four" you chuckle.. "but Asgardian age.. geez I don't even know anymore" you admit.

"God you're old" Tony says a bit shocked. "What is the deal with Asgardian age and human age really?"

"We'll it's not that easy with me you know.. since my age is stuck around the human age of twenty one so... but Loki he-" you trail off. " he died when he was around twenty four in human years give and take.. so for each human year you've been around.. it's like equal to fifty Asgardian years" you explain.

"To technically you're-"

"Don't even go there" you grin.

"Hey there's that smile I love"

You take his hand as the smile stays glued to your face. "Do you ever worry about that?" You ask.. "that I don't Age like at all?"

"No.." Tony shakes his head. "Y/n you're my best friend in the whole world. And as long as you don't give a crap about being seen with a grandpa, I certainly don't care" he assures you. "And sure id love the idea of us growing old together, judging people as we eat fancy dinner every night. But that's just not in the cards for us"

"You could get that you know" you say sadly. "Find someone who's not stuck in time loving her childhood love who's not even alive anymore. You could be happy" you say sadly. "Instead you're-"

"All alone?" He asks.

"No Tony that's not what I meant.."

"Do you know anyone from our past, beyond Clint who's had a stable relationship?"

"I did"

"You did not.. you fell in love with a psychopath with a god complex y/n" Tony corrects you. "The two of you literally broke up more times than I can recall."

"Alright I'll give you that one.. what about Bruce and Nat?"

"Oh that's been dead for seven years it doesn't count" Tony chuckles.

"Rhodey and that girl from the coffee shop?" You question.

"Nope he got called on a mission and stood her up, so she ghosted him" Tony explains.

"Ah I've got it.. Thor and Jane!" You say confidently. "No wait she broke up with him, and right before they got together again she turned into dust"

"You see what I'm saying.. you can't always have both a hero life and a love life"

"VISION AND WANDA" you yell as if you've just solved the biggest riddle in the world.

"Both dead.. doesn't count."

"At least they're together now" you sigh.

Tony looks at you as he raises his brows.

"Fine.. alright then" you scoff. "Cheers to a life as a hero. Forever alone, and no one to love" you chuckle.

"Cheers to that" Tony smiles.

You both turn your head as you head a car door slam in the distance.

"Is Romanoff coming over again?" Tony asks as he gets up.

"Not that I'm aware of, she was just here yesterday.. unless she forgot something.." you say confused. "She hasn't texted me" you sigh as you look at your phone.

Tony grabs your hand as you walk through the garden up to the front of the house. You see a car parked by the side. As Steve, Natasha and Scott walks out. You tilt your head, as you look at them. You hadn't seen either Steve or Scott in five years.. you thought Scott blipped as well as many others.

"Did you have any idea they were coming?" You ask Tony softly.

"Not a clue" he admits. As he nods his head before walking up to the terrace.

"I'll go get some water for you guys.. have a seat" you sigh as you walk inside. As soon as you walk out Scott is blabbering on about something.. something time travel.. something. All you hear is a madman that's likely on drugs.

"I've seen it work.. I was stuck in there for five years.. but for me it was more like five minutes.. so I'm theory maybe we could quantum jump back in time before Thanos. Get the stones and pop out now. Snap our fingers bring everybody back" Scott explains.

You stand beside Tony, giving him the side eye.

"Are you done?" You ask, after he's spoken absolutely none stop for about ten minutes.

"What you're talking about is highly unlikely to succeed" Tony scoffs.

"I know what it sounds like" Scott sighs. "after everything you've seen, is anything really Impossible?" He asks you.

"Quantum fluctuations messes with the Planck scale, which then triggers the Deutsch proposition. Can we agree on that?" Tony says casually. You're probably the only person who understood a word of what he just said. But parts of you think that was his goal.

"In human words it means you're not coming home" you translate looking at Natasha.

She mouths a subtle thank you.

"I did" Scott says.

"No you accidentally survived" Tony scoffs. "It's a billion to one chance"

"So you wanna pull a.. what do you call it?" You question.

Scott clenches his lips together.. "a time heist?" He says nervously.

"Yeah a time heist of course" you say quietly."why didn't we think of this?" You chuckle.

"Oh yeah that's right.. because it's laughable.. because it's not possible" Tony adds.

"The stones are in the past. We could go back.. and we could get them" Steve says softly.

"That way we can snap our own fingers and bring everybody back" Natasha adds.

"Yeah or we could screw it up worse than he already has right?" Tony says.

"I don't believe we would" Steve assures him.

"I gotta say it, sometimes I miss that giddy optimism" tony smirks. "I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise" tony sighs as he sits down in the chair.

"Not if we just follow the strict rules of time travel" Scott says confidently. "No talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events-"

"Scott that's not how it works at all.. it's not like back to the future or any other old shitty midgardian movie.. we're talking about entering a place we're not even sure how works.." you say quietly.

"Y/n.." Natasha says softly as she looks up at you. "This is what we've been searching for" she says.

"No.. it's not okay?" You hiss. "We have been searching for a logical safe way to get-" you stop. You don't know why it's like you run out of words.

"We have to take a stand" Steve sighs.

"We did stand.. and yet here we are" tony speaks.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Scott asks. "What do we have to loose?"

Tony looks over at you.. as you're sitting quietly looking down at the ground.

"Everything" tony sighs.

"Tony I lost someone very important to me.. we all did and now we have a chance to bring them back.. and you're saying you won't even try?"

"That's right Scott I won't even" tony says coldly. As he grabs your hand noticing your hand trembling. "I just can't okay.. we can't" tony says.

"Tony please" Steve begs.

"You haven't been here Cap.. you haven't seen the pain and the nightmares-" you trail of once more. "I understand I really do, I've been trying for five years to bring them all back.. to bring my-" you choke out. "I want to help" you voice trembles. "You just need to let me think" you say shakily.

Your breath becomes shaky, the anxiety crumbling down on you, like a heavy pressure.

Tony wraps his arm around you, as he lifts you up. "Y/n go inside, take a cold shower I'll be right with you okay?" Tony whispers to you. "You're okay.. do you hear me?"

"It's still that bad?" Natasha asks.

Steve looks at Tony confused. "Tony?"

Tony simply nods his head. "Look Rogers I'm happy to see you.. I honestly am, but you don't understand.. for the past five years y/n has been living in constant pain.. night terrors, anxiety. And I can't put her through anymore.." tony explains. "And the fact you came here.. she won't back down now.. you knew that Steve.. that's why you came here." Tony scoffs. "Because y/n has fought other peoples battles for almost seventy years.. one day she's gonna crack.. and it will cost her, her life" Tony states. "You weren't there to pick up the pieces.. Romanoff was.. and I was."

"Tony I wouldn't have come here if we could figure this out without the two of you.. but we can't" Steve sighs.

"Well.. guess you don't have to worry about that anymore.. you've already dragged her in.."

"Tony-"

"Listen if you don't talk more about this you can stay for dinner.. but don't go there.. she can't take it" tony sighs before he walks into the house.

You sit curled up in the living room, a towel wrapped around your hair working on your computer. As tony makes you dinner. You've been secretly looking through every possible way to make it work.

"Dinner is ready" Tony calls out.

You close down your laptop, walking to the table.

"It's just some recipe I found online it's supposed-"

"I figured it out" you say blankly.

"What?" He questions.

"Time travel.. I figured it out how to do it" you repeat.

"Oh.. for god sakes y/n" he sighs.. sitting down beside you. "I told you to stop-"

"I know.." you admit. "I should stop.. I should just be able to filter through it but.. whenever they ask I just.." you exhale.

"You're willing to risk your life to bring everyone back? You do know that's insane right?"

"I miss him Tony... I can't function when I know there's way to undo it"

"But what if it fails.. what if something happened to you I would never-"

"It's not just about getting one person back.. do you know how many people lost someone five years ago.. I watch all of you age.. and the thought of just losing one more person makes me sick to stomach" you admit. "And it could work.. it could actually work"

"It's insane"

"I know.. but we're the only two people that knows how to do it"

"Y/n you were just beginning to move on.. going down that road again-"

"If I move on, who will fight?" You ask "Who will take a chance although all the odds are against you?..who would I be if I truly moved on?" You ask.

Tony shakes his head.

"No but seriously Tony, for these past five years I've done nothing but attend meeting with Nat every week. Watching as we started as a group of twenty people.. now it's just her and me" you explain. "So if I don't do it.. who will?"

"Maybe this doesn't need to be done" Tony sighs. "You could move on.. be happy y/n"

"I used to have nothing Tony.. running away constantly.. you knew me back then.. you saw what I did to people that got close to me... I did some terribly things.. I turned into a monster that people feared" you sigh. "But then I got this job.. I got this family.. I got Loki back... you back.." you explain."I was better because of it" you smile as a tear runs down your cheek. "And five years ago it felt like all that progress just meant nothing... I was just nothing"

Tony sighs deeply, as he looks at you.

"We got lucky" tony smiles.

"Yeah we did" you agree. "Not everybody did though"

"We can't help everybody.. you know that right?"

"Except we can Tony.. that gives us the responsibility to do it" you say softly.

"But what's next then y/n?" Tony questions.. "there's always gonna be someone that's need your help.. when will you ever be the one who gets Put first"

"I.. I don't know.." you stutter. "It would just be so nice to not be seen as a monster.. if I did this then manybe-" you trail off. "Forget it it's stupid.. I shouldn't do it"

"Would you be able to rest if you didn't?"

You shake your head.

"I think we need to get a life y/n.."

"You first" you chuckle, drying away your tear stained cheeks.

"Alright then.. where do we start?"