Monster

Germany 1998

You're tied up in a chair, in a small abandoned building. Few inches away from a staircase. After the meeting with Nick Fury, you returned to your old days of working as an undercover agent helping take down any enemies in the US. It's a good way to distract yourself from reality. Gives you a chance to put your special skill set to proper use.

You've been beaten up quite heavily. It's your advantage that they can hurt you temporarily. The hits don't hurt any less than if they could kill you.

"Who do you work for?" A man asks in a heavy German accent.

You've been sent out to clear an old military base. Nick had watched over it for a while suspecting something was wrong.

The man slaps you across the face once again.

"It really doesn't have to get messy. Just tell me who you work for princess" he smiles devilishly.

"do You really think I'm a princess." you ask innocently.

Another man grabs a hold of your neck as he pushes you towards the edge of the staircase.

"Tell us everything" the man demands.

"Oh right" you scoff. "Mind letting go of me first?" You ask kindly.

The man signals for the other man to let go of you.

"Well, where should I start... so my name is.."

"Everything about the people you work for" the man growls.

"Oh you really should be more specific" you grin.

They tilt you over the edge once more.

"I'm sorry okay.. I'll tell you everything" you say quickly.

Once again they put you down.

"Come a little closer" you smirk.

The man walks towards you.

"Closer" you say seductively.

He scoffs but follows your order. Until his ear is just by your face. You knock him out, banging your head against his. As you break loose of the robes. Knocking them down one by one.

You grab onto the man's phone dialing a number. Waiting patiently for Nick to pick up. As you look down at the four men laying on the ground unconscious.

"Finally.. so I've got the information. And well these guys aren't going anywhere anytime soon" you smirk satisfied.

"Good job y/n. I'll be there in five" Fury says proudly.

Suddenly one of the guys points a gun towards you, aiming it against your head. As he pulls the trigger you fall forwards crashing onto the floor.Even though the shot doesn't kill you, it's hurts just the same, you still feel the pain of a bullet crashing against your skull. You crack your jaw back into place as you slowly stand up looking down at him. You can hear Nick on the other line calling your name desperately. The man looks at you with fear in his eyes.

"I'll have to get back to you.. someone clearly didn't teach these boys not to interrupt someone while they're on the phone" you smirk. As you put the phone down on the ground.

Walking slowly towards the man, he desperately tries crawling away from you.

"NO!" He screams. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MONSTER" he whimpers. Still aiming the gun at you.

"I didn't ask for this.. but you on the other hand did ask for this" you hiss coldly. As you step on his hand, as the gun falls to the ground. You pick it out shooting him in the leg. That's enough to stop him from getting anywhere. But not enough to kill him...

"Alright I'm back.. when are you here?" You sigh.

"Right behind you"

You turn around, hanging up the phone as Nick looks at the mess you've made. He shakes his head, as the rest of the team comes in to arrest the four men.

"Did you really have to shoot him?" Nick asks

"No... but it was rather fun" you smirk.

You wish your time as an agent hadn't affected you at much as it has. You've gone cold, and careless. At least for your targets... That was all it was to you now.. targets, it was easier that way. Like flipping off a switch. Turning off your humanity. That way you don't lose too much of yourself along the way.. if you even had a part of yourself anymore. It helped you focus. Instead of lingering on all the what-ifs.

"Let's get you home" Nick sighs, walking with you to the aircraft waiting on the roof.

As soon as you return back home, you throw yourself on the bed. Nick had helped you set up a life for yourself back in New York. Cleaning up the mess you had become. Giving you yet a new identity. Still keeping the Jones name. It was easier, plus the name Jones had really grown on you. Rose Jones. That ought to be easy to remember. Nick of course still refers to you as y/n. It was such a relief having someone that knew about everything. Helping you along the way.. A friend.

Sometimes you would even forget who you used to be. Expect at night, that's when all the memories came flooding back to you.. Tony and you slow-dancing in the living room, as the moonlight shines through.

He throws your bag on the floor of your bedroom as he stands in the doorway looking slightly worried about you.

"Are you just gonna stand there all night Nick?" You ask mockingly.

"Why'd you really shoot that guy y/n?" He asks. He's always worried about you. You sit up looking at him, he raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to answer his question

"He called me a monster" you sigh sadly. Looking down at your badly bruised hands. They're already healing. "He was afraid of me... even though he was the one with a gun" you explain.

"You're not a monster" Nick assures you. As he pulls out a chair sitting in front of you. "You have a gift... But don't use it for the wrong reasons"

"He tried to kill me... And you know for a second I hoped he would have" you admit. Looking up at him with red swollen eyes.

"Don't say that"

"Don't say what?... the truth?" You hiss. "My life is one big lie.. If you read Howard's files you would know how much I wanted to be normal" you whimper.

"What's normal?" Nick teases.

You remain silent shaking your head, as you wipe away the tear falling down your cheek. Shrugging your shoulders.

"Was Howard normal?" He asks.

"No... but he got to live his life, he got to fall in love.. he got to die" you say sadly.

Nick gets up, leaving through the door. Shortly after he returns with a box labelled agent Jones. He hands it to you.

"I thought this was strictly confidential information" you hiss. You asked for that box years ago. "Why give it to me now?"

"I think you need it now" Nick smiles weakly. "Do you want me to leave?" He asks.

You look through the files. There's a picture of you and Howard in there. Another teardrop rolls down. It was at the first board meeting for SHIELD

You shake your head. "Please stay" you mumble as you look through the box. Hoping there's anything about Steve in here. More so than a cure. If you could just know what happened to Steve everything would be alright at least for a little while.

There are tons of files about you, hundreds of tests he did, but nothing.

"Why show me this if there's nothing useful" you yell as you throw the box to the ground.

"To remind you of the good you've done.. The goodness you can be"

"That girl isn't me anymore" you admit.

"Then who are you?" Nick asks.

"I don't know..." your shoulders fall as you bite down your lips trying not to break down. "Something happened to me.. I wasn't always this way. If something made me this way, something can undo it"

"You can be whoever you want to"

"I don't want to be whoever"

"Then who do you want to be?"

"Y/n Idunndottir" You say. Nick wraps his arm around you. You slowly rest your head on his shoulder. "At least y/n Jones"

"Then be that girl" Nick requests.

"I can't" you whimper.

"Why not?" He asks softly.

"There's too much history" you explain.

"Why don't we just stick with Agent Jones then?" He proposes.

"Agent isn't a name" you exclaim.

"What do people call me?" He asks.

You know he's got a point. He always has a point with everything. He's so damn smart you want to punch him.

"Fury"

"Exactly Jones" he smirks.

You push him on the shoulder. But you know he's right. At this point, Jones is the closest thing you have to a real name. It's simple and effective.

"I'm going to find a cure you know" you claim determined. You have to find that cure. Find something to give you, your life back. It was all fun and games for a year or two. Now it's some sick joke.

"I'm counting on it" Nick smiles..

"Thank you for believing in me," You say softly.

"You believed in me first" he smirks.

"What can I say... I simply believe there's good in everybody"

"Including you" Nick smiles. "Get some sleep please"

Shortly after Nick leaves you to fall asleep, as he slowly cleans up the mess you've made. Looking through the files for the seven hundredth time. But perhaps there's nothing that can be done. Not until you find out the truth of what happened to you. And the only two people that know about that, are somewhere in Asgard having the time of their life. If you could just find a way to ask them.. let them know you were alright. God knows if they even remember you.

When you open your eyes you realize you've slept for almost an entire day. There's a small note on the bedside table.

There's food in the fridge, and I'm giving you the next two months off. Please go enjoy yourself. Or at least try to. And for my sake eat something.

Ps. Here's an address to a hospital, just in case you haven't tried professional help. It does work you know. Asking for help.

Metro-General Hospital

-Nick

You can't help but smile as you read the note. He can be such as duchebag at times. But at least he cares about you. You walk to the kitchen opening up the fridge, it's stocked with all your favourite foods. You pull out some homemade Mac and cheese and put it in the microwave. You open it just before the timer goes off. As you sit down to eat. You look down at the Note looking up at the hospital. It's close to where you live. And it wouldn't hurt you to just go there. Ask for a brain doctor or whatever it's called. You finish your Mac and cheese and leave the dirty plate on the table as you grab the note walking through the streets. You stop just in front of the hospital. Yet you can't get yourself to walk in there...

What would you even say if you did? Who would ever? Believe you. You stand outside for several minutes, just watching as people walk in and out. A nurse notices and walks out to you.

"Do you need help miss?" She asks kindly. You cringe at the word miss...

You shift your gaze looking at her.

"No I'm okay" you answer hesitantly..

She nods her head before returning inside. You turn around walking home. Maybe another time. Another decade perhaps