TO LIVE FOR

'Now I have to remember you for longer than I've known you.'

We were left behind again. It feels like they're avoiding us on purpose, but not in a rude way. I don't feel left out, it feels like they've planing something I was left in the dark about.

But ether way, I'm a little grateful to be with Aiden again. We're walking back to the motel for the night, Ben and Logan were hungry so they went to a dinner and Taylor and Tyler went to the motel before anyone did. I think Taylor wanted to watch a movie or TV show the others didn't want to do she had to watch it alone. Well— alone with Tyler— but they already to everything together, so it doesn't really count.

So all that's left is me and Aiden, walking in silence. Last night is on a loop in my head, the memory is so comforting yet makes me cringe. I get the weird flutter feeling too.

Despite that— or maybe in favor— the air feels different tonight. Not heavy, not tense. It's like I'm waiting for something, like something's supposed to happen, but we're both in denial of actually doing it.

I feel close. Closer than normal. Not dramatic, just making me feel hyper aware of every small move Aiden makes.

I hear a faint car pass by us making me aware of how much time has passed in silence. I sigh. Not out of frustration. Just to actually do something.

I feel Aiden glance at me.

"You good, Ash?" He asks, I am suddenly aware of his voice, it's smooth and calming. But the way he carries his words is hesitant, concerned almost.

I nod, pausing. I'm taken aback by the fact we're standing still, I didn't even realize when we stopped walking.

I look up at Aiden, his eyes are soft, resting. His pupils are dilated by the dark, they feel calmer like that. More approachable.

I didn't even realize we've been staring at each other until Aiden starts to fidget with his T- shirt.

There's a long pause, inviting each other to talk. Change the subject. Break whatever is lingering between us.

But nether of us take the opportunity.

Instead, there small movement between us— too small to be even considered movement. Then, a slightly bigger movement, A slow shift, our heads turning slightly.

It would be easiest to stop this now, to build whatever barrier I was gnawing at. But I don't. Nether does Aiden.

Aiden shifts, moving so he's fully facing me. I follow in movement, out of instinct? Maybe. It just felt right.

There's silence again. Then, Aiden looks away for a split second and lip trills, as if mentally preparing himself for something.

"I'm sorry for.. whatever upset you last night.." He says, still looking off to the side, rubbing the back of his neck.

I pause. Should I tell him? I mean— I regretted it when I didn't— but, what if this time it's better I leave it in the dark?

"Aiden.." I say, keeping my words firm, even if they were forced. "It had nothing to do with you, you don't have to apologize..." I say, making sure he keeps eye contact this time.

"Right.." He pauses, letting his words fade into silence. Another car passes, a small reminder that we should continue walking. And we do.

Once we get the motel, we continue our ritual from last night, flicking through TV shows we were barely interested in. It was only a distraction from whatever wedged itself in our lives, connecting them somehow.

The silence becomes more blindingly obvious with each passing minute.

This time it feels more familiar, like even if something distracted us it wouldn't dismantle whatever we built in one night. Or maybe something we've been slowly building since day one.

This night felt more purposeful.

I slowly grow more anxious of what we're doing, I felt like I had to something. To break the silence.

"Wait— go back," I say, as Aiden flies through channels, I can barely remember what the previous show even was. I just wanted to talk.

Aiden pauses scrolling and brings to flip up, slowly,

"Tell me when" He says, he falls on some show that had an interesting enough title.

"That one—" I say, vaguely pointing to the TV "Judge Judy," I clarify, he clicks but questions

"The law show?" He asks, glancing at me from the coroner of his eye

"I like how direct she is" I lie, I barely watch Judge Judy. I just wanted to spark a conversation, something, anything to lead to what we had last night, again.

It goes silent again, and the date in the corner of the digital clock meets my eyes. March 18. Dad's birthday.

It's my dad's birthday. And I forgot.

But not only did I forget, I didn't even have him to apologize to. My world flips, my brain feels foggy.

I just sit and stare at the digital clock till I can't see anymore. March 18 keeps repeating in my head till my head gets heavy. My breath is steady but heavily till it's harder to hide its shakiness.

Before I break down, I get up.

"I'm going to take a shower.." I say, my voice cracks, making it painfully obvious that something was wrong. I silently curse myself off for that before going into the bathroom and locking the door.

I hear Aiden mute the TV— because it was unable to pause— but I don't hear any further movement, just silence, like he's just sitting there. Still on the bed.

I turn on the shower, but for the most part, I'm not showing. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, silently sobbing till the sleeves of my hoodie are stained dark.

I don't have any form of time in the bathroom. I don't know how long I sat in sobbing silence, but I could guess it was ten minutes, maybe more, maybe less.

Nonetheless, I collect myself, stand up. And begin to actually take a shower, nothing fancy, just washing my hair and face.

I get out of the shower, turning the knob before the gentle, warm drizzles stops. Leaving me in silence of the slow dripping of the wet shower head on the sunken tiles.

I get dressed and stand in silence for another moment, just empty silence. As if I couldn't leave the steamed room without it.

Once I leave Aiden's sitting on the bed, the TV on again. He glances at me with sorry eyes and a faint smile. He's hesitant. But he still has that looming okay-ness with whatever is going on, whether it's acting like a psycho in danger, or being calm in a disaster. It's annoying sometimes, sure. But—in a way— it's kinda necessary.

I pause, before asking.

"Could you do my braids?" I ask, strangely meekly, but it's okay. I just weirdly want his hands in my hair. It's therapeutic, and if I ever need something like that, it's now.

He smile grows thoughtful, before he adjusts himself till his up straight, leaving space in front of him to sit in front of.

I do, I sit cross legged in front of him, mindlessly watching the TV as he carefully runs his hand through my hair to separate it.

I wish this moment could last forever.

Once he finishes, I miss his touch. But I know that's a stupid thought. Instead I shift myself next to him and continue watching TV.

Aiden grabs the remote and slowly lowers the volume of the TV, enough so I can hear him speak.

"Do.. you want to talk about it..?" He asks, glancing at me, his head shifts slightly in my direction, but not enough to be noticeable.

"I uh.." I pause, I know I want to talk about, and this is the perfect moment too. I just don't have the words

"Do you think we'll ever see our parents again..?" I ask, he freezes, before turning his head to fully face me.

"Ash.." He says softly, avoiding the question.

The empty response to my question. The silence. He didn't want to respond, he didn't need to.

I just want to cry. But not in front of Aiden, not here.

"Ash.. when did this come up..?" He asks, his voice is softer as he mutes the TV. He slowly shifts himself to face me.

"Just answer the question.." I say, sturdy but cracks consuming my words.

He pauses, as if he's unable to word the unimaginable.

"I don't know, Ash." He says, dismissing the worry. "But we can only hope.. right?" He adds, to soften the reality. But it wasn't that easy to fix.

My gaze falls down to the bed, looking down. I start to fidget my thumbs together. A small distraction.

Aiden pauses, I hate this silence.

"Ash.." He pauses again. I hate when he does that too, when all he does is say my name.

"Ash, I'm so sorry.." He says, his voice is firm but filled with sorrow.

That was my breaking point, I started to silently sob. It was gentle and hesitant, I was still resistant to cry in here. In front of Aiden. But at the same time, if I were to cry in front of anyone in the group, it would be Aiden.

I could feel Aiden's silence, he reached out, slowly. Unsure.

He placed his hand in mine, this time I squeezed, I squeezed three times. Not hard, not demanding, just like a distraction. His finger slowly traced strokes on the back of my hand.

I followed my breathing to his strokes, like a guide. I slowly dis-attach for the sobs, melting into the silence.

I pause, "I'm sorry.." I say, breaking the silence like a ripple in calm water, "that was a lot."

He pauses, his stokes do as well.

"You don't have to apologize, Ash. You needed that.." he says, his voice comes through warm, and gentle, yet heavy. Like a weighted blanket.

And I hate to admit it— but there's truth to his words— it does feel nice afterwords.

"Right.. thank you.." I say, replacing my words. He squeezes my hand, his squeeze was gentle and assuring.

I glance at our hands from my angled down view, before raising my gaze to Aiden. He's eyes meet mine and it lingers for one minute too many.

I feel the subtlety of our breathing matching, in que with one another.

The air feels different— but— different good. Not different bad.

Aiden reaches out, brushing a lone tear off my cheek, but once the tear left, his fingers didn't. They lingered on my cheek. As we stared at one another— both highly aware of the situation— yet ignoring it.

We stayed like that for a moment too long.

Before I know it— we're closer than we just were— like we moved out of instinct.

And much like that— we slowly move— in sync. Until our lips brushed against each other. It was hesitant on both sides. I don't think ether of us even second guessed it. It was raw, pure.

It was almost too light to be considered a kiss.

But nonetheless, once we pulled away— the naturalness left as well. We just sit in silence. Staring.

"Okay.." I whisper, my voice cracking. It barely audible I don't think Aiden even heard it. It wasn't a conversation starter, it wasn't to deter the moment. It was simply a recognition.

The silence that sat between us was audible. Where do we go from here..

The kiss felt clumsy, almost accidental.

"I—I'm sorry." Aiden says, swallowing. As if he was shoving down the situation "That was—.."he paused and sighed, giving up on the sentence.

I wanted to talk, but all the words got caught on the lump in my throat. So I just did what I could in the moment, which was to squeeze his hand— like we have been. This time the squeeze had more of a purpose, recognition.

______Word Count: 2017

(This is the end, but if you guys want one shots just comment so and your wish will be granted!)