Spiral

Athena

We stayed at the Hilltop for a couple of days, but we were ready to bring our baby girl home to Alexandria. Jesus had driven us back, his truck bumping along the worn roads, while Daryl had ridden just ahead on his bike, making sure the coast was clear like we were his most precious cargo. And damn, I felt like we were. Briar was nestled safely in Hershel’s car seat beside me – borrowed from Maggie, her tiny breaths steady, and Daryl was riding with such intensity, I almost felt like the world could stop for a moment just to watch him.

After a fuss at the gates - everyone scrambling to see Alexandria’s newest resident - the door to our home shut behind us with a soft click.

“Welcome home, baby girl.” I whispered.

I was tired from the night feeds and the journey, so the three of us headed straight upstairs to get settled in the bedroom.

Briar was sound asleep in the bassinet beside our bed, her tiny chest rising and falling in the softest rhythm. The room was bathed in a gentle, dim light that made everything feel still, like time had slowed just for us. Daryl sat on the edge of the bed, and there was something in his eyes as he watched her that made my chest tighten - a soft awe, like he still couldn’t believe she was really ours.

I watched him for a moment before walking over and sitting beside him. He reached out and took my hand, pulling me closer, his gaze never leaving our daughter. “She’s so perfect,” he whispered, his voice soft, almost as if he were telling himself the words more than me.

I smiled, my heart swelling at the sound of his voice. “I know,” I whispered back, my voice barely audible. “She really is.”

I nestled closer to him, resting my head against his shoulder, and for a while, we sat there in silence, the world outside forgotten. We watched Briar sleep, the quiet rhythm of her breathing filling the room, and I couldn’t remember ever feeling so at peace.

~

The next morning, however, things felt very different.

After a standard night of two-hourly feeds, I woke to find my milk had finally come in properly, and the hormones sent me... well, insane.

I lay curled on the bed next to the bassinet where Briar was sleeping, my face buried in my hands. I started crying - hard, ugly sobs that seemed to come out of nowhere. My mind was racing, full of wild, irrational thoughts. I could barely breathe between the sobs, and I had no idea why I was feeling like this. All I knew was that I felt completely overwhelmed.

I heard Daryl’s voice as he woke, confused but full of concern as he looked from me, to Briar, then back again. “Ath?”

I didn’t move. I just kept my face hidden, hoping the tears would stop. I felt him shift closer, the bed creaking as he reached for me. “What’s wrong, baby?”

I couldn’t answer right away. I didn’t even know what was wrong. I just... needed to let it out. I finally managed to croak, “It’s not fair that she lives in this world,” My voice cracked. “It’s not fair on her.”

I felt Daryl’s arm wrap around tighter, pulling me close, but I pulled away, shaking my head. “Daryl. What if something happens to her? What if she’s taken, or... or...” The sobs hit me again, and my chest ached with the weight of the worry that felt like it was drowning me.

“We’re gonna protect her. Always.” Daryl’s voice was low and soothing, but I ignored him. I couldn’t stop myself. I needed him to understand how badly I was freaking out.

I escalated further.

“What if she’s allergic to something?!” I almost screamed through my tears, my voice rising in panic. “What if she can’t eat chocolate? What if she doesn’t like chocolate? What if she hates it?!” I could feel the ridiculousness of my thoughts even as I said them, but they kept spilling out, uncontrollable.

“She’s four days old, Ath. She ain’t even had candy yet. Why ya worryin’ ‘bout it?”

“Because!” I practically yelled. “What if she doesn’t like it? What if I mess her up, Daryl? What if she can’t even have chocolate at Halloween like normal kids? What if she only likes white chocolate?! Nobody gives that out!”

I turned to look at him then, my eyes wide and panicked, and I saw the bewildered look on his face. He rubbed his eyes like he was trying to process it all. I wasn’t sure I was making sense myself, but my mind wouldn’t stop spinning.

“Did the milk thing happen?” He asked gently.

I nodded.

Understanding dawned on his face. “Glenn warned me about this.”

I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “What if she doesn’t like her first bike? Or what if she gets too much sun one day and gets a sunburn?!” The words tumbled out of me, so absurd I could barely believe them. But I couldn’t stop.

Daryl stifled a laugh, his hand stroking my hair now. “She’s gonna be fine. Ath, it’s just yur hormone things.”

“But what if...” I hesitated, my voice cracking again. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

The words hung in the air for a moment, and the panic hit me again. What if she didn’t love me? What if I wasn’t good enough for her?

Daryl’s expression softened instantly, and I felt him gently cradle my face with both hands, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “Ath. She’s a baby. She don’t know how to not like ya.” His voice was calm, steady, like he was speaking directly to my heart. “Yur the best momma she could ever have. Trust me, she's lucky to have ya.”

I buried my face in his chest, the tears finally slowing a little. “I’m sorry,” I murmured, feeling embarrassed by the flood of emotions I couldn’t control.

“Don’t need to be.” Daryl just kissed the top of my head, his arms wrapping around me  gain. “And we’ll figure it all out together, m’kay?”

Still sniffling, I pulled away from him, wiping my eyes and taking a shaky breath. But my mind, now that it was no longer focused on Briar’s hypothetical chocolate and bike preferences, moved on to another train of thought.

I stared at Daryl, my eyes still red and puffy, and I felt a strange new wave of panic. “Daryl?” My voice was tentative, almost childlike in its uncertainty.

He glanced down at me, his hand gently rubbing my back. “Yeah?”

“Do you ever think you made a mistake?” The words came out of nowhere, like a jolt of lightning in my brain. “Marrying me?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he held me tighter. “What? No. Never.”

But I wasn’t done. I wasn’t even close. “What if, like, one day you just... wake up and think, God, what did I do? I got married to this crazy woman, had a kid with her, and now I’m stuck with her forever?” I said it quickly, almost too quickly to stop myself.

Daryl blinked, and I saw him pause, like he wasn’t quite sure if he was supposed to laugh or comfort me. His hand gently cupped my cheek again. “Ath, yur the love of my life. I’ll never not wanna be with ya - or our daughter.”

“What if you start secretly hating my cooking?” I interrupted, now full-on panicking again, my voice rising. “What if I’m actually a terrible cook, and you’re just too nice to say-”

“Ath...” Daryl cut me off, confused, “Ya don’t cook.”

“Maybe that’s why you’ll leave me.” I said with wide eyes. “Maybe you’ll want a wife who cooks you lobster.”

Daryl’s mouth twitched like he was trying not to laugh, but he kept his serious face on. “Ain’t no lobster man.”

I nodded slowly, but my brain wasn’t done yet. I wasn’t even close to being done.

“What if... what if we don’t work out? Like, what if we get old and... and we’re just stuck with each other? What if we both end up miserable when we’re old and wrinkly?” I asked, voice trembling again as I stared at him like the world was coming to an end.

Daryl’s eyes softened as he rubbed my back gently. “Ath, ya think could ever be miserable with ya? Yur crazy.”

“Maybe we’ll just be two old people sitting on rocking chairs, staring at the wall... silent and sad,” I said dramatically, starting to cry again just from the thought. “Just... living out the rest of our lives in awkward silence, eating cold dinners and never talking to each other again.”

Daryl blinked at me, obviously having a hard time following my emotional rollercoaster. He reached for me again, trying to comfort me, but his lips twitched in amusement. “Where d’ya even come up with this stuff?”

I sniffled, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “I don’t know. What if... what if I’m too much for you?” The vulnerability hit me suddenly, and the tears started again. “What if you just want to leave someday? Or what if... I’m not enough for you anymore?”

Daryl stared at me for a long moment, his expression softening into something both serious and affectionate. “Yur everythin’, Briar and ya. Ya always will be. I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Not now. Not ever.”

I choked out another sob, this one of relief, and leaned into him. “But what if... I don’t always get it right? What if I mess up? What if I’m a terrible mom or... or wife?”

Daryl held me tight, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “Ath,” he whispered, his voice calm and steady. “You’re not gonna mess up. ‘N yur everything I ever wanted. Stop.”

I let myself rest in his arms, the tears finally beginning to slow again. It was absurd. My mind had spiraled into every possible worst-case scenario in a matter of minutes, but Daryl was right here, reassuring me through it all. He was always right here.

“I love you,” I whispered, sniffling one last time.

“I love ya too, crazy woman,” he murmured, squeezing me tighter.

A/N: I based this scene on what I was like when my own milk came in. 😂

I wanted to show the reality of post-birth even in TWD world.

I hope you enjoyed! ❤️