Hold On, Girl

Merle's POV

I woke up with ma face pressed against somethin' rough, breathin' in the stench of old wood, mildew, and my own damn bad decisions. My head pounded like someone took a hammer to it, and my mouth tasted like I'd been lickin' the bottom of my old man's ashtray.

Took me a second to figure out where the hell I was. Wasn't the house, that was for sure. The one we were all stuffed into here in this shiny lil' town. Wasn't the street, neither - thank fuck for that. I shifted, wincin' as my stomach twisted, and felt the dirt under my fingers. Right. A shed. Don't know who's.

I groaned, sittin' up slow. The whole world tilted sideways, and for a second, I thought I was gonna hurl. Wasn't even sure how long I'd been in there. Coulda been hours, coulda been whole damn days. All I knew was I drank myself stupid, and now I was payin' for it.

Pernod. Nasty-ass green shit. Tasted like licorice and regret, but it was the only thing I could snatch as we left that fancy-ass party without no-one noticin'. I wasn't drinkin' it 'cause I liked it. Just 'cause it was there. Just 'cause I needed somethin' to take the edge off.

That next mornin' everyone woke up talkin' about gettin' back out there, showin' these people what we were made of, but all I wanted to do was numb myself again.

I rubbed my face, feelin' the grit of dried sweat and bad choices. Daryl was gonna be pissed. Hell, he was probably already lookin' for me, expectin' me to screw up like always. And he weren't wrong. I'd gone and shown my true colors again, same way I always did.

I pushed myself up, leanin' against the wall while my legs remembered how to work. The shed door creaked when I shoved it open, and it was dark out. I squinted, blinkin' hard as the world sharpened.

Place was still standin'. Alexandria. Hadn't burned down, hadn't been overrun. Few people I didn't recognise millin' about. The group were prob'ly off doin' important shit.

But Merle? He was just the drunk bastard crawlin' outta some stranger's shed.

I stood there a second, breathin' through the nausea, thinkin' bout how the others had been goin' 'bout their business like they belonged here. Like this place made sense to 'em. Maybe it did. Maybe they'd found somethin' in these walls worth givin' a damn about.

I didn't have that. Never did.

I should go find my baby brother. Try to pretend like I give a shit about makin' this work, like I hadn't just been hidin' away feelin' sorry for myself. But that thought just made my head hurt worse.

Maybe I oughta find another drink instead...

I wandered aimlessly, tryna shake the hangover, when I heard boots crunchin' hard against the pavement. That kinda march that meant trouble was comin'. I barely had time to light a damn cigarette before Officer Friendly was on me, face twisted up like he'd been chewin' glass.

"Where the hell were you?" he growled, gettin' right up in my space.

I squinted at him, takin' a slow drag, actin' like my head wasn't still splittin' open. His eyes were red, rimmed raw. Son of a bitch been cryin'.

"Well, shit, Sheriff," I drawled, lettin' the smoke curl outta my mouth. "Didn't know you was my keeper. Ain't like I signed a damn attendance sheet."

Rick didn't flinch. Didn't blink. Didn't hit me like I could tell he wanted to. Just stood there, starin' through me, and I felt it - somethin' was wrong. Real wrong.

"Athena's gone."

For a second, I thought I heard him wrong. Thought maybe I was still drunk. Still dreamin'. But Rick wasn't the kind to fuck 'round with somethin' like that.

Ma stomach turned to stone.

"Bullshit," I muttered. "She ain't-"

"She's dead," Rick cut me off, voice tight. "And your brother? He needed you." His jaw clenched like he was holdin' back somethin' worse. "You should've been there for once in your goddamn life. He needed you, and where the hell were you?"

I didn't got no answer for that. My mouth opened, but nothin' came out. Truth was - I didn't know why I did the shit I did... never had.

Fuck. I felt like I was gonna cry like a bitch right there.

I didn't need Rick to tell me how bad this was. Daryl weren't the kinda man to handle this well, Athena... she was different. She was his. That boy spent his whole damn life fightin' to keep people at a distance, but he let her in. Gave her his whole damn heart. Now she was gone.

My throat felt tight, like I'd swallowed razor blades. I turned away, rubbin' a hand over my face, tryin' to shake it off, but it wouldn't go nowhere.

"Where is he?" I asked, voice low.

Rick exhaled, shakin' his head. "He left."

I snapped my head back to him. "What the hell ya mean, he left?"

"He wouldn't let anybody go with him," Rick said, lookin' like he hated every word comin' outta his mouth. "Said he was bringing her home." His hands curled into fists. "We talked about following him, but Carol thinks he needs to be the one to do this. Alone. She's right."

I could see it plain as day - ma brother out there, grief eatin' him alive, doin' somethin' stupid.

"Where'd it happen?"

Rick hesitated, then muttered, "Industrial estate. Few miles out."

That was all I needed. I turned on my heel and headed straight for the cars.

"Merle, don't," Rick called after me. "You know Daryl. He needs to do things his way."

I didn't stop. "Tough shit."

Daryl might not want nobody, but he was gonna get me whether he liked it or not.

~

The engine rumbled beneath me, steady as my own damn heartbeat, but my hands gripped the wheel too tight, knuckles gone white. Every mile that passed, my gut twisted tighter.

Didn't know what I was expectin' to find when I got there. Maybe Daryl fightin' off a herd, maybe him holed up somewhere, refusin' to come back.

But not this.

I damn near slammed the brakes when I saw him.

Daryl.

Runnin' right down the middle of the goddamn road, slow and heavy, his body bent under a weight I knew weren't just the one in his arms.

Athena.

His girl. His wife.

She was draped in his hold, her arms hangin' limp, head lollin' against his chest like she was just sleepin' - just takin' a rest after a long day. But I knew better.

Her dark hair was matted thick with blood, so much it clung to her in stiff, tangled strands. Her clothes, soaked through, skin too pale beneath all that red.

Daryl was covered in it too. His shirt, his hands, his face. His whole damn body looked like he'd waded through a river of it. His vest hung off one shoulder, his bow slung careless over his back, like none of it mattered. Like nothin' mattered.

And his face... I seen my baby brother beat to hell before. Seen him cut up, bruised, bloody. Seen him fight through pain like it weren't nothin'. But this was different. His eyes were hollow, like somethin' inside 'im had been ripped out, and his legs just kept movin' outta muscle memory, like he ain't even realized he was still goin'.

He was though - 'n' fast... fast as his legs could carry 'im.

I'd seen a lotta ugly shit in my time. Done a lotta ugly shit. But watchin' my baby brother carry his wife's dead body down a dark road in the middle of nowhere? This was somethin' else. Somethin' worse.

A sharp, ugly pain twisted in my chest, and I had to grip the wheel just to keep my hands from shakin'.

Goddamn it I shoulda been there for him.

Shoulda had his back instead of crawlin' inside a bottle like a goddamn coward. Shoulda been beside him, fightin' off whatever took her from him. Shoulda been the one to take the hurt instead.

But I wasn't. I never fuckin' was - his whole life - I was never there.

I swallowed hard, jaw clenchin' so tight my teeth ached, I kicked open the car door 'n' stepped out, my legs felt like I was wadin' through wet concrete.

"Daryl..." My voice came out rough, barely more than a scrape of sound.

Daryl didn't say nothin'. Not at first. Just brought her toward the car, ignorin' me like I weren't even standin' there.

I moved toward him, feelin' his pain, feelin' the weight of every second that'd passed since I shoulda been by his side. But I wasn't. And my baby brother knew it.

He didn't have to say it - hell, he didn't have to say a goddamn word. I could see it plain as day in the way his jaw locked up tight, in the way his arms curled just a little more 'round her like he was afraid somebody'd try to take her away.

I stepped forward anyway, reachin' out. "Lemme take her, brother-"

Daryl turned sharp, steppin' back like a damn wolf protectin' its mate. His eyes, dark and burnin' with somethin' raw, snapped up to mine, and I felt it like a punch straight to the gut.

He looked pissed.

But under all that heat, under all that anger, there was somethin' else. Somethin' worse.

Fear.

"She's alive." His voice came low, rough, but steady. Like he was willin' it to be true. Like if he said it enough times, it'd stick. "She's alive."

I blinked. Stared at him, then down at her, limp in his arms, so still I swore she weren't breathin'.

"Ya sure?" My own voice felt foreign, scratchy, like I ain't even believe it myself.

Daryl just nodded once, firm. "She's breathin'." His grip on her tightened, like he could hold her to this world by sheer force of will. "Dunno for how long." His gaze snapped back to mine, sharp, cuttin'. "Get in the damn car."

I didn't argue. Didn't waste another second. I turned, yanked the door open, and was barely in my seat before Daryl was settin' Athena in the back like she was the only thing that mattered.

And hell - right now? She was.

He climbed in after, keepin' her close, his fingers pressin' against her neck like he was checkin' for a pulse every other second.

I jammed the keys into the ignition, tires spittin' up dust as I tore back toward Alexandria, foot slammin' the pedal to the floor.

"Yur gonna be okay," Daryl whispered, mostly to himself. His head was bent low, his forehead nearly touchin' hers as he cradled her in his arms. "Ain't goin' nowhere, ya hear me?"

I gripped the wheel tighter, my chest feelin' like it was caving in. Because I wasn't so sure.

"Hold on, girl." I muttered to myself as Alexandria's gates game into view.

A/N: Although Merle is growing to be a better man, I didn't want to disregard his own demons and forget about his past struggles. In my mind, it doesn't make sense for him to all of a sudden just start being a great brother to Daryl because they've reunited. Those wounds are still there.

You won't often see so many POVs - but I thought Athena's NDE was a good opportunity to get inside the minds of a couple of our other characters.

Thank you as always for your votes and comments. ❤️