Homecoming

Daryl’s POV

The journey back to rejoin Rick 'n' the others felt like it took a month, even though it was only four days.

Four days of drivin', keepin' watch, movin' through Georgia like ghosts, too damn tired to talk much.

Four days of Ath by my side, 'n' me not knowin' how to be around her.

She didn’t push. Didn’t force words outta me. Just kept close. Like she was waitin’. Like she knew I’d come around when I was ready.

But I didn’t feel ready.

Not now. Maybe not ever.

Every time I looked at her, I felt it all over again - that twist in my chest, that ache in my gut.

She was so damn good to me at the inn. The way she’d looked at me as we shared that bed, reassured me she didn’t see me any differently. The way she hadn’t turned away.

Hadn’t run.

She shoulda.

She shoulda looked at me 'n' seen what I saw - nothin' worth keeping.

But she didn’t.

She’d reached for me, even after everythin' she knew now. Even after she saw what I came from.

That scared the hell outta me. 'Cause I didn’t know how to hold on to somethin' that good. Didn’t think I deserved to.

So I kept my mouth shut. Kept my distance.

She let me. But every time I caught her watchin' me, something in me twisted up tight.

I loved her.

God, I loved her.

More than anythin'. More than I ever had the words for.

'N' that was the problem.

Love like that - it don’t belong to men like me.

I saw the hurt in her eyes when we woke up after our conversation 'n' it became clear my head was still fucked. I couldn’t even bear for her to touch me.

She was too good to be anywhere near a waste of space like me. I knew it, and I was pretty sure she was startin’ to know it too.

I stayed at the wheel most of the way back, drivin', clearing ahead, makin' sure we weren’t runnin' into anything. Kept my eyes on the road, on the trees, on anythin' but her.

I was being a dick, but I couldn’t get my head straight.

At night, we slept in shifts. She took the one before me, 'n' by the time I lay down, she was already curled up in her sleepin' bag, facing away.

I could tell she was gettin' sick of my shit.

I wanted to reach for her.

Wanted to pull her close, let her warmth chase away the cold I couldn’t seem to shake.

But I didn’t.

Couldn’t.

Didn’t deserve to.

On the third night, we holed up in a half-burned cabin off the road. Maggie and Beth whispered to each other in the corner, catching up on everythin' they’d missed.

Glenn and Carol took first watch, Merle sat cleanin' his knife, 'n' Ath - she sat near me. Not touchin'. Not saying a word. Just there.

I wanted to say somethin'. Anythin'.

All I could think about was her voice in my head, tellin' me I wasn’t what my past made me.That I wasn’t nothin’... but I couldn’t make myself believe it.

Not when I felt like I was still covered in all the dirt I’d crawled out of.

She shifted slightly, 'n' for half a second, I thought maybe she’d reach for me. But she didn’t.

She was done reachin', wasn’t she?

And I couldn’t blame her.

I kept thinkin' about what I’d said that night at the church when I was drunk off my ass.

About marryin' her.

It wasn’t just the wine talkin’.

I meant it.

I wanted that. A life with her. A real one. Whatever the hell that meant now.

I wanted to wake up beside her every day. I wanted her name to be mine, tied to me in every way she could be.

But that was a dream for better men.

By the time we'd almost reached the church, I was so wound up I felt like my skin didn’t fit right.

I still didn’t know how to fix what was broken inside me.

Didn’t know how to hold on to what I loved without ruinin' it.

Didn’t know how to keep her.

And I wasn’t sure if I ever could.

~

Gabriel’s church stood like a ghost against the gray sky, its stained glass shattered in places, the once-white walls streaked with dirt and blood.

We approached slow, our steps heavy from the miles we’d spent stuck in the cars.

My crossbow hung loose in my grip, my eyes scannin' the tree line even though I knew we were close enough that someone inside had probably already spotted us.

Beside me, Beth was shakin'. Not from cold - though the air had a bite to it - but from somethin' deeper. The weight of finally making it back. The kind of weight that settled in a person after too much time spent wondering if they ever would.

Ath was close, silent but steady, as she’d been these past few days.

Maggie walked at Beth’s other side, a hand on her arm, like she still couldn’t believe she was real.

Merle trailed just behind, quiet for once, his usual smirk nowhere in sight. And Noah, the kid Beth and Merle had found, walked with wide eyes, like he wasn’t sure if this was a place he was welcome.

Then the doors swung open. And the first voice I heard was Hershel’s.

“Beth?”

She froze for half a second - then she was runnin'.

Hershel met her halfway, arms outstretched, catching her the way a father does when his whole world just came back to life. His hands cradled the back of her head, his voice rough with emotion. “Oh, my girl… my sweet girl…”

Beth sobbed into his chest, her fingers grippin' his shirt so tight her knuckles went white.

Maggie was next, pressing into them both, like she needed to feel her sister between them to know this was real.

Hershel’s eyes were already wet when he looked up at the rest of us.

Then, before I could take a step back, he turned and pulled me into a hug.

A damn hug.

I went stiff - hands hoverin' in the air, not knowing where the hell to put ‘em.

“Thank you,” Hershel said, voice thick. “Thank you, son.”

He'd called me that before. It made me feel validated, but I never knew what to do with it.

So I just stood there, swallowin' around the knot in my throat, while the old man held on like I was the reason his world hadn’t ended today.

Then he moved to Carol and Glenn - grippin' their hands, their shoulders, pullin' 'em close. He thanked all of us, over and over. Like there weren’t words big enough for what this meant to him.

Behind him, the rest of the group started spilling out - Rick, Carl, Michonne, Sasha, all of ‘em. The relief on their faces was instant.

Rick stepped forward, clappin' a hand on my shoulder before looking past me. “Merle.”

Merle crossed his arms, his usual cocky expression slidin' back into place. “The hell ya lookin’ at me like that for? Y’all shoulda known I wasn’t gonna kick it that easy.”

Rick exhaled, shaking his head, but there was somethin' almost like amusement in his eyes.

Sasha’s gaze darted to Noah. “Holy shit! Tyreese! Come!”

Noah took a step forward.

“You made it,” Sasha breathed, her voice crackin'. Then she was movin' - closing the distance between them, pulling him into a fierce embrace. “You made it.”

Shit. She knew the kid. Tyreese too.

Ath was watching everythin', her expression unreadable.

She hadn’t moved much since we arrived, just lettin' everyone else have their moment. I wanted to say somethin', but the words got caught somewhere in my chest.

Hershel finally spotted her, wipin' at his eyes. He moved toward her, 'n' before she could protest, he was huggin' her, too. She let out a soft, startled breath, but she didn’t hesitate to hug him back.

Hershel squeezed her shoulders, lookin' her dead in the eye. “You’re family. And I am so, so glad you’re home safe.”

Ath's jaw clenched, 'n' somethin' in her eyes shimmered, but she just nodded.

His eyes darted knowingly between her 'n' I for a second. The old man already knew somethin' was off.

Merle rolled his shoulders.

"Alright, we done with all the happy-tear bullshit? ‘Cause I don’t know about y’all, but I could use a drink.”

Tara snorted. “You’ll have to settle for water. We drank all the wine.”

Merle scoffed. “Ain’t nothin’ worth celebratin’ with water, Pigtails.”

But even with his usual mouth, even with all of us still carryin' the weight of the world on our backs, we were back together. Most of us.

~

I shoulda known Merle wouldn’t keep his damn mouth shut any longer once he got me alone.

I barely got a minute to myself before he cornered me, draggin' me behind the church where the others couldn’t hear.

His grip was tight on my shoulder, the way it used to be when we were kids and he was fixin’ to either whoop my ass or give me the kind of advice that made my life worse.

“A'ight, baby brother,” he said, voice low but sharp. “What the hell kinda shit ya playin’ at?”

I yanked my arm free, scowlin'. “The fuck ya talkin’ about?”

Merle folded his arms, givin' me a look like he saw right through me. “You 'n' yur lady.”

My gut twisted. I didn’t say nothin’.

Merle took a step closer. “Y’ain’t said two words to that girl in days, 'n' I ain’t blind - I see the way she looks at ya. Hell, I see the way ya look at her.” He snorted. “Ain’t never seen ya look at nothin' like that before, ‘cept maybe a deer ya was tryna put down.”

I clenched my jaw. “Ain’t none of yur damn business.”

“The hell it ain’t.” He poked me hard in the chest. “Ya love that girl?”

My throat locked up.

Merle barked a laugh, shakin' his head. “Of course ya do. Dumbass. Ain’t even gotta ask. The real question is - why the fuck ya actin’ like you don’t?”

I looked away. “Ain’t that simple.”

Merle scoffed. “It is. Ya love her, she loves ya, so what’s the damn problem?”

“She shouldn’t love me.” The words tore outta me before I could stop ‘em.

Merle went quiet.

I breathed out hard, shaking my head. “She shoulda left me back at the shack when she had the chance. When she saw where we come from - what I come from. She ain’t got no business lovin’ nobody like me.”

Merle just stared. Then he threw his head back 'n' laughed.

I damn near punched him. “The fuck’s so funny?”

“You,” he snorted. “Y’serious? That girl knows exactly what kinda man you are. 'N' she still loves ya. That ain’t some fluke, brother.”

I swallowed, my chest tight.

Merle’s smirk faded, 'n' his tone dropped. “I know you ain’t ever had nothin’ like this before. Ain’t ever had someone love ya just ‘cause they wanted to. But that don’t mean ya gotta push her away before she even gets the chance to leave.”

I clenched my fists. “She will leave. Ain’t no way she looks at me the same now.”

Merle huffed, shaking his head. “Ya ever listen to yourself? She looks at ya like yur the goddamn sun, it makes me wanna hurl, 'n' now you’re actin’ like her knowin’ more about ya’s gonna change that?”

I didn’t answer.

Merle took a step back, runnin' a hand over his face. “Yur a fuckin’ idiot, y’know that?”

“Yeah,” I muttered.

Merle sighed. “Listen, man. I ain’t the sentimental type, but I ain’t blind. That girl don’t just love ya - she wants ya. Wants to be by yur side. 'N' you’re too busy drownin’ in yur own bullshit to see it.”

My chest ached.

Merle shook his head. His eyes sharpened. “Ya wanna lose ‘er?”

I swallowed hard. “No.”

Merle nodded, like he already knew. “Then act like it.”

I looked away, jaw tight, every part of me wound so goddamn tight I felt like I’d snap.

Merle clapped a hand on my shoulder, gripping it hard. “Don’t be like me, baby brother. Don’t wait till it’s too late.”

And with that, he turned 'n' walked off, leaving me stunned after what was the first conversation we’d ever had like that – brotherly, givin’ me real advice.

But did he really think it was that simple?

My head span. I headed for the woods. To hunt. To Escape.

~

I returned after dark - headin’ straight around the back of the church to start skinnin’ what I’d caught. I couldn’t bring myself to go inside.

My head was fucked.

Merle’s words had wormed their way into my brain, but I still didn’t see how I could fix myself, fix me 'n' Ath.

I lit a cigarette as I turned the corner, taking one long drag before I spotted Hershel propped up against the wall.

I stiffened. Was he waitin' for me?

“I won’t take up much of your time,” he said, voice even, steady. “Just thought you might need a word.”

I kept my eyes on my crossbow, takin’ another drag of my cigarette. “Ain’t got much to say.”

He hummed, like he expected that.

For a long while, neither of us spoke. Just stood there, the night thick around us, the trees whisperin' with the wind.

Then, real soft, Hershel said, “You and Athena seem different.”

He didn’t say how, didn’t push for me to explain. Just left it hangin’ there, waiting for me to bite.

I didn’t.

Hershel exhaled, slow and measured. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two. It isn't my business unless you want it to be.”

He turned his head slightly, looking at me in that steady, knowing way of his. “But I know when someone’s carrying a weight too heavy for one person.”

My stomach knotted. I kept my head down, focusin’ hard on the smoke in my hand like it mattered more than this conversation.

Hershel sat down on the ground, restin' his arms over his knee, motionin' for me to sit beside him. “My father was a drunk.”

I swallowed, and sat down.

“Mean excuse for a man. Had a way of making you feel small.” He let out a slow breath, like the memory still sat heavy in his chest. “And for a long time, I thought that meant I’d turn out the same. Thought it meant I wasn’t worth much. Sure as heck didn’t think I deserved my Josephine – Maggie’s mother.”

I clenched my jaw.

Hershel looked ahead, voice quieter now. “I know that look in your eye, son. I’ve seen it before. In the mirror.”

I forced out a breath, hands clenchin' around my crossbow.

“You love that girl.”

I flinched.

He didn’t wait for me to answer.

“And I reckon that scares you.”

I scoffed, shaking my head.

Hershel nodded to himself, like he already knew. “You think being loved means one day she’ll see you how you see yourself. That she’ll wake up and realize she made a mistake.”

My throat locked up.

Hershel turned then, finally lookin' at me, his expression firm but kind. “You’re wrong.”

I stared at the dirt, my whole body tense. “Yeah, well, maybe she should.”

“No,” he said, gentle but sure. “She sees you clearer than you see yourself.”

I shook my head. “She don’t-”

“She does.” He leaned forward a little. “You aren’t your past, Daryl. You aren’t Merle, either. You aren't the boy you were forced to be. You are you. And that’s the man she loves.”

Something deep in me clenched so tight it hurt. I’d never told Hershel about my past. But he knew.

I exhaled, rough. “Ain’t that easy.”

Hershel nodded. “No, it’s not. Took me years to believe my wife loved me for who I was, not who I thought I had to be. But you listen to me, son.”

I looked at him.

His expression was steady, unwavering. “If you push her away ‘cause you think you aren't good enough, all you’ll do is prove yourself right. And you’ll regret it.”

My hands felt suddenly numb.

Hershel exhaled, rubbing his knee. “I don’t know what’s got you two in this place, and I won’t pretend to. But I know what it’s like to carry that shame. To think love’s just a thing that happens to better men.” He met my eyes. “But that girl don’t love a better man. She loves you.”

I swallowed hard.

Hershel rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezin' gently. “Don’t let your demons make a liar out of her.”

And with that, he pushed himself up, gave me one last nod, and limped back toward the church's entrance, leavin' me there with my head still a mess 'n' my heart aching.

I didn’t know how to fix this.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed another Daryl POV! It's been a while.