Shame. Fear. Relief

It had been a month since the Governor's attack on the prison, and man, had things changed around here.

After the assault, we decided to ambush the one-eyed bandit while what remained of his army were in retreat. Daryl, Merle, Rick, Michonne, and I arrived at Woodbury, ready for another fight. Instead, we found the town trashed, with bodies strewn all over the place. The Governor had thrown a full-scale hissy fit, and slaughtered a bunch of his own people before heading for the hills.

We also found Andrea. A newly walkerized Milton had bitten her right on the collarbone; there was nothing we could do. Despite never quite seeing eye-to-eye with the woman, I didn't wish death on her, and I was sorry to see it happen. We returned to the prison with her body to bury, plus a shitload of former Woodbury residents who needed sanctuary. I was hesitant about bringing in so many new people that we didn't know, but Rick was insistent that would be a good thing.

We'd managed to clear out a couple of extra cellblocks, but it still didn't offer enough space to house all of our new residents. The space we have in the prison is overpopulated now - cells crammed with people and makeshift beds spilling out into the common areas. Privacy or quality alone time were a thing of the past, and it had been driving me mad. Thankfully, Daryl and I put our foot down when it came to the discussion about room shares. We were not letting anybody into our perch.

"No." Daryl had told the other newly-formed council members plainly, when they were figuring out which cells to put our new arrivals in - the current occupants being forced to share their space.

"Daryl, everyone's in the same boat." Hershel tried to reason with him.

"No." He maintained, looking disinterested.

"Don't be awkward." One of the new arrivals - Sasha - who'd been elected to the council instructed him.

"No. Drop it." He uttered, getting frustrated with their futile attempts at persuasion now.

"If they don't have to share, then Maggie and I aren't either." Glenn said now, exasperating the other members further.

I was finding the conversation pretty entertaining, to be honest. Despite not being on the council - my own choice - I often eavesdropped on their meetings, and I was one hundred percent behind Daryl's refusal. It was bad enough that people were literally camped out on the floor outside the perch - we certainly didn't need people encroaching on our space any further.

It had been a lot harder to find opportunities where Daryl felt comfortable enough to engage in a lip-locking session with me. The only time we could ever be alone was in the perch if both of us had the night off of watch; but even then he was hyper aware of the people outside of the room and couldn't relax fully.

I understood, but I was growing more and more frustrated. I'd hoped that by this point, we could have graduated to being more intimate, but now even proper make-out sessions were becoming a thing of the past. Either Daryl needed to push through his shyness and start sticking his tongue down my throat in front of everyone, or I'd have to make our new residents disappear in what I could make to look like an accident.

I was feeling especially in need of the comfort of my sexy redneck boyfriend tonight - which it still felt strange calling him - so I decided to ambush him on his watch shift. The towers had been decimated in The Governor's attack, so all watches now took place on my roof.

Another space I'd been robbed of.

"Hey you." I called to him as I passed through the door from the upper level of the cellblock and out onto the roof.

"Hey." He replied with a smile, pulling me into a hug as I approached.

"I hate these people." I told him. "They're everywhere!"

"Nah ya' don't. You're just missing being able ta have stupidly long showers without bein' interrupted."

"True. And other stuff..."

He chuckled, knowing full well that I was craving him, as he pressed his lips to mine, and an involuntary sigh of relief was ejected from my mouth.

"I need a vacation." I joked when we'd pulled apart for air.

"Dunno about that, but me 'n' you are gettin' out of here tomorrow."

"What!?" I exclaimed gleefully. "Where are we going?"

"For a run."

I'd hoped he'd say he'd found an abandoned airplane and was flying me to the Bahamas for a week, but I'd take a run alone with Daryl. There'd be lots of time to swap spit in between gathering whatever supplies we were on the hunt for. A full day just the two of us was exactly what we needed.

"Well." I punctuated with a kiss. "Duty calls."

"Huh?"

"I'm under obligation to take the reins on trying to get Judith to sleep, so Beth can sneak off somewhere with her boyfriend."

"Where are Carl and Rick?"

"Carl's still acting like a total moody teenager, and Rick will probably be out in the yard until stupid o'clock, doing whatever it is he does out there."

Rick had stepped down as our stoic leader and taken up the role of farmer instead - hence the need for the council. I spent a solid thirty minutes laughing at him chasing escaped pigs around the yard yesterday. It was fantastic.

"Good luck." Daryl smirked.

"Why she's asked the least maternal person in the whole prison is beyond me, but I can't stand in the way of young love." I kissed him again, "I better go."

"I'll see ya in the mornin' Ath." He said as he kissed my hand before pulling me into another hug.

Babysitting duty went as terribly as I'd expected. Judith just does not seem to want nor need to sleep anymore. I made a mental note to tell Beth she owed me big time and swore never to get roped into doing it again. It was nice, though, to see Beth so happy. She was growing up, and Zach seemed like a sweet kid. I just wished they would fool around AFTER she'd put Judith to bed.

~

"Ya' ready?" Daryl asked as he came into the perch the next morning, finding me still lying in bed.

"Do I look ready?" I raised an eyebrow at him sleepily, even though I was thrilled about going on our outing.

"Let ya' have a sleep in, and ya' still wantin' more time in bed." He teased, producing a plate of eggs with some kind of meat accompaniment.

"Breakfast in bed, eh?"

"Yup."

"Carol still enjoying the morning shift?"

He shrugged.

"I bet she is." I told him, knowing how much Carol enjoyed cooking for others.

"She keeps callin' me Pookie." Daryl growled.

I choked on my eggs.

"It ain't funny." He protested, "New kids keep callin' me Mr Dixon as well."

"People are fond of you Daryl, get used to it."

"C'mon." He dodged, throwing my pants at my head, "I wanna go."

~

I pretty much skipped to the bike as we made our way out of the main building.

"So what's on our agenda." I asked, climbing on the Honda behind him, unable to resist adding, "Apart from me having you all to myself?"

"Just some stuff for Dr. S." He responded.

Having an actual trained doctor from Woodbury to work alongside Hershel was a great addition to our community. With more people, no doubt there'd be more injuries and illnesses that needed tending to. It made sense that we needed to gather more medical supplies.

We rode for what seemed like hours, my arms coiled around Daryl's waist and enjoying the feeling of his toned abs under my fingers. I squeezed his shoulder as we passed yet another pharmacy that we could have stopped to look for meds in.

"Daryl!" I yelled over the wind.

He ignored me.

"Hey!" I squeezed him harder. "Why aren't you stopping at any of them?"

I knew he'd seen them, and my suspicion grew further as he tensed up at me pointing out his errors.

"Don't worry 'bout it." He called back to me.

"Where are we going!?"

"Ath. Just shut up."

I prodded him hard in the back to show my annoyance, but relented in my questioning. I preferred to be pressed up against him on the bike rather than looting medical facilities, anyway.

As the bike finally pulled to a stop, I climbed off and stretched my cramped legs as I took in my surroundings.

"Where are we?" I questioned, looking around in confusion.

I didn't see us finding many medical supplies at the edge of what looked to be very deep woods.

He smirked at me, grabbing his pack and my hand, then leading me away from our mode of transport.

"Daryl, what's going on?" I pressed again, stopping still.

"Just come on, woman." He encouraged impatiently, pulling on my hand until I recommenced walking.

It took us a while, but we eventually reached the most beautiful spot I'd ever seen. It looked like something from a movie. A small waterfall cascaded down the side of a rock face, pooling at the bottom, while the first summer flowers had begun to sprout up around it.

A beaming smile appeared on my face. "Daryl... did you bring me on a date?"

"Shut up."

"Seems like it to me." I teased as I moved to inspect the plunge pool at the bottom of the fall.

Daryl didn't speak, but shook his head at me with a shy smile as he pulled a tattered blanket from his pack and laid it on the ground.

"This is definitely a date. There's a blanket. Oh my God, did you bring snacks too!?" I queried as I spotted a bag of pretzels protruding from the top of his bag.

Daryl sighed loudly. "Yes, Ath. Sit down."

I did as I was told, plonking myself on the old, brown wool with the world's stupidest grin on my face.

I can't believe Daryl Dixon brought me on a date.

He sat himself down next to me, his face blushing and not from the Georgia heat, before gingerly handing me a can of Pepsi Max.

My jaw dropped.

"I haven't had one of these in forever!" I exclaimed, cracking the can open and taking a huge gulp before settling it in the mud beside me. I turned to Daryl. "Thank you."

"Ain't nothin'." He replied.

"It's perfect." I expressed, watching as he pulled off his vest, the leather far too heavy for a day like this.

"Merle said it was about time I took ya' on a real..."

"Date." I took over the sentence as he trailed off.

I couldn't stop smiling. He was trying to play it down, but this was such a sweet gesture, and the fact he'd brought a blanket, snacks and my favourite drink from the old world just made it feel even more special.

"Where'd you even get this?" I asked, taking another swig of my Pepsi as Daryl sparked up a cigarette.

"Asked Glenn to look out. Knew ya' were missing it." He replied, taking a long drag from whatever brand he'd managed to pilfer.

I didn't even let him finish his exhale before my lips were on his, getting a mouth full of second-hand smoke as he spluttered in surprise.

"Jesus." He laughed before returning to his cigarette.

"Sorry. Couldn't wait." I told him.

It felt incredible to be in this gorgeous place, alone, with the man I couldn't imagine living without. 'Us' time is what I'd been missing from my life the last month, and I planned on making the most of it.

Daryl laid back on his elbows. I rested my head on his chest and curled a leg over him as we enjoyed a rare moment of simply 'being'.

The apocalypse had put an end to experiences like this, relaxing and taking trips now something of the past, but not today. Today, we were on our first date.

"You think walkers can survive underwater?" I asked, after some time of just enjoying feeling his chest rise and fall, as he traced patterns in my hair with his fingers.

"I dunno." He mumbled.

I rose to my feet and moved toward the natural pool, examining the clear water for movement. We hadn't seen any walkers in the area as we'd approached, but you could never be too careful. Daryl was on alert as usual, scanning the trees at regular intervals for an intrusion.

I slipped off my boots and socks, hesitating for a second before starting to remove the rest of my clothing.

Despite us being officially together now, and sharing a room, neither of us had actually seen each other in any state of undress - save for when Merle ripped Daryl's vest, or when he was injured at the farm - both of which didn't count.

I made a show of pulling off my shirt and revealing my bra, expecting Daryl to become uncomfortable and avert his gaze, but he didn't. I could feel his eyes on me intently as I slipped off my pants, rather relieved I wasn't commando today, and turned to face him. Only then did he redirect his line of vision to his boots.

"You're allowed to look at me ya'know." I teased, as I stood in front of him in my bra and underwear.

I watched as he slowly allowed himself to take in every curve of my body, finally meeting my eyes with a look in his I hadn't seen before.

I'm going to assume by the way he absent-mindedly bit his lip slightly, that it wasn't due to repulsion.

Winking at him, I turned and stepped closer to the pool, doing one last check for submerged walkers before diving into the cool, clear water. I re-emerged at the surface seconds later, invigorated, relishing how the liquid felt against my skin. I pulled out my hair tie, stored it on my wrist, and dipped back under, allowing the water to soak my long mane.

"Coming in?" I asked Daryl hopefully, knowing that he wouldn't. He always had to be combat ready, just in case. Plus, he couldn't bring his crossbow in, and I think he had palpitations when he was too far away from it.

He shook his head, and I rolled my eyes playfully before allowing myself to sink under the water once more.

I floated on my back beside the edge for a while, admiring how the sun broke through the trees in glistening patterns. Daryl hadn't taken his eyes off me once, and I loved knowing that he was watching me.

I'd been wondering recently whether he was actually interested in sleeping with me. We'd known each other for a long time, and we were officially together now, but I sometimes felt unsure of what the future of our relationship looked like to him.

When we did get time alone, he kissed me like his life depended on it, his hands exploring my body, but not once had he actually tried to take it further. In fact, the only time things had got a little heated was out in the yard during Maggie and Glenn's wedding celebrations, and he'd freaked as soon as his body showed a sign of wanting more from me.

I closed my eyes, staring at the sun making them sore now, and continued to float on top of the lapping water until I heard a loud splash disrupting the surface. I squinted around, wondering if Daryl had decided to join me after all, before I was pulled downward by a bony hand wrapped around my ankle.

I kicked ferociously at what I now realised was a walker below me, and it was attempting to pull my feet closer to its mouth. In my unpreparedness for an attack, I panicked and couldn't wriggle free from its latched grip.

Daryl's hands hooked under my armpits, and he quickly heaved me out of the water, drenching his top half in the process. The strong grasp of the walker being no match for his even stronger arms.

"What on earth!?" I coughed as Daryl released me onto the floor and began examining my legs for bites, finding none.

"Came over the top of the fall." He explained. "Ya' okay?"

"Yeah." I breathed, "Must have wanted a closer look at me half-naked."

Daryl chuckled, checking the rest of me for injury now.

"Was he the only one wanting that?" I quipped before my brain had a chance to stop me.

Whoops.

Daryl's lips pressed into a thin line as he silently continued to scan for bites where he already knew there were none.

I felt a pang of dejection at his ignoring of my blurted joke, and it made my concerns about us feel more valid. I wanted to say something, to ask if he didn't see me in that way, but I didn't. Today was supposed to be fun.

Instead, I grabbed a handful of his sopping wet shirt.

"Sorry about the sogginess." I laughed, "At least it's only the shirt."

"Don't matter." He replied seriously, standing up now.

"You're soaking..." I told him as I rose to my own feet, us facing each other just a foot apart now.

"S'fine." He grunted, starting to turn away.

I grabbed his arm. I knew exactly why he was keeping an uncomfortable, wet shirt on, despite the humid weather negating the need for it.

"Daryl..." I began softly, still clutching his arm so he had to face me. "It's just me, ya'know."

He kept his head down, not responding, so I continued.

"You want to keep your shirt on, that's totally fine, but you don't need to hide yourself from me."

I'd seen his scarred back during his altercation with Merle - he knew I had - but it didn't make a blind bit of difference to me. I saw Daryl Dixon as the most attractive man in the world, with or without the marks from his past adorning his skin.

His head remained low, but he let out a sigh.

"Jus'... ain't pretty." He mumbled quietly.

"I think you're the most gorgeous human on the planet, Daryl." I admitted, moving closer and taking his face in my hands. "Nothing's going to change that."

I needed him to see that he could trust me with this.

"And you never have to tell me anything. Not unless you want to."

I dropped my hands from his face, but not before pressing my lips to the top of his head. I wasn't going to pressure him. If he wanted to keep his wet shirt on, he could.

I stepped over to the blanket and scooped up his vest, offering it out to him as an alternative to being shirtless. I placed my other hand over my eyes, trying to lighten the situation with some silliness.

"I promise I'm not peeking." I jested. "Do you want me to put something over my head?"

He snorted, my attempt to use humor to diffuse the tension working at least a little bit.

"Ath. It ain't you." He sighed.

"I know." I reassured him. "It's no big deal, but just so you know, I'd want you even if you had a giant Mickey Mouse tattoo hiding under there... Minnie even."

He snorted again, more of disbelief than at how hilarious my joke was, before he reached for the collar of his shirt. He did it quickly, pulling it off in one swift motion despite the moisture, as though he needed to complete the task before he changed his mind.

He stood, unmoving, clutching the now defunct garment in one hand as he raised his eyes shyly to meet me. His look revealed a thousand emotions simmering at once.

Uneasiness. Shame. Fear. Relief.

I wasn't expecting what I saw as I caught sight of his bare torso. I'd seen the marks on his back, but now I became aware of similar, deep scars that covered his chest.

I had to fight the urge not to cry.

His scars weren't all I could see, though.

I took in his broad shoulders moving up and down as he inhaled and exhaled; how his skin was paler on the usually hidden areas than on his arms, face and neck; that he had a small freckle sitting just above his heart...

Shirtless Daryl was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

I moved towards him, looking intently into his eyes before grabbing his face and kissing him deeply. He'd allowed himself to be so vulnerable, revealed himself to me despite how difficult it was for him to do, and I couldn't keep it in any longer...

"I love you." I breathed against his lips, continuing to move my mouth against his.

He froze at my words, but I didn't stop. I slipped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him further into me, kissing him harder. I wasn't letting him shut down, not now.

He wasn't under obligation to say it back. I didn't do it to hear anything in return. I said it because I needed this fucking amazing man in front of me to realize how incredible, precious and loved he was.

It was a profession from me, not a question to be answered.

It took him a few seconds to return back to earth and reciprocate my kiss, but when he did, he went all in. His hands pulled my body against his exposed chest as he moved his mouth vigorously against me, his tongue dancing with mine.

"Ath..." he exhaled, pressing his forehead to mine. I could feel his brain scrambling for the right words to say. "I... yur..."

"It's okay." I reassured him, and I truly meant it. I didn't need to hear the words. The way he'd exposed his body to me even though the fear paralyzed him, and how he'd poured himself into me after my declaration showed me that I wasn't alone in my feelings.

I pressed a hand to his bare chest, trailing a line of light kisses down his jaw and at the top of his neck before resting into him, our arms wrapped tightly around each other.

We breathed into each other, me feeling totally secure in his arms. I'd made my feelings clear, and so had he, we'd just done it in different ways.

"Daryl..."

"Mhmh?"

"Is it time for the snacks now?"

I felt like we needed some Daryl and Athena fluff after the heaviness of the Governor storyline. I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know your thoughts so I know how much of this stuff to include going forward.

Thank you as always! ❤️