Revelations

It had been a couple of days since I'd relocated to the perch. Daryl had put my mattress on the floor beside his, ushering me onto it and covering me with my blanket. As we lay beside each other, him on his back and me facing him, I yearned to touch him again, but I didn't. I knew that the embrace he'd offered me as I broke down in my cell was motivated by his desire to comfort me, and his invitation to sleep alongside him intended to help with my raging nightmares.

It had worked. I hadn't had one since. Daryl's presence beside me somehow offered a protection I couldn't explain. Between escaping my cell and the intense relief of releasing so much pent up emotion when I sobbed like a child in his arms, had also helped with the uneasiness and claustrophobia that had marred me since arriving at the prison.

I felt much more like myself.

The rest of the group no longer seemed to be walking on eggshells around me either, which made me feel better. We'd all had our meltdowns - our individual periods of difficulty since we'd been surviving together - it was human. But because I held a strong role in the group, Daryl and I being Rick's second line, I feared my distancing myself from the rest of them had been more impactful.

Lesson learnt.

Don't lose your mind again, Athena.

The group needs you.

I still hadn't revealed anything to Daryl about the reasons for everything, and he hadn't pushed, but I felt like I owed him an explanation. I was still living with the fear that he'd kick me to the curb if he found out about my past and I needed to tackle it head on - lay myself bare and deal with the consequences if I had to. It would be better for my soul. I desperately didn't want to lose the relationship I had with him, but he deserved better than to be lied to.

Things had been pretty quiet at the prison for once, allowing us all some much needed rest. Hershel's leg was healing well, and Carl had been put in charge of the food stores - a task he relished. It must be difficult for him being the only kid - surrounded by adults, but he copes well. Rick has even been giving him lessons on handling weapons.

There'd been some debate about the two remaining prisoners still housed in the other cellblock. They were keen to integrate with our community, but Rick was against it. I spoke in favour of them joining, but I didn't push too hard. I trusted my judgement and believed we could benefit from two extra bodies, but I didn't waste my energy on trying to convince Rick to grant them entry.

I settled for chatting to them when they were out in the yard at the same time I was. I liked them. Axel could be a little annoying, but he meant well. I found Oscar hilarious. He always managed to make me laugh with his stupid jokes. Daryl didn't seem keen on their presence, glaring daggers at Oscar whenever he had me cackling like a crazy woman.

The day passed quickly, everyone making the most of having the opportunity to just enjoy each other's company for a once. We'd even managed to get a generator going, which meant we had hot water to shower in. I spent far too long in there this evening, after a dinner of canned meatballs and green beans. I just couldn't drag myself out from under the stream of comforting liquid. I was pleasantly surprised to find that you could adjust the temperature of the water, not something you can in most prisons, so I could have it gorgeously hot - just how I liked it.

When I did finally manage to pull myself out, I returned to an empty perch. Daryl was on watch tonight. I missed him being in our room, not least because I very much enjoyed looking at him, I just liked being around him. It's not like we laid on our separate mattresses and swapped stories like kids at a sleepover, but I could usually look forward to a brief conversation before we went to sleep, evening if it was mainly grunts and 'mhmhs'.

Wrapping myself in my coat, I ventured out to the roof to see him. I didn't feel like I could wait any longer to speak to him about what had been going on with me. I felt stronger now, able to confront the situation. I just hoped it wouldn't ruin things.

"Evening." I greeted as I approached him from behind, admiring his broad back and shoulders in the moments it took him to turn around.

"Someone finally drag ya' outta the shower then?" he smiled knowingly.

Seeing him do that still made my stomach flip. There was something about the way it made his eyes light up, and his face seemed freer, that pulled hard at my heartstrings.

"Yes. Someone being me... because the hot water ran out." I confessed, pulling a faux-sulking face at him.

"What ya doin' out here?"

"I wanted to see you..."

He looked surprised, then eyed me suspiciously before asking, "Why?"

"You said I could talk to you. I'm ready to talk."

He looked surprised but settled himself down against the concrete barrier, positioning himself so he still had a view beyond the prison. I sat down beside him, and he waited for me to open up.

"Look, Daryl. I care about you a lot." I admitted, as his cheeks began to blush slightly.

He was uncomfortable, but I didn't care. He needed to know how much I thought of him while he still wanted to be around me.

"You're really important to me, and the way you took care of me while I was being a complete basket case meant a lot."

"Weren't nothin'." he protested, trying to pull himself down as always.

"It was, Daryl. If it hadn't been for you I'd probably still be losing my mind, screaming the prison down every night and being a moody bitch with everyone. I'd probably have ended up getting myself killed on the next run if I hadn't been able to sort my shit out... it's like my head took over my body, I couldn't even fight properly. You changed that."

He dipped his head, waiting for me to continue.

This redneck could not take a compliment.

"Anyway, you didn't push me to spill my guts to you before I was ready, which I appreciate, but there's some stuff about me that I think you deserve to know."

My voice grew quiet as I spoke the latter part of the sentence, nerves bubbling in my stomach. Daryl repositioned himself to face me, watching me in anticipation, those striking blue eyes blazing into my soul.

"I had a sister. She died before all of this. Her name was Selene, but I called her 'Moon'. She was named after the goddess Selene who was the personification of the moon, or so the Greeks thought..."

I knew I was stalling, Daryl wouldn't care about goddesses and their origins. I needed to focus. I looked down at my shoes as I continued.

"She died before all of this. She was..."

I swallowed and took a breath.

"She was murdered."

I actually heard Daryl's breathing halt at my words, but I continued.

"I found her. She'd been shot. It happened in my apartment. I laid in the bed with her and didn't even realise she was dead..."

Tears started to prick at my eyes. I took another gulp of air. I had to get this out.

"I didn't even call the cops. How fucking stupid is that? I was in shock. I just held her there on the bed, screaming until one of the neighbours called them."

A tear slid down my face. To my surprise, Daryl reached out and took my hand, cupping it lightly within his own. The roughness of his skin, combined with the gentleness of his gesture, made me feel weak. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed mine back, encouraging me to continue.

"The guy who did it - Mark - he'd been my boyfr... we'd been together. I left him because he got violent with me once, and I wouldn't stand for it.

Daryl looked furious. I saw him clench the fist that wasn't holding my hand in rage, but he stayed quiet.

"He didn't like the fact that I wouldn't take his shit and he got weird, obsessed with me, wouldn't leave me alone. I changed my number and moved apartments, I even swapped jobs so he'd leave me alone."

I willed myself to breathe, to keep talking.

"Moon turned up at my apartment for a surprise girls' night, but I had to work. I left her there. It got late and she must have gone to bed."

More tears escaped my eyes now. I let them fall. Daryl squeezed my hand again, letting me know I was okay, I was safe.

"Mark had figured out where I'd moved to, I don't even know how, but he came that night. I must have left the fucking door unlocked because he got in. He shot her, killing her instantly..."

Tears were soaking my face now. I looked up at Daryl and found his eyes concentrating on me hard, filled with sympathy.

"He meant to kill me. She shouldn't have been there. It should have been me."

"M'sorry." Daryl whispered when I paused, trying to offer me comfort, condolences.

I took a moment to pull myself together. This was where I was taking a chance, revealing what happened afterwards, risking losing the man sitting in front of me - the man still holding my hand, that I cared so much for.

"He didn't go to jail for it. They arrested him, they knew he'd done it - everyone did - but they couldn't convict him because the crime scene was disturbed - because I'd messed it up by holding her. His lawyers managed to get him off on the technicality. It was bullshit."

I dropped my head back down to the floor. This could be where our friendship ended, where he dropped my hand and became disgusted with me.

"I couldn't cope with losing her - with him getting off. I made bad choices, Daryl. I started putting myself in stupid situations, spending time with dangerous people. A few weeks after the case was thrown out of court, the police arrested me because they'd found Mark's body in his apartment. There was an investigation and... and..."

I was struggling to breathe now. My mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper.

"... they arrested me, put me in jail. It broke my parents' hearts - losing their other daughter after already having one taken away so violently. I was awaiting trial, and thankfully, my parents got me out on bail. The world went to shit two weeks later..."

Daryl remained silent, his hand still grasping mine. Miraculously, he hadn't let go yet. Maybe he was in shock...

I looked deep into those magnificent eyes, willing myself not to look away while I finished baring my soul to him.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" I forced out, locked in a gaze with him, tears flowing freely.

"Ask what?" he all but whispered.

"If I did it..."

He studied me for a second, and I steeled myself, willing him not to let go of me, not to hate me when I answered the question I'd just prompted him to ask me.

"Don't matter." he responded after a moment of thought.

I stopped crying, I stopped everything. What?

"Huh?" I asked, the simple question seeming alien within the dark conversation we were sharing.

"It don't matter... If ya did it... It don't matter."

I almost wanted to laugh. His response seemed such a wild curveball.

"Daryl, I don't think you understand what I'm tel-"

"I do, and it don't matter." He interrupted, "Piece 'o shit sumbitch murdered ya' sister. He tried to hurt ya. He earned what was comin' to him."

I closed my eyes. "You don't think I'm a monster?"

"Nah. I think yur someone who loved her sister 'n' got robbed of justice. I'd have done the same damn thing if it was Merle. Piece of shit didn't deserve to live. Hope ya made it hurt."

I squeezed his hand hard now, trying to express my gratitude to him for understanding, my relief that he didn't hate me.

"World's different now Ath. Every single person here is gonna face having to do what ya did, even Carl, even that baby in Lori. It don't matter who people were before or shit they did, not anymore."

I felt faint with relief. I'd hoped Daryl could understand, maybe even knew deep down that he would, otherwise would I have dared to tell him? To risk losing him?

I couldn't find the words to reply to him. Conversation felt awkward after such a huge revelation and I couldn't work out how to convey how grateful I was for his reaction.

So I left.

I stood up, and I walked away from the man who'd accepted my bombshell and then showed me that he still cared. It was too much. I didn't know how to deal with it. Every scenario I'd imagined coming from that conversation had been blown completely out of the water. It was a good thing - an amazing thing - but I couldn't process it.

I went back to the perch, and I cried more, sobbing for my sister, for my parents, for myself. I wept with relief that I wouldn't lose Daryl because of it - that the disgusting excuse for a human that took my sister from me wouldn't be causing me to lose somebody else.

My tears didn't stop until I fell asleep. Drifting into dreamland for the first time in forever without worrying about my secret being revealed. I knew I'd exposed myself to Daryl, and though he'd supported me, he could still tell the others if he chose to. They could hate me even if he didn't, but what mattered was that he didn't. He had my back, even now.

I became aware in those hazy moments before giving in to sleep that I'd never felt more safe or protected by anyone than I did right now - by the beautiful redneck I also called my roommate.

I also realized that I'd do absolutely anything to protect him.

Wow. I've been so nervous about posting this chapter!

I knew from the beginning that I would reveal Athena'a secret once our group reached the prison, but the closer it got, the more scared I got.

I know lots of you have come to love her character, and I hope you still do. 🙈

Please let me know your thoughts. ❤️