42. Lost in Stereo

I dare ya to comment as much as you can aye ;)

Chapter 42 - Lost in Stereo 

     I hated surprises.

    They suck and whoever invented surprises sucks too.

   I laid multiple different types of outfits on my bed. There was the ‘causal-but-kinda-trying-too-hard’ outfit, ‘causal-but-not-trying-at-all, ‘pop-punk-casual’, and five other outfits along with them.

  I stared at them in my towel, deciding what would be best. I had no idea, or a single hint to where we were going. Was I supposed to dress warm? Or fancy?

     Well, automatically, any fancy outfits were out the door. If Alex was behind on his payments on his apartment, he certainly wouldn’t have room for a nice dinner, which I didn’t mind at all. I understood.

       Noticing the time, I quickly got changed in the ‘pop-punk-choice’, which contained my warm soft blue and black flannel, a blank tank top underneath, and simple washed up jeans with converse.

     I pulled my hair into a hair tie, keeping it casual, and not trying to try too hard.

    “Oh what the hell,” I heavily sighed.

   It was Alex after all. There was absolutely no reason for me to be so worried over my clothing choice. Alex loved me and that was what matter the most. So as I applied my eyeliner, I didn’t really give a damn if my wings weren’t twins anyway. Life was going to move on.

   Time was cutting short, making me hurry up faster with brushing my teeth and spraying perfume. I sighed contently as I took a last glimpse in the mirror, I looked good.

     Hurriedly, I walked out of my room with my wallet and leather shoulder bag in hand. I had to tiptoe down stairs, having to be extremely careful due to the fact my father was home.

       My hands lay carefully on the front door knob, gingerly opening it with a booming creaking noise. I cringed from the creak of the door, praying that my dad hadn’t heard it the slightest.

     Slowly, I went out the door successfully without any complications. The weather was cool against my skin, but the snow was completely gone and today the temperature reached high for the first time in forever.

       I trudged on forward and smiled at the spotting of the head lights of Alex’s car, which was parked just down the road. My legs worked faster to go unnoticed. I made it to his car and got in to the warm interior.

     Alex cheekily grinned and gave my lips a short peck, and hurriedly put the car in drive. He wore jeans and a simple Blink-182 shirt, the ordinary, but yet still quite attractive. His brunet hair was messily stiffed a little with hairspray, which was a new phase he had recently started. I didn’t mind. He was still good looking and appealing to look at.

    “So are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I urged, softly nudging his shoulder.

    He scoffed playfully and shook his head. “Not over my dead body.”

      His hand reached over to open his glove department and pulled out an unnamed CD. Inserting it into the radio, he turned the setting of the speakers to high.

“Mix tape of your favorite bands,” he stated, wiggling his eyebrows comically.

    I giggly smiled. The first song was Fat Lip by Sum 41, an all-time best. I cherished the mix-tapes Alex was constantly making for me. It was nice that he put effort into it and yet it was something so small and simple.

“How was your day?”

   “Good,” I sighed. “I hate school and I need to apply for colleges.”

   “Any idea for colleges?” He squeezed my thigh in reassurance.

    I shrugged. “Not at all,”

     “The band is my college.” He said, “but enough about school, tonight is just about us,” He dedicatedly kissed my hand dream-like with a tint smirk, and quickly let go and placed his hand back to my thigh.

    “Hmmm, sure.” I hummed.

   “Don’t be so snakebite.”

“Then, tell me where we are going.” I whined. Our surroundings were becoming more rural along with it turning into night. Thankfully, the full moon illuminated the way.

    “Again, it’s a secret.” His hand traveled further up my thigh, causing me to shift in my seat uncomfortably. He knew exactly what his devious actions were.

      I rolled my eyes. Instead of continuing my attempt to get him to spill the beans, I relaxed in my seat and enjoyed the music that was flowing through the car.

     Twenty minutes of laughter and small talk later, the road we were driving on led to a dead end.

   “Is this the part where you murder me?” I teased.

    Alex wasn’t amused, staring at me with his jaw line locked and his eyes emotionless. “Yes.”

      My smile descended from the sudden change of the atmosphere…until Alex burst into laughter, heaving with hardly enough air, his hand clutched his chest.

   “Oh man, you should have seen y-your f-face,” he wiped his tears, cracking up from my shocked state.

  “Ha. Ha. Ha.” I slapped his shoulder with every sarcastic laugh that left my lips.

   He cockily smiled while turning off the engine and took of his seat belt. I looked around, seeing that we were on the borderline of the woods out of Maryland. Seeing grass made me pleasantly happy oddly enough. There was no snow out here.

"C'mon, let’s get going." he stepped out the car and I followed his lead.

 His back trunk opened with a click of a button on his keys. There were beach towels and a small book bag stored in there. The items made me suspicious of what exactly what we were doing. My lips pursed and my arms crossed together, standing my ground.

    "Alex, you've gone mad." I said as he pulled out the items. "We're in the woods, not at a beach." 

   "Hush, there's a lake" he closed the trunk and proceeded to walk.

   "It's freezing." I stated. 

"The snow has melted."

      I groaned. He was going to be the death of me. Sure, maybe I was exaggerating a tad, but it was only March for God's sake. It's been charmingly warm the past couple of days but a lake needs weeks of warmth to not be freezing cold.

   "We'll get hypothermia!" I nagged.

  "Don't actually make me murder you out here." He joked, taking my hand as we continued to walk into the depths of the woods. The moon was our only lighting source out here, with the stars being little help. 

I huffed in annoyance but decided to keep quiet until we arrived, which didn't take along at all. He stopped in his tracks with a pleasant sigh. He looked over at me with a devious smirk while I shook my head. There was no way.

A lake was what we had walked all the way to. With the towels in Alex's hands, I automatically knew what his idiotic idea was.

"No," I bellowed. "There's no way,"

"I didn't even say anything!" He chuckled, "C'mon, let's sit."

        We walked hand in hand to the edge of the lake, which was glistening in the moon's light. I had to admit, it was beautiful out to night. The air was dead, but at a nice temperature, and the moon was nicely out, glowing with a shine on everything in its light's path. It was all breathtaking and...Peacefully quiet. It was actually discreet for once in both our hectic lives. It was reliving to catch a breath and be able to devour a moment like this.

"Are you okay?" Alex randomly asked.

I frowned. "Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?"

"You haven't mentioned anything about the stars yet." he claimed.

     Instantly, my eyes followed upward, and gazed the dark blanket that had millions of tiny shining lining in it. Once again, the stars had me at a loss of words. Constellations, galaxies, and perhaps aliens were visible from my very small place on this Earth. 

   "Ah, that's the speechless Laila I was looking for." 

    My attention went back to the brown haired boy, and quickly I shoved him a little. "Oh, shut up,"

He shrugged and opened his bag, pulling out whiskey and a pack of cigarettes. Of course, it wasn't surprising, but at this point, I couldn't care any less. It was his choice, not mine.

"Want some?" he lifted the bottle with his eyebrows raised. I sighed, oh what the hell.

       Grabbing it from him, I took a swig, and almost immediately regretted my action. The liquid drastically burned down my throat in a slow simmering motion. It was thrilling almost, immediately a tangling sensation buzzed in my stomach. 

       I glanced over at Alex, but only to find him hiding behind a cigarette. The smoke crept its way to my breathing, but at this point, it was useless to tell him to quit. I knew all too much of why he was smoking. The scene that he was in can be addicting almost. The booze, the girls, and the cigarettes, it was common and a persistent scene.  I think his choice was the cigarettes. He had his problems, and it was either those three things. If he had chosen the girls, I would be long gone and packed up my bags. He already picked out the booze before. I still remember entering his apartment for the first time, cups after cups and empty bottles were scattered everywhere and it didn't surprise me to find out they belonged to him.

     Alcohol was clearly not cutting it for him. Now he was with the death sticks, and they were going to kill him sooner or later. But either way, everyone in life dies anyway.

        I took another sip, finally getting a feel of the whiskey. It was actually horrible, but now I know why people drink it. Whiskey wasn't the type of drink you drank for the hell of it for its taste. It was for drowning the pain, as poetically awful it sounds, it was true. 

"I miss him a lot," he whispered.

     My heart skipped a beat in the moment I realized who he was mentioning. It was random but what better time was it to speak about it then now, when we're away from the busy lives of Baltimore?

      A dull pang surged in my chest at the look of Alex. He was broken just as much as I was. He missed his brother, Jonah, just as much as I missed my sister.

There are things in life that we don't get back, and people who are near dear to our hearts were a part of that list.

     "I know how it feels." I grievingly sighed, and slipped my hand into his cold one. 

    "Him and I were both supposed to grow up with each other you know, sure he was older than me by nine years, but he was my older brother." he said, "He was supposed to teach me how to ride a bike or whatever the hell older brothers do with their younger siblings, not kill himself and put our family in the greatest pain of all."

     I knew how it felt. My sister was supposed to teach me how to apply makeup and how to get over bad breakups, but that was not the case. She was ripped away from my life way too early. It wasn't fair, but she wasn't fair either. She was perfect. Daddy's little girl and Mommy's dress up doll she was. She had all of what she ever wanted, with grades that Harvard would weep over, clothes that runway models would fight over, and a boyfriend, who I can’t even remember how he looked, but surely he was just as perfect as Kenzie was.

     With my depressing thoughts, I took another gulp of the whiskey. "Why don't you get a tattoo or something for him?" I suggested.

   Alex seemed impressed with my idea, his eyebrows raised and a smile forming at his lips. "Yeah, maybe." he said. "I like that idea, a lot."

   "That's what I'm here for," I giggled, pushing him gently with my shoulder.

   "Well, you're my whiskey princess after all."

   "Should I add that to the list of nicknames?" I hysterically laughed. I knew that the alcohol was now getting to me, which was why I was glad that Alex decided to take over the bottle himself. 

    "Are you happy?" he asked, both his hands were occupied with the bottle and a cigarette.

    I picked at my nails and stared at my shoes as I tried to think. Was I happy? How could I be happy with my family being the way that we are? My grades aren't my expectations, but at least I was passing, right?

"I'm happy if you're happy," I said, “with yourself." My response was short, but Alex didn’t give me the proper enough time to fully think it through, but at least what came out of my mouth was true. I was happy if Alex was happy, end of story. 

       He hadn't said anything more. He stared at the lake while probably thinking something bizarre in that head of his. He was always thinking, any time of the day, his mind was a toy factory during a week before Christmas; busy with working hard hours. 

   "Take off your shirt and shoes, and those skinny jeans." He said, standing up, and taking off his shirt. 

    "What why?" I choked on midair from his sudden desire for me to be undress, which he just so happen to be in the process himself.

   "We're diving in, there's nothing left to lose." He smirked playfully. His hands reached for mine and pulled me off the ground.

    He was already in his boxer without any shame, but confidence if anything. His arms, without any permission, took off my top, leaving me in just my bra. 

     I huffed loudly, but he just continued to laugh and undressed me. His fingertips teasingly gazed over my bare stomach, and down to the waist band of my jeans. His devilish smirk was too hard to stay mad at. I, of course, gave in and laughed and nodded with permission.

    I helped with my jeans, and just before I could even think about diving in, Alex grasped my arm. 

   "Those go too," he pointed at my last bit of coverage.

  "You're kidding me," I rolled my eyes.

    Perhaps it was the alcohol buzzing in me, but I decided to play the game that Alex was pleased to count us in to. Turning around, facing the lake directly, I unsnapped the back of my undergarment, and making sure I had took my time with every small movement. Next was my underwear, which I was dreading for.

    I could practically feel Alex's eyes burning on me, watching me causally getting undressed. 

    "Sooner or later," His voice nearly made me jump from surprise.

      Without any more hesitation, I slipped down my underwear off my legs. In one fast motion, arms wrapped around me and before I could scream or shout, my whole body was driven underwater.

        Every bone, vein, and cell in my body turned cold in that very second as I was under, but it was rejuvenating at the same time. Eerily quiet it was to be in a surreal motion of pure nothing, the water blocked out all sounds and sheer blackness surrounded me.

   For a second, I felt nothing, and felt all my problems were gone, until an unsteady arm dragged me to the top.

   "Jesus, Laila, do you know how long you were under there?" he frantically asked.

    It took long minutes just to catch my breath, but once I did, I laughed. Here we were, both naked and drunk, in a freezing lake. This was the most bizarre thing I have ever done with Alex.

    "Oh okay, laugh at me for thinking you were drowning!" Alex splashed the cold freezing water on my face with his hand, causing my laugh to make an immediate stop.

   "Says the one who pushed me in when I wasn't ready!" I splashed him back, but this time, more forced than his.

     He dramatically gasped, narrowing his eyes into slits at me as if he was furious at me. A smirk played out on his lips until he spontaneously wrapped his arms around me. He lifted me up into an air, causing a squeal to fumble from my mouth, and roughly he threw me back down into the water.

   "You're such an idiot!" I screamed playfully after resurfacing to the air.

      He shrugged his shoulder and ran his hand through his wet hair. He was smiling like a fool as he swam next to me. This time his arms snaked around me, pulling me into his chest, keeping me warm somewhat.

“We all know you wouldn’t have jumped in if I hadn’t taken you down with me.” He concluded.

     His pale lips lowered down to mine, brushing softly in a teasing manner. My arm traveled to the back of his neck and gently ruffled the ends of his silky wet hair. The moon's light barely gave me enough coverage to stare into his sweet caramel eyes, but even with faintly being able to see, I fell in love again and again with them, keeping in mind that Alex was all mine and I was his to keep too.

    "I love you," he breathed, kissing down my jawline. The kisses were short, leading back to my lips, where he gave a proper long kiss that I was craving for.

    "I love you," My hands followed his jawline, cupping his cheeks lightly with care.

      It was moments like this that shocked me. Alex, who was strikingly attractive and handsome and down to Earth, was actually my boyfriend and lover. Doubting his love for me at this point would be stupid but still, he loved me. I wondered how that could be, how in the world could anyone love me, let alone Alex.

       But one thing was certain, I loved Alex. Words would never fathom how much I genuinely cared and loved him. My heart aches, my head spins, and my breathing heaves at the thought of him. He was my greatest joy in my life. Forever, I was constantly trying to figure out what was missing in my life while growing up, and now I knew; it was Alex. I was missing my soul mate, and here he was, in my arms, and kissing me passionately.

    "I swear I'm going to marry you." he whispered against my lips.

    I cheekily smiled, "Alex," 

   "Hmmm,"

   "I think the cold is getting to your head." I giggled while brushing his hair back in soft stokes.

"Maybe, but I swear I’m going to." he said, "I can't see myself with anyone else." 

  Marriage was out of line, but thinking about Alex at the end of an altar wasn't such a bad idea after all. Yes, we were still young, but madly in love, which gave us all the reasons to get married after all. 

"C'mon, let's get out, peter pan." 

    We swam back to the shore and retrieved our towels.    The cloth around my body did little justice to the dangerously low body temperature of mine. Alex noticed my vulnerability, and took in charge of the situation by hugging me with his towel hovering over me as well.

     Hurriedly, I slipped on undergarments, and Alex's shirt, which reached to my knees nicely. Alex got changed into his jeans just before we decided to head back to his car. The night was coming to an almost end, and I was surely tired. My eyes had a hard time staying awake.

      Ten minutes later, we arrived to his car. Alex had the heat blasting through the entire car as we sat for a little while. We hadn't spoke, but the smiles on our faces were just enough words to describe how we both felt. 

      He placed his hand on my thigh, grabbing my attention. Before I had the chance to process anything, his lips connected to mine, and quick-like locked them into place with our tongues. His warm fingers gazed my rosy cheeks, deepening the kiss further. His breath was mixed with nasty cigarette and whiskey, both an intoxicating taste. 

      For the first time, I became the dominant one by moving my body on top of his. Being in a car and doing this in a tight space was a hilarious thought, until Alex smartly fixed his seat, moving it back to create much needed space.

      My hips were against his as my legs wrapped around his waist. His sneaky hands traveled down my lower back, touching every curve of mine as my hands were tangled in his messy hair. The kiss grew more hot, our tongues dancing in an electrifying motion. 

      Our entwining lips was the start of it all, my hands worked their way down to his belt, fumbling with it to unlatch while his lips were attacking on my neck, kissing and sucking on all the right spots. Finally, I was able remove it from his pants. This was daring, but I was willing, I wanted him, I needed him. My heart thumbed loudly, pounding with every beat. 

      The only thing I had on my back (which was his shirt) was off in a matter of seconds. His hands lay on my hips, lifting me up to aid with help on getting his pants off - which was the trickiest thing of the night.

His prominent bulge was noticeable, and clearly needed attention. As I sat back down on his lap, my hips involuntarily thrust towards his, keeping a slow pace as he muffled moans against my jawline,

     "I love you," He spoke, his hand keeping a tight grip on the dip of my curve near my hips while his other was behind my neck.

    The air around us rapidly developed intensely, making our breathing uneven and erratic. The feeling of his hand making its way towards the lining of my underwear only advance further into my craving and lust. He skillfully slipped towards my core passionately. The intense feeling created a pit in my stomach,

"God, Laila, I need you now." he breathed, his hand rubbing faster. 

     In an awkward motion, Alex efficiently glided off my underwear, including his boxers all in one. Now, we were both left to each other's heat to keep us warm together. Our skin caressed each other's, both of our chests anxiously heaving, and our hearts beating just as fast was the only thing left.

       I watched him eagerly as he helped position himself for me. This was all nerve wracking, forget the awkward space, how was I was supposed to this?

    "Don't worry," he kissed against my pale skin, "I'll help you."

      I nervously nodded my head, hoping he was true to his words. Taking my time, I slowly positioned myself, and allowed him to enter me. 

     First, a durable pain immersed, keeping in mind it was my second time doing such a thing. But as Alex guided me along, the pain turned into a gratifying feeling all over my body, every cell in me was simulated from the intoxicating high was getting off from.

     "So tight, baby." he released a throaty groan. The tension in my stomach was fueling like a gas in a fire, with every thrust and move, it was escalating further. My nervousness about this whole ordeal vanished as time moved on. 

    Faster our bodies moved together in synchronization, the more I felt my release about to unleash. My breathing was barely there as our lips linked together sloppily. Holding onto his wrist for reassurance, his length entered again and again, keeping a steady pace into a heaven I wished I knew sooner about. 

    My mouth fell agape and my nails dug into his skin as the pit in my stomach sank lower in my abdomen. All at once, my toes curled, my insides closing in, goose bumps covering my heated skin, my eyes closed shut, and all too quickly I came undone.

       Following by my release, Alex found his, only to slowly ride it off with me. I moved my body off of him, sitting to the side of his seat. 

"Wow," he breathlessly said.

I bit my lip. "Was that good?" I over-thought everything. "I mean for you, like you know."

     "Of course, angel," He smiled and kissed my temple. He grabbed his shirt off the floor of the car and handed it to me.

     Mumbling a thank you, I pulled the shirt over me and moved back to the comfort of my own seat.

  "Let's get you home, yeah?" He grinned as he turned on his radio, blasting a mixtape of my favorite band.

Mayday situation overload, quickly they were sinking, but all too obsessed and restless with each other's futures. Now, he's half drunk, thinking about all the good times they had together, and trying to find a substance other than then what he was used to for numbing the pain. But his worries didn't bother her, keeping in mind, it's why distance was the brutal enemy, or better yet, why he had no idea where she was at all. 

_______

a.n

sorry if this was sucky, its hard to write about love when going through a heartbreak :///// (boys r dumb even though I've been in love with one for three years lol ok)

 Chapter dedication; Hannahisthequeen (Aye, you win a free hug from me...better yet, Alex Gaskarth too)

- Kc dec.18.2014  (p.s I added Lean by Have Mercy to the side, it's such a great song, and band in general, plus they're awesome as heck live in performance)