37. Home

 Chapter 37- Home

     After Alex left, I decided to call my brother, telling him that I was too sick to go on with the day. Today couldn't have gotten any worse and all I wanted was my bed...once again. I hated being this vulnerable but then again, I had no one to blame but myself. Maybe if I didn't punch Brenna, and instead talked it out with Alex that night, then maybe I wouldn't be on my way back home, heart broken, and missing another day of school.

     Surely, the school will be calling my father about my long time absence. My father had been surprisingly accepting and understanding during that damn week of hell, but had to draw the line and tell me to go to school, since it was turning up to be a new week.

      With my brother's and I's luck, we were stuck in traffic due to a car accident just up the road. Derek had kept quiet, not digging any further into my depressing situation, which I was thankful for. I knew he was trying his best not to be pissed at the current deadlock of the cars ahead of us – he had a college class to attend in twenty minutes.

    The snow only made things seemingly worse, which a downpour of snowflakes had begun merely five minutes ago.

      I laid my head against the foggy cold window, allowing myself to doze off to pass the time. Alex was still presently on my mind, the way he held me, and what he told me wouldn’t leave me alone. There was just a gut feeling of knowing that we would end up together once again, in a matter of time hopefully. It could be tomorrow for all I know, or in ten years. I just need to have some type of reassurance that I actually can control my random impulsive actions.

That’s what the problem was.

      I’m constantly running away from problems that I’ve created that wouldn’t be even such a thing if I wasn’t so reckless with what I say and do. I’m overthinking too much and condoning things that should not be condone over. Consequences are never my worries until the action is said and done.

     I’ve been in such denial over me being impulsive and self-destructive that I’ve permitted hurting everything that I ever loved. Which all of this, is why I’m in this damn car and why I am where I am in this given moment.

   “Derek,” I breathlessly said.

     “What?” He said, clearly still annoyed by the unmoving traffic.

   “I need you to tell the truth.” I begged with all my heart. I needed to hear this, not just from Alex, or anyone else, but from Derek. “Do I have Impulsive Control Disorder?”

    Suddenly, the air around us became thick and dense while I waited for his response. His chest started to move up and down rapidly. A sign that he was hesitating and was thrown off guard from my plead of wanting to be enlightened.

     “What makes you think that?” He scoffed with an unease crooked smile. He wasn’t fooling anyone. “Don’t be silly, Laila.”

       Of course, I should have known. He was using my biggest pet peeve to make me forget what was asked. He was treating me like a damn child, which sparked a fire inside me.

    “No.” I sternly spoke. “Tell me right now, Derek.”

      His head was staring off into the opposite direction of me, avoiding eye contact. He was taunting me in the most aggravating way possible.

    “Laila, we’re not having this conversation in the car.” He advised, stalling a potential confession.

  “Oh hell we are.” I shot back.

     Finally, he looked at me, dead straight in the eye, not looking amused at all.

  “Why do you ask?”

     “It’s a simple question. Answer it.” I pushed further, ignoring his inquiry.

    He groaned while rubbing his eyes harshly while I continually glared at him.

   "Yes, Laila. Now drop it.” He angrily hissed.

     There was no way in hell I was going to drop it, not over my dead body. I had too many questions that needed to be answered to just ‘drop it’.

     “Why didn’t you or dad tell me this? Huh?” I spat. My hands foiled into a fist while I sat in my seat. My heart stung from the truth. Actually hearing it from Derek was more painful than I prepared myself for.

    “There are some things that can’t be answered in this damn world! Just fucking drop it.” He snapped with his teeth gritted. His face was boiling red and his knuckles were turning blanch while they held the steering wheel tightly.

    I gulped from his angry fiery, maybe this was bad timing to dig into something like this.

       Thankfully, the traffic began to start moving frequently and without any trouble. Derek, who had not a single bone lose in his body, didn't say another word. I take notice of his recent haircut, giving me a visual of his neck...which led me to the spotting out a purple bruise. Quickly, I looked way, realizing that it was more than just a bruise, and probably from a certain someone that I wish I didn't have to be acquaintance with.

     Knowing that Derek and Caleb were much more than a relationship, but rather a physical one, made my stomach uneasy. Not only that, but now I knew the truth. Impulsive Control Disorder was a part of me, but certainly, it doesn't make who I am or what I am, it's just something I have to deal with on a daily basis.

      The thought of Jasey Rae and how much she looked like me was very much on my mind too. It was nearly insane when I saw the picture frame of her. It was like seeing me, but someone who was older and extremely prettier than me. It was as if we were stereotypical twins. I was the ugly one that no would talk to, the nerd, and weird one that had problems. She was the popular one that everyone liked and adored. She was the one that had all the boys chasing after her. She was better than me, and was first in Alex’s life, and I was the second one to come around.

    It sucked to feel like I was a replacement of her.

    Luckily and soon enough, Derek and I got home just enough time to not have him late for his class. I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and washed my teeth before I ate. Having the minty flavor in my mouth instead of my previous taste was refreshing, and helped with nourishing my body back to a regular state.

        Before long, I was in my room, doing absolutely nothing besides hanging upside down from my bed, and groaning.

        "Whyyyyy meeeee," I whined with my face casually turning to a light shade of red from my current position.

      I felt utterly stuck and trapped mentally. There were too many options and countless decisions that I had to face. There used to be a time before all of this, where I felt like I could handle everything, and maturely too. But now? Things seem to be falling down all at once, every day, every minute of the hour, and now, I was clueless and lost like a little boy who has lost his mother in the department store.

    At the same time of my thinking, an annoying short vibration had shaken my body. Briskly, I grasped my phone, which was the source of the problem.

Alex: How are you feeling?

      A broad smile widen on my face from the thoughtful text. Alex will forever have this effect on me - the butterflies, the goofy smiles, and the warm fuzzy feeling that travels through my blood. 

     Hastily, I messaged him back, carefully using the right words.

     Better, thank you for everything, but why? After what happen?

        Immediately, right after the text was sent, my phone began to ring the worse tone that I have ever bought in my entire life - Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

   I answer it by the second ring, but say nothing into the receiver.

     "Hey," He anxiously said.

    Chills ran up my spine by the raspy tone he had in the deeps of his throat. It was the hottest thing ever, honestly.

       "To answer your, uh, question. I saw you running and I couldn't help but to chase after you, especially of how you looked completely distraught." He paused to catch his breath, "I know what it feels like to have a panic attack, and it pains me so much to even imagine you having one, not to mention you actually having one."

        There was a long pause; his breathing on the other side was the only audible sound to be heard. I was still evidently mute and not ready to cave in just yet, although it wasn't like Alex needed to persuade me to speak, what he was doing just alone was pulling me in like a fisherman's catch of the day.

    "So, um, that Green Day concert is coming up." He informed me.

     Crap. With my life being in such mayhem, I had completely forgot about the concert tickets that Alex's parents had gifted to him for Christmas. 

     "If you're still up to go, or I don't know. It's up to you, Angel."

        Blood ran simmering in my veins with his words that were music to my ears, along with his incredibly sexy hoarse tone. I swear everyday his voice becomes further a blessing.

        I bobbed my head even though he couldn’t see me right now. Despite our current state in this wreck of our relationship we were in, I couldn’t deny the chance to see Green Day live, especially with it being a sold out tour. Plus, maybe going out with Alex to a scene like a concert, where we are the most happiest might encourage a good start of our restoration back to peace and harmony, like things used to be.

     Although, I would be lying if I said peace and harmony was all what our relationship was created and based off of, but some days really did feel like peace and harmony.

      “So is that a yes?” He fretfully asked. I could practically see him biting on his fingernails and turning bashful.

       I hummed a ‘yes’, not really having the desire to even speak. Of course, the line went silent once again, leaving our breathing being the only noise in the air. Which then it hit me; Alex was at school, how could it possibly be that quiet was a mystery to me. Let alone how he was even on the phone.

  Shortly, I hang up without any notice. Rude? Yes. Necessary? Definitely. Wasting no time, my fingers type onto the tiny numbers on my keypad of my phone that switched to letters on my small screen, I was itching to know where he was.

   I quickly sent off my question, and waited for his response.

  ‘Home,’ was what he replied with.

 ‘Why?’ I messaged him back, confused why he left school early.

     ‘School is even more of a hell without you there. Even though seeing you when you’re not mine is probably more painful but idc, I’m always longing to see you’

      My lips were tugging into a big love-struck smile. The familiar fuzzy warm feeling filled my body like always, never failing on me to make me feel so in love with this damn boy.

Another text came through, reading, ‘I’m home but not at my apartment…’

      My eyebrows furrowed and lowered, confusion raised. The uncertainty of what his actual whereabouts were was driving me crazy. What was home to him? Apparently not his apartment….but where else?

        Then it hit me like a train charging right into my heart. My stomach flopped and the beating of my heart had turned into a strong drum line.

     Instantly, my body sprung up from my bed and dashed across my room, dodging the miscellaneous items that scattered the floor.

       I went flying down stairs, and surprisingly, still kept my body balanced on its feet. My heart was racing just before I went to open the front door, and my lungs were rapidly trying to catch their breathing.

   Finally, I yanked the door open, anticipating on seeing a face.

        Then, disappointment traveled in nearly just a split second when nothing was found but just the arctic chilling wind and snow, which was dirty and stepped on.

     My excitement of actually believing that Alex was at my doorstep dissolved quickly and reality set its self in. Dismay sank into my bones, and which when I tried to force myself to close the door, I couldn't. There was a rather strong force discontinuing my mobility.

      I stared outside forever what it seemed like. It was a loss of sense of comfort knowing that where ever Alex was, here wasn't home for him. Not my house, but me. Every limb, bone, atom, and cell wasn't home for him. So where, could he possibly be?

     It left me pondering on the question. That was until, a car pulled up.

But not just any car pulled up, but a black sleek familiar one.

     My heart thumbed against my chest. I had to blink my eyes multiple times to make sure I was seeing what I was really seeing.  It was like my questions were being answered right in front of me.

  He raced out of his car, dragging himself through the snow while I watched him in exhilaration of pure happiness to see him on my yard, running closer to me.

    Finally, he reached me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and his head cuddling into the crook of my neck while my arms snaked around his neck, taking in the warmth that his body emitted. His musky scent that had a mixture of cologne filled my lungs with the cold weather intensifying it all. Damn it felt so good to have his arms around me.

"I love you, Laila Rose." He whispered in my ear countlessly.

     Alex wore a black trench coat and a maroon scarf, keeping me nicely warm while we (stupidly) stayed in the freezing weather.

      It didn't faze us at all. Having him in my arms once again today was complete total relief, making me forget my week from Hell.

       "I love you so, so, so much," He said into my ear, while the only thing I could do was just nod my head against his shoulder, at a complete loss of words.

       Eventually, we pulled away from out sweet embrace and gradually made our way to my room with our hands linked together.

      It felt nostalgic to be in my room with Alex. He did his routine pacing around my room thing while I watched him from the comfort of my bed. His eyes continuously wondered my room, looking at my music, my books, everything. I don't know why he always did this, but he did, and there was no explanation.

   He then turned on my stereo, which ended up blasting Spanish music, right where I left off the station. It nearly busted my ear drums before Alex quickly turned it down, with his jaw dropped from the intensity of the sound.

    Slowly, he turned around, narrowing his eyes at me with a suspicious look on his face. "Laila?" He inquired.

      I raised my eyebrow and pursed my lips, trying to look at least innocent.

    "Why is your stereo on the Spanish station?"

      Nonchalantly, I shrugged my shoulder and started to fiddle with a random thread from one of my blankets instead of looking at him.

     "Since when were you even able to understand Spanish? We all know you barely passed two years of Spanish class." He retorted, and no doubt in my mind he probably had his infamous smirk of his on his lips.

       Then, I felt the other side of my bed dip and shortly, his hands snaked around my waist, pushing me down onto the mattress, with my back against his chest. He snugged his head near my neck, placing soft kisses down my throat.

    A smile crept onto my lips from the satisfying action taking place. He nibbled on my ear gingerly, which was unbelievably hot, making me squirm under his arousing touch.

     But I was too much of a prude at the moment to do anything to further any of this. Right now, I was still complementing on all of this although I had an idea of what I wanted, or maybe I didn't.

     So as Spanish music played in the background, our bodies linked together on my bed, and his warm lips placed against my neck, I trailed off into a steady sleep, and just before I did, he whispered in my ear.

"You're my entirety. You're the universe, and not just the center of it."

So that was growing up for them. Learning from mistakes and constantly moving on. They were in the city of fools, yet they were the ones in love. But now, he wished he could still be able to sleep next to her, or better yet, fold his sheets as if they were states, just to be closer to her.

______a.n

So I'm grounded for sneaking out with a guy ???? so I don't know what my punishment is yet but hopefully it's not my laptop???

Ugh, but good news, I'm seeing Real Friends, Neck Deep, Have Mercy, and Cruel Hands on Tuesday!!! (hopefully if my mom still allows me to go fml)

Anyhow, vote and comment because we all know you want to ;))))

Chapter dedication; ear_piercing_sirens (you earn yourself some homemade cookies)

-kc Nov.15 2014

p.s follow my ig yo @ longlivekc & my twitter - longlivekcx