Chapter 16: Silhouette

part one of the final chapter

-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-

The only thing between your back and the floor was a thin blanket. A green poncho rested over your body to cover the rip at your chest. You looked up at the high ceiling as morning light striped through the air. It looked like you were in some abandoned factory. There were a lot of empty textile mills in your area, especially deeper into the city. From the faint sound of street cars and distant chatter, you assumed you were in an urban district.

Eren stood over you. "It's been three days, you gotta eat." He said, handing you a bowl of soup. "It's canned food, nothing like the stuff you cook up so brace yourself."

Three days?

You grabbed the bowl and brought it into your lap. "Hah, thanks... Where's Levi?" You asked, looking around.

Eren jutted his chin in the direction of a staircase. "He's on lookout, up there."

The spiral led up to an indoor balcony that sat right beside a large broken window. Levi had gone through the opening and perched himself on the ledge. You could only see his silhouette from where you were on the bottom floor.

"He's been out there for a while. The only time he's come down was to raid some supplies from the local hospital and take care of everyone's wounds."

"Has he eaten?"

"Not since yesterday morning, I think." Eren shrugged, sitting down next to you on the floor.

You glanced up at the man once more, you wondered what was going on in his head. What could he be thinking about all alone up there?

"How you feeling?" Eren asked, watching you take a bite of your food.

"I'm okay, I don't really remember the other night though." You said, rubbing your temple.

Eren pressed his lips together.

"What exactly... happened?" You asked, your eyes secretly begged him to tell you something, anything.

He averted your gaze.

"Did they take the cottage? Since we're here I'm assuming they did."

"No."

"They didn't?"

The boy sighed. "We killed them all... But your house... It's gone, it burnt down."

He watched the devastation flush over your face. Your eyes started to water but you forced yourself not to cry. You smiled in denial. "Heh... You're joking right?"

Eren simply gazed at you wearily and you knew that he was telling the truth. It hit you like a gut punch.

"It's all gone..? Did you see it all burn? Is everything really..." A tear streamed down your cheek.

"Majority of the inside was already burning. We didn't have time to put out the fire. Five of us were injured, including you and the captain."

"I see..." You whispered, turning your head forward. You fought through the lump in your throat, you didn't want to make Eren feel bad for a situation that was probably out of his control. So you held in your tears this time.

"I'm sorry Y/n... I'm really fucking sorry."

"It's fine..."

"No seriously, it was my fault I-..." Eren proceeded to tell you about his fight with Samuel and how he'd left the stove on.

You didn't know how exactly to respond. For a split second, part of you felt angry at Eren but it quickly died down when you tried to put yourself in his shoes. They'd fought their own comrades just to protect you.

"I'm so sorry. I feel like I always fuck things up. The captain trusted me to protect you, to protect your home... I couldn't do a damn thing."

You put your hand on his shoulder and softened your gaze. "You did everything you could... Its okay, don't worry."

Eren widened his eyes. "But it's not... That was your home."

You tried your hardest to remain optimistic and shield the fact that you wanted nothing more than to burst into tears.

"And I'll make a new one somehow... somewhere." You said, looking up at the balcony, your eyes unintentionally drifted over to Levi.

"Why don't you come to Para-." The boy was suddenly interrupted by Mikasa.

"Y/n?" She said, looking down at her hands.

You turned around. "Hm?"

"Can we talk?"

Eren glanced at Mikasa then back at you.

"I'll give you two some space." He said, standing up and walking away. He hadn't really talked much to Mikasa since that night.

She sat down in Eren's previous spot and tucked her knees close to her chest.

"Are you okay? Do you need something?" You asked, genuinely confused as to why she wanted to talk to you with the implication of privacy. You didn't remember her pulling Eren away.

"Y/n... I need to apologize... There's no excusing what I did and-."

"Wait, wait what are you talking about?" You interjected. The girl looked at you in disbelief.

"You don't know?" She asked.

"Know what?"

She debated on just simply walking away and leaving the topic in the dust, but her conscience wouldn't allow that. "It was my fault."

You clicked your tongue. "Mikasa I just had this conversation with Eren, it's okay, I don't blame you guys-."

"No you don't get it. Eren was supposed to take that bullet for you but I pulled him away. I don't know if you know this but Eren is a titan shifter so his wounds heal. I was so stupid, It-... It was like a reflex. I'm so sorry."

You placed a hand over the area where you had been shot, trying to remember the exact moment when it happened. You remembered Eren standing in front of you and then all of a sudden he wasn't there, and you were on the ground.

It started to make sense as to why he didn't hesitate to shield you. You had no idea he was a shifter. You didn't know much about the titans, the most you knew was that Marley had a few shifters of their own arming the government.

"So you blame yourself?" You asked, more so as a statement.

"Yes." She nodded.

You took a deep breath and once again tried to take the other person's feelings into account. Her and Eren were both younger than you so you felt the need to be the bigger person.

"You did it to protect him... At the end of the day I'm someone you've only known very briefly, of course you'd put him before me." You said looking forward with a stoic demeanor, something you'd subconsciously picked up from Levi.

"Y/n..."

"Am I wrong?"

Mikasa went silent.

"But, since you did apologize... I forgive you." You added, coupling it along side a much softer expression. The girl looked like a weight had just been lifted off her shoulders. She sat straight, and let out a sigh of relief.

"You're in love with him aren't you." You added, catching her in her reprieve.

Mikasa's black eyes widened like delicate flowers opening for their first bloom. "It's not like that." She stammered.

You smiled to yourself. "I think it's very much, like that."

"It's really not. I-... I've known him all my life. We're basically family."

"Uh huh." You chuckled, unconvinced.

Mikasa deflated, accepting her own defeat.

"Whatever you do, please don't tell him that you think he's family. Nothing would kill a guy's mood more than that." You said.

"I already did."

"Oh god no." You gasped.

She fiddled with her fingers. "He asked... I didn't know what to say. He asked me what he was to me."

"And you said family?"

"Yeah..."

You slapped your face.

"W-What should I have said?"

"You should've been straight up and told him exactly how you felt, no shame about it either."

Mikasa placed her head in her hands. "Shit."

"You still have a chance." You said, nudging your chin in Eren's direction. He stood further away talking to Hanji who was hunched over a map.

Her head beamed up. "Right now!?"

"No not right now, especially after everything that happened the other night... I'm just speaking in general terms here."

"About that... Did someone tell you what happened to the cottage?" She asked.

Your eyes trailed to the floor. "Yeah, Eren did."

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" She asked.

"I have a family friend in town that I think I'm gonna stay with until I can get back on my feet. I know she'll be more than happy to have me under her roof again, like old times." You chuckled, feigning cheer.

Mikasa looked up at the balcony as her eyes landed on the captain then pulled back to you.

"What?" You asked, trying to decipher the meaning of her glance.

"Nothing."

You narrowed your eyes. "Say it."

Mikasa cracked the lightest grin. "I think the captain would be happy to have you come with him."

Now you were the one stammering. "What makes you think that?"

"The obvious."

"Which is?"

"He's got a thing for you."

You gulped and looked away as your eyes drifted up to Levi. Sunlight outlined his silhouette while he sat alone, dangling his legs off the ledge.

"I'll be right back." You said, attempting to stand. Mikasa immediately got up beside you and aided your body.

"Hey, slow down." She advised, placing a firm hand on your lower back. You grabbed onto her shirt for stability.

"What do you need? Just sit back down, I can get it for you."

"No it's fine, I appreciate the help but I can do this on my o-." You paused mid sentence when you felt the pain again and squeezed the fabric of Mikasa's shirt even tighter.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." You reassured her.

"You're literally about to rip my shirt open Y/n."

You glanced at your hand as it held a fistful of the fabric. "Oh... heh, sorry." You blurted, and unclenched.

The two of you took a few steps forward. "Is there anymore food left?" You asked.

"You're that hungry?"

"It's not for me smart ass."

"Oh." Mikasa glanced up at the captain. "It's for him I'm assuming."

You looked at your shoes. "I just want him to eat something."

-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-

Mikasa guided you to where the rest of the rations were and you prepared a bowl for Levi. The soup bubbled over a small makeshift fire that the group had lined with eroded bricks. Once it was ready, you traveled up the staircase to meet Levi.

As you neared the top, you started to feel yourself grow nervous. You weren't even sure why you'd felt this way. Something about his presence did things to you.

You stood atop the balcony behind Levi as he sat in the large window's broken opening. Levi turned around, only to see you standing alone with a small bowl in your hand. The green poncho you wore blew in the wind like wings, akin to your hair. You both paused for a moment upon meeting the other's gaze.

All it took was one look for the memories of that horrific night to come flying back. You remembered caressing his bloody face as he cried into your touch.

"I thought you might be hungry." You said, flashing a feeble grin. Levi looked at you plainly for a couple seconds as your smile faltered due to his delayed response.

"Oh, I appreciate it." He nodded. You walked over to the edge and took a seat right next to Levi, handing him the bowl.

"I'm gonna live with Mrs. Lacey, so don't worry about me, okay." You blurted, drawing the man out of his shell of thoughts.

"That's uh... Good to hear." He said apathetically.

"Are you okay? I've heard that you've been spending most of your time up here alone."

"Someone has to stay on lookout."

"You guys can't alternate?"

Levi didn't answer. You heaved a sigh and started to stand. "Okay... I guess I'll just leave you alone then."

He grabbed your wrist. "Wait."

You looked at him blankly.

"I'm sorry." He added.

You'd heard that phrase too much today, it barely held any substance at this point.

"Sorry for what Levi? Shit happens, okay. It's fine, I'm fine. I'll move on from this. I will, I know I will." Tears started forming.

Levi shut his eyes for a few seconds. "Y/n, What I saw... What I almost saw happen."

You started to realize that Levi's sorry was different. It sounded like the prelude to a separate incident. He'd seen something that the others hadn't. Something much more sinister.

"Levi, what are you saying?" You asked, sitting back down and repressing your tears.

The man felt like he was about to vomit upon remembering those events. He didn't know if telling you was the right move but for some reason, not telling you seemed worse. "They tried to rape you."

Your breath went cold. "What..."

Levi clenched his jaw and glanced down at your tattered dress.

"Did they succeed?" You asked, looking away. You felt like you were going to be sick imagining what else could've happened. You crossed your arms, now it made sense why your dress was torn in various places and why you had woken up with a poncho over your clothing.

"No, I stopped it right before."

You swallowed the bile that surged in your throat. "Well, thank you for that."

The icky feeling on your skin quelled just a little bit, although you still didn't know how close they'd gotten to raping you. And honestly, you didn't want to know.

"I'm so sorry." Levi said.

You slightly raised your voice. "Please don't pity me, I hate when people do that." A tear rolled down your face, it felt like the dam was truly starting to break. You'd put up a front downstairs, so much that it'd exhausted you. And now with this new piece of information, you couldn't hold in the grief any longer.

It spilled out of you in cheap lies and empty statements. The look on your face completely contradicted every word. "I'm gonna be okay. I just have to get back on my feet again."

Your voice began to tremble. "This... really doesn't bother me. I'm gonna move forward."

"I'm strong, Levi." You whispered, looking into his eyes and searching for the clue that meant he believed your lies—but Levi only gazed at you like he was trying to find a way to pick up your broken pieces, and put you back together again. He didn't trust your declarations and no matter what you said, he still felt responsible.

Levi didn't know what could be the right words to say that would ease your pain. He was never really good at those things... words and all.

He decided to comfort you in the only way he knew how, with actions.

As the tears stained your face, Levi placed his food to the side and brought you into a swift embrace. Your arms dropped, freezing in his touch. You felt your breath shutter for a moment.

After the initial shock, that dam inside of you completely bursted until your face was hot with tears. You clung to his back and hid yourself in the warm crook of his neck.

"It's all gone isn't it? Everything's gone." You whimpered.

Levi closed his eyes and debated on saying anything at all, he was already out of his comfort zone to begin with.

He simply let you vent, and intently listened to every word you murmured into him.

"I just wanted to prove to myself that I could live on my own. That I could take care of something that was special to my family. I really, really wanted to try." Your stomach tightened, this was the first time that's you'd voiced these feelings aloud.

"I was left responsible. It's all my fault."

That was the tricky thing about responsibility. You carry the trust of another on your back. When you fail to nurture said responsibility, it evolves into a burden. Now, the weight you carry is heavier than ever.

Levi.

Eren

Mikasa.

You,

all felt the fickle weight of a responsibility turned rotten. No amount of apologizing could ever make it disappear.

"When my brothers left for the war, they told me to take care of our home. They trusted me. The only thing I held onto was the fact that they'd return safe, and maybe they'd be proud of me. They're the only family I have left." You cried.

That last part really struck a chord with Levi. It was like he could feel your words pinching his heart. He would've done anything to see his family again, to make them proud.

Your throat shivered. "I couldn't do a damn thing, Levi."

He pulled his head away for a moment and faced you, wiping your tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Y/n look at me." Your eyes trailed to the ground and he grabbed your cheeks.

"Oi, I said look at me."

Now you couldn't escape him. His face was inches away and that gaze of his was truly magnetic. "Don't you fucking dare go around carrying a weight like this on your back all alone. Because if you do... you're just gonna end up like me, fucked up in the head. Blame and guilt, enough of it over the years can make anyone go insane."

"I've spent my life feeling guilty about every death I had to witness... Every time I was forced to be the last one standing. And now." Levi pointed to his temple. "I think there's a few screws loose." He sort of chuckled towards the end but you knew he was being serious above all.

"Personally, I don't think that any of this was your fault Y/n. But I can't force you to see things the way I do. If you're going to carry that weight, at least let me help you. You were the one that said we're friends, remember?"

You blinked away the tears. "How..? There's no way for you to help me. You're probably leaving... I'm never gonna see you again."

Levi looked you dead in the face.

"Leave with me."

You didn't dare question his legitimacy even though part of you couldn't believe that he'd just asked you this. A loud and insistent voice arose inside of you.

Go.

You shook your head in an attempt to think clearly. Your heart was pounding and Levi's proximity added fuel to the fire.

"To Paradis?" You asked, the onset of nerves and emotions he made you feel seemed to have prompted this obvious question.

"Yes."

"Levi I-."

"You don't have to say yes. And you don't even have to give me an answer right now. But we're leaving tomorrow at sundown on the east harbor."

"If I don't come... will I ever see you again?"

"No, most likely not."

For some reason, the idea of never seeing Levi again felt unpleasant to imagine. But at the same time, was this fleeting feeling worth leaving your own country for? Mrs. Lacey and your brothers?

"I can't leave with you Levi."

A glint of disappointment washed over his eyes but he honestly wasn't expecting you to jump into his arms and say yes, considering everything.

"I know, Y/n. I know. Just thought I'd ask."

You nodded and pursed your lips through the tears as they trickled into the corners of your mouth. "I wish I could, it's just..."

"I know." He said softly. Part of him felt like it was selfish to even ask you such a question. Expecting you to give up your life here in Marley for him. A man you'd only just met?

You placed a hand on his chest, the same way you had when he'd woken up from that nasty dream. His heart was thumping again, but not out of fear this time. You felt it lightly pump through his shirt.

Knowing that he was feeling the same way as you right now gave you some comfort. You started to feel the urge to do the very thing you'd been dying to do from the moment you'd seen his silhouette on the balcony.

Levi's eyes glanced at your lips when your actions became apparent. You closed your eyes and kissed him, unsure if he'd even accept you.

But he did, he so eagerly did.

His hand cupped your cheek as he welcomed your lips with his own. He could taste the tears around your mouth.

Your lips slid between each other's in a plodding caress. It was like the two of you were trying to use up all the time you had left, and savor it. If he could kiss you till his last breath, he would.

You slowly pulled away and looked at him wistfully, longing for more even though you knew you'd only be tricking yourself into staying.

Maybe we were only meant to know each other for this brief period.

I'm making the best choice... right?

"Goodbye Levi." You whispered.

-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-

There's a moment when you wake from a dream where your mind wanders between the bounds of fantasy and reality. Then slowly, as those crucial seconds pass, you realize that the experience you'd felt was nothing more than a long, drawn out vacation from reality that had kicked you out of it's pearly gates.

That's how you felt standing at Mrs. Lacey's shop in tattered clothes and a crutch snuggled beneath one arm.

Fate must've been laughing at you right now. You remembered when your parents died, you and your brothers lived with her for a short period because she didn't trust you kids alone on the farm. You were in your early teens and as bratty and bothersome as ever.

"We can live on our own!" You screamed on your final day under her roof.

"We aren't kids!"

"We can take responsibility!"

That day she'd had enough of your antics and finally kicked you out along with your older brothers who always took the blame when you decided to out act.

Now, this was truly ironic.

You tapped your foot, anxiously waiting for her face to peak through the door and let you in.

A few minutes had passed. She's torturing me.

The door finally creaked open and you took a deep enough breath to subdue your pride.

Her eyes scanned the woman before her from head to toe, just to make sure that it was you she was looking at. A cigarette sat lazily between her lips. You always hated those things, and the smell was unbearable.

Why were you already thinking of gripes? She hadn't even said anything yet.

Her short body leaned against the door frame, soaking in your sweet submission.

"Well... Look who finally stopped by for a visit. And by the looks of you, I'm assuming this isn't about your pay." She chuckled.

"Hilarious, just let me in."

She eyed you up and down one more time and raised her brows. "You look like hell."

"I feel like it." There was a slight crack in your voice and Mrs. Lacey quickly sensed that there was something amiss. She moved to the side and spoke in a serious, maternal-like tone. "Y/n get inside."

As soon as you stepped in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the floor and cry. But you didn't, you simply hobbled through and clenched the ever present lump in your throat.

Mrs. Lacey closed the door behind her as you silently trailed through the shop until you reached the door that led into the apartment.

"Is Rick home?" You asked, plopping on the couch and leaning your head back against the cushion. You gazed at the ceiling

This really is full circle, huh.

Mrs. Lacey prepared a tea kettle. "No, he took the boys hunting. They've been out since morning. I told them to stop by your place if they got a chance."

You scoffed. "They can stop by what's left of it. Maybe they'll salvage some fire wood."

The woman paused, taking a moment to process what you'd just said. The room went silent besides the sound of the boiling tea.

"Y/n..."

"Yeah?" You said casually, acting as if you hadn't just said anything out of the ordinary.

Mrs. Lacey abandoned the kitchen and sat right next to you on the couch. "I need you to tell me what the hell is going on."

You stalled for a moment.

"Y/n look at me." She demanded. "What is all this? You're crippled and dirty, your dress... You need to say something."

"There's nothing to say. I just need to live here for a weeks and I'll be out of your hair." You finally looked at her and pointed to her cigarette. "Can I?"

She looked at you like you were a stranger. "Eh?"

"Your cigarette."

"Absolutely not, you've never asked me this-. Y/n what happened!"

You closed your eyes. "The cottage is gone. It burnt down."

Mrs. Lacey stared at you in disbelief. "This isn't something to joke about Y/n."

"Go see for yourself." You said plainly.

"For god's sake how did this happen?"

"Doesn't matter."

She took a deep breath. "I'm only going to ask you this once, and just answer me honestly. But does this all have something to do with that man you were with?"

The gears started turning in her head like she was slowly beginning to put the pieces together and form her own story. By the time she'd set down a narrative, it would be hard to convince her otherwise.

"Levi?"

She snapped her fingers. "Yes, that was his name. I was trying to remember. Black hair, and pretty eyes. Did he do something to you? Did he hurt you?"

You couldn't stall anymore, if you waited to answer her questions, she'd be dead set on her own suspicions.

"No, god no. He didn't hurt me... He saved my life."

Mrs. Lacey lowered her voice. "A man from that island saved your life?"

You gulped as her eyes scanned your reaction.

How the hell did she know?

"It's true isn't it." She added, proud of her analysis.

"What are you talking about? Levi's from Marley. He's not- why would you even say that?" Your words came out in a stuttered vomit.

"If you're gonna lie at least make it believable."

"I'm not lying." You said meekly, slowly accepting the fact that Mrs. Lacey could see right through you.

She took a long drag from her cigarette. "How did you meet em'?"

"He's not from Paradis." You still tried to lie even though you knew it was useless. Were you trying to protect him? Even though you knew you'd never see him again?

"Y/n, honey stop lying it's embarrassing."

"I'm not."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyways, like I said. How'd you meet him?"

You admitted defeat. "I found him... unconscious in the forest near my house. I didn't know his name yet, or anything about where he'd come from. I took him in."

Mrs. Lacey nodded slowly. "Go on."

"And then, he stayed for a bit. That's why you saw him with me. We got sort of... close."

"And then the thing about your house burning down?" She pointed to your crutch that rested beside the couch. "And these injuries?"

"They weren't from him."

"Then who?" Mrs. Lacey lowered her voice again, these walls were thin. "Hey if you need Rick to take his gun and go handle someone for you, he will."

You waved your hand. "That won't be necessary."

"Are they still out there? The people that hurt you."

"Levi took care of it."

Mrs. Lacey widened her eyes and after a few more seconds of stalling, you proceeded to tell her everything. From the moment you met him to your last interaction at the factory. Of course, you omitted a few details, those pertaining to your various rounds of sex together. That was one thing that would remain unsaid.

"So if I'm hearing this correctly, he killed his own comrades to protect you?"

"Yeah... I'm afraid so."

"Y/n... You know, men don't just do that conventionally. Are you sure he didn't.."

"Didn't what?"

"Feel something for you?"

"I don't know... I really don't know."

Mrs. Lacey crossed her legs and leaned one arm against the couch cushion, getting herself nice and comfortable.

"Hey, don't do that." You said.

She looked at you blankly and blinked. "I haven't done anything."

"You're sitting all comfortably as if we're going to be talking here for a while. I've already said enough."

"That bratty attitude of yours still hasn't changed. I wonder what Levi would think of it." She joked.

"Stop it. How did you even know he was from Paradis anyway?"

"Trust me Y/n, if I saw a face like that I'd remember. I have never seen that man in our district. And, considering the fact that Paradis soldiers had been detected roaming around Marley after the battle. I didn't want to draw a conclusion yet, I only entertained the thought quietly in the back of my mind."

"Also, how did you get back here?" She added.

"I left the factory on my own. It wasn't too far from your place here in town. Took about fifteen minutes on foot."

Your walk from the factory was one of the most isolating experiences you'd ever had to go through. You just moved with your thoughts, after having lost everything, with no home to go back to and a heavy heart. You'd ditched the poncho which held the scout's winged symbol, and simply threw on an extra shirt from Hanji to cover up your open chest. And the crutch, well that was just one of the items that Levi had stolen from the hospital a day ago.

"Does it bother you at all? That's he's from... Paradis?" You blurted.

She let out a sigh. "Honestly, I know I've never talked about politics and shit with you. I always wanted you to hold your own beliefs on that stuff. It's what your parents wanted, for you to think freely. As for me, I don't care, much. Of course it's a little daunting that a soldier from there has been close with you. After everything Marley has told us about them... But, I've always strongly believed that deep down, they were people just like us."

Your blood sort of boiled for a second. "They are people just like us. Not one thing makes them different, not one."

Mrs. Lacey widened her eyes, it'd been a while since she'd seen you passionate about something.

"These people that you met... your time with them meant something."

"It doesn't matter anymore. They're leaving."

"Today?"

"Yes."

She raised her brows. "You know you'll probably never see them again. You'll never see him again."

You gritted your teeth, you didn't want to be reminded of that fact.

"What am I supposed to do? Ditch my life here? Go off with a man I just met?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to make sure that you're okay with never seeing someone who clearly had an impact on you."

"He didn't. It meant nothing, the only thing I'm sad about is the fact that my house is gone." You lied. Honestly, it was less about convincing Mrs. Lacey than it was about convincing yourself. If you successfully swayed yourself into believing the lie that Levi meant nothing, then your heart would feel a little lighter. You could cope with his absence.

But deep down inside... You knew there was something there. You'd never met a man like him, never felt the things you felt even with someone you'd been with for longer stretches of time. He made you laugh, cry, smile, and everything in between.

You loved his courage, the way he would do anything to protect his squad. His level head, his kindness, his heart. Even down to the mundane things like the way his eyes would squint when he smiled, or the sound of his laugh peaking through that deep voice of his. His hands on your body or the way he never judged your desires.

How it felt to run through the garden that morning without a care in the world. Collapsing onto the ground in a fit of giggles like two kids who hadn't been hardened by the world yet.

Oh fuck... I'm a hopeless romantic.

"Y/n hello? Do you hear me?" Mrs. Lacey said, waving a hand in front of your face. You snapped out of your daze and blinked.

"Yes, yes what?"

She pointed to the kitchen. "I was asking you if you wanted some tea. It's ready."

"Um yeah, thank you."

As Mrs. Lacey headed behind you to the counter, you parted your lips and closed your eyes. Blurting out exactly what was on your mind.

"What if I did go with him?"

She paused while in the middle of pouring your cup. "Y/n you almost made me drop this goddamn kettle. You can't just blurt things like that for god's sake hold on."

"But what if I did? Do you think I'd be making the right choice?"

"I said hold on a second."

Mrs. Lacey came back around with the tea tray and placed it on the console table.

"What were you saying again?" She asked, even though she'd undoubtedly heard you the first time.

"If I left with him? Do you think that would be smart?"

"No."

You choked on a laugh from the shock of her brutal honesty.

"I'm being irrational aren't I."

"Yes."

"Well then..."

"I should explain. Do I think it's stupid to run off to another country with some strange man? Yes. But are the feelings that people feel for one another ever really rational? No. If we all spent our whole lives doing what was rational, then we'd miss out on some of the richest experiences."

You simply hushed and listened to her.

"What is really keeping you here Y/n? Be honest. I know it's only me and your siblings. That's it. You've spent the last few years isolated on that farm. When you lived under my roof, all you wanted was to break away and live your own life. No matter how stupid it was for three teenagers to live out on their own, you craved it. There's something inside of you that's attracted to the irrational."

You sat there, dumbfounded. These were things you hadn't even realized about yourself. Or rather things you hadn't wanted to realize.

"Y/n, are you okay?" She asked, leaning closer to you.

"I'm fine." You flinched.

Mrs. Lacey paused for a moment before standing up. "I'll leave you alone for a bit."

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