Chapter 32

We walked out side by side, but something was different. There was an unspoken weight between us, something heavy sitting in my chest. Billie must've felt it too, because when we got back into the SUV she reached for my hand immediately.

"ember" she said softly, watching me carefully

I shook my head, exhaling"I get it Billie, I do"

Her fingers curled tighter around mine" I hate saying it"

I swallowed hard, staring out the window" i mean... technically, you weren't lying"

Billies grip on my hand tightened just slightly"what do you mean?"

I exhaled slowly, my voice quieter now.

"were not actually together"

silence filled the car.

Billies thumb stopped moving against my skin, and when I finally looked at her, her expression was unreadable, like she was processing the words, weighing them in her head.

After a beat, she asked"is that what you think"

I hesitated. "its not--" I sighed, shaking my head"I don't want it to be that way, but... what are we, Billie?"

Her jaw tightened, and she shifted, facing me more fully"you know what we are" she said, voice low

"you know how I feel about you"

i felt my heart clench

"do I?"

Billie inhaled sharply, frustration flashing across her face"yes. you do"

I wanted to believe that. I did believe it, in the way she touched me, in the way she looked at me when no one was watching. But believing it in private and naming it out loud were two different things.

She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling hard

"Ember, I can't just-" she cut herself off, pressing her lips together like she hated what she was about to say

" I can't just say it. Not right now"

I nodded slowly, a bitter smile tugging at my lips"yeah. I figured."

Billie groaned, leaning back against the seat, her fingers gripping her thigh"its not that simple"

"i know its not" I said quickly, trying to keep my voice even.

" I know why you said what you did in there. I get it. But you need to understand how it feels to sit there and hear you deny something that-" I cut myself off, my throat tightening

"something that means so much to me"

Billie turned to me again, her eyes softer now, full of something raw

" it means so much to me too"

My stomach twisted. "then why does it feel like were stuck in this... in between?"

Billie didn't answer right away. She just stared at me, something unreadable passing through her eyes. then, finally, she said

"Because I don't know how to be with you in a way that doesn't hurt you"

My breath caught

She looked away, jaw clenching, fingers twitching against her knee."if we go public, everything changes. you know that. it affects both of us. You've seen what they do to people i'm with. I don't want that for you"

I swallowed hard"and if we don't go public"

Billie hesitated.

"then I feel like i'm asking you to be okay with something that isn't fair to you"

The car was too quiet. The weight of her words sat between us, heavy and suffocating

I turned back toward the window, my fingers curling in my lap."so what do we do?"

Billie was silent for a long time, then, so quietly I almost didn't hear her

"i don't know"

And maybe. that was the worst part of it all.

--

The tension from the car ride still lingered between us, unspoken but thick enough to feel. We hadn't talked about it again, hadn't tried to untangle whatever this thing between us was. Instead, Billie buried herself in rehearsals, and I kept to the edges of her world, watching but never stepping too close.

Now, backstage at the arena, the energy was buzzing-crew members moving in a synchronised chaos, last-minute sound checks blaring through the speakers. Billie was in her zone, sitting in the makeup chair while her stylist put the finishing touches on her hair. Her knee bounced slightly, a telltale sign of nerves, even though she'd never admit it.

I leaned against the vanity beside her, watching her through the mirror. "You ready?"

She met my gaze, something flickering behind her eyes. "Yeah." A beat passed before she added, "Are you?"

I knew what she was really asking.

I nodded, even though I wasn't sure if it was a lie.

Her lips pressed together like she wanted to say more, but before she could, her tour manager popped in. "Five minutes 'til showtime."

Billie exhaled, rolling her shoulders. I reached for her hand, squeezing it once. "Go kill it."

She squeezed back, her thumb brushing against my skin in a slow, deliberate motion before she let go. "Stay where I can see you?"

I smirked, tilting my head. "Always."

--

I stood understage, just beyond the glow of the stage lights, watching as Billie commanded the entire arena with nothing but her voice. She was electric-moving effortlessly through each song, her voice dipping into that hushed, intimate rasp before soaring into something bigger, something that had the entire crowd screaming for her.

And yet, even with thousands of people in front of her, I still felt her eyes find me.

It was subtle-just the way she lingered a little too long when she turned toward my side of the stage, the way her lips curled into a smirk when she caught me watching. During one of the slower songs, she closed her eyes, letting her voice melt into the mic, and for a second, it felt like she was singing just for me.

I hated how much I wanted that to be true.

--

after the show Billie didn't stop for anyone. The moment she stepped off the stage, sweat still glistening on her skin, hair damp and wild, she locked eyes with me and ran.

Her team barely had time to react as she pushed through them, her chest rising and falling with deep, unsteady breaths. And then, suddenly, she was right in front of me, hands grabbing my face like she needed to feel me.

Before I could say a word, she kissed me.

It was desperate and raw, nothing held back this time. Her lips moved against mine with the same fire she had on stage, like she was still riding the high of performing but had been waiting for this moment. For me.

Gasps sounded around us. Someone cursed under their breath. I barely heard it. The only thing I could feel was her.

She pulled back just enough for our foreheads to press together, her breath warm against my lips. "I don't care anymore," she whispered, her voice wrecked, eyes burning into mine.

My hands were still tangled in her hair, my heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my fingertips. "Billie..."

Her hands slid down to my waist, gripping like she was afraid I'd disappear. "I want this," she breathed. "I want you. No more second-guessing. No more pretending like this isn't real."

I exhaled shakily, my whole body buzzing. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Billie bit her lip for half a second, like she was hesitating, then she shook her head. No more hesitation. "I'm saying I want you. I want you to be my girlfriend."

The words sent a shiver down my spine. I searched her face, looking for any sign of doubt-but there wasn't any. Only certainty.

A slow, breathless smile curled on my lips. "Yeah?"

Her grip on me tightened. "Yeah."

I let the moment stretch, just long enough to watch her squirm, before I finally whispered, "Okay."

Relief crashed over her face before she kissed me again, softer this time, like she was sealing it in.

Then, reality crept back in. The voices around us, the way people were watching.

Billie pulled back slightly, biting her lip. "We, uh... we should probably keep this private. For now."

I smirked, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "Guess you'll just have to kiss me in secret, then."

She grinned, pressing one last quick kiss to my lips before pulling away, her eyes sparkling with something mischievous. "You saying you like sneaking around, Pretty?"

I tilted my head, teasing. "I'm saying you better make it worth it."

Billie chuckled, shaking her head as she laced her fingers with mine for just a second before letting go. "Oh, don't worry. I will."