Chapter 23

I stayed wrapped in billies arms for what felt like hours, neither of us willing to break the fragile bubble of the morning. But eventually, reality started to creep back in -- tour rehearsals, media training, the weight of the world waiting outside her door.

" I should go" I whispered, even though every cell in my body begged me to stay.

BIllie pressed her lips to my forehead, lingering there like she could tattoo the feeling into my skin.

"text me when you get" she said, her voice barely above a breath.

I nodded, pulling myself away with the kind of ache that settled deep in my chest. It took me longer than it should've to gather my things -- mostly because Billie kept finding reasons to tug me back for one last kiss, one more touch, one more second. But eventually, I made it out the door, heart pounding and lips still swollen from her goodbye.

The drive home was quiet, the city blurring past me as I sank into the haze of the morning. My phone connected to my cars bluetooth, and without thinking, I went to billies second album to continue listening to it. my thumb landed on my future.

Billies voice filled the car, soft and haunting, weaving through the quiet like a ghost. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my throat knotting as the lyrics sank into my chest.

"i'm in love with my future, can't wait to meet her"

I let out a shaky breath, blinking hard against the sting in my eyes. it wasn't lost on me how painfully fitting the song felt-- how every word cracked open something inside me. Because I was in love with my future, too. Or maybe just the idea of one where Billie was still in it. The music curling around me like a lullaby. I thought about the way Billie looked at me early this morning, like I was something worth holding onto. I thought about the way she touched, like she was afraid I might disappear. I didn't know what the future held -- if we could withstand the inevitable storm of cameras and headlines and speculations. But foe the first time in a long time, I wasn't afraid of what was coming.

Because BillIe was part of it.

And I wanted to see whatever came next, as song as she was there.

I parked outside my apartment, the song fading out just as I killed the engine. The silence settled over me like a weighted blanket, grounding me as I grabbed my bag and made my way upstairs. The door clicked shut behind me and before I could even set my keys down Ivy appeared in the hallway, her hair in a messy bun and eyes sharp like she'd been waiting for me.

"good morning lover girl" she said, smirking

"sleep well?"

I sighed kicking off my shoes. "I don't want to talk about it"

"liar" she shot back, following mr into the kitchen"you always wanted to talk about Billie"

I rubbed my eyes but I couldn't help the way my face burned.

"dude its so fucking complicated"

Ivy snorted. " is it? because from where i'm standing, it looks pretty fucking simple. You're obsessed with her, she's obsessed with you. The only complicated thing is the circus waiting to pounce if you go public."

I collapsed onto a barstool, resting my forehead against the cool countertop. "Laura basically ripped me to shreds during media training"

Ivy slid a cup of coffee in front of me, leaning on her elbows.

"yeah, well, Lauras a hardass. But she knows what she's doing"

I wrapped my hands around the mug, breathing in the familiar scent."what is i ruin everything? billie has created this insane career, what if it blows up in her face and she gets dragged through it?"

Ivy's expression softened, probably annoyed from the amount of times i've said this.

"you wont ruin anything" she said, voice steady."And, Billies a big girl, She wouldn't be in this if she didn't think you were worth it. Seriously Ember do you really think she'd still be doing any of this with you? inviting YOU on her tour just so you are there with her because she knows she'd probably not survive without you there?"

I swallowed hard, her words sinking in like stones." I just -- I don't want her to regret this"

"she wont"Ivy said, nudging my arm. "and if she does, i'll personally fight her."

I laughed, the sound breaking through the lingering heaviness in my chest."thanks Vee"

"anytime" she said, stealing my coffee for a sip."now go take a nap. You look insane"

I shook my head, but for the first time today, the knot of anxiety in my chest loosened. Because maybe Ivy was right. Maybe Billie was in this because she actually wanted to be.And maybe that was enough.

Ivy stretched, cracking her back as she stood up."actually, scratch the nap. Let's do something"

I raised a brow, sipping my coffee"like what?"

" I don't know" she shrugged. "movie marathon? pizza and reality Tv OOO or we could stalk Billie's fan accounts and see if anyone's caught onto you yet"

I snorted, but the idea of an evening spent curled up with Ivy, sounded like exactly what I needed."okay" I said, a small smile tugging at my lips" pizza and fan account stalking. deal"

Ivy clapped her hands together."perfect! i'll order the pizza you grab the blankets"

_

Later that night we sprawled across the couch, buried under a mountain of blankets with half-eaten pizzas laying in there boxes stacked on the coffee table. We laughed until ur stomachs hurt watching the most ridiculous dating show we could find, pausing only to scroll through billies fan accounts and dissect blurry paparazzi photos from last week.Ivy gasped dramatically, shoving her phone in my face "look! They're analyzing bille's rings to see if any of them could be a secret gift from her 'mystery lover'"

I squinted at the screen, biting back a smile."that's... terrifyingly detailed."

"freakishly so" Ivy agreed, tossing her phone aside and flopping back onto the cushions. "but kind of cute?"

I hummed, pulling the blanket tighter around me."maybe"

Ivy shifted, resting her head on the back of the couch."Do you think you'll ever go public? like...intentionally?"

i swallowed, staring at the ceiling."i don't know. I want to, but...its scary. plus we haven't even talked about what we are, I don't even you. Is she my girlfriend? And what if people turn on her because of me, she's never gone public with a woman before."

Ivy softened, her voice gentle."or what if they love you together? people like happy endings Em"

I smiled, small but real."yeah. Maybe"

She yawned pulling a blanket closer to her?" I do think you two should talk about what you are. Have you guys even actually fucked yet?"

I spat out my sprite back into the can laughing."actually... no, we haven't, is that weird?"

she smiled" well I wouldn't label you two as fuck buddies then" she laughed."but for real, talk to her Em, before it gets even more serious, before you literally fly across the world with her"

I sat there letting Ivy's words sink into me. I haven't even though about the fact i'm literally flying across the globe with someone and i'm not even sure if she's my girlfriend.