Chapter 5

"Raven, please tell me what's wrong!" Zayn pleaded as we entered his bedroom.

The whole thing about the paps knowing of Jade is still bugging me. I can't help but feel scared or nervous about it all.

"Raven, please..." I crossed my arms and sat on his bed. "Ray..."

"Zayn, stop. This isn't ever going to work out," I said quietly, my voice cracking.

"Wh-what?" He stuttered out. "No, Raven it will work. I love Jade. I want to be there for her. I want to be there for you..." I peeked up at him, nibbling on my bottom lip.

"I love you, Raven." I shook my head.

"You can't love me. You can't! It'll ruin your career! Everything about me just brings bad news. This career will ruin you ever having a real relationship with Jade...with me." I felt tears threaten to surface. I held them back, biting even harder on my lip.

He knelt in front of me, gripping my shoulders so I'm forced to look at him. His eyes were glazed over and his bottom lip was quivering.

"You and Jade aren't ruining my career. I have a life out side of the band and that's you and Jade. I don't care what anyone thinks of me."

"Zayn-"

"Let me finish..." I nodded as he got up and sat next to me, pulling me into his chest. He rubbed my back, his chin resting on my head. "You guys are my world. I love singing. I love the band. I love that life. But I love you guys more. I don't care if it's too early to say that, but I do. I love you, Raven." He pushed me away, lifting my chin up.

"I love you so much."

I sat there, my eyes caressing his face. His eyes were my drug. I can't get enough of them. His lips are perfect to me. His cheekbones and jawline were firm and...yes, sexy. He's so perfect to me. I leant in and kissed him passionately. I pushed off his blazer and he did with mine.

"I love you too, Zayn." I muttered against his lips. He smiled and began kissing me again. He bit my bottom lip, but I denied him. He licked it, asking again. I moved my lips away from his. He began kissing my face all over then moved to my neck, attacking it with kisses and licks. He moved to my shoulder, sure to leave love bites all over. I ran my hands up to his hair. He ripped my dress off furiously and I began to unbutton his shirt.

And that was it.

~~

I woke up with my legs interlocked with Zayn's. His arms were wrapped tightly around my torso, pulling me closer to his chest. I had my arms curled in between us. I didn't move. I just watched him sleep. His lips parted slightly, his face relaxed, his hair wild, and all his flaws showing.

But he's still flawless.

His eyes fluttered open a bit, but quickly closed. "Like watching me sleep?"

I chuckled quietly, curling closer to him. "I couldn't help it."

"It's ok, I can't help but stare at you," he said honestly. "You're so beautiful." I felt my cheeks burn crimson. He pulled me up so we were eye level, my head laying on the pillow above me. He pulled the sheets up higher, covering me even more so I wouldn't get cold.

"You're truly, unbelievably beautiful to me, Raven." He kissed me sweetly, his moist lips colliding with mine softly.

My hand rubbed his cheek lightly. "And you seem to be the only guy to make me feel that way." I kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck. He flipped over, causing my bare body to lay on top of him, the sheets still covering us.

He rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand, staring me in my eyes. "Can we stay in today?" He asked. I nodded, getting up slowly, pulling the sheet with me. He sat up, scooting closer so he can cover his waist down with the sheets. I clipped on my bra and slid on my underwear.

"You can borrow some sweats and a hoodie," he cooed. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, reaching for a pair of boxers at the dresser. I was putting my jewelry on so I wouldn't forget it at the mirror. He kissed my neck sweetly. I spun around, kissing him again.

"I'll be right back. Jade too?"

He smirked. "Not yet," he winked. He kissed me again, his hands rubbing my sides slowly.

Cheeky pervert.

~~

**few weeks later**

"Jade, sweets, gotta go!" I called out, seeing her little feet stumble in.

"Momma!" I swiped her off the ground, attacking her with kisses all over her face. Tracy came in, a glowing smile on her face.

"You seem to be happy," I chuckled.

"Just a good morning," she cooed. I just let out a light laugh as I watched Jade play with the necklace on my chest.

"Ready, pumpkin?" I asked. She nodded and blew a kiss to Tracy.

"Thanks, Trace!"

"Don't you have dance rehearsal today?" She asked, standing inside the doorway as I shifted weight on my feet, outside.

"Yeah, but Zayn wants to watch her for a bit." I sent Jade a small smile as I set her down on the ground. "He's really excited."

"Well, you have fun! If you need me, call me!" She cooed, waving at us as we made our way to the car.

I buckled Jade in, making sure she had he blanket in reach. I got into the driver's seat, slowly backing up, out of the driveway, and starting down the road.

After Jade was settled in the living room, I picked up my phone and dialed Zayn's number.

"Hey! You ready?" He asked.

"Yeah! You almost here?"

"Yup! About to pull up front," he answered quickly. I peeked out the window, seeing him wave to our apartment. I waved back.

"Buzz me up!" He called. I ran over to the door and pressed the button, allowing him up. I hung up the phone call and plugged in my phone on the counter.

There was a faint knock at the door shortly after. I opened it with a smile, allowing Zayn to come in.

"Hello, babe," he cooed, kissing me quickly. I couldn't help but smile.

"Jade!" Zayn called out. We heard some pattering of footsteps as Jade came running in. Zayn swooped her up and attacked her with kisses, tickling her sides as she erupted into laughter. I smiled at them, quickly taking a picture with my phone as it was charging.

"Did you just take a picture?" I smiled innocently. Zayn chuckled, "Post it to twitter."

"Really?"

"Why not? Not everyone would know who it is. Just don't say her name."

I shrugged, opening up twitter and creating a new tweet.

'@FlyingRaven: aw :) they're so precious. Love themmm x @zaynmalik twitpic.com/jfa82ka'

"Alright, I'm off to go dance some more. Please no interruptions this time!" I called out behind me as I made my way to my studio. Zayn chuckled, shouting back.

"Jade wanted to see you!"

"Or you just wanted to snog me!" I retorted, sending him a wink.

He shrugged, "That too." He smirked cheekily before puckering his lips. I just flicked my wrist in his direction and shut the door behind me.

There's so much going on. I can't keep acting like everything is alright, when it's not. There's so much tension between Zayn and I with Jade. All we do is have fucking sex and play with Jade. We haven't acted like a couple ever since the award show, and it's straining any chance I imagined for a relationship. I've been dancing so much because I'm secretly preparing for an audition. I can't tell anyone because it will definitely effect everyone. I shouldn't be so selfish, since I have Jade, but I can't help but think this is going to be the best thing. I'm not the best mother, best girlfriend, or the best friend. I'm Raven. I'm a dancer, nothing else.

I need to do this audition as soon as possible.

I flipped open my laptop and clicked around before buying the plane tickets to New York City. I need to go there, audition for The Rockettes and try to start a new life for a while. At least until I can get back up on my feet from this money problem. Yeah, Zayn is buying the things Jade needs, but then there's me. I need to support myself, as well as Jade.

I hate these selfish thoughts, but I can't help but think that they're a good thing, that I need to do this.

Jade will stay with Tracey. I'll give them all of her things. I'll rent out the flat. I'll pack my clothes and fly to New York for the audition. Everything will be ok, won't it?

No, probably not because I shouldn't be running away from the thoughts. The thoughts that someone may actually love me more than I love dancing or Jade...

I'm an awful mother, just leaving my daughter behind, but it's what's best for me and for her. Tracey can take care of her well enough. Zayn can now focus on his career, rather than me and Jade. It's for the better.

Right?

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are you as angry as I am? don't be mad at me! it's Raven's choice, gosh. but yeah, that's life. she's off to New York!

who guessed that she was going to leave? I didn't. this was a total surprise...................

lol.

((((didn't proof read oops))))

ok, I'll update soooon! :)

thanks for the quick reads and votes and comments! You're wonderful!

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