Chapter 19

If someone asked Thomas to tell them a fact, any fact at all, he would tell them that Janson is the biggest prick he had ever had the misfortune of meeting. He was in charge of everything, and he refused to listen to a word Thomas was saying;, including his proposition to get Newt out. "Why not!?" Thomas growled, following him around. "He's deteriorating in that room, he's not calm at all!"

"He's a liability, he'll attack everyone if you let him get away." Janson replied, trying to ignore him. "Also, he could infect another boy. You may be immune but you can certainly carry it."

"As if you would know. He'll slow down if he's with everyone else, not some walls that are whiter than your fake teeth!" Jason glanced at him. "I'll make sure he keeps his distance from the ones that aren't. Even if he does you'll have the cure soon, you simply administer it to everyone. You want him to live, don't you?"

"All that would accomplish is adding an extra immune male, but we need more women, their trials aren't going according to plan." Thomas rolled his eyes. "If he gets it then he gets it. If he doesn't that it really isn't that big of a matter."

"Fine. Try and stop me."

Thomas spun on his heel and stormed his way to Newt's room, swinging open the door and being greeted with an attack that pushed him to the ground. "Took you long enough!" Newt hissed, whacking Thomas' head into the ground. "Am I leaving this bloody place or what!?" Thomas could see his Newt trying to fight through, his eyes looked lost, but he was losing control.

"If you didn't attack me that would be great-" Newt hit his head and Thomas groaned at the pain. "You're not giving me the signs of good health! I'm breaking you out, I don't have permission!"

Newt leant in close to his face to threaten him again, but his expression suddenly softened and he scrambled off of his body. "I-I'm so sorry-"

"It's fine.." Thomas sat up and gingerly touched the back of his head, not feeling any cuts. "You're strong..."

Newt came back over and hugged him in apology, one hand going to the back of his head and stroking his hair. "I'm losing it, Tommy."

"Yeah, I can tell." Thomas hugged him back, half enjoying it but half worried Newt could tighten his grip any moment. "Janson isn't letting me get you out, and attacking me as soon as I open the door isn't going to help your case. I'm breaking you out, but if you're not in control..."

"I understand.. Has anyone else come back yet? With some more stuff?"

"Everyone is back except for the last group, but we can't find them anywhere on surveillance so WICKED is beginning to think they all died. Minho and a couple others might be sent back out to do the mission for them."

"Back out there... Tommy, please," Newt tightened his grip, but not in a threatening manner. "I don't want to be in here, I want to be with you. Just one day. I don't know my around, I was knocked out with some gas and woke up here and I haven't left it since. I want to know where you've all been."

"It's not going to be easy with cameras everywhere, especially if you lash out. Maybe WICKED wants me to get you out."

"Oh forget about them. Even if they don't and we just get to the others before they tackle me to the ground, I don't care! I want out!" Newt quickly pulled away before he could hurt Thomas and violently shook his head, realising his voice had risen. "I'm trying my best here."

"Come on then, let's go." Thomas took Newt's hand and pulled him out the room, kicking it shut behind them.

Newt let go of his hand and snaked his arm around Thomas' waist instead, his head tilted so it was on his shoulder. He kept his gaze down, almost feeling guilty for being sick, like it was his own fault that he might die and leave everyone behind.

They were about to go into the bedroom when Newt suddenly stopped. "Tommy, I need to ask you something first." He said, still looking down.

"What is it?"

"I..." Newt was quiet for a while. "Nothing."

"Are you sure?" He nodded. "You can tell me if anything is wrong.." Thomas let go and stood in front of Newt, tilting his chin up to look at him. "Is it being sick? Don't worry, I promise that I'm going to keep you safe." Newt continued to avoid his gaze, so Thomas simply kissed his forehead and brought him inside.

Everyone's fussing seemed to cheer Newt up a little bit, so Thomas let him enjoy time with everyone else and sat on his own bed. He had a notebook that he wrote in sometimes; not a diary, more of a checklist that he'd predicted to happen. Maybe he was turning into WICKED, but he couldn't guess where they would be in the future. Maybe there was no third trial, maybe they would just be massacred, maybe things would fail, maybe they'd be released into the world and live their lives; Thomas didn't have a clue.

Minho had been away to get briefed about their new mission, he and a couple others having to go back out and collect a herb. Seeing him out stopped him being so angry around Thomas, talking to Newt about when he found Thomas in the shack and what he did. Eventually Newt went back over to Thomas and everyone left them in peace. "I feel a lot better now, seeing everyone. What about the people who aren't in here?"

"This is everyone.. we're all mourning in our own ways." Thomas wasn't, he barely knew anyone who had died out there. "You can scream and shout if you like, a couple others have done that."

"As much as I'd like to, I know that it's not me doing the shouting. Is there somewhere private we can go? Just you and me for a little while..." Newt leant his head on Thomas' shoulder, closing his eyes to try and relax. "We haven't had the chance to just be alone since we got out."

"There's a maintenance cupboard nearby, it's slightly bigger than a regular cupboard and there's no cameras?"

"Sounds perfect. I also really need to talk to you, it's important."

Thomas frowned and looked down at him, but Newt had opened his eyes and was looking across the room at the opposite wall. "Alright.."

He took Newt's hand again and they started on their walk. It was surprising they didn't meet any WICKED along the way, but they were either very lucky or, the more likely answer, they were letting Thomas have Newt out for the day. He looked upset again, but also calm, and angry, and everything else in between. "There's a light in there, right?"

"Course."

Newt was silent until they got there, letting Thomas in first and then shut the door behind them. Thomas switched the light on, casting a yellow glow on Newt's face; he looked at the ground, anxiously rubbing at his arm and he winced, pulling his hand back. "Tommy, I need a really big favour." Thomas took his arm and looked at it. "I'm further than you think."

Newt pulled it back and took his top off, revealing a couple blisters on his left shoulders and along his upper right arm. "Are those..?"

"I'm blistering, Tommy. I'm afraid to just scratch an itch because my skin is the consistency of a snowflake. I'll just cut the skin even though I've chewed my nails as far as they'll go, they couldn't be any less sharp, and then those cuts blister and if I itch a blister it just cuts!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think anything of it, I thought maybe it was just sensitive from being out in the scorch, but then you told me the stages and I gave it a little while but they hurt. They hurt like klunk, Tommy."

"I... I-I can get you medicine, it prolongs the symptoms! It'll be long enough to get you the cure."

Newt shook his head. "When they told me I was sick and I could die, I promised myself that I wouldn't commit suicide, not again; but if I lose control, if I go crazy..." Newt pulled a gun out his pocket and placed it in Thomas' hand, but he flinched away and it dropped to the floor. "I need you to do it for me."

"W-what!? Newt, you're crazy! You will get the cure, alright? You're not thinking straight, and that's okay, I don't expect you to be completely with it right now but there is no way on earth that I'm going to.. to kill you!" He pausd. "Only if we really can't get it to you, because once you're consumed there's no going back.. that we're currently aware of."

"I don't want to make it that far! I don't want to experience losing myself, feel my sanity drain away, watch myself attack my friends when I'm yelling at myself from the inside to stop even when I know I won't stop! I don't want to be angry all the time, I don't want to fight anyone, I don't want any of it! I don't want this pain! The pain I'm already in will amount to nothing compared to what I'll feel once I'm gone! What if I never truly disappear? What if I'm always aware that I've become a monster?"

Thomas was speechless. He didn't know Newt was so upset. Could he do it? Would he be forced to? Thomas bent down and picked the gun up, turning it over in his hands. "This gun... Is going nowhere near you, you hear me? Only if you really beg and whine, if you get truly vulnerable, and you'll be... better off. Only then. Understand?"

Newt nodded, watching Thomas tuck the gun behind a box out of sight. "If the cure arrives, then we can destroy it or throw it away or something. If it doesn't... you know where it lives. Just not in front of the others, please?" Thomas didn't answer him, he could feel tears brimming in his eyes just at thought of having to...

"Okay."

~*~

Thomas stood in an IT room, watching the monitors as Minho and a couple others had set out to get the last ingredient; it was a mineral, one that could be found by finding where the sand had turned red from it; the rest of the desert was very pale yellow as it was made up of building ash and dust.

The database showed that the missing group had all died of dehydration, with one of their bodies finally being found but the other two were missing, either buried under the sand from the wind or swallowed and cooked by the WKD.

Thomas hadn't mentioned to Newt that Minho had gone, he knew he was 'meant' to go, but he planned on lying and saying Minho wasn't chosen if he ever asked; if he knew Minho was back out there, Thomas knew it would make the blond worry and that was the last thing he needed. He'd seen him twice in the past couple days, and he seemed the same with the blisters staying as they are and he was still in control of himself.

Six days. He needed to last six more days, that's how long the expedition was planned to be. They secretly gave Newt a concoction called 'dawn' that prolonged his symptoms, slowing the darkness down, and hopefully giving him enough time to survive until the others got back. Leaving the maze and trudging through the scorch with Thomas in constant pain sent Newt's brain into a frenzy, so when they got him back they knew he was unsafe to be around. The darkness spread like wildfire on the last day.

Thomas zoomed in on Minho, seeing a sheet tied over his head to try and keep the harsh rays off him. This was all there was to do, visit Newt and watch his best friend to make sure no harm came his way. The WKD was still active, but Minho knew how to stay safe. He'd be fine, he had plenty of supplies...

A hand was suddenly on his shoulder and Thomas jumped, his thoughts interrupted. "Sorry, but there's someone here to see you." Thomas frowned at the man who was stood a little too close to him. "We cannot keep them waiting."

"Who is it?"

"Follow me." They turned and Thomas' frown deepened, but he obeyed and followed the man through the winding corridors and out to an area that looked like an old reception room.

The room was a tip; chairs were turned over, the carpet was torn, a broken light hung by its bare wires in the ceiling, and the automatic door had been taped permanently shut... Except now, because there was a large hole in the middle of it where something-or someone- broke through.

A woman was sat on one of the few upright seats, looking out the door, so she must've been the one who broke it; she had her hands in her lap quite calmly, a large cut over the back of one of them. "Merissa." The man called and she turned a head. "I brought him." Something struck a nerve in Thomas, but he couldn't tell what it was.

She smiled and stood up, taking a couple steps towards them and the WICKED man stepped back. There was a large blisters on her cheek and her left eye was completely black, but her right eye still had the white left; she wore long sleeves and leggings, the only skin being her hands, neck, and face, all of which were blistered. "Hi, Thomas. I'm sorry about breaking the door, I didn't mean to... you understand why did though, don't you?"

That voice... Tears were in his eyes. This couldn't be real, this woman had the darkness, and was far through it; but that's not why Thomas wanted to cry, he wouldn't care if she were simply a stranger. No, Thomas felt heartbroken. She... "Mum."