Chapter 12

"What do you mean, my life?" Newt shuffled away slightly, worried.

"You knew what you were getting into coming up here, but you didn't have a choice in the matter. I was on WICKED's side, so I was trying to convince you that your 'sacrifice' was for the greater good. I used to know what was wrong with the world, and I guess it's so bad that I thought this was a better option for you.

"You got really upset, understandably, and... I don't know what happened after that, but you were taken from me and... I don't- I don't know, I used to know but I can't remember now."

"You.. You cared more about this maze? Than me!?" Newt looked hurt, but he didn't do anything.

"Guess I did.. But Newt, I'm so sorry, I barely remember it now. Maybe they did something to my brain like with this memory loss, I don't know! You have to believe me, please. Just because I remember doesn't mean that the me now is any different, right?"

Newt rolled over. "And what if you got all your memories back? Would you remember why WICKED is so amazing? So perfect?"

"Newt-"

"Goodnight, Thomas."

Newt curled up, but flinched when Thomas touched him, so put his hand on a patch of grass behind him. "G'night..."

~*~

When Thomas woke up the next morning, Newt was already gone. The walls were still closed, and both Minho and Gally were still sleeping. Thomas got up, trying to find where he had wandered off to. "Newt?" He called in a hushed whisper.

Newt was sat by the edge of the forest, using a small a pocket knife to carve at a piece of wood that he'd pulled off the tree. He briefly glanced up when Thomas came his way before returning to what he was doing. If anything, he was just feeling away the layers, turning it into a miniature spear.

Thomas sat in front of him. "Let's talk."

Newt paused, glancing at him again. "What's there to talk about?"

"Last night, let's just talk about it." He offered out his hand, standing up.

Newt hesitated but he caved in, taking Thomas' hand and pulling himself up. "You want to talk? Let's talk."

Thomas began leading him into the forest, still holding his hand. "I want to know why you're being distant now, just because I told you something that is now just a distant memory. I mean, it was two years ago!"

"I could have still been out there with you. For much longer, maybe my leg wouldn't have gotten damaged. Maybe I wouldn't have seen so many of my friends die, see them forced out into the maze just because they did something wrong, or they went crazy."

"Well even I'm in here now, so you would have come in before me anyway. Maybe you would be in Chuck's position instead, and for all we know I might have decided to come in here. God knows why."

Newt didn't say anything, looking away and pulling back his hand, folding his arms. "It just hurts that you might have had the choice to keep me, or my friends. You don't know and I don't know, and I just want answers! I feel like we were better off before you got stung, or both of us, because now we just have even more questions left unanswered and I hate it!

"How would you feel if I sent you up here? Because I thought sacrificing my boyfriend was a better idea than letting him live in this weird school? You let us come in here! How could you do that to us!? I know you said you were watching, but how could you!? Somewhere in that fat head of yours is knowing you've let so many people die! Not including the ones from last week! Alby's gone, Ben, Jim, Alex, Jason! They're all your fault!"

"I know... I know they're all my fault, because I sent you all up here I chose to send every one of you to a potential death. I got Chuck killed, and even without my memories I know I've never felt this much guilt in my entire life. But we have the code now, and I found something yesterday, I know what-" Newt cut him off, grabbing him and pressing him against a nearby tree.

"Just shut up!" Thomas saw how angry Newt was and tried to push him off.

Newt quickly realised what he was doing and stepped back. "Sorry, I.. I don't really know what came over me."

"That's fine..." Thomas certainly didn't have any memories of Newt being angry except for their fight before the maze, so it was a bit.. out of character.

Newt hugged him now instead, making Thomas slightly cautious of his next move, but he hugged him back anyway. Newt nuzzled him. "What's wrong? It can't just be because of that argument, can it?"

"I'm sorry... I'm not usually like this, nobody's meant to see this side of me. You're new so you wouldn't understand, but so many of my friends have died, and Alby was my best friend; while you weren't here he was like my other half, and I wake up only to be told he got his head ripped off by that bloody creature that I wish killed me instead!"

Newt started to cry, clinging to Thomas' shoulders. "Everyone always called me the glue, because I made sure that I befriended every single person in this glade, so I knew every single person who died, everyone who died I considered to be my friend... and over half of them are gone. Forever. There's no getting them back unless I go to them."

"Newt... Don't think like that, we all want you here, all the friends you still have. Like when you climbed up the wall, we don't want you doing that again, okay? Remember how mad Alby was? He's protected you up until this point but now it's my turn and I'm going to make sure you don't hurt yourself any more."

"I don't need protecting, I'm not a bloody kid."

"Don't you?" Thomas held him tighter. "You don't deserve anything that's happened to you, and I'm really sorry that I caused all of it. This is all my fault."

"Yeah.. it is." Newt pulled himself away, stepping back. "Look, I came out here to ignore you for a bit and you being around isn't helping the case."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I.." Newt sighed, then put his face in his hands. "I don't know what I want right now, okay? Everything's changing and none of it is for the better and I'm powerless to stop any of it. It's not that I want to be in control of everything, I just want to stop everybody I care about dying. Is that too much to ask?"

Thomas walked over and pulled Newt's hands away, gently kissing him on the forehead. "No, it's not, and it's exactly what I'd expect to hear from you. I don't remember very much, but I know you're the same old Newt as always."

Newt looked up at him through his lashes, the artificial moon making his eyes shine because of the tears. "Everything's going to be okay." That made Newt look like he was going to break, letting out a sob. "I promise."

"Tommy..." Newt hugged him again, holding even tighter to him. "I changed my mind, please don't leave..."

"I'm not going anywhere."

~*~

"And what am I meant to do about this?" Newt grumbled, looking around for something to use.

"I did warn you." Thomas was trying not laugh at him.

"Yeah, but.."

After hugging it out, the two had sat down in the ground opposite each other in silence. It was fairly calm until Newt started to grin, looking across at Thomas and he tilted his head to the side. He muttered a quiet "kiss me" and things just kind of escalated from there.

What Thomas hadn't known, was that Newt had been commando that night and couldn't 'pull it out' in time, so now their activities looked extremely obvious and Newt was criss-crossing his legs in an attempt to hide the patch. "Can't you get a clean pair of trousers somewhere?"

"No more clean ones come until the next supply which is five days away! All my other pairs are somewhere in the debris pile of the homestead. Hence don't you forget we haven't rebuilt it yet! I have no others!"

"Okay okay calm down." Thomas rubbed his chin in thought, then started to smirk. "Let's go to the water troughs."

"I'd rather you didn't rub around there to try and clean it, thanks. Plus, then I'll just look like I took a piss."

"I have a different plan, come on." Thomas grabbed his hand and the two ran by the wall's edge, hoping the gladers didn't spot them so far away.

Newt now stood in front of one, still crossing his legs about. "Okay, now what?"

"This." Thomas raised his arms and shoved Newt backwards.

"Hey!" Newt stumbled backwards, legs pressing against the trough and his body tipped him backwards, falling in. "THOMAS!"

"Hey, now they can't tell!" Thomas started to laugh and he couldn't stop, only shrieking again in a fit whenever he looked at Newt.

"Shuck, what did I miss over here then!?" Minho asked, walking over to them.

"Someone pushed me into the animals' water trough!" Newt grumbled, taking Minho's hand to help him get back out.

"Ah. Why, exactly?" He turned to Thomas was still sniggering, not yet calmed down. "Whatever, go to the map room, I need to talk to Thomas for a moment."

Newt looked sceptically at him, but he left the two alone. Minho now started to snicker, a large smirk on his face. "I do have something to discuss, there's just.. something else I need to say first."

His shoulders shook with contained laughter. "Sound travels pretty well in the glade."