Chapter 25

When the wind gets knocked out of you, you sure as hell know. There's been maybe two times in my life where that's happened to me. That feeling of not breathing, not speaking not moving. Once when I killed Jake, and the other... Well, now.

You never really know what you have until it's gone. All the fights, all the hurtful words, they don't matter in the end. This one however, might've been the toughest one yet.

I thought about him, not with hate, not with anger, but with confusion.

Confusion as to; you hurt me. You lied to me. You drugged me. You deceived me.

But here I am, loving you almost more than I did before.

It had been almost three days since Justin came to my house. I sat on the couch slowly, in a daze. Why wasn't I mad? Why wasn't I absolutely fuming? I couldn't tell you. Maybe it's because I saw it coming. Everyone always leaves.

I wasn't mad. In fact, I was far from it. I was hurt. I was hurt that the person who I cared about most would do something of that matter, especially to me. If someone else were to do this to me, I would say things like you're not who I thought you were or you're a different person, but I didn't say that to Justin; I couldn't. All because we both knew that wasn't the truth.

Justin was still the caring, kind person that I came to love. And I don't feel like that'll ever change, no matter what he does. That night ended worse than I thought it would, and I hoped to never look back.

Practically how it went down: Justin told me he drugged me, I still wanted to leave with him, he wouldn't let me. There was so much screaming and crying, I almost remember it as a blur.

But now I guess I know why Justin left. He's practically the reason I trashed Jake's bedroom, and he wanted to leave me with this mess. Classy.

I had been trying to get in contact with Brad, but it was no use. He was the last resource I had to somehow connecting with my mom, and he was gone. He wanted nothing to do with me.

I walked towards the community college, probably the biggest building in Hampstead. As I walked up the steps, I was trying to figure out what to do with these kids. Well, I guess they weren't technically "kids". To me they were anyway.

They all were teenagers who have a bad past, and are trying to learn things in music. I guess we could have that in common.

"Hi," I smiled warmly at the lady behind the desk. "I'm Jessica."

"Community service," she observed, making me uncomfortable. "Fill out these forms. Once you're done, second door on the left."

I nodded and thanked her, taking a seat and filling out the paper work. It said these kids were 14-17 years old. Well, shit.

I handed the clipboard over the counter and adjusted my scarf, finding the room. I knocked quietly, then cursed myself. This was my classroom, I don't knock.

I walked in to find around twenty teenagers all in desks. There were probably sixteen boys and four girls as I observed. They all looked unhappy, but hey, I wasn't thrilled either. There was a grand piano in the corner of the room, along with other instruments. After all, it was a class about music.

I smiled widely, trying to make the best of it. "Hey," I said quietly, doing an awkward wave. "Um, my name is Ms. Johnson, but I won't make you guys call me that. You can call me Jess." A boy in the front row cracked a small smile, making me instantly relax. I just wanted them to be comfortable. "I'm uh, I'm almost twenty, and-" I took a look around to find everyone completely bored out of their minds. Sighing, I pushed a piece of hair out of my face. "Let's put the chairs in a circle."

They all thought I was crazy already. When no one did anything, I gestured with my hands for them to do it. One boy in the back stood, sliding his chair around. Others followed until finally all the desks were in a big circle, facing the middle.

"So this is a class about music, and I understand you all have some troubled pasts," I frowned a little. "I want us all to be comfortable together, because after all, we will all be in this classroom together for two years. I mean, that's how long I have to do this anyway."

Everyone eyed me, waiting for me to continue. I pulled out a sheet of paper with all of the kids' names on it in alphabetical order. "Alicia?"

Her head shot up, looking scared out of her mind.

"Do you maybe want to tell us what brought you here today?"

She looked around the room nervously, not knowing what to say.

"You know what, I'll start." I slid the paper to the side of the desk I was sitting in and took a breath. "I was abused by my boyfriend. One thing led to another, and I ended up-" I stopped, not wanting to take it too far. "I um, I ended up killing him."

They all gasped, immediately looking scared.

"I'm harmless, I swear," I laughed lightly to try and ease the tension. "So Alicia, what ever has happened to you is nothing that will phase me or any of us for that matter. We all have problems."

She nodded quickly, looking at her lap. "I'm Alicia, I'm fifteen, and I'm from California. I was put up for adoption when I was born. I've gone through eight different foster homes in the past year, mainly because they all hate me."

"I don't think that's true."

"They all give me back, and now I'm living in the adoption center again, and I probably will until I graduate."

"I was a foster kid too." I smiled at her, trying to make it look like I had a slight clue as to what I was doing. "It's okay."

She gave me a quick nod, making it obvious she was done talking.

"Colby?"

The boy two seats down from me cleared his throat, adjusting his backwards snapback he had on. "I'm Colby, I'm fourteen, and I'm from Holly Ridge. I got caught drinking at a party, and my parents haven't forgiven me since. They put me in this class so I could get my priorities straight."

I nodded, crossing his name off the list. "Derrick?"

"I'm Derrick, I'm sixteen, and I'm from Arizona. I'm one of eleven kids, and barely get any food or attention for that matter. My dad left awhile back, and my mom's holding on by a thread."

We got through almost everyone in the circle and it truly amazed me how much I had in common with these kids. I liked being around them, especially because they weren't pesky kids, they were people who had the same problems as me. This beats picking up trash any day.

"That's all the time we have for today," I stood, shuffling my papers. "The next time we meet is Thursday, and that's when I get to hear you guys play." I winked at the boy sitting a few feet from me, and he smiled with full teeth. "It was so nice meeting you all. See you in a couple days."

They all walked out of the room, and I packed up my bag, sighing happily.

"Is Ms. Johnson in here?"

I spun around to see the lady that was behind the front desk. "That's me."

"There's someone who wants to see you out front." She eyed me warily and walked away.

My heart started to beat ten times faster while my mind was screaming Justin's name. I wasn't ready to talk to him, no way.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the classroom. I didn't see anyone in the lobby area. I turned around and ran directly into a masculine figure, breathing in his cologne.

"Jessica, um-"

Looking up, I saw Brad.

"I really wanted to talk to you about your mom." He looked anywhere but me, trying to avoid my eyes. "There's a lot you should know."___________________________

NOTE:

so i know i always say this but i really can't wait for you guys to read these next few chapters. when i posted chapter 24 i woke up to four comments and was like whatt?! that has NEVER happened. four is like nothing but it's more to me ok. this book also reached 4k, not to mention i started this book like about 4 months ago. y'all are crazy. can't even begin to explain my love for you guys. oh, and i updated early because you guys are making me so happy rn.

twitter: @avonsshawtyy

next update: tuesday, the 5th.