Chapter 5

Two weeks go by with no word from Jungkook, and Namjoon is miserable. He misses Jungkook. He can't sleep or concentrate in school, always thinking about what Jungkook is up to and how he's doing. He knows that Jungkook's hung out with Taehyung and Jimin a couple of times, conveniently at times that Namjoon is at work, so there are no chances of running into him.

He admits that it stung when the couple confessed to it. Namjoon pressed them about it during one of the times they hung out at their place. He understands, though. He can't blame them for trying to keep the peace.

Namjoon couldn't help but feel like the whole situation was a custody arrangement between bickering parents—he and Jungkook being the parents—and he wanted to fix it. Badly. So he tried. Namjoon has tried to text and call multiple times to no avail.

Needless to say, Taehyung has eased up on him about trying to talk to Jungkook, realizing that Jungkook needs his space and he doesn't want to take sides, assuring Namjoon that he'll be there for him if he wants to talk, which Namjoon was grateful for. So he waits in the hope that Jungkook comes around.

As Namjoon runs to his next class, hoping he's not late, his mind spins with thoughts about maybe just going to visit Jungkook. Since his texts go unanswered, it might be better to just see him face-to-face, with no chance of avoidance that way.

There's the chance that Jungkook will just slam the door in his face, yelling at him to never speak to him again. Namjoon shakes the stupid thought out of his mind, knowing that his mind is playing tricks on him, and Jungkook would never have the heart to do something so callous.

As he gets to his classroom, he hears loud voices coming from the class next door and stops in his tracks, his ears on high alert, sure that he recognizes one of the voices. Before he takes a peek inside, he hears a girlish giggle and then a lower, timid voice that he recognizes anywhere, his damn ears trained to pick out Jungkook's smooth, clear voice.

He takes a chance and peeks inside, and sure enough, he sees Jungkook talking with a cute girl, a curvy brunette with short hair. Jungkook's side profile faces the door, and the girl holds one of his hands as he holds the backpack strap with the other. She looks up at Jungkook sweetly, batting her eyes at him.

Namjoon's heart drops, and his stomach starts to swim with nausea. She's practically throwing herself at him, Namjoon thinks. Of course, that's probably just his jealousy talking.

"Okay, Jungkook-ah. I'll see you this Friday then. Can't wait," he hears her say. He tries to duck into his class before he gets caught, but is met with the girl's surprised face as he tries desperately (and fails) to get out of her way before being seen.

Fuck.

"Oh, uh, sorry," he mumbles, mortified at being caught spying. The girl gives him a small smile and walks away. He looks up and makes eye contact with Jungkook. He looks surprised to see him there, but immediately steels his expression. "H-hey, Jungkook," Namjoon greets him.

Jungkook looks at him, nods slightly, and quickly walks past him into the crowd of people bustling to their next class.

Namjoon is left with his hand caught in a half-wave and pain in his chest. Jungkook has decided to move on. It's fine. This is what he wanted anyway, right? It's good. He'll be a supportive friend. And nothing more.

Namjoon groans. This doesn't feel as okay as Namjon thought it would. It sparks a ball of jealousy in him, but Namjoon just wants to deny, deny, deny. However, his heart feels too heavy in his chest.

That's precisely why he's in this mess.

🎵 Forever Ago by Woodluck

Throughout the following week, his mind is relentlessly plagued with thoughts of Jungkook and that girl, creating all sorts of scenarios. Was that his girlfriend? Was he dating now? Did he forget all about him?

He's at fault for being in denial, so afraid to move forward and take a chance on what could possibly be the best thing that's happened to him.

He talks to Jimin and Taehyung about it, though they don't know much, telling him to just go talk to Jungkook. They try their best to comfort him; still, he doesn't think he deserves it because he handled everything poorly.

He eventually ends up at the school library, his feet subconsciously carrying him to where he wants to be—close to the person he wants most—hoping that he can find Jungkook at work.

Namjoon sits at one of the tables, his books and laptop out. Occasionally, his eyes wander over to the circulation desk, hoping to catch sight of Jungkook. Then he remembers that Jungkook doesn't work on Fridays.

Namjoon curses under his breath as he gathers his things, shoving them into his backpack in a hurry. Before he knows it, his feet carry him toward Jungkook's dorm. Namjoon is so lost in thought that by the time he realizes where he's ended up, he's already staring at Jungkook's front door.

He stands there, blinking at the door, willing his mind to make a choice. Should he go home? Should he knock? He hesitates, afraid to make the wrong move.

What can be worse than not speaking to his best friend? To the person he loves the most.

Namjoon was desperate to hear anything from Jungkook, even if he did end up slamming the door in his face. Just as he gathers the courage to knock, fist raised and ready, the door suddenly opens, and he's met face-to-face with the same girl who was with Jungkook before.

His jaw drops, standing frozen in place.

The girl's eyes go wide, startled by Namjoon's tall figure hovering in front of the door. "Oh! Hi...again," she says uncertainly, hugging her books tighter.

He stutters a half-hearted greeting back at her when his eyes focus on Jungkook, standing behind her and holding the door open, wide eyes going impossibly wider.

Namjoon eyes skim Jungkook, and he sees his t-shirt wrinkled and off the shoulder as if he put it on haphazardly, his hair looking disheveled.

Were they—? His eyes go wide, and all he wants is for the ground to open up and swallow him up. The thought alone is gut-wrenching.

"Hyung! W-what are you doing here?"

The girl looks back and forth between the two and then sidesteps Namjoon to squeeze herself out the door. "Uh...bye. I'll see you in class, Jungkook," she calls out to him before scurrying away.

They're both standing there frozen, staring at each other, until Namjoon clears his throat and speaks first.

"Uh...hi? Can I come in?" he asks meekly, still afraid of that door closing in his face.

"Sure," Jungkook says quietly. He lowers his head as he steps aside to let Namjoon in. A wave of relief passes through him as he steps into the room. Jungkook closes the door behind him and leans against it, keeping his head down.

Everything feels stifling around them, the air heavy with unsaid thoughts. Namjoon looks at Jungkook, and he misses him so much. Now that he's come to terms with his feelings about him, he just wants to reach out and hug him, take him in his arms, and never let go.

His heart clenches in his chest because he knows he's too late. Jungkook's moved on. He swallows down the lump forming in his throat.

Wanting to stomp down the awkward air surrounding them, Namjoon blurts out, "So... was that your girlfriend?" It just makes it even more uncomfortable.

Jungkook's head snaps up from staring at his feet to look at Namjoon like he's grown another head.

"What? Is that any of your business anyway, hyung?" Jungkook frowns.

This isn't why he's here. He wants to make everything better with Jungkook, not make it worse.

"I-I just mean that I've seen you two together and—"

"Hyung, what are you even doing here?" Jungkook sighs, his head thudding back against the door, looking tired, annoyed, and confused all at once.

Namjoon glances around the dorm room, wondering where Jungkook's roommate is. Maybe in his room or out to give Jungkook and the girl some privacy.

"I don't know, I just—I've been texting you, and you haven't gotten back to me, and I," Namjoon shrugs, "just miss you, Kookie," he whispers.

He's felt this terrible hollowness inside his heart, and he knows the only way to fill it back up is with Jungkook being by his side again.

Jungkook's eyes soften, and he moves towards Namjoon as if he's about to reach for his hand but thinks against it. "Me too, hyung. I'm sorry. I just needed space after..." His eyebrows scrunch up together as he looks at Namjoon, and Namjoon just wants to wipe his frown away. Wipe away his sadness and the hurt he's caused him.

So he does.

He reaches up and uses his thumb to smooth away the crease that's formed in between Jungkook's eyes, wanting to wipe away all of his worries and sadness. He lets his thumb glide toward his right eyebrow, sliding his hand down to cup his cheek.

Namjoon looks into Jungkook's brown eyes, confident that he wants something much more with him. It's ridiculous to think that the thought of him with someone else kicked his ass into gear. To want to be the one to make Jungkook happy. But is he too late now?

His stomach gets butterflies thinking about what he can have with Jungkook. At the realization of how much he's missed him. Not being able to hear his voice or smell the sweet scent of vanilla—of home. Clenching his jaw, he nods to himself and makes up his mind right then.

"Hyung?" Jungkook gazes at him with a mix of confusion and hope in his sparkling eyes.

Namjoon opens his mouth and speaks.