Ten

The day was boring, like usual. Another day spent racking his broken brain for ideas to wreck Gotham. A day just like any other, except for someone was knocking on the door. All J could do was grit his teeth, gnashing them angrily. He had given explicit instructions to all of his goons, Frost especially, that he was not to be bothered for any reason.

"Someone better be dead, or they're going to be," Joker muttered to himself. "Who the fuck is it?"

"It's me, Daddy," a little voice replied anxiously. That better be Madeline or I'm going to murder a kinky ass fucker in about two seconds...

"What do you want?" Joker demanded.

The door opened slowly, the visitor taking his question as an invitation to enter.

"I haven't seen you in a while, and you missed dinner again tonight. Tommy and Andy said it was nothing and not to bother you, but you have to eat something," Maddie explained quietly, holding the tray in her little hands shakily.

J's glare softened slightly at the girl's worry. He jerked his head, signaling her to come closer and bring him the tray.

"So what does something consist of, exactly?" J wondered cautiously.

"Well I can't cook yet or use the oven because I'm not big enough, but I got you a granola bar, toast, carrots, and then an apple to keep the doctor away. Doctors sound scary," Maddie replied nervously. Bullets also repel doctors.

I do understand where she's coming from. Doctors can't be trusted.

Especially Johnny. The ones with PhDs are the nuttiest ones. But don't let him hear that, the delusional "Master of Fear".

"Thanks, doll, but Andy and Tommy were right. I can get my own food," J smiled, trying to drive her off.

"But you don't have to. I can take care of you, too, Daddy. Just like you take care of me," Maddie said quietly, shuffling her feet as she looked down at her clasped hands nervously, flashing a quick glance up at Joker every once in a while.

As much as he hated to admit it—and he would vehemently deny it to anyone who asked (or just kill them)—his heart melted the tiniest bit in his chest. Did he suddenly feel the urge to quit crime and go live in a pink cottage in the countryside with Maddie? No. Not even close. In fact, the pain in his chest made him want to hurt someone. But the fact that he didn't feel the urge to hurt Maddie for making him feel was progress. Very slow, but still progress.

"I wanted to make you some cookies but I don't know how," Maddie admitted shyly.

"Maybe I can show you," J offered slowly, the words feeling strange and heavy on his tongue. Pussy.

What? I'd much rather eat cookies than this. J defended himself to the voices.

"Really?" She asked brightly.

"Sure, why not?" Joker brushed it off, rising from his desk chair.

"But you can't just eat junk, Daddy. That's bad for you. At less eat the apple or carrots first," Madeline scolded.

"I'll be fine doll," J chuckled.

"But Andy told me that you have to eat healthy stuff if you're going to eat junk," she protested.

"That's because you're a child. And little girls need to listen to adults, because they know what's best for them. I'm a grownup and I can make my own decisions. When you're a grownup you can choose what you do," Joker answered. I can't believe I'm having this conversation.

"Just one carrot, please? I got all that just for you," Maddie said sadly.

J rolled his eyes, and no his heart didn't twinge, and no he definitely didn't feel bad. He was just trying to get Maddie off his back. What else could it possibly be?

Joker reluctantly picked up a baby carrot and bit into it, crunching the vegetable between his teeth with a deadpan expression on his face.

"Happy?" He asked.

"Delighted," Maddie replied sweetly. "Now come on!"

And with that, she took his hand and tugged him into the kitchen. Maddie looked around for a moment before yanking open a kitchen drawer, shouting in triumph. J just stood, looking confused, until Madeline pulled out her find, handing a green apron to him.

"You don't want to get stuff on you," she explained sweetly. Joker glanced down at his bare chest, then decided to put on the apron to humor her.

"Alright, but no chef's hat," he conceded. Maddie tucked something back into the drawer before pulling out a purple apron for herself.

"Can you help me tie it?" She asked of him.

J reluctantly threw on his apron and tied it himself before reaching over and tying the strings on Mad's apron.

"Why don't you sit up here while I find the ingredients," he suggested, lifting her up onto the island counter.

After a bit of rifling through the cabinets, he found a bag of Nestle chocolate chips (with a recipe for chocolate chip cookies located conveniently on the back). He carried the bag with him as he searched the kitchen for the rest of the ingredients, such as brown sugar and vanilla extract. When he had all of the ingredients piled onto the island—along with mixing bowls, measuring cups, and stirring utensils—J finally stopped to look at Madeline, finding her at the center, trapped by all of the junk on the counter. J grabbed a bar stool and dragged it around to his side of the island before lifting Maddie up and setting her down there instead.

"Now, first thing we need to do is measure out the dry ingredients and put them in a bowl together," J explained, splitting the ingredients up so they could readily tell what went where.

J set out a mixing bowl, and for every dry ingredient, he would hold the correct measuring cup out and have Madeline slowly pour the stuff in (so naturally, they weren't exactly perfect with their measurements, but who is?).

When that was done, J added two eggs and had Maddie gently stir them while he mixed the wet ingredients, trying to monitor her all the while. Up to that point, no accidents had occurred.

Then Joker took his mix and poured it into Madeline's bowl, finding an electric hand mixer and reluctantly letting her have use of it after she asked politely. Unfortunately for the both of them, the setting she chose was too high, and cookie batter began to splatter across them and the rest of the kitchen. J quickly took control, grabbing the mixer from Maddie and turning it off.

For a moment, neither one said anything, Joker out of shock and Madeline out of fear. That is until J began to chuckle, slowly at first, until he found himself laughing and guffawing hysterically at the situation they were in, covered in cookie batter in the middle of a trashed kitchen.

Maddie soon joined in, filling Joker with more joy, until she nearly fell over off of her stool from laughing so hard. Luckily J caught her, and that only made the pair of them laugh harder at each other. Maddie flung her arms, accidentally slinging J in the face with batter, and both of them stopped laughing. Just as she began to cower back in fear, J swiped a handful of batter out of the mixing bowl and smacked it onto her face.

Maddie gasped, and Joker laughed some more at the look on her face. When he wasn't looking, she grabbed the entire bowl off of the counter and chucked a handful of batter at J, slapping him in the apron with the sticky substance.

He once again stopped laughing, looking between Maddie and the glob on his apron dumbfounded. Just as he began to glare, he received another handful of batter on the side of his face. Joker cracked his neck and pulled the majority of the batter off of his face, throwing it back at Madeline.

It landed outside her apron, on the dress she was wearing. Maddie gasped in outrage, looking between him and her dress, incredulous. Oh shit.

She took another handful of batter, hitting his expensive pants this time. J growled and threw the batter on his apron back at hers. Maddie screeched, leaping at Joker with batter in both hands.

She managed to take him by surprise, kicking him to the floor. Madeline quickly took advantage of this and smashed dough on his mouth and in his previously green hair before leaping away like she'd been burned.

Joker didn't move from the floor, looking up at her through the batter dripping down his face from his hair. Maddie could see anger crackling in his eyes, and for a moment she wondered if she'd gone too far.

Distracted as she was, she didn't notice J stalking up to her and yanking her up into his arms. He growled at her menacingly, and Maddie screwed her eyes shut, not wanting to see the hit coming. It was easier that way, or at least it was when her dead father used to hit her.

Imagine her surprise when she got cookie dough smashed into her face and hair instead of a fist like she'd been expecting. She slowly blinked her eyes open in relief, seeing that Joker was smiling playfully at her.

Joker, of course, had noticed her flinch and took note of the act, causing rage to burn deep in his soul (or as he'd say, the hole where his soul should be). What kind of piece of shit father hits a little girl? Did it really make him feel better or stronger as a man? If he wasn't already dead I'd kill him.

Maddie began to giggle again, amused by the food fight they'd just had. She looked around the kitchen in awe, noticing that there was mess pretty much everywhere. Someone's gonna have a fun time cleaning that up.

She swiped a finger through the dough on J's face and stuck it in her mouth, eagerly consuming the once cookie-to-be. Yummy!

J snorted and set her down on the ground again, watching her clean herself of cookie dough by consuming it greedily. When she turned her back to find the bowl and eat the remaining dough there, too, Joker quickly and quietly wiped his face with his hand and licked the dough off, pleasantly surprised by the taste.

"Okay, kiddo. I better get you back up to Andy and Tommy so they can clean you up," J sighed, running his eyes over her disheveled appearance. Maybe distractions aren't all bad...

<><><><><><><><><><><>

The car stopped outside of a shady factory. Why must all villain dealings occur at such disgusting locations? Riddler asked himself blearily.

He had to admit though, the factory was quite large. Sure, the territory J had 'gifted' him was little at best, but it was quality space, the crown jewel of it being the old toy factory.

Riddler walked through the open (broken) gate and approached the large entry to the factory. Everything was rusted and dilapidated in appearance, but that hardly mattered.

Edward was delighted to discover that the inside of the factory still had a majority of equipment still intact, though in disrepair. There was even some product abandoned around the building.

He couldn't help but notice the jack-in-the-box lying in the middle of the floor. Riddler nudged the crank of the toy with his cane, amused by its presence. The toy began to softly play its music, "Pop Goes the Weasel" sounding throughout the factory.

"Eddy boy, I can't thank you enough for helping me out with Maddie. I just thought I'd return the favor you did my goon. Like him, you'll go out with a BANG! Hahahahaha!" A recording of Joker played over the music and Riddler immediately began backing away, eyes widening. He instinctively knew that he needed to be out of there before the song ended.

He had just cleared the doors when the first explosions started, beginning in the center of the factory and working their way out. Soon the explosions reached him, and he was thrown forwards by the force of the blasts, slamming him into the hard asphalt of the street.

He laid there for a full minute, seething, as Joker's laughter echoed around him.

"That clown better watch his back."