Chapter 11

I wasn't as sore after training with Leo, though he was teaching me an advanced set of jabs and specific footwork he'd created to disorient an opponent, he went slow and easy on me. It was everything I could do not to show the frustration when he asked me if I was okay after every set. Raph had watched from the door, a blank look on his face. He hadn't spoken to me since. Good.I checked my phone for any update on Casey only to see that local police reported they were having no luck getting in touch with the mercenaries and the militia was uncooperative with law enforcement efforts.  I slammed my phone down on the table and rubbed my tired eyes."No good news, huh?" Donnie said setting a fresh cup of coffee down in front of me."No." He gave me a pat on the shoulder and told me he was sure Casey was all right. Raph stalked into the kitchen, effectively calling all attention to himself and the dark cloud that seemed to follow him. "Beat it." He said to Donnie."Okay bossy." He said sending me an apologetic look. He gave his older brother a wide berth as he passed and offered me one final shrug before disappearing out of the kitchen. I sipped the coffee that was a little too strong for my taste and wished he would stay to create a buffer between the person I'd been avoiding. "What do you want?" I asked glancing up at the brooding turtle."I told you I'm training you. Do you have any idea how disrespectful it is to ask Leo?" He snapped like he'd been stewing in my betrayal for two days. "We don't work well together." I said still burning up from his training the other day. "That's bullshit and you know it."Maybe it was, he was the only one out of the four turtles that understood the desperation that threatened to swallow me up. He knew what that rage felt like, the need to make it hurt. He knew it from experience, but I couldn't handle him touching me anymore. Not when it confused me. I got up and shrugged."I don't know what to tell you." He sidestepped and put his arm out on the wall, blocking me in."I don't want him training you." "Well, that's too bad." Anger flared in his eyes and I watched the muscles in his arm ripple as his body tensed.That fact that I was noticing things like that only solidified why I needed to stay far away from him."You're not listening." He said like his patience was at its end. Why was he so close? Since when did he corner me and lean down into my space like he was separating us from the rest of the lair. We didn't do this, we could hardly stand one another half the time..something was very wrong here. "No you're not listening." I said shoving his arm down to break the trap he'd made. "I don't want you training me." "Why?" I shrugged and the casual response seemed to vex him even more."You're not even going to tell me why?" "I already told you, we don't work well together." I went to shove past him but he held strong. "Tell me why." I looked up at him hoping I looked defiant."The real reason." He demanded. My anger was feeding off his own, or maybe his was feeding off mine, but it grew between us like a born star, and I wanted to stoke the flames like the reckless mess I was. "I don't want you touching me." I growled the truth dressing it up callous rejection, hoping it would hurt him, hoping he'd drop it when it did. But he almost looked triumphant, like he'd wanted me to say something of the sort. "Is it because you almost stop breathing every time I do?" I hadn't thought he noticed and his bold declaration sent icy humiliation through my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about." I lied. "Really? We're gonna do this the hard way?""Fuck you-"Before I could finished my insult, he shoved me against the counter by my hips, his fingers clamping down against my body and holding me there pinned between him and the cheap linoleum. He dipped his head down so close I thought he was going to kiss me."See." He said, noting my reaction as he hovered his face way too close. I was holding my breath. Afraid to move, afraid that if I did I'd act on instinct."Are you afraid of me?" He almost whispered, cocking his head to the side curiously. He thought my reactions were because of fear?The only thing I was afraid of was myself around him lately. "No." His grip tightened and I felt his chest brush mine as he dared to come closer. "Then why are you looking at me like that? Why do you look at me like that?" His voice was low and I could feel the rumble of it in his chest with our closeness. Was I looking at him a certain way? Was it all over my face? I looked away from him in case it was. "Fine. Train with Leo, see if I care." He growled shoving off me and stalking out of the kitchen. I let out a large breath and held my hand to my heart, staring after the empty space he left behind. The last time my heart pounded this hard, my mom had told me she had cancer. The type of erratic, frantic, and breath-stealing pounding that happens when your body knows something life-changing is happening.