Chapter Fifty: This Chapter Is Sponsored By Regret™

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[ ᴛʜɪʀᴅ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴘᴏᴠ ]

The video call connected with a chirpy little blip. Nayoung didn't think much of it. She was half-sprawled across her bed in a hoodie, her hair tied up in what could generously be called a 'survival bun.' A smoothie cup was balanced dangerously against her pillow, the straw lazily hanging between her lips. She'd just finished typing her 43rd message about Jisung's tattoo reveal and was mentally drafting a petition to thank Bang Chan for existing. Life was good.

Then the camera finished buffering.

And her soul left her body.

Because on her screen, staring back with unnerving clarity, was Kim Seungmin.

Kim. Freaking. Seungmin.

No filters. No compression. No mysterious shadows in the background to suggest a prank. Just Seungmin in all his annoyingly angelic glory. His shirt was black and loose and hanging off his shoulder with casual disrespect for her emotional stability. His hair? Slightly tousled, like he'd just run a hand through it after waking up from a dream he didn't deserve to look that good in. The man was glowing. Not like dewy-k-pop-star glowing. No. He was radiating that terrifying, effortless man energy that said, I could ruin your life and you'd say thank you.

Nayoung didn't blink. Didn't breathe.

That's not real, her brain whispered.

Her eyes darted to the top of the screen. Still said 'Advil.' Still said 'Connected.'

This is a deepfake. This is a prank. Bang Chan is definitely hiding in my ceiling. The JYP Legal Team is outside my door.

She stared. Her smoothie straw dropped and hit her chest. She didn't move.

Then, internally shrieking: 'OH MY GOD. He's hot. Of course he's hot. And I look like a baked potato with social anxiety.'

And then-- he spoke.

"Hi," Seungmin said, calm and casual like her life wasn't imploding.

OH GOD. HIS VOICE.Why does his voice sound like it comes with health insurance and a Spotify Premium account?

Her body moved before her logic kicked in. One hand flew up like she could physically push him back into the screen. The other flailed wildly, trying to find the off button without looking directly at him like she was scared she'd turn to stone.

Then-- thump.Her palm hit the screen.

Call ended.

She stared at her black screen. Horrified. Reflected.

"...Oh my god," she whispered. And with that, she yeeted herself face-first into her mattress, groaning into the void, "Why didn't I at least put on lip tint today?"

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『 ⁿᵒ ⁿᵉʷ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉˢ〔⁰〕』

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Advil♡︎Why did you hang up?

Advil♡︎Didn't even say anythingIt's fucking rude

Advil♡︎I think my heart broke a little➪ [ sᴇᴇɴ: ¹¹:³⁴ ᵖᵐ ]

Advil♡︎Okay now I'm actuallyworried

Advil♡︎You didn't pass out from shockor anything right?

Advil♡︎Do I send snacks?Or flowers?Or an ambulance?➪ [ sᴇᴇɴ: ²:¹⁹ ᵃᵐ ]

Minnie_... you're Seungminoh my godYOU'RE KIM SEUNGMIN

Minnie_Do you know how absolutely, astronomically stupid I feel right now?

Minnie_You matched his grumpy ass personality to a fault and I STILL gaslit myself into thinking 'No way this man is the real deal.'

Minnie_I literally said 'nah, no idol would ever text me, I'm just a humble female homosapien with a questionable fashion sense and a Hello Kitty addiction.'

Minnie_AND I TRIED TO USE LOGIC. LOGIC.As if I didn't fall for a fake Hwang Hyunjin once who tried to scam me with a LINE sticker pack offer

Minnie_Like I've learned, right?I've grownI've become smarterI have trust issues

Minnie_BUT NO. I WAS OUT HERE CHATTING WITH THE REAL SEUNGMIN.THE ACTUAL ONE

Minnie_And I had argued that youweren't poorly writtenin my fics

Minnie_I WAS BULLYING YOU. TO YOUR FACE.I SENT YOU A SELFIE OF YOURSELF AND CALLED YOU CUTE LIKE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AT IT WITH YOUR OWN DAMN EYES.

Minnie_Oh god. Oh my god.I've simped SO HARD.I told you your forehead vein could bench press me.

Minnie_I said I wanted to braid your hair

Minnie_I called you an emotionally constipated golden retriever.

Minnie_I wrote a three-paragraph essay about your stupid pouty mouth and how I wanted to kiss it until I forgot my own name

Minnie_I said-- and I quote-- 'I would happily drown in his beach body and ask him to hold my head down longer.'

Minnie_I flirtedI flirted with KIM SEUNGMIN

Minnie_And THEN.After all thatI start simping for Jisung IN FRONT OF YOU

Minnie_I smiled for Jisung 'tattoo-coded serotonin''Pokémon evolutions for his hotness'My dumbass said, while blushing

Minnie_I said you had 'hands made for sin'

Minnie_I called you my 'bias menace husband.'In CAPS LOCK.MULTIPLE TIMES.

Minnie_I'm gonna stop right theremy sins are too many to count

Minnie_Forgive me daddyfor I have been naughty

Minnie_And you video called me??Looking all sexy and calm and cocky like a walking K-drama teaser trailer??

Minnie_With your soft voice and your "hi" like I hadn't just sent you memes of yourself

Minnie_I can never recoverI've embarrassed myself beyond repair

Minnie_I need to change my nameAnd faceAnd perhaps country

Minnie_This is goodbye.You hot, dangerous, sarcastic idol man.

Minnie_Goodbye, Mr. KIM "DADDY GRUMP" SEUNGMIN.

𝙰𝚍𝚟𝚒𝚕♡︎ 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚢𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐. . .

Advil♡︎...what just happenedDid you black out mid-monologueDo you need water?Do I need water?

Advil♡︎Did you actually call me Daddy Grump?

Minnie_BLOCKED.TELL JISUNG I SAID HI.

Advil♡︎you were being kinda cuteback there...

Advil♡︎don't let it go to your headthough

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Author's Note:

Reaching the target in 17 hours is diabolical-- you guys are terrifying in the best way 😭👏

Also, I was listening to "Scars" while writing this and when Bang Chan said mabushii, I SWEAR I heard something else-- and now I can't stop laughing 💀 (if you know, you know).

Last chapter's answer:Minho

Quote of the day:I'm learning English... but

Anyways hi, how are you?

Please welcome back Lee (> •-•)> Yeah, tough guy over here will be taking your votes and comments

Thanks for readingCya🖤