(5) vulnerable emotions

*yawn*

When I woke up, the moon was shining onto my face. I had one window.  I liked that window; I could see the sunset. If there were no clouds.

And alas, there was no clouds. And the moon was on its way to set. I noticed I was still dressed. I guess I took a long nap.

But i wanted to see the stars, so I grabbed a coat and my hat-

Oh. Right.

Sigh, if only I finished making it.

Screw it, i can go out without it.

I walked out of my room, and made it way outside.

As soon as I was outside, I felt the cold air brush against my ears.

Brrr. So that's why people wore beanies.

I never had my hat off outside, sorta forgetting it covered my head.

I walked up to a tiny hill nearby. It was a bit rocky, but I didn't mind. I sat on it, put my arms back to hold me up, and looked at the stars.

They were beautiful. I guess.

Snezhnaya was very cloudy, so you didn't see much of it.

*yawn*

I was getting tired. I just wanted to lay there.

Maybe a bit too tired. I tried to get up but my body weight stopped me. I sighed.

I looked at the stars once more, then laid down and fell asleep.

Just a small nap.

—

PERSPECTIVE CHANGE TO CHILDE

*yawn*

Another day, another.. task. Tch.

I don't really like the tasks the Tsarista gives us. Yesterday was an exception though~

I giggled to myself.

I got up, and combed my hair a bit.

Ah, whatever i have to do today i should get it over with.

I left my room, on my way to the Tsarista's office.

I knocked on her door.

"Come in."She said.

"Why hello, my majesty!"

"Hello Childe." she replied..

"Do you happen to know what mission I must do today? I want to get it done with soon."I hope that wasn't rude or anything..

"Actually, Childe, I was thinking you should have a day off."

Wow! Really? I was excited. So i turned my thoughts into words.

"Wow! Really?"

"Hehe, yes Childe. Now go, have fun, or whatever kids your age do."

"Thank you!" I quickly replied and left.

I'm not a kid!!! But that doesn't matter. What should I do today...

I do have some errands to run. I was going to buy a blanket, so that if I had a mission like yesterday, scara would be warm.

Well maybe I won't tell him I have a blanket. It's funny to see him try and cuddle with me.

It's funny and cute. Nothing else.

I exited the building, and brought my attention to these 2 pyro agents. Staring and pointing at a hill. I shooed them off before looking myself.

Is that.. scara?

Indeed it was. He was sleeping.

I walked up the hill. I sat in front of him, and looked at his face.

He looked cute. But he looked distressed.

His eyebrows were low, and his eyes furrowed.

"please.. no.."

I gasped. What did he mean? He was sleep talking. How would i know..? He started to pant.

"why..?"

He sounded so sad. Betrayed even. His tone of voice was so different than I had ever heard him. Although, he was asleep. Nobody yells in their sleep.

"NO!" he yelled.

I lied.

Scara immediately sat up, catching his breath. I barely noticed he was crying. I saw his eyes a bit red, and a couple tears that only managed to escape his eyelids once he woke up.

He was not looking at me.Still, breathing heavily.

After a few seconds, he turned to me.

"Ch-childe..?"

His voice shaking.

He was crying.

"Yeah? What happened scara..?"

I wiped a tear from his cheek.

"i.. i..."

his voice was trembling. he couldn't make up the words.

he then, began to sob. he covered his face with his hands, like he did when he was blushing.

i was now, fully worried.

"scara?"

it hurt me how bad HE felt.

"are you okay?" i asked.

scara was slowly stopped sobbing. still crying, but not as loudly.

he uncovered his face, and looked down.

"it was my mom.." he finally revealed.

His mom? Did he have a mom.. oh. I forgot. He never told anyone in specific, but word got around. He was a puppet made from Ei.

Was that what he meant? The former Electro archon?

"What about her..?"

I wanted to ask him who his 'mom' was as i was unsure, but i didn't think it was the right time.

"sh-she hated me. she discarded me. but, she is me.. i can't let go of that."

"she is you?" i asked.

scara sighed.

"you probably heard that i'm a puppet. you see ei created me and.. i was just a test.. she let me go though. she chose the raiden shogun over me. i mean im glad.. she let me free but..."

scara stopped talking suddenly. I genuinely felt bad. he sees himself as a puppet, and no more.

"but.. i.."

he began to cry again. he covered his face, again.

i leaned over and hugged him. i wanted him to know i cared.

he immediately began crying more and hugged me back. who knew some mommy issues had really affected the poor guy?

"but you felt betrayed. didn't you?" i asked, finishing his sentence as he was crying so much that he couldn't speak.

he hugged me a bit tighter, as a way of agreeing. his head rested on my chest a bit.so i rested on his head. (i was so much taller than him. and now blushing.)

he slowly stopped crying. he didn't say a word. suddenly, he let go of my hug and turned his head away.so i also let go of him.

"sorry childe. i don't know what came over me" he said, looking down and fidgeting his fingers.

he began to blush as he said that.

"it's okay scara, everyone has their bad days." i replied.

he smiled after i said that, before immediately turning to his left and covering his mouth.

"i have to go." he said, mumbling because his hand was still on his mouth.

he got up and awkwardly-but quickly- walked away.

i got up too.

I just want to be his friend so bad. That's what FRIENDS do. Justtt friendss.

—PERSPECTIVE CHANGE TO SCARAMOUCHE

Why did i hug him or tell him or smile or-

"Ow!!"

I stumbled almost falling back. Someone walked into me- or vise versa but i want to blame this one them- and like- head-butted me.

"What's your deal?" I said.

Oh. It was just a pole. Stupid stupid stupid.

Whatever whatever. i don't have time for this.Looking STRAIGHT FORWARD, i continued. I was going to go in my room and continue crying. Maybe about different stuff other than.. Ei.

While walking, I saw Signora. She looked at me and waved. I waved back.

She started walking up- fast.

"Scaramouche! Where have you been.."

She was excited at first, but then looked at me confused.

"Were you.. crying?"

Shit she knew? I mean i was JUST crying. Guess my puffy eyes and eyebags blew it away.

"Uhm. no i wasn't!!" i lied.

"Are you sure scaramouche? You don't look okay."

"It's nothing, signora. I'm going to my room."I then quickly ran off to my room, shut the door, and leaned against it.

Archons, why am i such a crybaby?!?

I don't want to cry again. I need to get over it.

I went over to my desk, and pulled out my sketchbook.

After admiring- just looking- at the sketch of Childe for a few seconds, i flipped to a new page.

I have heard of abstract art before. I have not ever tried it, but I heard very inspiring things about it.

Some people said it was just random shapes, but others said it was their emotions that controlled it, and gave it meaning.

Next thing i knew i was jabbing my pencil to create straight lines, but they turned to scribbles when i lifted my pencil.

I don't know what is behind abstract art, and im not sure if i was doing it right. All i did was simply draw what i thought i was feeling, and then replicate it.

After a minute or two of just drawing random shapes and lines, i had a layout.

I liked it. Maybe not my best piece of work, but i did like it.

Ah, well it's not finished. I grabbed some markers and colored it in.

It looked good. I think it shows what i'm feeling well. No more tears, i'm not a crybaby.

Not. a. crybaby.

I will do this more often.

———

That method of "abstract art.." i know it's called something else.. or not. maybe it's just abstract art. I have done it before, i never liked my final product but i enjoyed getting rid of my feelings, and drawing them.

Oh and for all the chapters as of now, i have written in one sitting. Starting from now the chapters may be delayed a bit! Sorry!