Chapter 15

"It's Nationals week!" Abby crowed a few days later, standing in front of us in a Lake Tahoe studio. "The last competition of the season. Now, this week, everyone is in a straight line, because we need to be a team. We are going to Starbound here in beautiful Lake Tahoe. I'll start with the group dance, which everyone, including Mackenzie, will be in. It's called 'This is My Beauty,' and Joanne, you're the lead. You have more than proved yourself of being capable and I need a win."

I nodded, smiling slightly.

"Now, for extra dances. Brooke, you've had some ups and downs, but you did earn a solo spot at Regionals, so I'm giving you Lyrical Acro. You'd better emote in practice, or you won't be performing it. Nia, you won't have a solo, but you will have a trio... with Joanne and Paige."

"Oh, yay! Thank you!" Nia grinned, and all three of us hugged. Kelly didn't look happy but she didn't say anything.

"Joanne, you have a Contemporary solo, no surprises there. Chloé, you haven't been amazing these last few weeks, but you do have a solo and a duet with Maddie. Don't let me down. Maddie, you're performing a solo as well. The trio and duet will not be up against each other, as Maddie and Chloé are being bumped up into the Teen division. Nia, Paige and Joanne, you have Contemporary Acro, and Maddie and Chloé have Contemporary Ballet. Joanne, that's your thing, you can help me teach it to them. The group dance is Lyrical. Kelly, see what happens when you don't fight with me? Now, we have a lot to do, so let's get started."

Kenzie was just happy to be in the group dance, and everyone else had an extra dance. I already knew the trio so I was to teach it to Nia and Paige, but first we had the group. I wouldn't be in classes this week, but was back to doing ballet for three hours a day. There was a prop, a mirror, in the group dance, and Kenzie in particular was having trouble with it. I had to memorize where my arms went on each move to make sure it didn't look silly.

"You're not getting it," Abby said, frustrated, near the two-hour mark. "This dance isn't about looking pretty, it's about acting like you're beautiful on the inside. Only Joanne is getting this."

"Why do you get it?" Kenzie asked me, and Brooke gave her a warning look. I sighed.

"Because my parents weren't very nice to me when I lived with them, and they made me feel bad, so I had to learn to love myself or fade away," I told my cousin. "I pray that you only ever have to act like you've ever felt anything like that, any of you."

"Ooh, Joanne, talk about that more!" One of the producers said eagerly.

"It's in my contract that you can't ask," I returned. "I'll share when I'm ready."

"What do you value more, your privacy or this show's success?"

"Definitely my privacy, it's not my job to worry about the show's success."

"You need to respect your elders," the producer snapped.

 I just shrugged.  "I'm just communicating my thoughts."

"Stop interrupting my rehearsal," Abby piped up, taking my side. "Joanne's being perfectly respectful."

"You need to make her listen," the producer continued, raising his voice now. "Her sharing her story will raise ratings."

"Yeah, and if she's forced into it before she's ready, she'll leave, and that'll hurt ratings," Abby shot back. "These are children, not things. Joanne's twelve."

"She's mature enough-"

"I said no, and that's final," I snapped, silencing the producer. "Again, it's in my contract."

Abby dismissed us soon after, and the group of dancers was silent. Once we were out of sight of the cameras and Kenzie, Maddie turned to me.

"Joanne, were your parents abusive? Is that why you came to live with us? Did... were they the ones to put you in the hospital?"

I nodded, sitting down in the dancers' den. "Yes. I didn't think it was appropriate to tell you when you were six or seven."

"I- I can't imagine, I'm really sorry," Nia offered, and the others chimed in.

"It's in the past. I'm in therapy, I'm healing, I'll never live with them again. Guys, I appreciate the support, but I don't want to talk about this right now. Not this week, it's the last nationals of the season and I have three new dances. I don't do the international competitions that you do, I go to Joffrey, so it's a big deal. That reminds me, Nia and Paige, I know the trio so I can teach it to you before Abby pretends like she's showing it to you for the fucking cameras. Sorry."

"You're good," Nia almost laughed. "They deserve that."

The trio was a deep piece about three girls who were lost and alone. I was the leader, trying to get us back home, which worked out choreographically because I would do less flexible moves sometimes while they bent like pretzels. Out of the three of us, Paige was by far the best Acro dancer. "Paige, I know that you don't usually do Contemporary, so I would suggest practicing your facials," I told her. She furrowed her brow.

"Won't that look forced?"

I shrugged. "Maybe a bit, but that beats looking happy or neutral during the dance. Nia, you should do the same, though your facials were great last week."

"You're so good at the emotion," Paige told me. "I wish that I could be."

I huffed lightly at her. "It comes from a bad place, Paige, I wouldn't wish that for you. Not that you shouldn't strive to be able to conjure a variety of emotions when you dance, that's a great goal for any dancer."

Gia called me in half an hour later to start learning my solo, in front of the cameras, minus the offending producer from earlier. "This isn't as dark as you're used to," she said. "It's just Contemporary style, and you can pull it off. It has legs, a turn sequence, isolations, what you're good at. The dance is called 'Goddess', and you have this great costume inspired by the Greek goddess Aphrodite."

"The goddess of beauty."

"Right. So you're proud, and imperious, pushing through any struggle that comes your way. Start sitting on the ground, knees tucked under you, arms crossed in front of you. Raise them up, then rise, kicking out your right leg and rising on your left."

It was a great dance, and I was to be sensual but not in a sexual way, so someone who attracts people's interest but also respect. It was definitely a winning dance, so I was excited about it.

"Do you know your solo?" Brooke asked me while Maddie and Chloé worked on their solos.

"Yeah, I'll show you mine if you show me yours," I replied. I ran through mine, expressing as much as I could but making a few errors, as was natural for the first day learning it. Brooke's was great; it was pretty, and had all of her tricks but also some lovely moments. Her face wasn't giving anything, but it was day one of practice.

"This will be a tight competition," I said, and she agreed.

Aunt Melissa left with Greg on vacation, so I stayed with Abby alongside my cousins. Kelly had offered to let me stay with her and her daughters but I wanted to be able to keep an eye on Abby around Maddie in particular, and as my aunt had requested.

Abby had rented an apartment in LA and had Maddie and Kenzie share a room while I had the couch. She was fine, getting us food, and mostly talked about dance.

"How are Paige and Nia doing in the trio? Are they keeping up?" She asked me that night.

"We've learned the steps, and they're fine. Paige needs to work on her extensions and straightening her legs," I responded mildly, holding an ice pack to my back. Abby noticed this and winced.

"Is your back still bothering you?"

"Yeah. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago- no more Acro for me after this week. I can't handle it like Ursula or Brooke can, and even then they have their fair share of problems."

"Both could go to the Cirque du Soleil if they work at it. Ursula's very dedicated, but Brooke..." Abby shook her head and scoffed. "I don't get it, she used to be so amazing."

I chose my next words carefully. "She's wanting more variety of dances, I think. She's not a very energetic person in general."

Abby sighed. "I'll throw her a bone and give her more Jazz and Lyrical, then, but she can't lose the gift that God gave her."

"No, that would be a shame," I agreed. "I've benefited from doing other styles than Ballet, though, and she probably would benefit from working on other styles in solos and duos."

"I give her Lyrical with you, she can't match up."

"No. You could put her with... even Chloé and Maddie, her technique is quite good, she's just not a very good turner, and her face is flat most of the time."

"She's been fine in group dances." Abby grumbled. "Now that we have time, you should tell me about YAGP."

I went to another photoshoot with Nike the next morning, then it was back to dancing. Well, there were some interviews to do first, for this week. The producers were a bit chilly but didn't ask anything out of pocket.

"How do you feel about not doing a duet with Brooke?"

"I'm fine with not doing a duet with Brooke, because we have partner work in the group and it's really exciting to dance with Paige and Nia," I responded. "We did a duet last year, and it won, and Brooke has a solo anyway. It's nice that the trio and duet aren't up against each other, and Maddie and Chloé can totally win the Teen division."

"What do you think of your solo?"

"I love it! It's Contemporary but not dark, about the Greek goddess Aphrodite, and has everything that I'm good at. The choreography is a challenge and will push me if I want to win."

Once I had finished the interview, I left for group rehearsals, where Abby had kind of a nasty surprise for me. "Joanne, I've looked at the Teen entrants, and you've beaten them all. I'm moving you up to the Senior division. You were the top score of the whole competition last year anyway and I can get wins in three solo divisions."

"Um... okay," I said, caught off guard. She hadn't told me that last night. "I can handle that."

"That's what I want to hear. Let's take the group dance from the top."

I got through most of rehearsal without my back acting up, but it twinged on a back scale towards the end. "I need to get a back brace," I told Abby.

"It's bothering you again?" She asked sympathetically. "Does that move need to be changed?"

"No, I can do it," I replied strongly. "I will need a few days off completely next week, though."

"That's fine if it helps you stay healthy." Abby waved her hand to dismiss me. "Okay, Paige and Brooke, let me see the beginning, just you two."

That night, Abby made Mackenzie sleep on the couch so that I could sleep on a bed with pillows supporting me. She wasn't all bad.