Chapter 29 - Now I get it

Chapter 29 - Now I get it

Jade pov

Simon found the recording of The End last week, he was impressed and that's why he's now talking to Perrie about what to do in the future, I know he'd like her to come back to Little Mix, but he said he won't pressure her and will respect her choice.

I'm outside his office waiting for their meeting to end, I can feel the excitement in my bones and my leg can't keep still.

I know it's just paranoia, but I need to see Perrie as soon as possible to make sure she's okay and safe.

After this, I realise I've become overly protective of her, but hey, can you blame me?

The door opens and I let go a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Perrie smiles at me and I already feel better, my muscles relax and I feel the tension leave my body.

Perrie squeezes my hand and we walk down the corridor towards our car, I shudder to know what they discussed but I try to act like a normal person, inside I'm freaking out.

"So?" I finally give in to curiosity.

Perrie lets out a giggle and I want to cry at how cute she looks right now, "Someone's impatient..." she taunts me, I give her the puppy-dog eyes that I know she can't resist... and indeed she gives in.

"Well... I'm back in the band!" she exclaims and I can't contain my excitement, I hug her and kiss her forehead and cheeks jumping and clapping in excitement.

"Jadey, calm down or you'll have a heart attack" she laughs loudly.

Jadey

It's the first time she's called me this since we've met again.

My smile widens and I'm so excited I can barely hold back the tears.

"I'm back in the band, but there will be some changes. First of all I will record the new album with you, for the promotional part Simon will consider which interviews I will take part in and only if I feel up to it. Finally, as far as touring is involved, we will discuss that at the appropriate time. Simon says that if I don't feel up to it they might talk about an illness that has struck me and that doesn't allow me to participate in shows. But maybe when the time comes I will be ready. So for now let's take it one step at a time" she smiles shyly and I can see how happy she is to be back and how reassured she is by the arrangements made.

"I'm so happy, baby. They all sound like good ideas to me. I've missed you so much and now we'll be complete again. It wasn't Little Mix without you" I tell her sincerely still too excited.

She looks at me adoringly and then kisses me, lingering on my lips and I melt into the kiss.

"I love you, Jade. I don't know where I would be without you. I wouldn't even be here. Thank you for bringing me back" she says as she looks at me deeply as I see the emotion in her eyes.

She said it

She said she loves me

I don't usually do this unless she asks but I need to show her how much I love her and I can't find any other way, so I approach her slowly and give her time to stop if she wants. She doesn't.

Our lips meet again and we move in sync savouring each other, I feel all her emotions and love and I am sure she can feel mine. The fireworks in my stomach never stop exploding as I wish this moment would never end.

But the lack of air forces us apart, I look at her and see her swollen lips as she smiles softly and a blush rises on her cheeks, I touch my lips still feeling hers and I can't help but smile back.

"I love you, Perrie. Forever"

I'm sure I'm shaking and I feel goosebumps all over my body.

"Let's go home" she tells me. I nod because I don't trust my voice.

"I was thinking of inviting the girls if it's okay with you. I want to give them the news" she says shyly.

"Of course, love! They'll be so happy"

As I'm driving home she asks if she can use my phone to text Lesy, I realise she doesn't have hers yet. I put it in the to-do list and motion her to go ahead. When she is done she puts the phone back in my bag and turns up the music.

Her eyes sparkle probably thinking about the decision she's made and I see her laughing and smiling all the time as we sing at the top of our lungs to the songs playing on the radio, we stop at our favourite Indian restaurant before heading home to pick up tonight's dinner.

As we enter the boy gives us a warm welcoming smile, Perrie still looks a little intimidated but I can see that she is much more confident, both of herself and with others.

We proceed to order our food and that for Lesy, Perrie is doing more than fine and eventually even exchanges a few words with the owner who has come to say hello.

We get home and just manage to put the food on the table when we hear the doorbell, I run to open it and am confronted by two pairs of eyes looking at me with concern.

"Is she okay?!" Jesy pushes me and runs into the living room, "Where is she?" she asks with panic in her voice.

"Try the kitchen" I tell her smiling but my smile doesn't seem to have calmed her down. Neither has Lee-Lee who runs into the kitchen before I've even finished my sentence.

I go behind them and can't hold back my laughter when I see the scene.

Leigh-Anne stands in front of Perrie checking her face while Jesy hysterically asks her what happened and if she's okay. I get curious and pull out my phone to check what Perrie wrote to get them acting this way.

I look at Perrie who looks shocked and then turn my attention to the message.

From me: Coming for dinner tonight? Perrie has news

Oh, poor friends...

They probably must have thought of something tragic and I don't blame them, however the scene in front of me and Perrie's dumbfounded expression as the other two check her out do nothing but make me laugh sonorously drawing the attention of my two friends.

"Pez, I think they misunderstood the message" I say trying to hold back the laughter.

"Oh" Perrie looks apologetic, but immediately the smile returns to her face, "It's nothing bad, on the contrary! Sit down, I have some good news!" she says enthusiastically.

Jes and Leigh still don't look entirely convinced but I can see the tension leave their bodies as they sit down never taking their eyes off Pez.

Perrie and I pull the food out of the bags and arrange it neatly on the table, Lesy meanwhile seems to be going crazy and I now feel a little sorry for them.

"Well, so..." Perrie sits gracefully on her chair, "I'm back in the band!" she shouts and claps her hands.

Lesy's eyes go wide and they look between me and Pez to see if it's a joke, when they've decided it's not they jump up and immediately go to hug her. I see my green-eyed friend start kissing all over Perrie's face and I feel... jealous?

Control yourself, Thirlwall... Pesy is not real

The best thing is that Pez doesn't wince or pull away as our friends show her affection and don't stop hugging her, shortly after I'm attacked in the same way and eventually Perrie joins us starting a long group hug.

"I'm so happy, girls" Leigh wipes away her tears.

"Perrie, you will never know how proud we are of you" Jesy looks up to her and I can hear the emotion making her voice tremble, "It's so good to have you back"

The evening passes talking about the silliest things and the new album. We sing some songs to Perrie so she can learn them for when she has to record, then we move to the living room where we watch The Princess and the Frog and Mulan.

Pez and I are snuggled on the couch under a blanket, she's between my legs with her back resting against my chest, I keep my hands on her stomach and gently caress her, every now and then she turns around and hides her head in the hollow of my neck whispering that she loves me, we hold hands all evening and I spend most of both movies kissing her head.

When Jesy starts yawning we decide it's time for us all to go and rest, we say goodbye to Lesy and what was supposed to be a goodbye hug turns into a long group hug in full swing. When we part Leigh proceeds to wipe away her tears of joy again and repeats how proud she is of Perrie and how happy she is now that she's back.

When I close the door I feel two small arms around my waist and her chin resting on my shoulder. Her breathing sends shivers down my spine and I feel her smile at my reaction.

"Jadey, I meant what I said today. I wouldn't be here without you. You've done so much more than you think" she whispers in my ear.

"Pez" I turn and rest my hands on her shoulders, she looks at me deeply and I move my hands to the back of her neck, "You are here because you decided to be. You have come so far and worked so hard to get well again. It's thanks to you" I tell her as my face is inches from hers.

"Maybe... but you taught me how love should be, you were so patient and spent all your energy to make me feel I was worth something. If I didn't have your support and motivation, I would have given up a long time ago"

Our lips are ever closer, they brush against each other, it would only take the flap of a butterfly's wings for them to meet.

"Come with me" Perrie whispers on my lips taking my hand and walking me to my room.

My heart stops in my chest as I think about what could happen in a few minutes. We reach the room and Perrie pushes me against the door, looking at me but not approaching.

"Baby, we don't have to do anything" I reassure her.

"I know, but I want to try. I want to feel you" her voice is weak but I can still hear her.

She moves closer and takes my lips with hers, I don't move and let her decide. The kiss becomes more passionate as our mouths move perfectly over each other.

Perrie strokes my cheek and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, her other hand goes to my side.

"Hold me" she whispers.

"I won't let you go" I say back to her.

Slowly I slide my hands over her toned stomach and rest them on her hips, holding her but gently. I want her to know she has the power.

The kiss deepens and then I feel her tongue slide over my lips, I open them allowing her access and I feel her enter and explore me, shyly at first, then more and more confidently.

I don't fight for dominance because I don't want to win this battle. I want to win by gaining her trust and I know that to do that I must respect her every choice and give her all the time she needs.

Perrie pulls away from me and stares at me, I wonder if there's something wrong but her expression is unreadable, "D-don't you like it?" she whispers.

Maybe my plan of doing nothing didn't work out the right way, "I love it. I love you. But I want you to decide how far to push yourself. I don't want you to feel forced or pressured"

"I'm not doing this because I feel I have to. I'm doing it because I want to. Kiss me, Jade. Kiss me for real"

I don't need anything else to make up my mind, her words and her look take away all doubt, I move my hand to her cheek and draw her to me, I run my tongue over her lips and when she opens I waste no time exploring every nook and cranny of her mouth. I had missed this so much.

Perrie starts moving again and now fights for dominance, I let her win and she knows it. Our tongues meet and drift apart again and again and I feel my body trembling and sweat running down my back.

She pulls away and looks at me, smiles, then tilts her head slightly and I understand. Slowly I place small wet kisses on her neck, running my tongue close to her ear.

"Are you fine?" I whisper and see the goosebumps on her neck.

"I'm fine. Please do it again. Let me feel"

I give her more kisses, nibble gently and pull away for just a second to check her reaction. Her eyes are closed but her mouth is curved into a smile and her face expresses peace.

I return to kiss her neck, making sure to touch every inch of skin. I slide my tongue around and feel her shiver. Then a moan escapes from her half-closed lips.

I lose myself in the ecstasy of this moment and focus only on the two of us.

I feel 'my friend' waking up and making known his presence and I hope Pez doesn't panic.

The longer the moment goes on, the harder I feel myself becoming, but this moment is just for her.

"Wait" Perrie pulls away and looks at me, resting her forehead on mine, "I don't know if I'm ready" she whispers and I see tears forming in her eyes.

"It's okay, love. You've given me so much more than you think" I reassure her, then squeeze her hand and walk her over to the bed, I sit her down and sit next to her, "Love, I can wait" I tell her holding her hands in mine.

"Jadey but what if-what if I'm never ready? I don't want you to wait your whole life for something that may never come" she speaks softly looking at our joined hands.

I lift her chin and look at her softly, "I don't care if it never happens. I love you and I can't tell you I don't want to because I want you. I want to feel and love every part of you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world but I have never loved you and I don't love you for your body. I love every part of you and just being able to be with you is the greatest gift life could give me. I don't need to have sex with you to be happy because you already make me happy just by being here, just by loving me as only you know how"

I believe every word and I hope she feels it. I could wait my whole life and never get it, but I would still be the happiest person on earth just knowing that she is with me and loves me like no one else. She is so pure, despite everything that has happened to her, that I feel like crying from emotion.

She nods and smiles at me, "Will you stay with me tonight?" she asks in a whisper.

"I will stay as long as you want me to. If it's up to me it's forever" I rub my nose on hers and then kiss her forehead.

We lie on the bed and slip under the duvet. Facing each other, I run my hand over every inch of her face, memorising every part of it. I brush the freckle on her upper lip that drives me crazy and then run my fingers down to where her dimple is.

"I want you too" she tells me in a whisper, "I didn't think I could do it anymore, but I want you. I love you Jade"

I squeeze her hand and bring it to my lips, kissing each knuckle and lingering on the ring finger, "I love you Perrie, forever"

I stay looking at her as I see her slowly close her eyes and shortly after I hear her breathing slow down telling me that she has fallen asleep.

I, on the other hand, have no desire to sleep, I just want to stay here looking at her thinking about the past and the future.

As I run my fingers along her arms I see again the scars they have left and I think of that day in the bathroom when I saw her naked body for the first time.

Each mark represents the pain she went through and I wonder again how they could do such things to her. How they could touch such a pure being like that.

I return to look at her face and her expression of peacefulness clears the ugly thoughts from my mind. I just want to remember this moment and admire her for the strength she had and pulled through.

I know she still has a long way to go, but she is so strong that I know she will get there one day. And I will be here every step of the way if she lets me.

I will take care of her and protect her

Now I get it, is not the time but I know it now. I knew it from the first moment but only now do I realise it.

I want to marry her

I want her to be my wife, I want to see her walk down the majestic corridor in a white dress and listen to her say she will be my wife forever.

I want to get more dogs and a house with a garden. I want to have children with her. I don't know if she will want any or if it will ever happen, but I want to hear the happy cries of little blue-eyed blond children running around the house while their beautiful mother chases them to tickle them.

I want to sit with her and sing them a lullaby before going to sleep.

And then I want to grow old with her, see our grandchildren and tell them our story. Tell them how strong she is.

She is a survivor

I want them to listen and feel that they can do anything, as she did. They can fight and they can win. Like she did.

And then, I want to stay with her until the end, to feel her holding me when I take my last breath, knowing that I have no regrets because I have lived a full life and a pure love.

I want all this and if she wants it too, I will fight for us.

I love you, Perrie Edwards. Forever 

_________________________________________________________

A/N - Hello guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you at the next update! ❤️

_________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C