Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

I didn’t sleep much last night. I’m still reeling off the pathetic small buzz I had last night. I run my hands under the hooked silver tap, cold water splashes all over the black sink in which red water droplets rest before falling down the plug hole. I’m washing blood off my hands from the fight I had with Tallahassee (I have to laugh slightly at that name, Candor are known to name their children with ridiculous names. A Candor male in my maths class was called Prometheus.) I actually won this fight; much to Eric and the Erudite’s dismay they are still scowling now. And to be perfectly honest I did use Four’s advice I simply blocked her punch and punched her face.

I should feel happy but I feel empty. I guess there is no pleasure in winning a fight against somebody like Tallahassee. She’s still knocked out. I watch my hands rub against each other trying to remove the flakes of blood and I begin to think about last night. The way Connor touched me and the way I touched him back.  I turn the tap off and use a white towel that is rough and ripped from years of drying initiates hands. I walk over the ring and watch as Jessica repeatedly and viciously attack a short Candor male on the floor. Her hair is wet with sweat, her mouth open with an evil grin that suggests that she is proud of her work. But that grin what stands out in the dim blue light isn't the thing that puts me off. It is the fact she is looking straight at me with each punch and kick. Her blueish grey eyes fixed firmly on me and my blood stained body. I have to look down to the floor.

'This girl isn't stable.' I think to myself. I feel a sudden spring of body warmth laying on my exposed skin. I turn my head and see the boy who gave me energy last night with a simple touch. Connor. He watches the fight with his eyes (one is beginning to bruise from his fight with Shayne) My mouth begins to dry from the nerves he gives me. Are they nerves or is it the sensation of life?

Connor licks his lips. “You did really well in your fight today.” He says with a stern and emotionless voice that makes me feel he is talking to a student of some sought.

“Thanks. But I don't really feel as though it was a victory. Beating someone like Tallahassee isn't that impressive.” I reply. I look across the hall the three Erudites are laughing and mocking the other initiates. Behind them Four stares at me with a slight smile as though he is proud of my brutality against Tallahassee, not surprised considering he is Marcus Eaton's son. “How is your eye?” I ask Connor who stands tall with folded arms. Not looking at me in the two minutes he has been stood next to me.

“Sore Shayne does pack a punch. But it will heal.” He replies still not glancing my way.

“What's wrong? You seem a little off.” I ask this time Connor looks at me, even with the bruised eye he still looks handsome if not even more handsome.

“Oh nothing my eye hurts and I'm a little pissed that I lost to Shayne. It could be worse though I could of lost to you know who.” He replies looking over to the three Erudite. His voice is still monotone and unusual. But I guess what happened last night has made things a little awkward between us.  The sparring eventually ends. And we all sit down to have dinner. Shayne and Connor sit opposite sides from one another. We all eat in an uncomfortable silence, with the exception of Olivia trying to get the conversation going. Connor finishes his untouched food early and leaves us with out a goodbye.

“What is wrong with him?” Olivia asks. “Is it because you beat him in sparring?” She asks to Shayne. He puts his silver fork down. “I don't know I hope not. He hasn't been his self today he has seemed a little off.” He says before resuming back to his food. I watch Connor walk alone back to dorm. I get up and follow him. Down the dark corridors, past a group of dauntless throwing knives at one another.

I get back to dorm. Connor is looking in the mirror at his black eye. Sat on his bed and full of tears. I have been in this position also. At home in Abnegation sat on my bed trying to cry but not being able too. It is the worst feeling in the world. I sit next to him.

“Okay I am going to ask you one question and you are going to be honest. Are you sure you are OK?” I ask. Connor puts the mirror down and faces me. His eyes are glistening in the light as they are full of tears wanting to stream down his cheeks. Dauntless initiation is breaking everybody both physically and mentally. I'm covered in cuts and bruises and last night I had to fight off crying myself to sleep.

He claps my shoulder and smiles. “Yeah I'm ok. Just a little sad. It is the anniversary of my brothers death today. He died three years ago today in Erudite.”

I look to the bed. “Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?” I blurt out. Connor's smile soon fades and he looks to the wall probably thinking 'stupid girl wanting to bring up my brother's death. What has it got to do with her?' I turn away. “Sorry I'm just being nosy.”

“It's ok. He died...in...his sleep. He had a heart condition in which his heart could suddenly stop. And so it did.” Connor responds.

“Were you two close?” I ask. Delving into Connor's past, turning the pages.

 He nods his head, “Very, Mom died during child birth and Dad had the heart condition from the start and died a few years before my brother died. Luckily I haven't inherited the condition.” He says.  “What was your brother called?” I ask. I try to put myself in Connor's sneakers. Trying to feel the loss of his brother pierce my heart, the lack of a mother in my life as well as the lack of a father in my life. Then I realize that us two aren't entirely differently. When I saw Tobias pour his blood onto the lit coal at the choosing ceremony I felt as though I lost him. That he too died. But that was before I realized his true colours. I didn't know my mother, just a few scraps of memories before she left for the faction less. She's probably dead now. And well, Marcus isn't much of a father now is he?

“Hensley Flair.” He replies. “Died at the age of 16. He would have been 19 this year, I can still remember seeing his lifeless body on that seemingly perfect summer's morning. Then the coroners taking him to the morgue officially alone I was at that point.” As I look at Connor's face I realise that it is blank. The emotions are all there inside his body he doesn't know how to release them. He looks at me with a sad smile. “Listen Ruby thank you for listening you are the first person to listen to this in three years. I've finally been able to let this build up out of me a little.” He says, I feel his thumb circling my hand. My body shivers to his rhythm. I then come to the realization that we are closer than we were last night. A small movement from me would be enough to lay lips onto his. All of sudden he wraps his strong arms around my body and lays his head onto my shoulders. His body warmth all over me, I feel his breath and his chest moving in and out. He smells of air and the indescribable scent of Dauntless.

For the first time in my life I feel safe and supported. I truly believe in this small moment that me and Connor are one. 'I want more...' I think to myself. I draw the courage to lift my hand and rest it on top of his hard and muscled shoulder.

This perfect moment much too delicate. Is shattered by the sniggering of the three Erudite. We quickly pull away from each other. Jessica, Oliver and Lewis are all standing around the bed looking at us. 

“Aw look the little Stiff has a boyfriend. Too bad it has to be one of us, has she brainwashed you as well Connor?” Jessica says over these past days of hearing her voice I have noticed that there is an imperfection in it. Her words are slurred slightly, as if she is permanently drunk. Though her speech impediment doesn't stop her spewing out her hate towards me. 

“I take it you haven't read the headlines have you Stiff?” Lewis says. Every day I see him he gets more broader in his shoulders. Like he has been genetically adapted to survive initiation. “Well today we have...Abnegation leader Marcus Eaton has not been seen for three days. This suggests that he is too ashamed to be seen after it has been revealed that his two children left the selfless faction due to his mistreatments.” Lewis gestures over the word 'Selfless' to mock my old home. Though the second half of that article is true. Well partly true. My anger begins to pick up and I make a fist so tightly my knuckles are white. Oliver approaches me with his large and purple nose. Thanks to my punch.

“Don't worry though Stiff Abnegation won't be in charge anymore soon. But it won't really effect you however. Soon you'll be faction less without your little boyfriend.” He says with his teeth on display just begging to be knocked out of his mouth.

I throw my knuckle to his two front teeth as I hard as I could. He cries in pain and cups his bleeding mouth with his hands. Lewis and Jessica tend to him as he frantically moves around on the stone-like floor. Oliver shouts out a few curse words along with Jessica and Lewis as Connor carries me out of the room. He carries my body like it is a feather. We end up in the hall way and I still hear Oliver's cries of pain. My body was numb with adrenaline but now my knuckles hurt.

I struggle to get free of Connor's hold, he is pinning me against the wall hard enough so I can't escape but light enough that he isn't suffocating. Anger has ignited my flowing blood all I want to do now is too go back in the room and do the same to Jessica and Lewis. Tears run down my cheeks. The first time in years somebody has seen tears, my tears. I should feel weak but it is Connor that is looking at me. I feel closer to him now that he has seen me cry.

“LET ME GO!” I shout loud enough for me to sound like I am screaming.

“No! Not when you are like this. Calm down please.” Connor says to me. I try to push him away but my efforts are futile Connor is taller than me and he has a muscular tone to his body. If anything me trying to push him away is only pushing further against the wall. I eventually stop struggling and Connor lessens his grip ever so slightly. “You ok?” He asks with a concerned look on his face. A tear streams down my cheek and falls onto the black floor. I nod my head slightly before I collapse completely to the floor. I examine my knuckles which are engraved with teeth marks and blood the same colour as my name. Connor sits next to me and leans his head against the jagged rock wall. I wipe my tears away, “I hate them. Jessica, Lewis, Oliver. Their faction all of it. Why is this happening? Why are they targeting me? We are the same; all of us are trying to get through initiation.” I say barely able to speak. Connor offers me a handkerchief, it is bright white like is teeth and it smells of him.

“I know you hate them you have every right too, but Erudite is still my old faction I did grow up there. The reason why they are doing this to you is because they practice prejudice. You are from a rival faction; they are going to use it to break you.” Connor says. I wipe the last of my tears away with the handkerchief and I put it in my pocket. He tilts his head down to me. “Because there are scared of you.” He says quietly. I look at him in disbelief. Why would they be scared of one girl like myself? I try to think up an answer in my head though nothing comes.

But eventually It does come to me. Are they scared about my Divergence? Tris even told me that Divergence is a dangerous thing. Too dangerous. “Why are they…scared of me?” Is all I can ask Connor.

“It’s obvious Ruby. They see you as a threat; they see how brave you can be. Volunteering for Olivia to stand in front of the target. Standing up to Eric, they will do whatever they can to break you down and get rid of you.” He explains, relief hits me so hard that it nearly knocks me out. If Connor hasn’t figured out my Divergence (That word is still hard swallow) then maybe nobody else has. We both hear laughter from down the hallway. An even mixture of high pitched giggling and the occasional low pitched chuckle.

A girl with bright ginger hair that contrasts her pale complexion walks towards us alongside a tall dark skinned male. They focus their eyes on me, though my eyes are still blurry from the remaining tears I can’t actually make every detail out.

“Oh look it is Connor and Ruby aka Cuby…or erm Ronnor or even Runnor.” The girl says with a usual cheeriness to her voice. I have to smile at those ridiculous names. It is Olivia and Shayne. They sit down beside us. “Are you two ok?” Olivia asks.

“Yeah thanks just having a heart to heart. And rejoicing over our hate to the three Erduite’s” Connor answers putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Just like a little couple in the making.” Shayne mutters quietly. I have to smile, the fact anyone thinking that me and Connor could go together. A strong young male like him having a pick of any girl he wanted with a messed wreck of a girl like me. It doesn’t happen. Like oil and water we do not mix…at all. My smile disappears when that thought has lodged itself into my brain.

Us four all talked for the next few hours until lights out. After laying in my bed shaking and crying I eventually fall asleep, ready to fight another day.