Chapter 3 - Mistreatment and the Loss of Self

The next morning, Aristia wakes up to soft sun rays on her bed that contrast the throbbing pain in her temples. She's still dressed in the ripped-up lingerie, the recollection of last night's events making her heart throb as much as her head.

The Emperor loathes me. She thinks and turns the thought in her head a couple of times in hopes that she'll find a solution, a way to combat his vexation. Then, she remembers some of his words:

"Just stay somewhere, quietly and out of my sight, and I'll leave you be as well."

That's not too bad, she realises. If she were to just stay out of his sight, he wouldn't ask for her either. She could live the rest of her days quietly in the Palace without having to see him, and just lead a peaceful day-to-day life reading books in the Royal Library. There certainly must be a ton of books she wouldn't find in the Kingdom, especially medicine books, since the Empire is most known for their advances in remedies.

Nothing would be different from the Kingdom, except for the abuse she had to endure. She's safe here, she hopes. The Emperor doesn't want to touch her, so she's safe. For the first time in years, she's safe. Her back won't be bloodied anymore; the soles of her feet won't be sore for days on end; the back of her knees won't hurt.

She is safe.

She is safe.

This thought brings a large smile on Aristia's face, and she almost forgets about the headache. She gets out of bed and notices her crown on a table nearby the door, next to a vase of withered flowers. She puts it on her head and opens her door after hugging the fur coat tight around her body, and she sees an unfamiliar guard and a maid who bow respectfully.

"Hello." She starts.

"Good afternoon, Your Highness." The maid and the guard speak at the same time.

"You may rise. What time is it?"

"It's past 12 o'clock, Your Highness."

"Oh my, I slept for some time. What are your names?"

"My name is Mari, and I've been appointed by His Highness to assist you." The maid starts. 

The guard also introduces himself, and Aristia wonders what happened to Changbin or Lee Know. She notices their uniforms are different, so the guards she met must've been of higher rank than the one standing in front of her. However, she doesn't inquire about it.

She asks Mari to draw her a bath and prepare some clothes for her, and ignores the guard, as his duty is to stay at her door and protect her from any intruders. Mari follows the orders, but to Aristia's dismay, the bath water is cold once again, and the clothes the maid prepared are shabby.

She doesn't say a thing, though. It's clear that she's disliked, so she expected some mistreatment. The withered flowers were her first hint. She's not even sure if she should retaliate anyway, since she doesn't have the Emperor's support.

Feeling like a doormat is something she's used to; it's the treatment she's received her whole life. However, sinking her body into the freezing cold bathtub, she can't help but think of how harshly her mother's maid would've scolded her if she knew what Aristia is willing to brush over.

Her head is now underwater, and she has the urge to scream, but instead, she just keeps her eyes closed and tries to ignore how much her body is shaking in the cold water. She has no desire to come back to the surface.

This is peaceful. She thinks, holding a strong grip on the edges of the tub, just to ensure she's keeping herself underwater.

After about one minute, she feels a strong urge to breathe, so she reluctantly lets herself come up in a sitting position, taking a couple of hurried breaths. She read in a book a while ago that you can actively practice holding your breath in order to be able to do so for a longer time, so she decides that this would be a good thing to focus on for the time being.

Holding her breath.

She lets herself go underwater again, but to her dismay, she's only able to stay there for about 100 seconds before she needs to breathe. Her breaths come out more hurried than before, and she internally curses. She decides a better course of action as of now would be actually washing herself, as she must prepare for lunch.

~

Once she is dry and dressed, she is escorted by her guard to another room where she would have her meal. She wanted to protest at first, considering that she's eaten in the bedroom until now, and tell the guard to keep watch at her door instead, but decides against it when she notices she's yet again going to eat on her own.

The Emperor doesn't come to have lunch with her, not that she expected it, but if he did, then maybe...

Maybe she would've gotten more to eat than dried salad leaves and a salad dressing with a faint rancid smell. The tea she is served also tastes off, so she guesses that whoever brewed it is not too fond of her, letting the teapot on top of the flame for long enough to get this bitter taste.

~

With every passing week, the mistreatment keeps going far beyond. The ladies of the court talk behind her back about the lack of affection – or rather, interest – from the Emperor. It's already widely known throughout the court that their marriage has yet to be consummated, that Chris kicked her out in the middle of the night, and that she didn't object, she simply walked barefoot to her room with little dignity. All the ladies adore this subject, it hasn't died off even months after, especially since the Emperor hasn't spent any nights with Aristia since.

Loafer

Thief

Fake Empress

Dirty wench

And even whore, for whoever is brave enough to call Aristia that. The names she's famous for are never ending, and the worst part of it all? There's nothing she can do about it.

Nothing.

She can't address any of the names she's been called, she can't counter the poison-tongued court ladies, for she has no achievements and no chance to prove herself worthy of the title of Empress. She is purposely kept away from all the Empire's business by Chris and his advisors, so she can't do any of her duties.

She's been compared time and time again to Arabella, the young woman she started paying attention to since the wedding, and she's found out some interesting things.

Arabella is a member of one of the most powerful aristocratic families in the Empire, who has supported the previous Emperor in ascending the throne. They've offered unconditional support to Chris as well, so everyone expected Arabella to become Empress, until talks of the negotiations between the Kingdom of the South and the Empire of the Sun started taking place.

This has apparently been a blow in the face for Arabella, who not only had enough power and support from her family and the aristocracy to get on the throne as Chan's bride, but who was also blindly in love with him, to the point where she openly claimed how heartbroken she was to the news of his marriage to someone else.

In fact, she made so much fuss about it, it was all over the papers for several weeks prior to the actual wedding, and for some more after.

If she were a simple aristocratic woman with a shallow personality and nothing to her name but her family's power, Aristia wouldn't have paid her any mind. But she was far from superficial. Arabella's family owned multiple businesses, she's been involved in lots of charities, and has actively done a lot for the people.

Compared to the Empress, who's done absolutely nothing ever since she came in power, Arabella shines like an expensive jewel indeed. The comparisons between them always end in a bad note for Aristia, and since she doesn't have any support from her husband, the court ladies just get more and more brutal in their words and behaviour towards her.

Even the maids are having a field day with all the gossiping going around the Palace. So much so, that they've become brave. They sometimes even make Aristia trip in the hallways when she's headed outside without her guard – for the man asked to monitor her no longer accompanies her everywhere – which resulted in more than one bruise on her forearms and chin.

However, these things don't phase Aristia. She couldn't care less about Chris or Arabella, about the court ladies and the maids' mean words or ill behaviour, or the name-calling, or even about the fact that she's not allowed to do any of her duties. She doesn't care about any of that.

The only thing that truly cuts her heart open is her under-stimulated mind, due to the lack of access to the Royal Library. Even if she is Empress, a permit stamped by the Emperor Himself is needed to access the library, and so far, no matter how many times she's tried submitting official requests, she hasn't gotten any response. Her requests get denied over and over again.

This is what's truly harsh on her. Ever since her younger brother was born, the only thing that helped her survive and keep her sanity was the access to books from all sorts of fields. Even when her father decided that she no longer needed any teachers, since now there was an actual Heir to their throne, and that her tutors' efforts are better spent elsewhere, she still had books. Enough of them to study day and night, to get educated in geography, politics, history, biology, medicine, physics, mathematics, the continent's languages, customs and so on. She read, read and read until her eyes were tired and her fingertips hurt from changing the pages; until her nose was runny from the dust on the books on the highest shelves, that people barely touched; until her back hurt from hunching.

She had books. Her only friends, companions, and lovers during her lonely teenage years.

And now she has nothing. Chris made sure of that.

The only words she can read are found in the newspapers, if Mari feels particularly kind during the day to bring her one. Even that is not too often, as Mari, just like everyone else, still hates Aristia's guts, even months after serving her. Her baths are still cold, and her food is still a few days old, which more often than not results in Aristia skipping mealtimes entirely, and it shows: she's lost weight and looks frail now, her cheeks a bit hollow, her appearance gaunt, her body weak.

And no one cares.

No one cares about her health, for she's not needed. The Emperor doesn't want to have a child with her, it seems, so even her medical check-ups have been neglected.

No one cares.

And neither does Aristia, if not for the lack of books.

She feels like she's going insane. Her brain is rotting away. The first two months or so weren't that difficult; she recited book after book in her head, remembering all sorts of information that's unlikely to be useful in any situation. But still, it helped keep her sane.

Now, however, it's getting harder and harder to remember any interesting information or recall anything of significance that she hasn't thought over hundreds of times already. The Emperor is still ignoring her requests, or denying them immediately.

~

Enough is enough.

After pondering for a while, she eventually decides to simply head to Chan's office and confront him about it. Ask him for a valid reason why he's not paying any mind to her requests, why he's denying her the only source of entertainment she needs to survive, for books are as vital as air to her.

She's nervous, as she hasn't seen him since their wedding night, but her resolve is absolute.

"Take me to the Emperor's office." She commands her guard, who looks shocked for a few seconds.

"But, Your Highness, in order to meet his Emperor, you might have to request an audience and-" He says hurriedly and she fights the urge to roll her eyes.

"You seem to have forgotten, but I am the Empress." She cuts him off with a fake smile, her millionth ever since coming to the Empire.

It was getting tiring.

"So, what audience exactly do you suggest I should request?" She continues in a challenging manner with a tilt of her head.

The guard stumbles on his words and quickly bows and decides to show her the way.

In front of Chan's office, a guard she doesn't know bows respectfully as he sees the Empress approaching.

"Hello." She smiles sweetly.

"Good day, Moon of the Empire."

"Is my husband inside?" She asks, side-eying her personal guard, making sure he remembers she is still Empress.

She wonders why Lee Know and Changbin aren't guarding the Emperor's door this time, and at the thought of Changbin, she can't help but compare him and her current guard; how much better he would be at taking care of her instead of the guard assigned to her.

More respectful, more obedient, more attentive. Perhaps she should request Chris to replace this guard with him as well, since she came here making demands anyway.

"Yes, Your Highness. The Emperor is indeed in his office, but there is an important meeting taking place."

"Will you open the doors, or will you keep me waiting?" Aristia smiles again, but noticing the guard's puzzled, unsure look, she decides to make life easier for him, and brushes past, placing her hands on the handles of the large doors herself.

She's taking full advantage of the fact that she's Empress, for no one but Chris can touch her without her permission, nor stop her in any way.

"Let me, Your Majesty." The guard speaks, to her surprise, so she moves away and allows him to open the doors.

~

In Chan's office, Seungmin, Han and the Emperor are discussing important matters, when they are rudely interrupted by the opening of the door.

"What?" The Emperor asks annoyed, raising his gaze from his papers, viciously eying the guard as if he were on a battlefield.

"Your Highness, my deepest apologies for disturbing you during such a busy time. I am aware you mentioned you shouldn't be disturbed under any circumstances, however-"

"If you know, why come here?" Chris asks sharply, making the guard cower in fear.

"Her Highness the Empress is here to see you."

Upon hearing these words, Chris raises his eyebrows in surprise and puts down the papers in his hands on the desk.

"Why?" He asks, the surprise in his voice barely audible. 

Before the guard has enough time to respond, Aristia enters the room with her head held high, the Empire's crown laid beautifully on top of her hair. Her clothes are still shabby, though, and she wears no jewels, nor an intricate hairstyle, but her status is visible just through her immaculate posture and elegance.

She is of noble blood and Empress through and through, no matter how many people deny it.

"Hello, husband." She smiles cunningly. "What a nice office you have."

"Why are you here?" He replies instead, annoyed by her presence. The fact that she dared to speak first is a telltale sign of her position on the throne next to him, and he loathes it.

However, he can't help but notice the burning in her eyes. He's seen it before, and even though he doesn't want to admit it, it's something he truly admires about her.

"Just thought I'd pass by and see my dear husband, why else?" She smiles, then glances at Seungmin and Han who, despite the reluctance on their faces, bow respectfully.

"Well, you did. As you can see, I'm busy. See yourself out." Chris answers coldly, then grabs the papers on his desk again and starts going through them, not paying any more attention to Aristia.

"I need to talk to you about a pressing matter." She looks one more time at the two men standing next to Chan's desk, who quickly look between each other and bow again, before excusing themselves.

Once they are out of the room, Chris sighs and looks at her again.

"Let's hear it. What's so important?"

"My library permit."

"What about it?"

"You declined it. Again." Aristia says and Chris just nods. This tells her he's done it on purpose. "Why?"

"What do you need it for? Can you even read?" He mocks.

"No. I just enjoy looking at pretty books and their illustrations, and oh, the smell! Can't forget the smell!" She exclaims dramatically, which makes Chan laugh briefly, before his face turns serious once more.

"There's no need for you to get access to the library, since you don't need to do any duties."

"I don't get it." She crosses her arms, and he raises an eyebrow. "You brought me here, you married me. I didn't ask for any of this. You don't want me to do any of my duties? Fine, I won't. But this is the only thing I've ever requested of you. Is it that difficult for you to grant me this one thing?"

"Yes."

To that, Aristia no longer knows what to say. Her shoulders fall in defeat as she realises there is no way to change his mind. She's tried communicating, but he, just like everyone else in this Empire, couldn't care less about her.

"You try to act like an Empress, but look at you. What's with your dress? Did you roll in mud before coming to see me?" He points to the slightly dirty hems, and Aristia can barely contain her bitter laugh.

"You tell me. This is what your servants dress me in."

The Emperor falls silent for a moment, then returns to his papers.

"Do you need anything else?"

"Yes. I need you to reconsider."

He sighs.

"If there's nothing else, I'm quite busy." He points towards the door without taking his eyes out of his papers, and Aristia feels defeated.

She turns around, disappointment weighing heavily on her heart.

It hurts.

She's never asked for his love, not even for his approval. She doesn't care that he wouldn't accept her as an Empress, nor that no one else in the Empire does. All she wanted was access to some books, to keep her mind occupied, just as she's always done.

But he won't even grant her that.

~

It's hard to contain her disappointment on the way back to her rooms, but she figures she can't simply let this go. Living with no source of entertainment to stimulate her brain is the only thing she can't do.

She thinks long and hard, and once she gets to her bedroom, she plops herself on the bed and thinks some more.

She is not allowed in the library, and her maid won't bring her any books. She's tried before. There is nothing to read but the newspaper that comes every few days, which she's been collecting in a small pile on her desk.

That's right. The desk.

Aristia suddenly stands up and runs towards her desk, rummaging through the few drawers. She finds a pen, but no ink or paper.

"Mari!" She calls to her maid, who enters the room seconds after with a respectful bow.

"Have you called, your Highness?"

"Bring me paper and some ink."

"Would you like to write a letter? Should I also bring some envelopes and a wax seal?"

"There's no need. Paper and ink will suffice."

The maid nods once more and leaves the room annoyingly slow. Can't she see that Aristia is in a rush?

She returns moments later with everything the Empress requested. Aristia wastes no time in asking her to get out and begins pouring out all her thoughts on the papers.

She writes, and writes, and writes, making up stories and inventing worlds. She creates characters, she lets them face all sorts of difficulties, but all of them come up successful in the end. Having knowledge of a wide range of subjects comes in handy when writing, she notices, as she is able to give that knowledge to her characters as well.

It turns out that writing is quite entertaining, and it takes up the whole day. It's already dinner time when she reluctantly puts the pen down. To be honest, she'd much rather keep writing than eat dried salad leaves for the umpteenth time.

~

(A/N) Was initially thinking of posting this tomorrow, but I have a very busy day ahead, so there you go, a day earlier again!

What do you think, isn't Chris such an asshole?

Love,

Storm