Chapter 19: Who is Lila?*

Spencer visibly tenses at my question. He hesitates before saying "um L-Lila is my..my ex. How did you hear about her?" I tell him "JJ told me how Lila wasn't the best at handling the distance because of your job." Spencer scoffs and says "Lila wasn't the best at handling distance because she refused to leave LA." I look at him quizzically briefly and say "why was she in LA?" He chuckles and says "I met her there on a case." I whip my head to look at him and say "she's the one you kissed in the pool?" He looks down and nods. We sit in silence for a few minutes as I think back to our previous conversation and start putting together the pieces as I park my car at the apartment complex. I turn to him in shock and say "oh my god, don't tell me you dated Lila Archer?" He looks away before nodding. I practically scream "LILA FUCKING ARCHER?!" He recoils a bit as I move to get out of the car. He gets out of the car, too, and tries to speak before I say "let's wait and continue this conversation inside." I grab our bags and Ryder, leaving Spencer with carrying the crate inside. We quickly make it up to the apartment and I unlock the apartment and lock it behind us before turning to him and saying "so your last and only serious relationship was with a fucking movie star? Were you ever going to tell me this?" Spencer struggles to find the words as he says "I didn't think it was relevant and I was worried it was just going to upset you in some way." I look at Spencer and say "I'm definitely shocked. Really I just wanted to talk to you about how Lila was because of what JJ said she was like and I wanted to hear your side. I felt like knowing your side of what happened is important. I just don't know why you didn't tell me your first real girlfriend was a movie star." He comes towards me slowly and says "I was afraid it would make you feel like you were less because you aren't movie star. I was also afraid you would think less of me." I give Spencer a confused look and say "well, it does make me feel like I'm not up to par to your ex, I won't lie. Also why would I think less of you?" Spencer hesitates before saying "Lila was my first long term girlfriend and I tolerated her treatment because I didn't know any better. I thought because she was really pretty and wanted me I should take her lashing out and all the fighting because I was lucky to be with her and all relationships were like that. I know now that I was weak." Spencer walks away from me and goes to sit on the couch. I follow him and say "Spence, you weren't weak. You tried to avoid conflict in your first real relationship and it sounds like she took advantage of your innocence." Spencer scoffs and says "what does that make me?" I look at him with wide eyes and say "Spencer, it sounds like she was a master manipulator who made you believe you couldn't do any better on your own or with somebody else. That makes her an abusive partner. It doesn't make you anything." He looks down and says angrily "it makes me a victim. The team already treats me like I'm a child all the time and them knowing how Lila was didn't help." I give Spencer an incredulous look and say "oh wow I hope I'm never a victim that you save if that's what you think about victims." Spencer looks at me and says "wait, that's different, the victims in my line of work didn't ask for it. They couldn't control what happened." I give Spencer a softer look and say "Spencer, you didn't ask for it either. Nor did you have control over Lila's actions." Spencer shakes his head and says "yes, I did. Every time I asked her to come to D.C. instead of surprising her in LA, every time I wasn't in the mood for sex, every time I had to leave early because of a case." I take a deep breath and say carefully "baby, she was manipulating you into doing what she wanted by verbally abusing you. If I'm not in the mood for sex one day are you going to scold me for it? Or hit me?" He gives me a horrified look and says "of course not!" I nod my head and say "Spencer, that's why you're so much better than she is. Did...did she hit you?" He looks down and waits about a minute before he says "she said it was a kink of hers at first. Then it started bleeding out into arguments we had." I look at him and say "Spencer, first off, she needed your consent first before ever implementing any 'kinks' and second, did you ever hit her back?" He shakes his head no, still looking down. I sigh and say "Spencer that's why you are so much better than she is. You deserve so much better than her. She looks real pretty on the outside until the facade wears off." Spencer nods, still not looking at me, and says "she was really great at first. She was very understanding at first. She was my first. After a couple months she changed and everything was about her and her happiness, never about me or what made me happy. She only came to DC twice to visit and only in the first couple of months." I sit next to him and gently lift his face to look at me, "baby, I need you to know that what she did to you was not okay. Abusers and manipulators are always great at first so that you hold on to the good memories hoping they'll be like that again one day. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you are expected to endure awful treatment from a woman. If a man did to me what Lila did to you I probably could've had him arrested for domestic violence. I don't think less of you now that I know how she treated you. I think you are so incredibly strong for enduring her abuse and not stooping to her level." He nods and sniffles, making me realize he's been crying and trying to hide it. I reach over to hug him and reassure him and, for the first time ever, he flinches just barely when I move toward him. It breaks my heart. He says "I'm sorry, all of this just brought back a lot of unwanted feelings and memories." I nod and quietly say "I understand, you don't have to explain yourself to me, baby. Is it okay if I hug you now?" He nods and I slowly lean forward, taking him in my arms and rubbing his back. While still in my embrace, he doesn't seem like he wants to leave any time soon, I say "hey, baby, I need you to know that I'm never ever going to be angry at you because of your job or because you don't want to do anything, especially if you don't want to have sex. I'm not going to want to have sex all the time, so it's not fair to expect that from you. If I ever do or say something to you that's upsetting and I don't realize it I need you to tell me so I can fix it and avoid hurting you in the future. It is not okay for me or for anyone to say anything with the intention of hurting you." He sniffles and nods. He's still holding me tightly and I say "Spencer, I love you. I loved you before this and I love you now, maybe even more. You are so strong, baby. Lila hurt you and that's not okay. It's never okay for someone to hurt you like she did. If I ever do see her in public I might just become an unsub." I feel him laugh slightly at that and he pulls back and says "don't do that because I don't want to lose you." I nod and pull up my pinky for a pinky promise and he takes his pinky in mine. He says "I love you, too, Annie. Thank you for listening." I nod and say "I'm sorry I overreacted a bit. I was upset you had kept stuff from me and I should've just let you talk to me about this on your own terms." He looks down, shaking his head and says "I don't know if I ever would have on my own. I am so ashamed." I nod and say "what exactly does the team know about her?" He says "they know we dated long distance and we fought a lot because of that. They don't really know much besides she wasn't understanding just in general." I nod and say "Spence, I doubt they are going to treat you like a baby because of that. Also, it's not anything to be ashamed of, okay? I'm proud of you for telling me and I'm proud of you for leaving that relationship." He chuckles and says "2,644 miles definitely helped. I don't know if I would've left if I lived with her." I nod and say "I'm still proud of you nonetheless. Not just for leaving that bitch, but for every other little thing that makes you you." He smiles and nods before giving me a quick kiss. He looks at me and says "I want you to know that you have no reason to feel inferior compared to her. She is an awful person, but you are a light in this dark world. You spend every day of your life helping others. You help others regain their voices and their quality of life. All Lila does is make money using her body and that won't last for her much longer, but you will always have your compassionate and caring heart that I fell in love with first before anything else." I look down and blush and say "thank you, Spence. Those words mean a lot to me, especially coming from you. You spend every day selflessly helping others, too, and I love you for it. You have a heart of gold and deserve everything good this world has to offer. You are worth the wait every time you leave and you are worth 100x more than whatever she told you if not more. You are the most important person in my life and I can't imagine life without you now." He smiles sheepishly and I kiss him briefly. I pull back from the kiss and look at him and say "now, how about we get in comfy pajamas, pop some popcorn, close the black out curtains, and have a Harry Potter marathon, hmm?" His eyes light up as he smiles and nods his approval. I giggle and say "okay go get in comfy pajamas and I'll pop the popcorn." He nods and goes to my bedroom with his bag and I go to cook the popcorn in the kitchen. I'm still in my pajamas from JJ's so I just wait for Spencer to come back while also waiting on the popcorn to be done. He comes around the corner and wraps his arms around my waist from behind and says "thank you, Annie." I lean in to the embrace and say "any time, bubs." He leans in to my ear and says "I think this movie marathon would be a lot comfier if you didn't wear anything." I chuckle and say "comfier for you or comfier for me?" He grins and says "both!" I shake my head and move to get the popcorn out of the microwave as I say "I would be much too cold, Dr. Reid." He grabs me again from behind, more forcefully this time, and says in my ear "then don't start what you can't finish by calling me Dr. Reid. You know what that does to me. Understand?" His change in demeanor sends excitement coursing through my veins and I say "yes." He says "yes what?" I gulp and say "yes, sir." He pulls away and lightly smacks my ass as he says "good girl," before taking the popcorn from me. I sit there and think to myself where did that come from?

•••••

We opt to watch the movies in my room because we would be more comfortable in there cuddled up than on the couch in the living room. After about 30 minutes into the movie, Spencer starts to trail his hand under my sweatshirt. I just ignore it and pretend to be unbothered by his hands. Spencer is unhappy with my decision. He changes tactics and begins tickling me relentlessly. I laugh uncontrollably and beg Spencer to stop. He stops the torture laughing at me and says "I knew you were just pretending." I laugh and shush him saying "I want to watch the movie, Spencer!" He laughs and says "we have both seen this movie multiple times together, why don't we spice it up?" I cock an eyebrow at him and say "how would we do that, Dr. Reid?" His eyes turn dark as he slowly inches closer to me and begins to kiss my neck. He whispers "I have a few ideas." I take the moment of his divided focus to catch him off guard and push him over and straddle his lap. He's shocked at my boldness and I lean over to kiss him. I say "I have a few ideas, too," as I lean up from his face. He chuckles as I kiss down his bare chest towards his happy trail. He returns the favor, catching me off guard, flipping me over so I'm on my back again. He smiles and asks "did you have fun thinking you were in charge for a minute?" I bite my lip and nod. He grabs both of my hands and puts them above my head, holding them there with his left. He kisses me deeply as he trails his right hand down to my waist. First he trails his hand under my shirt, lightly grazing each nipple before trailing his hand down my stomach towards my heat. He pushes his hand under the waistband of my pajama shorts and panties, lightly palming my core. He breathes in a sharp intake of air and says "God, Annie, you're so wet and I've barely touched you." His hand lightly rubs my clit in gentle circles as he goes to continue the kiss. With my hands restrained and Spencer's hand and mouth on my body it doesn't take me long to feel the band tightening in my stomach, threatening to snap. I gasp and pull away from the kiss. I tell Spencer "I'm going to come." He immediately pulls his hand off of me and says "not until I say so, princess." I look at him in shock and groan in frustration. He lightly slaps my thigh and says "stop that or you get nothing." I bite my lip and nod. Spencer releases my hands and says "are you okay with playing like this or do you want to go back to how we started?" I nod and say "I like this." He smiles devilishly and says "I'm glad you're having fun. Tell me if you want me to stop." I nod and think for a minute. Spencer cocks his head to the side upon reading my expression and says "what are you thinking, Annie?" I start to blush and look down before saying "um what if we had a safe word." He looks shocked and then chuckles before smiling warmly and says "what does my little innocent Annie know about safe words, hmm?" as he pushes a hair behind my ear. I blush even more and look down, avoiding his eyes. He lightly pulls my chin up to look at him and he says "Annie I am not going to judge you or love you any less for your answer. I'm just curious," and punctuates his statement with a kiss. I look away and feel my face heat up to an unbearable temperature and say "I mean all of that is really mainstream now." He looks at me quizzically and says "all of what?" I look at him with exasperation and say "you know...kinky stuff." He nods and says "but how did you learn about it?" I laugh nervously and say "um talking to friends and reading the books they recommended." He nods and says "so 'kinky stuff' is something you're interested in, hmm?" He starts to kiss my jaw and trail kisses down my neck. I breathe shakily and say "I mean, I've liked some of the kinkier stuff you've tried with me." He nods and says "hmm like what?" I gasp as he starts to suck a hickey into my neck. I stutter a bit "um I really liked the three strikes." He nods his head and says "hmm the edging or just the orgasm denial?" I gasp and say "I don't know, I guess both?" He nods at my answer and says "what else?" before having me lean up and lightly removing my sweatshirt. He lowers his kisses to my collarbone, making it hard for me to focus, and I say "I liked it when you held my hands above my head a few minutes ago." He hums before grabbing my hands and returning them to the same position above my head and says "like this?" I whimper slightly and nod with surprised eyes. He chuckles, releasing my hands. and says "anything else you like, princess?" as he kisses down my sternum. I stutter before saying "I-I liked it when you spanked me last night before bed." He nods and I say in a whisper "and I like when you call me princess." He chuckles before kissing me on the lips briefly and standing up at the end of the bed. He drops his pajama pants and boxers, his hard cock slapping him in the stomach once it was released. I gulp as I'm reminded at the sight of him how big he is. He smiles smugly at my expression and walks over to the night stand on my side of the bed. He pulls a condom from the night stand drawer, but before he puts it on he caresses my hip gently and says "do you still want to continue?" I nod and say "yes, please." He smiles and says "good girl." He rips the foil wrapper and puts the condom on his hard length. Before getting back in bed he looks at me and asks "do you want to use lube again this time?" I nod sheepishly and look down briefly before making eye contact with him again and say "if that's okay?" He smiles softly and nods before saying "of course it's okay." He takes the bottle with him to the bed. Before he applies any he grips my hips and then finds the waistband of my pajama shorts looking to me as I nod my confirmation. I lift my hips and he pulls down both my pajama shorts and panties at once. He throws my clothes somewhere in the room and takes the bottle of lube. He begins applying it to himself and says "now, Annie, did you have a safe word in mind?" I shake my head no. He smiles and says "how about we use the color system? Green for go, yellow to pause or change what we are doing, red for stop completely." I nod my head and say "yeah that sounds good. Thorough." He chuckles and says "yes, baby, exactly." He then smiles softly at me and says "what's your color right now baby?" I smile and say "green." He hums and says "good girl," then grips my hips and pulls me down the bed quickly. I gasp and he chuckles before saying "ready?" I nod and say "yes, Spence." He lines up at my entrance and starts to slowly push in to my heat. I moan slightly at the intrusion, it's not near as bad as the first time, but still an alien feeling. After his length is fully sheathed within me he gives me a few seconds to adjust before slowly starting to thrust in and out. It doesn't take long for me want more. I look him in the eyes and start to beg "Spencer, please go faster." He has an evil glint in his eye before he says "as you wish, princess." He takes my left leg and puts it on his shoulder before grabbing both my wrists and holding them above my head again as he picks up the pace. I thank God right now that I do yoga every week or I wouldn't be flexible enough for this. I feel him hit deeper inside of me than before and I let out a loud groan at the feeling. Spencer groans, too, before taking his free hand down to my clit, rubbing hard fast circles on it and bringing me closer to the edge. I let out a pornographic moan at that and say "Spence, I'm going to come." He grunts and says "can you hold it, baby?" I nod my head and then quickly realize I overestimated my self control and shake my head, feeling tears form in my eyes at the stimulation. He smiles softly and says "come for me, princess." I scream his name as my legs shake and he continues his relentless pace. I feel his thrusts become choppy as he finally finds his release from my walls clenching tightly around him during my orgasm and the aftershocks. He releases my hands and pulls out of me after we've both come down from our highs. My legs are still shaking and my hip is a little sore from the position he had me in previously when Spencer returns from the bathroom. He's discarded the condom, put on a fresh pair of boxers, and has a warm wet wash cloth in hand. He gently runs the wash cloth between my legs, still twitching from overstimulation and discards the wash cloth in the hamper. He looks at me and says "baby, you okay?" I smile and nod sleepily, not saying anything. Spencer chuckles and says "I know you're sleepy but you have to go pee so you won't get a UTI." I use my arm to cover my eyes from the light and say "how romantic, Spencer." He leans down and gently removes my arm from my face and coos "come on baby, please, be my good girl?" I make grabby hands at him and he chuckles before bending over to pick me up. He carries me into the bathroom and sets me on the toilet to pee and says "yell for me when you're ready," before leaving to give me my privacy, which I appreciate. I try to pee quickly and then yell for Spencer. He comes back with a t shirt of his and some fresh panties and helps me put them on before helping me to the sink to wash my hands. He carries me to my room and sets me on a chair in the corner of my room and says "let me change the sheets and then you can go to sleep," before kissing me on the temple and leaving to do what he said. I tell him "next time we should just put down a towel so we don't have to change the sheets every time." He chuckles at that and comes back to get me after he's done changing the sheets. He places me back in bed and tucks me in under the covers and says "I'm going to get us some water and a snack, I'll be right back." I laugh and say "that rhymed" and I hear him laughing as he walks down the hall to the kitchen. He comes back with two bottles of water and says "I got fruit snacks and peanut butter crackers." My eyes widen and I say "you should consider yourself lucky because I don't like sharing my fruit snacks." He chuckles and says "I feel honored." He gets in bed with me and we eat our snacks while cozied up next to each other and watch what's left of the Harry Potter movie we started before I fall asleep, safe in Spencer's arms.

•••••

I wake up a few hours later, still in Spencer's arms. He has a book flat on his chest and he's asleep with his glasses on. He looks absolutely adorable. I try not to stir too much to avoid waking him. I slip out of his arms gently and go to the bathroom to pee. After I pee I go to the sink to wash my hands. After I wash my hands I inspect my body a little bit in the mirror. There are light finger shaped bruises in my hips and there's a big purple hickey under my right ear that no makeup will cover up. Spencer comes in the bathroom and wraps his arms around my waist. He notices I'm looking at the hickey he left and he chuckles saying "now everybody knows you're mine." I scoff and say "now everybody has a reason to ask questions about my sex life," and I turn around placing my arms on his shoulders. He smiles smugly and says "what will you tell them when they ask?" I hum and say "I will tell them that Spencer Reid is actually a kinky son of a bitch." He throws his head back in laughter at that comment. He kisses me briefly before saying "you're a bit kinky, too, my love." I scoff and say "by the way where did you learn all of that? From Lila?" He shakes his head and says "I mean she was into some kinky stuff, but I actually got comfortable with sex with an old friend in a friends with benefits situation. Also I read a lot of books." I nod and say "I could never do friends with benefits, I don't think, I get too attached. Just thinking about you having ever slept with somebody else makes me see red a little bit." Spencer laughs and says "well as long as you'll have me, I'm yours." I smile and say "good, because I'm never letting you go." He looks at me and says "seriously, though, was I too rough? Did I hurt you at all?" I smile softly and say "Spencer, I loved everything you did." He returns my smile and says "good, I'm glad. However, we do need to work on your ability to hold back your orgasms." I scoff and say "I'm sorry I don't have super self control my second time having sex." He laughs and says "I'm not upset, baby. Actually quite the opposite, because we have something to work on when we play now." I look at him a bit concerned and say "is that something that I'm supposed to be able to do?" He smiles softly and says "only with experience, I didn't expect you to be able to tonight I was just curious to see how you'd react and how long you would last." I nod and say "how do you work on it?" He says "it just takes practice, and it's a bit of a mental game. Don't worry about it right now, though. This is not something we need to work on tonight." I nod and say "Maybe we should eat some dinner and then go to sleep and we can continue this conversation later." He smiles and nods and then slaps my ass before going to leave the bathroom. I gasp in shock and tell myself to not let him win and follow him out to the kitchen to figure out something to make for dinner.