20

EM's POV

Having spent the entire night awake, I had been thinking a lot. My thoughts turned to everything I said to Beth, Noah, and unfortunately, also to  Marco. Beth did not return home last night, so I could tell she was in such a bad mood that she did not want to face me. Why am I doing this to myself, why do I always dig my hole deeper and deeper? I told Beth she was a bad friend, told Noah I kissed another guy, and Marco well I didn't tell him anything. I decided to cut college week short and go back home. When I arrived my mail was on the kitchen island waiting for me. I sighed, I knew exactly what those envelopes were, even though I was not sure what they had written inside. I placed the two other envelopes along with the one I had received last week. Havard, Berkeley, and NYU, what will it be? Although I knew I had to decide soon, I also knew I was dealing with the worst things at the moment. I looked out to the garden and there Elle was, with Lee of course planning their booth. They had managed to keep all of the materials from last year and were repainting the ones that needed a new coat. "They seem really happy" commented a familiar voice. I turned around to find Noah leaning on the door. "I thought you were only coming tomorrow", I spoke ignoring the fact that he had not removed his eyes from me. "Change of plans", He paused, "my girlfriend decided to kiss another dude."

I sighed, I'm guessing drunk me did not tell him the full story, "She's a horrible person."

"I think she's just a bit damaged", he commented. " So what now?" Noah asked. I could see his eyes getting watery as he asked me that question. "I ... I don't know", I replied crossing my arms and looking down. I wanted to be anyone else but here right now, with him, talking about this. "I haven't had a lot of time to think this through", I explained. 

"Think it through? Em, you kissed another guy", Noah said raising his voice. "He kissed me", I corrected him. "Does it matter? you kissed back", he replied. "I...I...", I tried to speak but had nothing to say, Noah was right, I had gotten myself into that mess.

"I knew it from the beginning what his intentions were", Noah said angrily, "But you, like always so stubborn wanted to prove to me that I was wrong so you kept hanging out with him."

"Fuck Noah", I snapped, "why does everything always have to be about how you felt, what you said, what you did. What about me huh?!" I raised my voice, "What about Emily, what about the fact that she lost her internship, lost her place in the swimming team, lost her best friend? What about that?" Noah stayed quiet. "I am so sorry about the kiss, I did not see it coming. He's with my sister", I explained as my eyes started watering and tears started to fall down my face, "or was, I don't know. I have done this to Elle, AGAIN! What am I? What do I do to deserve this?"

"I'm to blame here but so are you", Noah finally spoke up, "don't play the victim and expect me to welcome you into my arms. Not this time. " He walked away and I followed, "Where are you going?"

"To pick up someone from the airport", he said slamming the door. I went back into my room and threw myself in bed. What the fuck was I doing? 

I cried into my pillow for the remainder of the afternoon, until it was time for the weekly Sunday lunch, except this time it was dinner since Elle and Lee had to work a bit later to get everything ready for tomorrow. With a coat of mascara and a good blush, I put myself back together. I found an old pink dress in my closet that had tiny white details on it, it belonged to my mom. I made my way to the Flynn household with my sister, Lee, my dad, and my brother. As we entered we were welcomed by the Flynns with a hug and a beautiful dinner table. Elle and Lee immediately went their separate ways and I decided to help Mrs. Flynn with the food. "Everything looks amazing", I said as I helped her move the food into serving trays. "Thank you, Emily!" She smiled. "Oh look who it is!" Mrs. Flynn said as the door opened. Noah had just arrived with a tall, beautiful woman. She scanned the room and once she noticed me she smiled, "You must be Emily". Even her voice was beautiful, she had a bit of an accent and her voice seemed so familiar. Wait, I paused my thoughts, it's her! 

"And you must be the girl that answers my boyfriend's phone?" I smiled. All the Flynns including Noah looked extremely surprised. I could feel Noah's eyes on me, but I didn't want to look at him, so I smiled and picked up a plate of one of Mrs. Flynn's delicious meals, "We better start eating before everything cools", I rushed out where most of my family was already seated. 

Well, that had become one very awkward dinner, it seemed that Elle and Lee had gotten into a fight minutes before we started eating and well I had made a scene right as the guest had arrived. "So Emily, I heard you plan on going to Harvard?", Mr. Flynn asked breaking the silence. I looked up at Noah, "Actually sir, I'm not!" I smiled as I took a bite of my food. "Em applied to NYU, can you guys believe it?" my dad commented. As soon as those words came out of his mouth I almost choked. "What?" Elle and Noah asked in unison. "I thought you said you wanted to stay close to home?" Elle asked. "I...", I looked around, everyone was staring at me, but fortunately  I was saved by the bell, literally. "I invited a friend, I hope you guys don't mind", Elle said as he made her way to the door. 

"Marco", I called his name, causing Noah to turn instantly. "Hey", he smiled as he came around the table to give me a hug. "Marco this is my dad and brother and this is my second family", Elle introduced him to everyone. "Oh, and how can I forget, you remember Noah right?"

Noah did not move an inch, his eyes filled with rage as he gazed up at Marco. "I'm Chloe", said Noah's friend. "Pleasure to meet you Chloe", Marco smiled. "So, our kissing booth is tomorrow" Elle mentioned, " You two please be on your best behavior." She said pointing at me and Marco. Noah chuckled causing everyone to look back at him, "What? Is there something wrong?" he asked standing up and leaning his hands on the dining table facing Marco.

"Noah", I whispered his name loud enough so that he could hear, tears welling up in my eyes as I stared into his, "not here."

"Fine", he said through the napkin on the table, "If you guys don't mind, I have somewhere I need to be." As he walked away Chloe looked back at me and then at him. She smiled as she stood up and followed him out. 

"I gotta go too", I said standing up, "I have to catch up in school so, yeah". I made my way into my room and locked the door, I had been lying there for quite some time when I heard Elle's voice, she seemed upset. Marco and Elle had been arguing in the garden. 

"How can you say that there was nothing between us, ever!?" Elle screamed crying. 

"I like you Elle but I'm in love with someone else", Marco said as he tried to get closer to her. 

"I hate you!" Elle screamed as she walked away. I brought my focus back to Marco, he was staring right back at me. We locked eyes for a second before I moved away. He knew I knew now, which means that he was definitely going to try to talk to me and well I was going to try my hardest not to talk to him. 

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It was homecoming game night, the benches were full of students wearing the school colors and rocking the school spirit. I hadn't seen Beth since that one day. She definitely hates me, I thought to myself. "Pretzel with a side of I'm sorry?" Bethany asked as she sat next to me. "Shouldn't I be the one holding the side of I'm sorry?" I asked as I made space for her next to me.  "I think we both have a lot to apologize for", she replied, "I have been really negative towards you and Noah, but that's just because I was trying to help you. Honestly, you guys had a rough relationship since he moved."

I knew that was true, Noah and I were always arguing. "I guess I understand", I smiled, "I'm sorry for being mad that you cared."

"It's okay. It was fun seeing that one forehead vein you had popped out" she joked. "Forehead vein?" I asked placing my hand on my forehead trying to locate it. "Yeah, the one that looks like its about to blow anytime you start screaming at something", she smirked. 

"I hate you", I nudged her with my elbow. "I hate you too!" She said as she laid her head on my shoulders. "Now give me this", I said taking her pretzel from her and taking a bite. "Oh look who it is", Beth said looking up, "Flynn and his not-so-secret mistress".

"Don't even get me started about that", I replied as I looked up. There he was, watching the game with no one other than Chloe. "They would be a really hot couple", Beth commented. 

"Not helping", I replied stuffing my mouth with the pretzel. "Sorry." 

She was right, they would be a fucking hot couple. The ones everyone does a double-take when they walk on the streets. "They would have really cute babies", I replied with tears in my eyes stuffing my mouth with the pretzel again. "There, there", Beth path my back, "Karma is real, maybe they can't have babies". I looked up at Beth with my stuffed mouth and teary eye, "Great, now they're the fun couple who never had kids because they decided to travel the world together". 

"I think maybe we should stop fantasizing about your ex's life with another woman", Beth said as she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.  I nodded, my mouth was too full to reply. "Hey Em, can we talk?" said a shadow that was now in front of me. I looked up to see Marco standing, "I.. can't" I replied whipping the tears from my face, "Beth". She nodded, "Sorry dude, we're really busy right now. We're big football fans!" she smiled. I smiled with her, even though that was the worst excuse of the entire universe. "Okay then, maybe next time", he said as he walked away. I looked up at Noah and there he was staring right back at me. "I think we should go", I told Beth as I stood up. She looked up at Noah and then back at me, "Alright, where to?"

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We ended up deciding to go get ready for the kissing booth at my house. I had everything we needed there and it was also a closer drive. I pulled out the leather jacket I was wearing a year ago, on the same day. I know I shouldn't hold on to the past but for some reason, I didn't want to let go. Beth and I finished our make-up and hair and I had decided to wear a black satin dress with lace details and the jacket with my favorite pair of ankle boots. I lather on some red lipstick, if I was going to kiss random dudes tonight, at least let me leave a mark. "Ready?" Beth asked walking back into my room, I nodded and we headed out to the festival. 

"Do you think it's dumb for me to hold on?" I asked Beth. 

"Do you think that there's still a chance?" She replied.

 "A friend of mine once told me that we can't hold on to the people we love, or they slip away faster. Maybe that was my problem, maybe me trying to hold on to Noah and Em from High School made me not accept Noah and EM long distance." 

"I did not understand a word you just said but yeah, that's it", Beth joked. "I'm being serious", I replied. "So am I! Em I am not the right person to be talking to this about, but you know who is Noah".

I looked out the window, she was right, I was talking to the wrong person. "The best thing to hold on to in life is each other." 

"Audrey Hepburn", Beth replied, "That woman is always right you know".

"Yeah, I know" I replied. Damn you, Hepburn.

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It was time for the Kissing Booth and my hope was that I would see Noah and I would tell him exactly how I feel. But of course, nothing ever goes as planned. 

I was getting ready to hit the stage when Lee walked in with his girlfriend. "Hey Lee, is Noah coming by any chance?"

"Not sure" he replied, " I can text him if you want".

"that's okay", I smiled. I was ready to go on stage, they had already covered my eyes and were slowly helping me walk towards the booth. I forgot how weird it felt to not know who you would kiss. Part of me wished that Noah would come out of nowhere and scoop me like he did the first time. The first participant walked in, he was placed in front of me. He smelled so familiar, too familiar. Flashbacks took over my brain, our lips touching, his hands around my waist, it was Marco. I took off my blindfold not wanting to do the same mistake of kissing him again. "Marco?" I asked as he removed his blindfold too. "What are you doing here?" I asked. 

"You didn't want to talk to me. So I thought that maybe being face to face with you like this would trap you long enough for me to say what I have to say", Marco paused. 

"Marco", I attempted to interrupt as I noticed that both Elle and Noah had shown up and were now watching us. 

"I'm in love with you Emily", he said. The people in the audience were shocked, they were whispering amongst each other. "Since the day I saw you again I have not been able to get you off my mind", he continued. "Marco don't", I stopped him but it was already too late, Noah had made his way to the stage with Elle. "Hey you", Noah called before sending Marco to the floor with a punch. "NOAH!", I stepped in stopping him from doing any more damage. "What the fuck is wrong with you bro?" Marco asked standing up. "That's for kissing my girlfriend asshole!" Noah said as he stepped away. "Noah", I called his name but he didn't stop, he kept going. Elle stayed, staring at both me and Marco in awe. "She's the one?" Elle asked confused, "my fucking sister?"

"You did this to me again?" Elle said now looking straight at me. "I did not know Elle", I replied with tears filling my eyes, "You have to believe me when I tell you that I did not know".

"I don't believe a word that's coming from your mouth!" she cried out in anger. I stood there on the stage as the two people that I loved the most walked away. I turned to Marco, "You once told me that you can't hold on to someone you love, so I'm begging you, Marco, set me free."

"You can't tell me the feelings weren't mutual", he replied. 

"I'm sorry", I cried as tears streamed down my cheeks, "But it's him, it will always be him." I ran towards Noah, I had to get to him, I had to apologize, I had to tell him how I felt!

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