Chapter 18

Paperplane necklace...

I cant say anything with what I heard...

So Harry gave this necklace to Taylor Swift. The popstar. You know, Taylor Swift... no big deal.

And it seems like she's still very much inlove with Harry cause she wrote a song for him. Not just once but twice? Or thrice?

This necklace was originally hers.

He must love her so much...

'She just released it the other day and now it's climbing the charts. The song is definitely about you Harreh and did you know wha--'

Nick was interrupted by Ed who cleared his throat and looked at me.

'Ohhh sorry'... Nick told me.

'What? Dont apologize'. I smiled at him.

Awkward silence......

Then Harry changed the topic; it was quite obvious that they dont really wanna talk about Taylor with me around so I just went with the flow; but I cant help but think about Harry and Taylor.

They are the perfect match. She's a good person obviously. And they deserve each other. I mean, who am I compared to Taylor Swift? It's evident that they were inlove.

Is Harry just trying to get over Taylor that's why he's with me?

**************After the guests have left... I helped Harry clean up his place but I am so curious of what the song Style is about so I really need to hear it. There's this awkward vibe between us now, we arent really talking, we're just grabbing stuff throwing stuff cleaning stuff... he's trying to avoid the topic I know. Then I grabbed the trash bag so I will have an excuse to go out for a bit

'Uhmm I'll just throw these outside'

'I can do that'. He told me.

'No, please... I can manage'. I half smiled.

'Okay babe'.

The second I threw the garbage, I got my phone and searched for Taylor's song....

YOU GOT THAT JAMES DEANDAYDREAM LOOK IN YOUR EYE...

WHEN WE GO CRASHING DOWN...WE COME BACK EVERYTIMEWE NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE

I'VE HEARD... THAT YOU'VE BEEN OUT AND ABOUT WITH SOME OTHER GIRL...

HE SAID WHAT YOU HEARD IS TRUE BUT I... CANT STOP THINKING 'BOUT YOU AND I... I SAID I'VE BEEN THERE TOO A FEW TIMES.

Wow.

Is it just me or am I really hearing the lyrics right?

I want to disappear. Am I the villain of their lovestory?

So many questions... unanswered.

I heard... that you've been out and about with some other girl...

He said what you heard is true but I... cant stop thinking 'bout you and I...

'Hey, what are you doing here?'

Why do you have to see me like this Harry... I wasnt even aware of my tears; not until he wiped the tears off my face.

With a sigh, he told me... 'You're crying'.

'Maybe because of the weather?'

Weather? Really, Nikki? Out of all the excuses... you pick the weather?? Errrrrr.

'I know it's not. Let's go inside please?' He said.

He held my hand as we went inside and when we got in, his both hands lightly held my face and he looked at me, carefully figuring out what was wrong.

'Im taking a wild guess. Is this about the necklace?'

'Okay... hmm... why didnt you tell me that this was Taylor's?' I told him while I was holding the pendant of my... I mean, Taylor's necklace.

'That was in the past, Nikki'.

'I know... but why didn't you tell me? I felt like I was stupid awhile ago. I was wearing this necklace that wasnt even originally mine in the first place. So... what? this was Taylor's? And when you guys broke up she gave it back to you? Now you gave it to me? What is this? A recycle?'. Then Harry grabbed my shoulders and then his right hand held my chin...

'Hey... hey... Nikki... please'. He grabbed the paperplane pendant of the necklace and told me...

'This is originally for the girl I'd love; even before her... I had this necklace and I promised myself that I would give this to the woman I will love. Yes, this was Taylor's, yes we were inlove, yes I thought she was the one. Yes, she gave this back. Yes I was devastated... I thought I could never love again. But then there's you... You happened, and it was the best. I love you more than I loved her. Infact, I think I love you more than anything'.

'You told me no secrets right?'. I replied.

'I just thought there's no need to talk about it cause that was way back then'...

'Clearly, she still hasnt moved on'... I told him while I pulled away when he tried to hug me.

'What? Come on, Nikki that cant be true'. His eyebrows furrowed and I know he's a bit pissed already.

Uh- oh.

Well Styles you dont have the right to be angry at me now. I should be the one pissed, you know.

'It's true. Her song says it all'. Then I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes; avoiding eye contact.

'Nikki... come on, please you're being unreasonable'...

Unreasonable. Me? Wow.

'Oh... yeah. Maybe I am... cause if you listened to that song it's clear that you're both still inlove with each other it's like I'm the villain of your lovestory or something'.

'Thats ridiculous. What?'

I then wiped my hands dry and played Style on my phone on full blast, forwarded it to the part that hit me the most and boom his face was red. Knew it. He's still inlove with Taylor.

SEE IVE HEARD THAT YOUVE BEEN OUT AND ABOUT WITH SOME OTHE GIRL...HE SAID WHAT YOU HEARD WAS TRUE BUT I... CANT STOP THINKING BOUT YOU AND I... I SAID IVE BEEN THERE TOO A FEW TIMES...

'The girl she's referring to wasnt you. It was Kendall and Paige and some other girls after her... why am I talking about this now? Dont you trust me? Youre still underestimating my feelings for you'.

'How can I not?? I mean look at them?... I'm... I'm no match for you Harry. What if youre just playing with me? What if youre not serious? What if youre just using me to move on from Tay--'

'What if I'm not!??' He shouted. I wasnt able to open my mouth with what he said... and then he continued,

'I dont know what to do anymore just to show you what I feel for you, it's all still not clear to you is it? I fucking love you! It's you, Nikki. It's fucking you that I love... you still not get it?? I dont fucking care about everybody else it's just you that I see! But you know what? The problem is not me. It's you. You dont trust me and most of all... you always underestimate yourself'.

Then he walked out and slapped the lamp near him which broke together with the other picture frames near it. He went to the garden and slammed the door shut.

And there I was... by myself.

Drowned by my thoughts.

My negative thoughts.

These negative thoughts that eats my confidence and love for myself.

Then I had flashbacks to when I was a kid, my parents used to tell me over and over again to be confident and not be shy but I always was... thats why opportunities passed me by and my thoughts were always 'I wish I tried'. I knew deep inside that I can make it... I can compete with the top notchers of the class, I can compete in other activities at school but I was contented with doing the average cause I lack self confidence. I was afraid. I wasnt brave enough.

If only I was confident...If only I did this and did that...If only...

Now I know. The real enemy here is myself. My pessimist self.I was destroying myself with these negative thoughts.

And now I'm destroying this relationship because of me.

Nikki have you forgotten what Harry did for you? For this relationship?

This is my fault.

And I wont let this relationship go down the drain just because of my insecurities.

No, not anymore.

I was crying not because of Harry but because of myself. I've realized a lot of things about myself and Harry was the one who made me see that.

I looked at the garden from the window and there he was... sitting on the bench. I wiped my tears and went outside, ready to apologize.

He always gives me the back hug, so I think it's my turn to do this. I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my head at the left side of his face...

'Sorry' I said.

He didnt respond, instead... he grabbed one of my arms and pulled me lightly infront of him, he hugged me while he was still sitting on the bench and me standing so his right cheek was pressed against my stomach; I brushed his hair with my fingers softly then he stood up facing me... held my face and kissed me. Kissed me like he was never gonna kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around him and he did too, almost lifting me off the floor. When we pulled away from the kiss, he told me...

'Dont ever... ever look down on yourself again, please'. His forehead was on mine.

'Im really sorry, Harry'. I replied.He then lifted my chin up and continued,

'So what if Taylor wrote a song for me, I wrote a song for you. Doesnt that say a lot? And this might sound crazy to you and all the others... but I am... well... I am absolutely crazy about you. Screw what they say. What we have is genuine love, thats what matters. I never thought I could love like this, not until you. So please, stop doubting. Im yours'.

'Why me?' I asked.

'I honestly dont know. I ask that to myself too but it seems like I couldnt get the answers'. He smirked.

I smiled.

'I love you, Harry; so... much that I'm afraid this might all go away'.

'It will not. I promise. Come, let's get inside'. He held my hand and we went to the living room.

Then he played John Mayer and Katy Perry's Who You Love as he placed his arms around the back of my waist and his lips lightly kissed my forehead and then slowly, his head moved down to the left side of my ear and whispered the lyrics to my ear

MY GIRL... SHE AINT THE ONE THAT I SAW COMINGAND SOMETIMES I DONT KNOW WHICH WAY TO GOAND I TRIED TO RUN BEFORE...BUT IM NOT RUNNING ANYMORE...CAUSE I FOUGHT AGAINST IT HARD ENOUGH TO KNOW...

YOU LOVE WHO YOU LOVE....

I looked at him and he was smirking at me. A

Ahhhh what have I done to deserve this! I wasnt able to help myself; I held his face, looked straight into his green eyes and said,

'The dishes. I need to finish the dishes'.

I saw him confused for a second then he chuckled and said...

'Seriously?? You just ruined our romantic moment!'

I pulled away from his grip and ran to the kitchen while shouting

'I'll be back! This wont be long!'

But then I heard his footsteps fast approaching... I looked back and there he instantly grabbed me from the back lifting me off the floor while he was laughing..

'Stop!' I laughed.

'Put me down, Styles!'

'Since you ruined the mood'...

He whispered in my ear.. then he lightly rubbed his nose against the right side of my neck ohh goosebumps!

... 'let me help you with the dishes'. He continued.