Chapter 3

Faye Malisorn's POV

As we arrived back at the hotel and went our separate ways to our rooms, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease. The fact that Yoko had chosen to share a room with P'wan instead of me stung.

I stepped into my room, closing the door behind me and sinking onto the edge of the bed, the weight of my guilt and regret pressing down on me like a leaden blanket.

Lying on the bed, my thoughts naturally drifted to the idea of being in a relationship with Yoko.

I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be able to express my feelings for her openly in public, to hold her hand, to kiss her on the cheek...

Then my mind drifted away on our careers and work, as I began to dwell on the numerous ways in which our professional lives had interfered with our budding relationship.

My mind raced with a flood of reasons why our work was a constant stumbling block.

We had hectic schedules that rarely allowed for quality time together. Our celebrity status meant that any public display of our relationship could lead to unwanted attention and scrutiny.

Our busy work commitments made it challenging to prioritize our relationship and invest time and energy into building something deeper...

The constant barrage of worries and doubts was taking a toll on my mind, and I could feel myself becoming more and more tired. The room was beginning to feel like it was closing in on me, and all I wanted was to close my eyes and escape into sleep.

As I was just about to close my eyes and surrender to sleep, I suddenly felt my phone vibrate with a new message.

Glancing down at the screen, I saw that it was from Yoko and it said

"Open your door."

Confused, I blinked in surprise, my tiredness quickly fading away as curiosity took over.

I quickly stumbled out of bed and towards the door, my heart racing with a mixture of surprise and excitement.

As I opened the door, my eyes fell on Yoko, standing there in her sleeping attire. Her hair was messier than usual, and she looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen her before.

"Y-yo?"

Yoko leaned against the doorway with a pout on her face, her disappointment obvious. She spoke up, her voice tinged with frustration.

"You didn't even try to convince me to change my mind!"

I tried to hide my surprise and feigned nonchalance, but I could feel a pang of guilt in my chest for not making more of an effort to convince her to share a room with me.

But seeing Yoko standing there, looking tired and cranky, my initial surprise quickly faded away, and I couldn't help but laugh internally at her pouty expression.

In my head, I joked to myself that she looked like a cute, grumpy chipmunk.

With a quick glance around outside my room, I quickly pulled Yoko into my room, fearing that we may be seen together in a compromising way and create more rumors.

A hint of surprise flickered across Yoko's lips as I pulled her into the room, caught somewhat off guard by my sudden action.

"I thought you were asleep already. I was just about to go to sleep myself." I said.

"Yeah, I can't get that whole situation earlier at the restaurant out of my mind. It's been bothering me."

I nodded, my own frustration and exhaustion mirrored in Yoko's expression. I sighed heavily and admitted,

"I wanted to talk to you about it too, but I remembered that we're both tired and we need to get some rest. We have a full day of activities tomorrow, after all."

I paused for a moment, then added with a hint of annoyance, "I just can't believe you chose to share a room with P'wan instead of me."

"I was hurt. The whole situation at the restaurant, it's just frustrated me."

Yoko took a step closer, her gaze searching mine as she spoke, her voice laced with vulnerability.

"Faye, I have to ask you something. Why did you deny your feelings for me in front of P'wan? Why did you pretend like there was nothing between us?"

"The truth is, I was scared. I can't stop thinking about it, you know. About us. About what it would be like to be with you."

"Really? But what are you scared of?"

"Because it's complicated. Our careers, the media, everything could make it so difficult. I don't want to risk losing you, or our friendship, if it all goes wrong."

My voice filled with remorse. "I'm scared that we won't be able to handle the pressure and the scrutiny, and that it will end in disaster."

Yoko nodded.

"I understand. It's a lot to consider. But Faye, I can't stop thinking about you either. About what we could be, if we just took the chance."

My eyes widened momentarily at Yoko's words, a mix of emotions flooding my heart. I gazed intently into Yoko's eyes, feeling my heart race at the potential possibilities that lay ahead.

"I know we want to be together, Yoko. But it's not just about what we want now. We have to think about what comes after, the consequences."

Yoko's gaze softened as she spoke, her voice tinged with a hint of disappointment.

"Faye, I understand your fears, but I don't understand why you're so afraid of even considering a relationship." She said

"I'm not asking for anything too crazy. I'm not asking for us to be public and to put ourselves out there. I just want us to be together, privately, in secret." She continued.

My mind was racing as I listened to Yoko’s words, torn between desire and fear. I glanced away from yoko, my voice laced with a mix of determination and vulnerability.

“It's not like I don't like the idea, I just... I crave something deeper, you know? I want something more than just sneaking around in secret. I want us to be able to be together openly, without having to hide."

I saw Yoko's silence and the expression on her face, a mixture of various emotions. I could tell she was taking in my words, mulling them over in her mind.

Then I spoke again with conviction and a touch of wistfulness.

"Sometimes, I can't help but wonder how different things would be if we weren't both working in the public eye, both of us actresses, constantly in the spotlight. If we didn't have to worry about being constantly scrutinized, maybe our relationship would be easier." I said, my voice firm and contemplative.

"Maybe we could be more open about our feelings, without worrying about what others might think." I added.

Yoko responded with a hopeful tone, her eyes filled with determination.

"Of course, there will be people who will love us and accept our relationship." Though I appreciated her confidence, I couldn't help but voice my concerns.

I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.

"I know, but there will also be those who will judge and criticize us. And I'm not worried about myself, but I worry for you. I fear that dealing with all the negative reactions might be tough on you."

"I have to admit, I'm not entirely certain about your feelings for me as a woman. I can't help but wonder if it's truly sincere or if it's just a passing infatuation."

Yoko's confidence wavered momentarily as she heard my uncertain words. She furrowed her brow.

"Why are you saying that, Faye? Do you doubt my feelings for you? I thought we had something real between us."

I sighed, my own doubts mixing with guilt as I looked into her eyes. My heart ached witnessing the pain my words had caused.

"I don't want to doubt you, Yoko. It's just... I can't shake off these nagging thoughts. Are you ready for everything that comes with being in a relationship with a woman?"

Yoko's eyes welled up with unshed tears as she spoke, her voice breaking slightly with the weight of her emotions.

"I don't care if you're a woman. I want to be with you, no matter what. It hurts me that you're letting your fear control our relationship."

My voice was soft as I spoke, a hint of resignation in my words.

"Maybe I'm not ready yet, Yoko."

My thoughts and feelings were tangled, caught in a web of conflicting emotions. Deep down, I knew that I was ready, but the fear of what could happen held me back.

As I looked into Yoko's eyes, seeing the hurt in her expression, the words spilled out, despite my inner turmoil.

"I can't risk losing you or messing everything up between us." I continued.

"What about those moments when we're ourselves onstage and everything, huh? When we're up there, and it's just us? What then, Faye?" Her voice laced with frustration

"It's all real. I promise you, my feelings for you are real."

"You're a coward, Faye. You're so afraid of what might happen that you're willing to give up on us before we even have a chance." Her voice was shaking with a mix of anger and disappointment.

My heart sank as I watched Yoko walk away, tears streaming down her face. It was as if my own words had punctured a hole in my chest, leaving behind a pang of guilt and sadness.

I knew deep down that I loved Yoko, and that our connection onstage went beyond mere friendship. But my fear of what could happen held me back, preventing me from taking a chance on something beautiful.