31 - Forgive and Forget

                                                                                  MARK

I just got home form our afternoon with Kris. I felt better. 

I've been thinking what to tell her when I saw her. I wanted so bad to call her, but she didn't reply when I sent her a message the day after what happened. 

That night, the guys and I got home and they kept teasing me until they slept. Junior came to me and he said he saw what I did. 

"What did you just do?" he asked me.

"I don't know, too, Junior."

"So, are you two officially going out?"

"No."

"Then what? Why?"

"I just don't know."

"So, what would you do now?"

I just shrugged and sighed.

"You gotta clear this up with her, hyung."

"I know. But, HOW?" 

"Just tell her you like her. You're confusing her. She might think you're just playing with her or something."

"That's what I'm afraid of. But, I just couldn't tell her that I have feelings for her. What if she rejects me? What if she doesn't like me that way?"

"That's normal."

"I wouldn't want to risk our friendship just yet."

"It's your call. But, I'm telling you, hyung, she has a right to know why you did that."

Good thing she didn't remind me or asked me questions about that. I wasn't ready for an answer yet.

I went to bed after washing up. I turned on my laptop and checked all my accounts. Nothing new. I checked my email. One message from Angela. 

My dearest Mark,

How are you doing? I miss you. So much that I couldn't sleep at night. And when I do, I dream about you. 

Please Mark. I hope you find it in your heart to give me a second chance. I LOVE YOU. I don't know what to do without you. 

I called you many times but you didn't answer. I just wanted to hear your voice. 

I'm dying here, Mark. I need you back.

Love, Angela.

It might be too soon, but I don't really care now if she's still with Jason or not. It still hurts remembering, of course, but I'm happy now. So, I clicked on reply.

I forgive you.

I clicked send.

I hope that would make her feel a bit better. Maybe we could be friends again. We've known each other for a long time. We grew up together. I don't wanna waste our friendship. So, for old times sake, I forgave her. 

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I went out on a date with my Dad the time he came to visit. He told me about what was happening back home, how my brother is now joining motocross races and my sister being a chef in a 5-star hotel. 

He left for Jeju that night but not without reminding me:

"Kris, I know that you have the right to fall in love or have relationships. I'm ok with that. Just promise me that you won't get hurt again."

"Yes, Dad."

He didn't say I couldn't be friends with him, right?

Mark would sometimes call me and we would talk for an hour. Sometimes, we would meet up, I would teach him more about the guitar or we would just go riding on my bike. 

We just enjoyed each other's company. No commitments. We became more and more comfortable.

Buzz...my phone went off. It was a message from Yonghwa. 

'Hey little sis. Let's get together. Jun's inviting us in his house tonight.'

'Ok, I'll be there.' I replied.

We have finished practicing early and I was just putting my things in my car. I checked the time - 6 PM. I better just go straight there. 

"Hey, you're here." Jun hugged me as soon as I got in. 

"Of course. What's the occasion anyway?" I asked. 

"I just missed you guys. I haven't seen you guys in a month." 

True, he had been very busy. 

I entered the living room and I saw Yonghwa sitting on the sofa. Beside him was Ailee. They were looking at some pictures when they saw me. 

"Kris," Yonghwa waved.

"Annyeonghasaeyo," I bowed to Ailee. 

"Annyeong," he waved and smiled. She really is very pretty. 

"Dinner will be ready in a few," Jun said as he headed towards the kitchen.

"When is your comeback?" Ailee asked. I sat on the floor beside them.

"Two weeks from now, Eonnie."

"You can just speak to me in English, you know." She spoke in English herself. So that's why Yonghwa has been studying English really hard. Gotcha.

"Ok,....eonnie." I smiled and she just laughed.

Jun prepared some pasta and garlic bread. He doesn't really cook that much, which made me think. Is something going on? Does these two guys have something to say again?

The last time they treated me like a princess was when they told me about Mark and Angela. Suddenly, I became nervous.

They were acting all mysterious again. 

"Spill it," I said as we were resting after dinner.

"Spill what?" Jun looked all too innocent.

"C'mon, guys. I know you."

"It's nothing bad, actually." Ailee spoke up for them.

"You're getting married?" I was in shock. Is it why Yonghwa invited her here today? 

"NO, Silly." Yonghwa hit my arm. "Not yet, though." He looked at Ailee and gave her the sweetest smile.

I cringed at their sweetness and threw them a pillow.

"Pleaseeee...." I made a face, "not in front of singles living alone." I was pertaining to me and Jun. 

"Yah..." Jun's small slitted eyes became larger. "I'm happy living alone."

We just laughed at his remark.

"Suit yourself." Yonghwa added.

"Well," Ailee was their spokesperson, "I've heard a lot about you from Yonghwa and I thought these two are just being overprotective over you." What is she talking about?

"That's because she's still young." Yonghwa said.

Ailee just side glanced him and continued.

"I know about Mark," What?

Do they talk about me when they go on their dates?

She stopped and looked at the two guys. 

"Can you give us a minute?" She told them.

"Sure," Yonghwa stood up and pulled Jun to his feet, "we'll just go take a walk."

Ailee waited for them to close the door behind them. She looked at me and motioned me to sit beside her. I did.

"This dinner was actually my plan." It was? "Yonghwa has been very concerned about you lately. He told me you wouldn't open up to them anymore."

True. I just didn't have that many stories to tell them besides Mark, which they wouldn't want to hear. I haven't talked to them about my feelings for him. I was just afraid they would react ..like, well...like how they usually react about boys...with scorn.

"So, I thought you needed someone to talk to." Her eyes were so gentle. I could feel how sincere she was. "You can talk to me."

I just looked at her. She seemed so honest and reliable. I suddenly felt like I've known her for a long time. Like she was an older sister or something. 

I didn't know why, but, my tears just started falling. 

She stroked my hair. "Let it out, Kris."

I wiped off my tears. She handed me her handkerchief and I used it to wipe the tears away.

"Sorry," I just said. 

"Wanna talk about it?" She was trying to make me talk.

I looked up at her. Suddenly I just wanted to tell her everything. So, I did.

I started telling her about how Mark and I became friends. How I realized I had feelings for him. How he kissed me that night. How I'm still battling with my feelings until now. 

I felt like everything in me became lighter, like all the burden I've kept all hidden came out rushing. There were things I didn't even know I was feeling. 

"I just don't know what to do." I finally said.

"That's alright, Kris." She pulled me towards her and let my head lean on her shoulder.

"Thanks for listening, Eonnie." My tears came rolling down again.

She was stroking my hear. 

"You know what?" She pushed me gently and let me face her. "You can talk to me anytime. I insist you call me when you need somebody to talk to. Ok?"

"Thanks." 

"Kris, you just need to be honest with yourself. If you like him, you like him. If not, then not. You don't have to keep on lying to yourself. I know that feeling. It's hard."

I agree. I feel much better now that I talked to her.

"Don't worry too much about pleasing your kuyas. I'll take care of them."

I smiled at her and gave her a hug. 

"Thank you. I really needed that."

I went home with a lighter heart. I took a long relaxing bath and went to bed. 

Suddenly I remembered I had tickets for Maroon 5's concert which is scheduled a day before our comeback. 

Should I invite him?

I took my phone and started to dial Mark's number. It just rang.

Maybe he's already asleep.

'I have two tickets for a Maroon 5 concert. Interested?' I texted.

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