6

I jolt forward in my chair. "Relax, it's ok. you're finished." The abnegation woman looks worried. I wonder what's wrong. She's trying to look away, avoiding my eyes, but it isn't that easy for her when she can't look at mirrors.

"What did I get?" I ask, wondering what my answer will be.

"What do you want to get?" I think about her question, pondering my answer. What do I want? I didn't really think to much about me, about what I want. That felt too selfish. Instead, I thought about my family and the guidelines that I'd have to follow. Did I not think about this enough? Did I rely too much on the aptitude test to choose for me?

"I want whatever the test gave me." I answer at last.

"Well, then you have a slight problem." The woman whispers, her voice hoarse and full of concern.

"Why so?"

"You're divergent."

"What?"

"Divergent. More than one faction. It doesn't happen often." She explains.

"I know what it means, I read a book about them once. It's not possible! I can't be divergent! I don't want to be a divergent!" I know that I'm over reacting, I know that I'm losing control.

"Shhh. Believe me when I tell you that you want no one to know about this." The abnegation woman says, sounding tense, "The divergent are hunted, killed, murdered. The divergent threaten our system, so most people would do anything to dispose of them. You must tell no one that you are divergent, not even your family."

"That would be lying, I couldn't."

"You must." She insists, "You have no choice."

"Will you tell anyone?" I ask anxiously.

"No, I don't think you deserve death." The woman says.

"Which factions do I have aptitude for?"

"Dauntless, Erudite, Candor and Abnegation. You should probably know that no one's had four factions before. The ability to have aptitude for two factions is both extremely rare and unlikely, but to get four..." Her voice trails off.

"Three times as extraordinary." I finish.

"I'm registering your results as dauntless. If anyone asks you, tell them that you got sick during the test. I'm sending you home early." The abnegation woman says. I leave school dazed and bewildered. How could this happen to me? I think as I leave the shimmering glass structure behind forever. I'll never enter the school again, and I know that. I'll be trained at my new faction. Only, which faction? Which one will I choose? My choice will define me forever, there will be no going back. Now I realize just how much I was relying on my aptitude test. But now I must choose.

I scuff my feet as I walk, staring at the cracked streets and abandoned buildings. I wonder what our city was like before the great war. What were things like when you didn't have to choose a faction? What did people believe in? What made there lives worth living? What really caused the great war? Was it conflict, dishonesty, cowardliness, selfishness, lack of knowledge or something else? Are human emotions really to blame for it all as we are told? Who would I be in that kind of world? Who am I here? What faction do I belong in?

I see the structure made of all our materials, the building with all our symbols imprinted on it's side, the building that houses the choosing ceremony. What will I do when I'm standing there, in front of everyone? Which faction will I choose if I have aptitude for four? The train track supports are near now. The long strips of metal glimmer in the noon sunlight. Normally, this sight would fill me with delight but today it does not. Will this be one of the last times I catch a train? Will I walk from the choosing ceremony tomorrow following people with blue, grey or white and black clothing instead of my black clad friends and family? Will I never see Felix again after tomorrow? He is likely to choose dauntless, I know that. Where else could he be? He's strong, fast, loud and hard headed, perfect for dauntless. Will I be unable to establish a friendship with him? I do want to. I don't want to be enemies with everyone. I don't want to hurt people. That must be what makes me abnegation, it must be because I value others as I do myself.

I clamber up the supports, going slowly to help me keep my balance. The bitter sting of the incoming winter winds has made the metal cold and chilling. I left my jacket with the abnegation lady, I couldn't stand the thought of her having to avoid glancing at those mirrors. The rails quiver signalling the incoming train. I stand back, waiting. A train appears, snaking rapidly towards me. The normal nervous goose bumps and excited shivers don't come, instead I feel lonely and empty inside. When the first car twists towards me I grab the door handle without an issue and pull myself inside. The train compartment is warm and welcoming. The well lit carriage is familiar and similar to all the others, and I know that nothing is wrong with it. I feel as if something's changed though. The train car is as silent and ghostly as when I ride in it alone to reach the mixed sector. I may only do this one more time, so I really should be enjoying it, savouring the speeding air and the thrill of height, taking it all in, storing this event in my memory. But I can't. This doesn't feel right. I barely acknowledge the swift moving air, the rushing speeds or the deadly heights. I don't stick my head out the open door to enjoy the cool, overpowering air. Instead I sit hunched in a corner, far from the door, with my knees pressed tightly against my chest. Who will I be tomorrow, for the rest of my life? What will my decision be? Who is Vic?

When I jump off the train onto the roof of the building below the glistening glass hub I land with a thud, without smiling or laughing. I want to see Cal like I always do. I make my way to the tattoo shop, walking instead of sprinting, thinking instead of laughing. I enter the store still pondering my options. I could be a candor working hard to discover the truth, debating for enjoyment. I admit that being candor has always appealed to me, but how can I be candor if I must lie about my divergence? How can I be honest if I must lie? I also know that the candor have to do a test of some kind. I know that they must tell their fellow candor what their deepest, darkest secret is. Now I know what mine is, and I can't admit that I'm divergent, I could be killed for that. That's candor ruled out. I don't think I could live life as an abnegation, without mirrors and all that. Plus, wouldn't choosing them be selfish? I would be leaving my family which would cause them possible grief or pain. I don't wish to become selfless through selfish means. That leaves amity, dauntless and erudite. I don't have aptitude for amity and I wouldn't join those cowards. I wouldn't betray my beliefs, and I believe that amity are pansycakes. So dauntless or erudite? Would I be smart enough for erudite? The tests for erudite are supposed to be extremely hard. My family is in dauntless and my brother's trained me well and told me all about the initiation, I would easily pass and wouldn't have to worry about becoming factionless, at least not until I'm to old to jump off trains. Plus, I'm used to dauntless life style and I would get the chance to become friends with Felix. Dauntless. I am dauntless.

I feel as if someone just took a huge weight off my shoulders. Now that I've made up my mind, I won't have to worry about choosing my faction tomorrow. I enter the backroom, hoping that Cal's there. He is here, drawing tattoo designs. Cal's hand moves gently as his pencil sketches a dark cat with big eyes.  He puts down his pencil and turns to look at me. "Vic! Back already? What did you get?" He inquires excitedly.

I want to tell him everything, about the aptitude test, my result, my divergence. I know I can't, but he's my brother. I never thought I'd lie to anyone about anything, especially not to Cal. We've always trusted each other. I grit my teeth as I tell my first lie. "Dauntless." I answer, "but we aren't supposed to talk about our tests or our results."

"I know, but we're siblings. We can trust each other right?" he says. I nod, telling my second lie only a minute after the first. "Good you got dauntless. I knew you would, but then again, I did think that you might get erudite. Never mind, you sticking with the test?"

"Kind of."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cal asks, his face falling.

"I'm not sure what to choose." I admit, "There's so many options."

"Five factions, five options. Just choose what you want to choose, even if that means ignoring the test. I'll always love you no matter what you pick Vic." Cal says.

"Faction before blood." I remind him.

"Well, yeah, but who said that the dauntless were the rule followers?" He replies grinning.

"No one. If anything, they're the rule breakers." I answer. We both chuckle. Maybe things are fine between us again. I know that my lie will haunt me though. I know I'll feel guilty each time I lie about my divergence. If I stay in dauntless I may have to lie to Cal and dad a lot. I don't know how I should feel about that, but if I feel so terrible about this one lie how will I do it again? How will I lie?

"Hey Vic, why don't you head home? Dad's been dying to know how things went. Or you could just go for a walk or something if you don't want to answer his questions, but I do need to work." Cal says.

"I'll go for a walk. I don't feel like talking to dad yet."

"Sure. See you at dinner."

I leave the tattoo shop. None of the other kids are back yet, so I head to my favourite place in the compound. The chasm. I break into a sprint, running swiftly to the waterfall and chasm. My feet pound on the rocky ground, thudding loudly. The complex isn't empty, but it isn't full either. The adult dauntless are working and the stores are open, but the complex is kid free. My noisy footsteps echo around me, making me feel strong and powerful. Running makes me feel so free, so calm, so dauntless.

I reach the metal bridge and walk across the rusting steel. I perch myself on the only railing in the compound, staring into the murky depths of the chasm. The darkness seems endless and hungry, beckoning for me to jump in and discover what lies at the bottom, but I know jumping for real would mean my death. The waterfall roars loudly as it splatters me with icy drops of water. This is freedom. This is my home.

I can feel time passing. My feet are cramped, but I don't want to get up and stretch. I want to slow time down, so I can sit here forever in complete peace. Maybe the amity are right to love this feeling, maybe peace is better then justice, maybe I should believe in it too. But peace doesn't get things done. Hard, strong work and action get things done, action keeps us alive and holds us together. Without it we'd fall to pieces and there would be nothing, not even peace. Action gave us the factions. Action rebuilt our city. Action kept us alive.

"Vic?" I turn round.

"Hey Felix."

"How'd things go?" he asks, sounding surprisingly interested to me. Felix has never seemed to care about what I think, and we've never had a casual conversation like this. We've always been at each other's throats, trying to harm the other. Now I realize that I like this better. I kind of feel interested in Felix too.

"Ok."

"What did you get?" Why is everyone asking me that? I don't want to lie about it again.

"We aren't allowed to talk about it." I reply, which is true.

"Come on. I'll tell you what I got."

"I know exactly what you got." I mutter.

Felix raises his eyebrows, "So tell me what I got."

"Dauntless."

He frowns. "How'd you know?"

"It felt obvious. What else could you be?"

"Nothing, I suppose." Felix says sounding fairly disappointed. "You still didn't say what you got Vic."

"I told you, we shouldn't be talking about this."

"Fine. Just tell me if you got dauntless." He says.

"I did." I say, because that isn't technically a lie.

"Awesome. You aren't amity." I shove him as hard as I can and he nearly tumbles backwards into the chasm. "Hey, you're strong. I was just checking."

"Can we be friends yet?" I ask.

"Think what you want Vic, but I'm calling us acquaintances."

"Fine." I mutter. "So, what time is it?" I question.

"Shoot!" Felix murmurs, looking at his wrist watch, "We're gonna be late for dinner." Most dauntless don't have watches, and almost none of them care about being on time, so this remark seems odd.

"Who cares?"

"I care, Vic." Felix says, "You coming or what?"

"Yeah, I'll come."

The run to the pit is silent and when we reach our destination we part ways. Felix goes to sit with some dauntless guys our age. I don't really have friends. I never mind though, because I do everything with Cal, but seeing Felix with those guys makes me feel like I'm missing out. They sit together, chatting and laughing. Tonight I wish I had friends. But I do have Felix now right? He must kind of count. I find my brother sitting with Tori. I guess Tori's a bit like a friend, but she's quite a bit older than me and I don't really think about her that much. She's more like a good acquaintance. Felix keeps calling us acquaintances, but I wish we were real friends. I can't believe that I want Felix to be my friend when I would of slit his throat gladly yesterday.

"Hey Vic. Have a seat." Cal says, patting the empty seat beside him. I sit next to him smiling happily.