5.0 nervous

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it was 6 pm by the time minho was done. he hadn't planned to dance that long, but he told himself to repeat the song just once again every time the song stopped. he stopped counting how many times he danced through the whole song. he just did it over and over again.

the only reason he stopped was his phone battery going out, so now minho stared at the black screen, sweat dripping down his forehead and staining his clothes. just now he finally noticed how exhausted he was - it felt awesome.

weak knees and lightheaded, sweat dripping down his chin and breath going quickly. he must've burned a shit ton of calories. fuck, he didn't want to stop.nonetheless, minho finally packed his bags and went back to the dorms.

-

"what took you so long?", was the first thing minho heard as he opened the door. he froze in his steps and slowly turned his head just to look into the face of jisung, who was munching on a cookie.

minho looked at him for a second. should he just say the truth? there was nothing wrong with dancing, right? "oh, I just forgot the time", he said as he stripped off his shoes. "I only noticed when my phone batterie died".

instead of chuckling or the usual mocking minho was used to from his members, jisung squinted his eyes and carefully looked at him, up and down, as if he was searching for something. minho uncomfortably shifted in his place. "what's wrong?".jisung quickly shook his head. "nothing. we all already ate dinner and saved chicken with rice for you. I can make you a plate, if you want".

minho quickly shook his head - he didn't know why he reacted to quickly, but the thought of not being able to prepare his own meals stressed him out. it would be better if he was able to control what entered his body.

"I'll make my own plate, thank you jisung", minho walked past the other boy and tried to ignore the eyes that followed him into the kitchen.

standing on tippy-toes, the brown haired boy took out a plate of the shelf and stood in front of the little leftover boxes. he bit his lip.

he had calculated the amount he was allowed to eat in the morning, but he wasn't exactly sure if he should even eat at all now. he wasn't feeling necessarily hungry after dancing all day, he just felt very exhausted. maybe he could just skip dinner for tonight. it wouldn't hurt anybody.

with that thought, minho put the plate back and finally went into the bathroom to take a much needed shower. he could practically feel the dried sweat on his body - it was disgusting.so after grabbing two towels and locking the door behind him, minho finally undressed and stepped into the shower.

the moment the warm water hit the dancers body, minho's shoulder relaxed and he let out a deep sigh. he calmly closed his eyes and let his head hang low, all the pressure from today dripping off hisshoulders with every drop that ran down his body.his head also finally felt much more empty. the never stopping "lose weight, lose weight, lose weight" thoughts weren't as loud as usual. it was finally quiet and calm inside minho, the only thing his mind paid attention to was the continuous water sounds.after a moment of relaxing that felt far too short for minho, the boy finally started washing his hair and cleaning himself. as much as he wanted to just stand under the water forever, he knew it was probably not the best idea to shower longer than 30 minutes.

minho stepped out of the shower. his feet touched the cold ground and he immediately wrapped his hands around his body to keep himself warm until he could finally wrap himself into the fuzzy towels. it felt a little bit less comforting, now that he wasn't in the shower anymore, but his head still felt a little lighter and his mood was definitely better than earlier.

well, that until he looked into the mirror.minho stopped in his tracks as he saw his reflection in front of him. he started at it, basically.the way his arms lazily hung down next to his sides, the way his collarbones had basically vanished and the way a little tiny pouch on minho's stomach slightly "hung over" his towel made minho's jaw drop. he stepped a little closer to the mirror. all the pressure he had washed off came back at once. it was overwhelming.

horror, that's what he felt. it was almost as if every part of his body only got fatter the more he stared at it. it was awful, torturing almost.

as if programmed, minho turned around, took a stool that stood next to the bathtub and placed it in front of a cabinet. then he stepped on it and reached up. it took him a while, but he finally found it;a little scale that probably hadn't been touched in a long time.

he carefully place the scale on the ground and stood in front of it, now hesitating.should he actually try it? he barely ate and moved a lot today, maybe he already lost some weight? that would surely be the case, right? there was no way he couldn't have...

without any other thought, minho stepped on the scale and closed his eyes. he was biting his lip in the progress and scratched the sides of his hip out of nervousness. did he really want to see it?...he shouldn't have done it, he should've just went to bed. because now he was staring at the numbers beneath him with wide eyes and one hand in front of his mouth. he was biting his lip so hard at this point, that he would surely see a mark from it tomorrow. but he didn't care. all he cared about was the numbers that stared back at him.141.2 lbs

he had gained.

just a tiny bit, but he didn't fucking lose weight.how the fuck did he not lose weight? it frustrated him so badly, that he picked up the scale and put it back in its place, went out of the bathroom without brushing his teeth or doing his skincare, walked past the members without telling anyone good night and just went straight to bed without looking at his phone even once.

it was 2:26 am when minho woke up. his stomach was hurting and minho identified the pain as hunger pain pretty quickly. he turned his face to the wall and held his stomach, squeezed his fat and held it, just to remind himself that he shouldn't eat.especially not now, at night.

he closed his eyes again and tried to fall asleep, or at least think about something else, but he was unsuccessful.

after 15 minutes of laying in bed and trying to ignore his rumbling stomach, minho finally got up and went into the kitchen. maybe he could have a snack? an apple and a carrot? just to ease his hunger a bit. that would be fine.

he tried to walk as quietly as possible, far too scared to wake up any of the members. if they saw him sneak into the kitchen just to eat, they would surely judge him. that would be the most embarrassing thing ever.

minho finally arrived in the kitchen and opened the fridge, determined to only eat and apple and a carrot and then go straight to bed again.

but as he opened it, a red, shiny wrapper came into his view and minho looked at the chocolate, his mind suddenly forgot the plan of apples and carrots. now the only thing on his mind was the chocolate, which looked like it was just waiting for minho to grab and eat it.

but just as he reached out, the light behind him turned on and minho flinched and quickly turned around, eyes wide. at the door was chan and changbin, both of them looked tired. they probably just came home from the studio. minho quickly closed the fridge and took a step to the right. he was standing next to the sink now. I hope they didn't see anything.

"oh hey, lino", chans voice sounded tired and minho felt sorry for the hardworking leader. "what are you doing? did you sleep yet?".

yes, and I woke up hungry and was about to eat chocolate like the fatty I am. thank you, I almost fucked my whole diet up.

"yeah, yeah I slept", minho scratched the back of his head with a small, forced smile and turned around to take a glass out of the cupboard. "I was just thirsty".minho quickly filled the cup with water and gulped it down like he was actually thirsty, then he placed it next to the fridge and walked past changbin and chan with a "I'm gonna go to sleep again now".

no, don't be disappointed. it's good that they interrupted you. do you want to stay fat forever?

even though the bed was warm and cozy and the little snores of the members comforted him, minho couldn't help but feel annoyed. regardless, he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep again.minho went to bed hungry that night.