chapter 22

*****A/N***** so I thought I would clarify that this is in early july, and that Jordan has lived with Demi and Nick for about a month, and I thought that I would start saying what day it is... so yeah I hope you like this chapter, happy new year... vote and comment! p.s. I am going to try and update every Saturday...**************Next day Early Saturday morning. DEMI'S POV I've been awake for about three hours, Nick took jordan to dance. I tried to go back to sleep a couple of hours ago. The voices in my head are screaming at me. They began as whisper while I was eating a muffin from starbucks on my way to my interview yesterday. I ignored them, but they are becoming louder and stronger, and I can't get them to stop. I have to get help before I give into them. I call my mom, trying to control my tears, "Momma, I need you," I whisper. "Where are you? Are you hurt?" she pauses, "Oh, Demi, did you hurt yourself?" She asks panicked."No, I'm at home, I'm just scared." I whispers. "I'm on my way. Don't hang up." "Okay." I mumble.I listen to her start the car then she ask the question that I dont want to answer, "What are you scared of?" "Myself." "Oh, where are you? Are you alone?" "I'm in my room." "Where's Nick? Go find nick." "He took Jordan to the dance studio." "Okay, go down to the couch and lay down." "No, Mom I don't want to move." "Demi, I'm in the drive way, the code is the same, right?""Yeah." "Okay, I'll be inside soon." My Mom gets to my room and lays down next to me. I wrap my arms around her and cry into her shoulder. "Hey, what's going on in that beautiful mind?" "They are back. They are yelling at me, to... to hurt myself." I sob."Don't listen to them." "Mom, it's not that simple. I'm trying so hard. But mom they are so loud." "Have you been taking your med?""Yeah. I ate too much yesterday. I just don't feel good. I just want this food out of me." "No, you are stronger than that." The door opens slowly, I don't turn toward it. I just wipe my eyes. The covers lift and Jordan's small body curls into me, "Hi, Diana." "Hey, you can all me Nana if you want. I never got to apologize for all the awful things I said. I am very sorry. I love you so much. I am proud to call you my first grand baby." "It's okay." Jordan combs her fingers through my hair,"Mommy, I'm sorry I was rude. Please don't cry." "I'm not crying because of what happened between us yesterday. I'm crying because I don't feel good." "What's wrong? Are you sick?""No, Jordan, I don't feel good about myself right now. I have these voices in my head that tell me to do bad things to myself. They tell me that I'm ugly and fat. People tell me that I'm not but the voices are so loud, the louder they get the more I start to believe them." "Mommy, the voices in my head do that to me too, but I don't know why." "I Don't know why either, River-girl." "Momma, they tell me the same things too. I try to be strong like you but I don't know how because they are to loud to try and figure out how to be good." "I know, River listen to me, you are good, at everything you do. I understand how you feel." "Demi! Dem-hey Diana? what's going on?" "She's hearing those voices. She called me and I came over. I want to help her and I know you want to help help her too. I'm going home to have Dallas take Maddie to all her stuff tomorrow. I'll be back in twenty minutes and I'll make some lunch. Nick stay with her." My mom says climbing out of bed. Nick nods as her takes her spot. I wrap my arms around him and curl myself deeper into him. I just focus on my breathing, "Mommy, can- can- I um... Nevermind." Jordan mumbles. "What, baby? I know I'm not my normal self, but I am your mom and I will always do my best to be there even when I'm in a bad mood, or stuggling a little. What do you want to ask me?" "Can I do my homework in here?" "Yeah, go get your stuff." "Okay. I love you mom. " She gives me a kiss on my cheek and then wiggle out the bed, and to her room. "Babe, are you feeling this way because of the nightmares you had last night?" "Yes and no." "Babe, I'm so proud of you for calling your Mom. I'm so proud of how strong you are." Nick whispers. I begin to cry into his chest, "Nick, please make them stop. " "Dem, tell me how to make them stop. Please, just tell me." "I don't know how." "Demi, stop." Nick whispers sternly. "I can't make them stop." "No, babe stop scratching you wrist." He says as he gently takes my hands into his. I cling tighter into Nick as Jordan climbs back into the bed. "Um... I don't know where to start." She mumbles.

NICK'S POV"How about we start with math." Demi  mumbles. "Okay, 8*6= is um..." "8*6= is?" I repeat to her. "48?" she mumbles, unconfidently. "Good job, baby-girl." Demi whispers sitting up. "It's too quite can we put on some music my mind is running a marathon right now." Jordan asks. "Yeah, what do you want to listen to?" nick asks. "Wherever You Go, by Ron Pope." She insists. "Okay I'll set that up you get started on the next problem." I tell her "Okay, so 7*2=14, Right?" "Correct, baby-girl whats the next one." I hear Demi say, with a small hint of of pride in her daughter. I get on the computer and go to the itunes store and buy all of this Ron Pope guys albums. I start Wherever You go and put the playlist on shuffle. "Um... Mom what is this number?" Jordan asks Demi as I climb back in bed."That's a 9." "Okay so 9*7=63." I look to the next problem and ask, "What is 96+87?" "Um... well 7+6 is 13 to carry the 1, then um.... 1+9 is 10 then 10+8 which is 18 so that mean that 96+87 is 183." She scribbled on the paper. "Yeah, good job." Demi and Jordan finished the first math page. Then she moves closer to demi, "Momma, can I read to you?" She asks. Demi nods and I can't help but smile at how great they are together. I can't believe I am so lucky to have two amazing girls in my life, they are both so strong, I mean I can't imagine what my life would be like with out them. "Baby the word is potential." She says softly. "But mom, its all twisted up I just don't see how that can be the word. Why can't I  just be normal, and smart. It's not fucking fair."Jordan whines. "I know it is not fair, I am trying to help you. Please just keep reading." Demi tells her."She could see his potential. Jess grew up with her parents and brother. She always had what she wanted and more. Jess believed that even though she had everything she ever wanted she was not better than anyone. She thought that James was beautiful, James thought Jess was beautiful. James was always the outcast in elementary school, Middle school, and still in high school. It's not that he purposely was an outcast, he was not a wanna be rebel, who caused trouble, he was the opposite. He barely spoke, when people made fun of James, Jess always stood up for him. He would always nod, as if he was thanking her. One day as James wrote in his journal Jess walked up behind him and read some of his po-" "Jordan, open your eyes you are squinting. You are going to give yourself a headache." Demi says. She rolled her eyes, and I could see Demi's blood begin to boil, "Read some of his poetry. It was so beautiful that she had to-" "Open your eyes." I tell her. "I am." "You are squinting." "Oh, my god! I'm doing my best!" Jordan snaps. "I know, we are going to have to get your eyes checked." "Fine whatever. My eyes are fine. I'm just a fucking retard." "No. you are not, you will not put yourself down like that." I tell her. "ugh! whatever I'm done... Can I just go dance?" "Lunch is ready," Demi's mom hollers. I didn't even hear her come in. "You are grounded from your phone and the dance room til monday." Demi informs her sternly. "Oh my fucking god, Mom! You can't do this to me, you are taking away my passion. You can't do this to me. I'll die." "No, you will not. Let's eat then watch a movie." I tell them. She rolls her eyes and we all go down stairs.

DEMI'S POVMy mom has bowl of salad, soup, and noodles, on the side. I immedtely gag. We sit down, Jordan fills her bowl and plate, and Nick does the same. My mom watches me, I fill my bowl half way with veggie soup, and my plate with a little bit of salad. I completely ignore the noodles. I slowly sip my soup. Meanwhile Jordan has already finished her huge plate of salad, and starts on her soup, practically drink it. I switch from soup to salad, going back and forth, till I finish. I force myself to sit until Jordan and Nick finish their dishes and Mom sits next to me, watching. We sit in silence for about ten minutes. "Demi, you want more?" Mom asks. "No." "Well, then put your dishes up." "Mom, give me five more minutes, because if I get up now, I am going straight to the bathroom." "Okay take your time." I nod. I sit for another five minutes when Jordan bust in to the room laughing, "Momma, make him stop!" Nick comes in with a wolf mask on, "Oh, Jordan where are you." I burst out laughing, "Oh, my god, Nick what are you doing?" "Hello there, beautiful, I'm looking for a little girl named Jordan. She seems to want to make the wolf man watch "Safe Haven", if she can withstand a tickle war then the wolf man will watch the chick flick." "You guys are insane." I giggle. "So where is Jordan?" Jordan tap on my leg, and shakes her head. I looks to Nick  and mouth, 'under the table,' but say out loud, "I have no clue." "Diana, have you seen her?" "Can you describe her?" Mom asks playing along. "Yeah, about maybe five feet tall. Crazy long brown hair. Big blue green eyes, she is quiet the little athlete. She's really small, ummm... did you hear that?" "Hear what?" I ask. "Sounds like there is something under the table." He gets on his hands and knees, and she begins to laugh, "Daddy, We don't have to watch," she giggle while scooting back, ""Safe Haven!" We can watch "Spiderman!" "Nope, too late..." Nick chuckles as he begins to tickle her. "Dad! Stop! Stop! I'm gonna pee." "Oldest excuse in the book. Nice try." "Uncle, uncle!" Jordan screams. "Fine, lets go watch "Spiderman." Hey babe will you go get it set up please. I need to talk to your Mom." "Yeah."

NICK'S POV. "Hey." "What's up?""Do you know why Demi is having nightmares about someone named Brad?" "Um... I'm not really sure if I am the one to tell you. I don't want her to get mad at me." "Please, I need to understand. Can you just tell me, so I can talk to her?" "Well, Brad is her cousin on her dad's side, he um well...." I can tell that Diana is trying to find the right words to say."He hurt me." A small whisper comes from behind me. I turn to Demi who's eyes are watering, "What do you mean?" "He raped me and my Dad knew." "Oh, Demi, I'm so sorry." "It's fine. I'm fine." "Well, I'm going to go." Diana announces. I nod, and pull Demi into a hug, her body begins to tremble. "Shh, its all going to be okay, I promise." "I know, But Nick the voices are back. I started to have these flashbacks. I'm so ashamed. I don't know why this is all coming back right now, I just wish I would have never remembered." "Mom, Dad, the movie is ready!" Jordan shouts. I pull Demi into a deep her hug, and kiss her head. I pull away so I can look into those beautiful eyes, I wipe the tears away, "I love you so much. You are so strong. You are beautiful." "I love you, too." she mumbles. We go out to the living room, and Jordan is laying across the entire couch, "So... Where are we supposed to sit?" "I don't know, the floor." Jordan says with a smirk. "Or, we can sit on this couch that look so comfy." Demi smirks, and plops down on Jordan's legs. "Ugh momma, you are crushing my legs!" "You gonna let us sit with you?" Demi asks. "Yeah, fine." Jordan chuckles. Jordan sits in between Demi and I and snuggles into Demi. Half way through the movie both of them are fast asleep.