18: Going Back

That night, you saw your parents again.

Your parents threw insults at you, as much as you've heard it, it still hurts whenever you hear it.

You wanted them to stop, just like you begged them every night.

Just when you wanted to do so, you saw Draco's body on the floor. Exactly like how he was just this afternoon, blood seeping through and making themselves known.

You ran to him and kneeled down beside him.

And just like this afternoon, you couldn't do anything to heal him.

"I'm sorry..." you said.

You couldn't do anything again, just like the car accident with your parents.

Even though your wand was with you this time, you still couldn't do anything. You were useless and unhelpful, nothing you did matter. You couldn't save him, the only thing you could do was watch, just like the car crash.

You remembered that Professor Snape would later come to be the one to heal him. So, you waited.

But, he never came.

You watched as Draco's breathing slow down and then finally, it stopped.

Before Draco was completely gone, he managed to say something.

"How could you?" he said, almost disappointingly.

Then, you woke up.

Your breaths were fast and rapid, you had cold sweat on your forehead. You look around, you realised that you were in your own dorm. Luna and Cho didn't seem to hear you and remained asleep on their beds.

You quickly got up from your bed and stormed out from your common room.

Within 5 minutes, you were already in front of the doors of the hospital wing.

You had to see Draco. After your nightmare, you had to confirm that he's alive and well.

-

Draco has been awake for a few hours now, but he couldn't fall back asleep. It's in the middle of the night and Madam Pomfrey was resting for the night, so he decided to take a stroll outside. He's doing fine now, the wound that Potter shot him in the chest has already healed by the time he woke up.

But then, he remembered how you looked when he was lying on the wet floor of the bathroom.

"Draco! Please don't close your eyes. You need to stay awake." Draco watched as you begged him to stay awake.

Draco finally looks into your eyes. You were panicking and near tears, he wanted to stay awake for you, but drowsiness quickly hit him.

Draco tried to stay awake for as long as he could, but his sight slowly fades. He could hear you mutter spells to curses to charms. Slowly, he can no longer hear your voice, his drowsiness quickly took him into the darkness and he lost his consciousness.

The last thing he could still remember was your panicked face, Draco has never seen you so scared before.

You already lost your parents, he can't let you lose him too.

All he could remember was that he has to stay strong for you, staying alive, making sure that you won't lose him too.

Then, the next thing he knew, he was already in the hospital wing.

Draco decided that he needs some air and went to take a stroll.

Draco arrived at the familiar Black Lake, where he spent so much time with you, where you created so many memories together.

He sighed heavily, Draco is coming to realise that what he's doing to you is actually not worth it.

You haven't been talking to him and when the time when you finally were close to him was when he was close to death. Draco couldn't imagine how terrified you would be to not being able to talk with him again. The fact that he hasn't been talking to you for the past few weeks and he almost died didn't help either.

Draco realised despite him not talking to you to keep you safe was actually not worth it. You didn't get to spend time with him and the next thing he knew was he was dying right in front of you.

Why not just spend all the time you have left together instead of being apart from each other?

Draco came to the conclusion... it was time to come clean with you.

The next time, he sees you, he would show you everything that he's been doing and tell you what he would have to do to survive.

"Draco!" He heard a yell, as soon as he made his decision.

He turns around to see you in your navy blue oversized sweatshirt and black sweatpants, eyes puffy and red, hair messy and flowing with the light breeze. He looks down to see you not even wearing any shoes.

You raced yourself to his chest, grabbing him with your arms around his chest and just started sobbing your heart out.

Before Draco could process what's wrong with you, you pulled back yelling at him.

"What are you doing here?! You were supposed to be in bed in the hospital wing! Do you know how scared I was when I couldn't find you just now?!" Your tears trailed down your face without you realising.

Draco reached up to your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumb. He had a pained expression looking at you.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to take a walk. I'm sorry for letting you see me in that condition." He apologized. He knew what you would think about what happened with him. And if the situation that afternoon had taken a turn for the worst, you would probably be haunted for the rest of your life.

Being reminded of the incident, your tears came running even more.

You dive your head back into Draco's chest, sobbed and sniffed as quietly as you could. Draco could feel your grip on his shirt tighten as if you were holding him tight so he wouldn't go anywhere.

Draco wrapped you in his arms, a hand at the back of your head and another at your waist.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

You didn't answer and just took your time to gather your voice.

"I had another nightmare." Your voice cracked as you said.

Draco was confused, you were doing fine already with your nightmares, another one shouldn't be a problem.

"And... you were in it." You hesitatingly told him.

Draco was stunned.

What did you see in your nightmares about him?

"It was exactly like how it was with my parents; I couldn't do anything to save you. You died in my arms..." Draco knew exactly what you were talking about.

"Lia, I didn't die. I'm right here, still right by your side. I'm not going anywhere." He rubbed your back softly and kissed your forehead.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore, Draco." You suddenly said.

"What?" Draco had an idea where this is going.

"I don't how long I can do this anymore. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like a part of me has been stolen, like I'm not complete anymore. I can't lose you too, Draco. I didn't see my parents for months and the next thing I know, they died. I don't want that to happen to us, Draco. We stayed away from each other for a month and you... almost died..." Your voice was filled with sobs and sniffs you've been holding back, terrified of the accidents you've been through.

Draco's heart broke at the sight of you, you were already going through so much. And yet, he decided to add more salt to your still-fresh wounds.

"I know... and I'm sorry. For hurting you, I know it was foolish to do this. I thought it was for the better for both of us. But, the truth was that I was only hurting you and myself." Draco pulled you tighter into his arms, he won't ever let you go again.

You felt relieved to hear that he felt the same.

"Can we go back to how we were before? I don't want to spend the rest of our remaining time apart when we could have made more memories together. Please, Draco." You said pleadingly, still had your head at the nook of Draco's neck.

You heard Draco sighed, not out of relief, but with doubts.

"I don't know if we could." He said weakly.

It was time.