Chapter 9 Last Gift

Key pulled away gasping for air. He had his arms on my shoulders pushing me back away from him. He let one hand touch his lips softly and stared at me in shock.

I still felt the lingering feeling on my lips. Finally I had done what I wanted for so long, but I felt like I betrayed Key at the same time. I felt like I took advantage of the situation we were put it.

Oh how I regret this now. As we stared into each others eyes I could only imagine the anger or embarrassment he felt. It was like looking at a child who you promised to buy ice cream for them, but ended up just buying on for yourself and eating it in front of them.

"J-Jonghyun- I- I just-" Key pushed my arms away and looked away from my eyes.

His brown wavy hair with turquoise highlights moved over one eye as he looked up. He let a hand brush that hair away behind his ear.

I was going to say something, but once I opened my mouth I bit my lip stopping myself from ruining this friendship even more than I just did.

"What happened... Why did... Why would you ki- why did you kiss me, Jonghyun," Key's voice sounded hurt, broken, sad.

His voice cracked a little as he swallowed the knot in his throat that was telling me how much he wanted to cry.

"I... I thought that you wanted me to.." I finally let out.

Key turned to me his eyes filled with worry. His hands just awkwardly figeted around not knowing what to do with them.

I could feel my heart beat so fast I swear he could hear it. My palms got sweaty and and I wanted to say more, but I couldn't.

I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, but can't.

I wanted to to tell him he was the only person who made my heart feel this way, but I can't.

I wanted to tell him how much important part of my life he is, but I can't

I wanted to tell him that without him I would die, but can't.

I wanted to tell him how much I love him, but I can't.

"Jonghyun... Is that how you feel?" His eyes filled with tears.

I wanted to kiss his eyes and dry the tears myself, but he quickly rubbed the tears away.

"So if I tell you I want you to do something and even if you don't want to do it...you'll still do it?"

"Key I would do anything for-"

"That's low..." Key's words hurt like a knife being stabbed in my chest.

"Even for you who is already so short... That's low... You went and you- and you did this without asking me how I felt about it a-and you only did it because you say I wanted you to."

"Key why are getting so-"

"Get the hell out. I thought you were different. Get the hell out." Key pushed me at the last four words that left his lips.

I wanted to fight back. I wanted to make him listen, but I just nodded slowly and backed away.

"Okay, Key," I said quietly but loud enough for him to listen then left out the door.

What was supposed to be a fun day off to hang out out and be free of stress turned into my worst nightmare.

It turned into the day that Key didn't want me anymore.

It was the day I realized I needed him a lot more he needed me.

I laid at the dorm feeling somewhat annoyed at Key for reacting that way. If he hadn't written that stupid note I wouldn't have kissed him, but he did write and I did kiss him... Even now after I've done what I wanted to do since that concert I still feel guilty...

"Aish!" I let out loudly ruffling my hair.

This is so stupid! What am I supposed to do now?!

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It had been three days since Key and I last talked...since we kissed. Everytime we were together I knew he was uncomfortable, but would play it off as if nothing was wrong. That made me angry because I fell for it everytime and thought that everything was going to be okay like last time.

Tonight we were going to be on Music Core for a concert and competition. If we won this it would be out third win.

"Okay so you will performing View again so instead of wearing those shoes Jonghyun wear these and Key wear those that Jonghyun was wearing. That puts the outfit much more together. Ah much better." The fashion Noona sounded please, but looking over at Key he seemed so different.

He didn't make different facial emotions when he was with me. It felt as though I was standing by a statue that moved. His face never changed. When we were with everyone else he was happy and laughing.

What if he really liked someone else? What if he didn't mean what he wrote on the note? God, I feel so stupid for assuming such a thing. He must feel so confused now. Agh! What do I do?!

"..Jjong!" I looked over to my right being startled from someone calling me.

"Let's go," Minho had a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay man?" he asked worried.

"Ah yes let's go.."

The concert went well and we ended up winning the award. We each gave speeches and when it was over we sang out encore.

The way back go the dorm was awkward and quiet. The members didn't exactly know, but they had a feeling about what happened. Usually Key and I would be the ones sitting together being loud and obnoxious about everything, but we were both quietly just looking out the car windows on opposite sides of the vehicle.

"Ssssooooo, you guys tired?" Onew said trying to hopefully break the silence.

"Ah yeah who super pooped man!"

"So pooped," Taemin and Minho joined in helping out Onew who was failing miserably.

I gave out a small chuckle for their efforts. Such terrible efforts, but it was entertaining and made me smile for real unlike the other times when I forced it. Key just looked over and then back down at his phone.

I really did mess everything up.. I knew that this would jeopardize our friendship, but I acted selfishly and now I may never get my bestfriend back.

We got back to the dorm and everyone just walked to the living room and turned the tv on. I sat at the dinning table with my hands into one fist, under my chin, supporting my head. I have to do something...

I know I have to do something if I want to save this friendship. I can't just let it go like this. I have to do something.. Anything! Give him my last gift before everything is all ruined..

A couple days later even though we had our comeback it was one of those rare occasions that we had time off to do anything.

Key like always went to his own house to see his dogs and just hang out there.

Today.... I'll do it today... I'll tell him everything and not keep it a secret anymore. I have to give him this. I don't want to lose him like this.

I wait two hours after Key had headed home so I could make my way over.

I knocked on the door a couple times. He didn't ask who it was and just opened it casually thinking it was someone else for sure. I knew he wasn't waiting for me to arrive.

"What are you doing here? Go home or somewhere else just not here." He tried to close the door, but I slammed my hand against it hard opening it up.

"Hey you can't just-"

"Yes I can Kibum. It isn't fair that you're trying to shut me out without listening to me first." as I spoke I pushed the door fully open and got inside then closed the door behind me.

"You are going to listen to me. I waited almost two weeks to talk to you,"

"If you waited that long you could have waited until I was on my death bed. Even then I probably would have refused to see you."

"I can't wait anymore... I kept this a secret from you for seven years because I wasn't sure, but that day... I found out that what I thought and felt were really it. Please hear me out before you shun me. Let me talk to you and then when I'm done you can tell me what you think should happen." I pleaded desperately.

I was not about to let Key ignore me without hearing what I wanted to say first.

"Fine. You get five minutes and that's it." Key sighed heavily and made his way to sit on the couch.

Finally I can tell him everything.

I walked over to where he sat and sat next to him about to speak.

Here and now in the moment I didn't even know what to say... I had practiced this so many times already and now all of it was gone to waste...

Just looking at him in the eyes... I lost my words...

"Well? Are you just going to sit there and stare at me for five minutes?" Key broke the silence.

"Ah no sorry," I snapped out of it.

Okay tell him Jonghyun. Tell him everything you feel.

"Key... Kibum... We have been friends for seven plus years... We shared many memories together and secrets we swear we will take to the grave. We promised we would be friends till the end. We said we would always tell eachother everything and never once will we hide something from eachother."

This was it it was finally happening.

"Jonghyun..." Key had his eyes tear up saying my name.

"I can't do this I'm sorry," Key whiped a tear away from his eyes.

"No Kibum please listen to me,"

"I can't! I'm scared about where this is going! I don't want to have to go through something like this! I- I just don't have the time for this please understand me!"

"No Key YOU understand ME. I need to tell you something and you need to listen to me. Please just hear me out Bummie," I looked up at him with my eyes almost drowned in tears.

Neither of us spoke for maybe two minutes until...

"I love you, okay? There I said it."

*TO BE CONTINUED*