❃ Ｔｈｉｎｋｉｎｇ ❃

Y/ N POV

I woke up on the kitchen floor with a pounding headache, confused about why I was on the floor in the first place...

I looked over and Jungkook was asleep on the floor next to me, naked. I looked down and realized I was naked too, it didn't take a genius to figure out what happened last night. I had chocolate all over my stomach, I couldn't really remember what happened but I do recall making ice cream sundaes and well it must have escalated from there.

I decided to get up quietly so I wouldn't wake Jungkook. I grabbed some clothes and went to shower. Half way through my shower I heard the door swing open ...

JUNGKOOK: AHHHH I gotta piss, I can't hold it.

Y/N: You scared the living shit out of me.

JUNGKOOK: I'm sorry I really had to go...

I heard him peeing....... GROSS xp

I stayed quiet and continued on with my shower.

I got dressed and went to the kitchen to slightly clean up before heading to work.

JUNGKOOK: Let's play hookeyyyy today?

As he wrapped his arms around me..

I pushed them back..

Y/N: We can't do that.

JUNGKOOK: why can't we, I'm the boss?

Y/N: and don't you wanna set a good example?

JUNGKOOK: You're no fun......

I jokingly rolled my eyes and began eating some breakfast....

Y/N: so what happened last night ?

JUNGKOOK: You know what happened last night...

Y/N: no... after the sundae making, everything kinda went blank....

JUNGKOOK: We had the best sex of our lives all over the kitchen......

Y/N: Hmm.... Must not have been that amazing if I don't remember it...

JUNGKOOK: Oh yeah? You weren't saying that last night....

I continued eating my food...

Y/N: I'm still not okay with everything that happened yesterday.... the way you've treated...

He cut me off...

JUNGKOOK: Come on lets have a good day today....Let's stay home and spend time alone..

Y/N: I don't...

JUNGKOOK: You don't what?

Y/N: If you don't plan to change.... I really don't want to stick around.... I don't want to play games with you anymore. I want some normalcy in my life....

I could tell he was getting kinda annoyed...

JUNGKOOK: So since I am doing coke, you just plan to not love me anymore?

He said while moving his fork around in his food....

Y/N: I never said stop loving you, I could never stop loving you....

JUNGKOOK: It doesn't feel like that...

Y/N: I just want the real you, not this version.... why did you even start again?

JUNGKOOK: Stress from work, from having to leave behind everything and everyone... rather you believe it or not I've been struggling too...

Y/N: I know... you're only human...  but you've forced me into doing things I didn't want to do a lot lately... you haven't been yourself for weeks....

JUNGKOOK: I know... but I can't just stop Y/n...

Y/N: Then...

JUNGKOOK: Then?

Y/N: Then I don't know how much longer I can do this with you...

I got up and walked over to the sink and put my dishes down....

Y/N: I love you so much and I don't want to...but If I need to... I'll walk away...

JUNGKOOK: THE FUCK IF YOU WILL....

He said while knocking stuff off the dining table in anger.....

I couldn't help but jump from his sudden movements...

He walked over to me with my back facing him....  he put his hands on the counter on both sides of me, blocking me in...

JUNGKOOK: You can't just walk away from me... I'm not an option.... I'm it... for you...

Y/N: You can't think you can just continue controlling me, I'm not your damn doll ....

I tried to get him away from me.... but he wouldn't budge...

He got close to my ear and whispered lightly...

JUNGKOOK: You can never get away from me....

Y/N: Why do you always have to be a monster to me?

JUNGKOOK: I can turn into one if you really want me too..

He said as he nibbled on my ear, sending shivers down my spine....

Y/N: Everything can't be fixed with sex Jungkook.....

I finally got free from him....

Y/N: I hate when you're like this... I've changed and still constantly working on the toxic parts of me, why can't you?

JUNGKOOK: I'm toxic? Okay.... maybe I am but nothing about our life is exactly normal...

Y/N: doesn't mean we have to turn to shit..

JUNGKOOK: Oh you think I'm shit?

Y/N: That's not what I meant.....

He grabbed me by my arm and pulled me closer to him..

JUNGKOOK: If I'm shit, so are you kitten.....

He poked me in the chest and walked away...

He makes me feel so small usually but this time, I didn't let him win.....

Y/N: I'm going to work...

JUNGKOOK: Bye

I can't believe how childish he is being, I think he really may be addicted to the cocaine. 

I know I had my moments of being childish but I never did it because of drugs or decided to so drugs at all.

He must be doing worse than me about living so far away.

Maybe if I leave he can go on with his life in Miami, because he may have them come for him but he would have so much protection back home but I know he's done this too for me, but the coke and the abuse is too much.

I walked into work, the day was going fairly fast until after lunch.

I was in my office doing extra work that needed done right away.

*Knock Knock

Y/N: come in.

In pokes Hoseok..

HOSEOK: hey... just checking in

Y/N: oh hey... I haven't seen you much today... how was the meeting without Jungkook?

HOSEOK: it went pretty well, where is Jungkook today?

Y/N: at home.. he wasn't feeling too well today.

HOSEOK: wasn't actually feeling well or hangover from the drugs?

Y/N: uh...

I looked down...

HOSEOK: I know, he's not sick... he's not doing too good though. I do know that.

Y/N: then why did you even ask?

HOSEOK: I was just trying to make conversation. I don't know how you put up with him in that state....

Y/N: I don't know.... he's been hard to deal with lately.

HOSEOK: he loves you. I know he does....

Y/N: yeah I know he loves me but I can't handle much more of this.... he's gotten worse... he has never been this bad off. I know this is my fault we ended up here and I think that's why he isn't happy.

HOSEOK: it's not your fault he chose to do coke though.

Y/N: yeah you're right.

HOSEOK: I'm gonna get back to work,but listen....

He said as he was walking toward the door but turned around with his hands in his pockets....

HOSEOK: if you need someone to talk too, I'm here...if you need me....

Y/N: thank you Hobi..... I meant Hoseok... idk why I called you that..

HOSEOK: it's okay I kinda like it... Hobi.... it fits me......

Y/N: okay then...Hobi.... 

He smiled and walked out closing the door behind him.

He was right in away... I don't know why I put up with this either. I just feel invested in Jungkook... I love him dearly, but I don't know if I can handle much more of his psychotic behavior. 

I've thought about leaving, just disappearing but I don't know where I would go, or what I would do. I know I'd worry about Jungkook....and what could happen to him potentially... but he's a grown man...

I don't want to leave him in the condition he is in, but I can't force him to change.

I was finishing out the rest of the day.... I wasn't prepared for what I would be walking into at home.....

I walked in and what I saw made my heart explode.........