I Will

HORIKITA POV

Ding! Dong!

Ding! Dong!

My ears were faintly hearing the sound of the doorbell ringing.

It felt like it only kept getting louder and louder so I slowly opened my eyes.

As I stared at the ceiling, I found that I was actually sleeping and the noise woke me up.

Ding! Dong!

What time is it?

I turned my head slightly and looked at the wall clock on my right.

So it's noontime huh.

Ding! Dong!

Sigh... Who's that even?

I moved my body, trying to get up and wanting to check the person who keeps on ringing the bell. But the moment I raised my head, even just a little, I felt dizzy. My head aches so much that if I force myself to get up, I might puke.

Slowly, I lay myself on the bed once again.

That little movement alone made me let out a heavy breath.

Wait.. My breath is so hot that it seems like I just ate a very spicy food.

And I remembered, I actually started falling' ill yesterday. I couldn't sleep and eat well since Friday night as I couldn't stop thinking about my brother.

Is he okay? Was he still followed? Will I-.... Will I see him again?

I couldn't stop crying as I thought of him. Scared that I might lose him.

Ding! Dong!

Again? Who's that?

If I'm not wrong, today is Monday, which means I skipped class.

Is my classmate visiting me?...

....No... I don't think so. After what happened, they probably wouldn't bother checking on me.

Perhaps... Sudo-kun? Or could it be....... Ayanokoji-kun?

......

Funny. I'm so helpless... He.... won't visit me.

Why would he? I abandoned my role and left him. And though indirectly, I already told him that from now on, I'll be his enemy. I'll choose Utomiya's side.

Whoever it is, I don't have the energy to get up and entertain him or her. I have to rest and recover first. If it's something important, I'm sure that person will come back and see me again.

I started closing my eyes, deciding to completely ignore the person outside my room but then, I heard the sound of a keycard being inserted.

Someone is unlocking the door. Who's that? Hopefully, not an enemy. I'm too weak to defend myself right now. I couldn't even lift my head.

If there's one person that comes to mind, it could be Utomiya. He's the only one who has a duplicate key to my room. But him ringing the doorbell first seems wrong.

I heard the door opening and was closed once again after a moment. The person must be inside now.

I could hear the person taking off his shoes and was putting it in my shoe closet while I only looked down and waited for the person to appear. But before he showed himself, he said...

"... Horikita-senpai.... I'm coming in."

Unexpected words from the voice of the person I expected.

After a minute, Utomiya appeared right before my eyes.

"... You had been barging in my room and acted as if this is your own for the past month. But now, you suddenly asked for permission... Something happened?"

"Even at that state, you can still talk like that huh."

"......"

"I've been sending you messages since Saturday, but you never replied."

".... I- .. just thought that I don't have to...."

As if he didn't find any problem with my answer, he stopped looking at me and looked around my room. His eyes stopped at the table near me and saw the medicine and a glass of water. And then, he turned and walked towards the kitchen. I couldn't see him but judging from the noise, he must be checking the rice cooker and the pot.

"This is so unlike you."

He said after seeing the dirty dishes, leftovers and spoiled foods. Basically, the bad condition of my kitchen.

It couldn't be helped. I just couldn't find my appetite.

After he came back to the living area, Utomiya immediately went to the table near me and took the medicine.

"Is this the only medicine left?"

"... That was from before."

I wasn't able to get out of my room since friday, thus, I couldn't buy a new one.

Turning his gaze towards me, he asked.

"You still haven't eaten today?"

I did not answer and just looked away.

"Why did you not call for anyone?"

"You know that I don't have anyone."

After painfully realizing this, I just turned my back from Utomiya and faced the wall.

" Just go home Utomiya..... Leave me alone first. Just come back after I recover. I'll hear you out after that. I promise."

I did not hear any response from him, instead, after a minute of silence, I heard him walking back to the kitchen and opening the fridge, taking out something. And then he went to the bathroom.

Curious of what he was doing, I turned back only to see him coming out with a mini basin in his hand and a washcloth.

"What are you doing?"

He did not listen and just went back to the kitchen. I could hear him filling the mini basin with a little bit of water followed by the sound of him breaking some ice.

Coming back to the living area, Utomiya put the mini basin on the table and dragged it much closer to the bed. After that, he sat on my bed, beside me.

Understanding what he's doing, I ordered...

"Can you just stop and get out already?"

Ignoring me once again, he put the washcloth in the mini basin and soaked it with cold water. After taking it out and squeezing it, he turned to me and lifted my right arm by holding my wrist.

"I said-."

"Stop being stubborn. You can't even get up."

I tried to shake his hand off but he only tightened his hold.

"You sound so weak. You don't have enough strength in your arm. If your fever won't go down, you won't be able to eat until evening. Basically, you're just worsening your condition."

I can't deny that I could no longer take care of myself. That I'm in need of someone's help unlike before everytime I get sick.

After noticing that I'm no longer complaining, he started wiping my right arm with the slightly cold washcloth.

".... It disgusts me that you're touching me like this.... Can't you just place it on my forehead already?"

"Just by touching your wrist, I could already tell how high your body temperature is. This is necessary to lower your fever much faster."

He focused on wiping on my wrist and on my elbow pit, places where the blood vessels are close to the surface of the skin.

".... Don't even try or even think of something unnecessary or I'll beat you up."

"Is that a threat?"

Looking uninterested, he put my arm down and soaked the washcloth with cold water again.

"No one will be scared of your threat with a weak voice like that."

And after squeezing the washcloth, he then reached out to my left hand and repeated the same procedure.

"Don't worry. I don't have any intention of violating you. If you ever felt that I did, I'll give you another chance and you can freely beat me up."

I can freely beat him up huh. Come to think of it...

".... You..... That time.... what was the meaning of it?"

Letting me hit him and even inviting me to punch him more to let out my frustration. I still don't have the answer for that.

Was it just part of his plan to fool me again and again? Or perhaps..... maybe....

".... It's better not to talk about that right now."

"... You're the one who opened that up.... Why are you suddenly avoiding it?"

"....... I already told you, didn't I? It's because I deserved it."

Pausing for a minute, he only gave me the obvious answer.

He really did deserve that.... but I'm still not satisfied cause I know there's more to it.

".... You know I'm not fond of accepting incomplete answers like that."

But Utomiya only ignored me. He only turned to the mini basin and soaked the washcloth with cold water once again.

Squeezing it one last time, he then turned to me. He used his left hand to brush off my bangs from my forehead, then he slowly placed the cold washcloth.

Right at this moment, I thought that something terrible was going to happen once again.

Watching his face.. no, Utomiya's whole demeanor right now feels like he's an entirely different person than yesterday. It's not because he was being nice and was taking care of me but rather, he's completely off guard.

Was it because I'm sick? .... No. It doesn't seem to be that way. Because the Utomiya right now felt so harmless and trustworthy. More than the Utomiya Riku that I used to know.

I shouldn't feel this way right? After all, he was the one who caused me so much pain.

As if he noticed my stare, his eyes moved down a little and looked straight into mine.

His eyes are so calm. I couldn't even tell if he's thinking something or not. And strangely, little by little, his calmness was affecting me. Somehow, it lessened the worries that were occupying my mind.

He did not talk, instead there was this straight two minutes of awkward silence between us while staring at each other's eyes.

".. What? Wanna fight?"

Huh?

W-what's that out of nowhere question?

I don't know what facial expression I made as I doubt I felt my muscles move but upon seeing my reaction, Utomiya took his hand off my forehead and turned sideways while the left corner of his lips was raised slightly.

Was that a smile? A smirk?

Then, was that just a joke?

"... That's lame... You don't even know when is the right time to make a joke."

No. His joke does not even sound like a joke. Instead it looked more like he just wanted to break the silence by saying something very unexpected and lame at the same time.

"That's true."

So it really is? The heck.

This guy is corny.

As if he just realized that it's actually embarrassing, his smirk disappeared. And then he stood up, looking away from me.

Right after, he cleared his throat and said.

"Anyway. Just don't think too much. You wouldn't be able to rest well if you keep your mind busy."

"... You make it sound so easy..."

"Well, that's true."

After that, he turned his head slightly, letting me see the serious expression that was peeking out from his side profile.

"Horikita-senpai... I understand if you will strongly doubt my words after everything... but.... I really do hope you will give me another chance and trust me once again."

Trusting him once again?.. That sounds even more difficult than what he said earlier.

"So rather than keeping your worries, just think that everything is going to be okay.... cause I'm going to make everything okay."

You- .. you're going to make everything okay?

Is that true?

I couldn't ask out loud as what I only got was more confusion, doubts, and unanswerable questions.

Utomiya-kun, I just don't get you. I just can't get you. What do you really want? Who really are you to me?

He seems like he wanted to say a lot of things but would not answer me directly if I'm gonna ask him as well.

That's why, I chose to hold my tongue and postpone all my questions as I'm afraid that I'll end up saying the words that will make me regret afterwards.

Understanding my feelings, Utomiya did not say anything anymore and just turned his back on me.

He started walking, looking like he's about to leave.

Watching him walking away, I felt a sudden burst of emotion that I never imagined to experience my whole life. The past me would strongly believe that I will never ever feel this way. But here I am.

As I was about to lose sight of Utomiya's back, I-...

"Utomiya-kun."

I hurriedly called out to him.

Unconsciously?.. No.... I'm fully aware of what could be the possible consequences of my action just now yet, I still want to call his name to stop him from leaving.

When he stopped walking, for some reason, I felt grateful. Happy yet very nervous.

He only turned his head slightly on his right, signifying that he's listening.

This is it... there's no turning back anymore.

No. The truth is, I still can. But for some reason..... I don't want to.

Clenching my fist, I finally asked.

".....A-are you coming back?.... Are you really coming back?"

I asked the question that I said that I won't be asking now. That question that I'm afraid I'll end up regretting. Because it only means that he played perfectly with my feelings again.

I could no longer hold it in as I got afraid that I'll be alone again.

That's right. It's because I got afraid that I'll be alone once again.

For the past two days, I was stuck in my room, alone, nonstop crying. There's no shoulder I can cry on. No ears that could listen to my frustrations and problems. I didn't have somebody to lean on..... until Utomiya came.

When he was about to leave, I realized how scary and lonely it is to be alone.

Fate taught me that in one of the hardest parts of your life, calling for someone's help can be inevitable. Even to your most personal problem. That not everything can be solved all by yourself.

No.. That's not really it. Even if I won't receive any help, as long as I know that there's someone beside me, someone who would listen to me, just knowing that not everyone is against me, then that is enough.

I waited for his answer as he was only silent and hoped that what I'm going to hear won't make me regret my decision.

Utomiya-kun.. please... please.

My heart was silently pleading.

But as he opened his mouth, he only answered...

"I'm only gonna buy some food and medicine. Of course I'll come back."

His answer only signifies that he did not get me and thought that I was merely asking him if he's gonna come back physically.

Did you not really get it, Utomiya?

I was expecting for you to understand me 'cause that's what you said.

Sho- should I ask it clearly, instead?.....

..........

No.... that- ..that was enough. Instead.... I shouldn't have asked.

I could only look away, feeling down, sad that my emotions did not reach him.

But as if he noticed my sadness, Utomiya, who stayed silent for a while once again opened his mouth and said.

"... I will, Horikita-senpai.... I will. So please, hold on for a bit longer."

As I thought that the courage that I used just now became useless, Utomiya finally said the words that I've been longing to hear. I don't even know why I wanted to hear those words from him.

Was I really that desperate that I even believed the words from an enemy? That I now seek companionship from someone who hurt me?

I- ...I don't care... that's right... I no longer care.

If there's one thing that I should care about is that there's hope. I felt hope. And that's enough reason for me to feel optimistic about the uncertain future. Even just a little bit.

AYANOKOJI POV

My 'normal student act' officially ended.

Rumors about our class began circulating across the school.

• Ayanokoji Kiyotaka is the real leader of 2nd year class B.

• Horikita Suzune was forced to step down from fake leadership by her classmates.

• Karuizawa Kei broke up with Hirata upon learning about Ayanokoji Kiyotaka's abilities.

We don't know who the rumors came from as it's only our class that remained in the building when the commotion happened. Moreover, Horikita being forced to step down is certainly exaggerated while Kei's rumor is somewhat understandable considering her image from the class and as they don't know the real story.

All students who heard the rumor no longer treat me the same. Some would avoid me while some would stare at me while whispering at each other.

Well, I could say, Tsukishiro really managed to destroy one of the things I care about.

Staring at the empty seat at the front, I wondered what could be her current condition. Horikita was destroyed by Tsukishiro the most. Her absence now is not surprising.

I took a side glance at the guy who was also looking at the empty seat and was acting differently today.

The usual good student Keisei couldn't give his whole concentration in today's class. He would either look down or would look at Horikita's empty seat. There are times when he would try to force himself and look at Chabashira to listen, but seeing her face only made him remember the commotion that happened last week. It was certain that he already sorted out his feelings about Horikita's decision about the bounty exam after hearing and giving Chabashira's explanation a deep thought. In fact, it looked like he felt responsible for her absence now. Thinking he was being too much.

Well, it's only understandable. Even after her repeated blunders in the past, Horikita would always face the class head on but now... she's nowhere to be seen.

As the class ended and lunch break came, I immediately went out of the classroom after telling Kei of where I had to go which she understood.

As I walked on the way to the dormitory, my mind was doubting if I would see her today.

I wonder if she will open the door for me.

Upon reaching the lobby, I saw an interesting fellow from the camera inside the elevator.

I see. So Utomiya's gonna visit Horikita too huh.

Should I just not go?... No. I bet he would visit her everyday, therefore we'll still end up crossing each other's path. Instead, I'll just take this chance to observe him.

As Utomiya reached the 13th floor where Horikita lives and got off the elevator, I waited for two minutes before pressing the button.

After a while, the elevator arrived on the ground floor. I stepped inside and pressed the 13th and 12th floor.

Not any longer, I reached the 12th floor and got off. After that, the empty elevator ascended to the 13th floor. Now it would look like no one else used it aside from Utomiya. Hopefully though. If Utomiya wasn't being too wary and waited for someone to come.

I waited and waited. Continuously glancing at my watch then to the elevator sign.

I don't know exactly if I'll get stuck in here until the end of noon break or not. Well, that depends on Utomiya.

It's almost ten minutes since I arrived at the 12th floor and finally, the arrow lights up, signifying that the elevator is currently used.

Standing still, I only watched it descend to the ground floor.

I know it's already fine for me to go right now, but to be sure, I have to wait until it reaches the ground floor.

After a while, the light was turned off. Utomiya must have gotten off already.

I started walking towards the emergency exit.

Instead of using the elevator, I'm gonna use the stairs. It's not that tiring anyway. Horikita's room is just one floor above.

I already reached the 13th floor but somehow I could only hold the doorknob as a question suddenly crossed my mind. 'What if the elevator was actually empty and Utomiya is trying to ambush me here?'

Will he?...

Nah. I don't think so. He won't.

In fact, why did I even think about that in the first place?

I opened the emergency exit's door and saw that no one's around just like I thought.

Without wasting more time, I walked on the silent hallway until I reached Horikita's room.

But, I could only stand still in front of her room, debating if I should ring the bell or not. I doubt she would let me in. That could be the same with Utomiya too. But since he has a duplicate key to her room, I wouldn't be surprised if he was able to get inside.

Nah. I should hurry up or Utomiya, who must've gone out to buy food and medicine at the Keyaki Mall, might see me here.

I rang the doorbell and waited for a response but I got nothing.

I rang it once again but it was the same.

Is she sleeping? Or her condition is really that bad.

One more time.

It's so silent. I couldn't hear any sound coming from the other side of the door.

I guess this is still not the right time.

But, should I wait more?

Staring at the doorknob, somehow, I feel like turning it.

Listening to my gut feeling, I turned the doorknob only for me to realize that it's actually unlocked.

Purposely leaving the door unlocked huh.

I got a bad feeling about this. Bad but for some reason, not dangerous at all.

I couldn't find any reason for Utomiya to make a trap here, rather it would be much more believing if he is doing this to finally talk to me. But, does it have to be this early? Is Horikita's presence necessary? Or perhaps... his motive is different from what I'm thinking.

I couldn't help but stand still, hesitating whether to take this bait or not.

But, is this really a bait though?

According to all the hints that I gathered from Amasawa and the elder Horikita, Utomiya's real motive won't harm me and my temporary freedom at all..... But that's only if I guessed it right.

Nah. I shouldn't overthink about this unlocked door and just go inside instead.

I slowly opened the door a little, trying to listen and sense if there's someone inside. From the looks of it, it doesn't seem like Utomiya is inside. And so, I silently invited myself into Horikita's room.

After taking off my shoes, I went to the living area. And there, I saw Horikita sleeping with a washcloth on her forehead. There's also a mini basin with water and ice on the table beside her. It was probably Utomiya who prepared that just a while ago.

And then, my nose involuntarily smelled a bad odor coming from the kitchen. Spoiled foods? Most likely.

I only turned my head to my right and took a peek only to see the unwashed dishes.

For Horikita's kitchen to look like that, I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's enough evidence to believe how bad her condition is.

"...U-..tomiya-kun?...."

Getting startled a little, I turned my attention back to Horikita as she suddenly mumbled the name of the person who's not even here.

Is she dreaming of him?

But no. Horikita, who I thought was sleeping, slowly opened her eyes and saw me standing still.

She only froze. Her weak eyes were looking at me as if she couldn't understand what she just saw.

"..... Why? .... Why are you here?"

"Sorry if I invited myself in without your permission. The door was unlocked."

"... T-that's not what I'm asking...."

Then what is it?

".. I.... I left you the other day...... I left without helping..."

She really did feel sorry about that huh. Or perhaps, it was just her sense of responsibility.

"Don't think too much about it. Chabashira sensei did the explanation on your behalf. The class is already fine."

Chabashira did not actually touch the issue about me but just about Horikita. I bet she wanted to leave the explanation to me.

Well, no one in the class approached me once again demanding an explanation, even Keisei. Some girls only went to Kei and asked her all the details. Some went to Yosuke. And because I told both of them to answer all their questions according to everything they know about the whole truth, everyone was fully convinced.

Though not each and every behind the scenes were revealed, the information about the victory of our first Island exam was enough for them to believe that I am indeed this so-called 'the real leader that was hiding in the shadows' of our class.

".... Then.... how about you?"

Horikita, who seemed to be more worried about something else, asked me something that requires a personal answer.

Seeing her expression, I know how much she wanted to hear a sincere reply. I also get the feeling that I should choose my words carefully but strangely at the same time I know that no matter what I'll say, it won't change how she views me in the slightest.

Realizing this, I did not answer and just walked towards her.

I sat on the bed and took the already warm washcloth from her forehead.

She did not complain and just watched me soaking it with cold water. After squeezing it, I turned to her and gently placed the now cold washcloth back to her forehead.

"... You never changed.... Ayanokoji-kun..... You're the same as the first day I met you....."

Upon hearing her saying those words weakly, I looked straight into her eyes only to see sadness and disappointment from it.

".... I had judged you... insulted you... betrayed you... but despite all that, you would still treat me the same as if nothing happened.... as if you didn't care about what I did to you...... That's right..... No matter what I did to you.... whether it was good or bad... whether it was for your benefit or not... you still treated me the same... You still see me the same..."

Despite taking pauses here and there, trying to catch her breath, Horikita still tried her best to convey what she felt.

As I'm slowly realizing where this is heading, I only removed my hands from her forehead, still shutting my mouth.

".... That's probably the reason why.... despite knowing that I'm only trying to help you.... it doesn't have any effects in you.."

And suddenly, Horikita looked away.

"..... 'cause until now.... I- .. I am just your classmate..... just a classmate...."

There was a hint of disappointment from her weak voice while her eyes were full of sadness. I could even feel her pain as she said that last word.Horikita was blinking her eyes as if she wanted to stop her tears from welling up. Then she turned her head more to the right as if she wanted to hide her face from me.

This is not the first time that I have witnessed Horikita's emotional side. When she tried to tell her honest feelings about the person, about the situation. And all those times, she hated being seen, being watched. And I could feel how uncomfortable she was that my eyes were glued to her as she put her feelings into words.

"... I-... I tried-...."

This time, her words were completely cut off as if she didn't have enough courage to continue.

No. Judging from her side profile, it seems that there's more to it. Considering how much she wanted to hide her face from me made me believe that there's an emotion that she doesn't want to show me.

Embarrassment? Probably. Anger? I don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised if she is.

Understanding her, I took my eyes off of her and slowly got down from the bed. Then, I sat on the floor and leaned my back on the side of her bed.

To lessen her worries, I turned my head and looked to the entrance, only letting her see the back of my head.

I won't try to take a peek. You can continue to hide whatever emotions you wanted to hide. So whatever you wanted to say, say it Horikita.

Even if I won't say that to her, I know she gets what I'm doing.

But Horikita still hesitated as she only stayed silent. That's why I....

"..... I'm listening. I'll only listen. I won't say anything. Whatever complaints you wanted to say, I won't say anything. I won't say that you shouldn't feel that way. That your emotions are invalid. That you're wrong..... I- ... I'll understand."

I don't even know the exact reason why I had to say that.

Horikita has always been so blunt to anyone including me. She would say anything while completely disregarding what the person would feel as long as she would be able to convey what she wanted to say, or what that person should hear. But for some reason, the Horikita right now is so different. It's as if she's afraid of what my reaction would be.

".. But.... but I want you to correct me....I wanted you to correct me."

After waiting for a minute, Horikita finally spoke, but the words were rather unexpected.

"... From back then...I wanted you to tell me what was wrong with my decision... or rather, I wanted you to tell me that I'm doing the right thing.. to give me courage that I'm doing the right thing."

I know. I understand. But what you wanted me to do was something impossible for me to do.

No. If I think about it, I actually can. But because I was doing the best I can not to be like my father, I chose not to.

".. All my life, I did nothing but make wrong decisions. From changing myself to chase after my brother... to trusting Utomiya-kun.... Mistake after another mistake.... "

After speaking heavily, Horikita took a pause. From the sound of it, it seems like she was trying her best in holding her tears.

".... I- .... I was afraid, so afraid that I might make another wrong decision again as it's no longer just about me... I was afraid that if I took this path, another person's life would change miserably..."

Her voice was trembling that you could really feel her fear and at the same, of how hard she was trying not to cry.

From the last thing that she said, I never imagined that I would hear that from her.

From someone who didn't care about someone else as long as she would get what she wanted to actually taking them into consideration before making a decision. She has grown, I guess.

Or perhaps, it was only because this matter isn't the usual problem that she had encountered like the class conflict and self-progress. That this is already a life situation where you have to include your emotions in making a decision and not just mere logic.

"... I-.. I was hoping for you to understand... I was hoping for you to see through me.. to see my pain just like always...... but you didn't..... Instead, you left me with more confusion and doubts. You left me alone and made me decide on my own....all while knowing that I'm doing this for you..."

After those back to back complaints from her, Horikita suddenly fell silent. And because I couldn't see her face, I don't know what expression she was making.

Though the words that were coming out of her mouth were supposed to sound unpleasant, her voice doesn't seem that she's angry. Was it because she's sick? Probably.

On the other hand, I noticed something else. It wasn't from her but from me.

As I listened to her, there's something happening inside of me that I just couldn't explain.

My heart stings. It's as if someone just stabbed it with a knife and left a large cut.

I don't why I'm feeling this but it is certain this is not something you would feel if you're feeling good or happy.

Did I just get affected from Horikita's complains?.... I don't know.

Was it because I cared for what she said and how she views me? I don't know either.

Or maybe, it was because this was the very first time that someone had voiced her dissatisfaction about me. Words that came out directly from the heart.

I have heard countless stories and complaints from the person themselves, but it was mainly about their painful pasts, the bitterness of their own life.

If I have to rack my brain right now, the closest answer I could get to why I'm feeling this way was because all while Horikita was doing it for me.... I was the same. I was also doing this to protect her, to keep her away from harm that she just couldn't understand. That I have my reasons too. But I know that it wasn't her fault either. Because it was also me who was preventing her from understanding.

The silence lasted for a while.

I got tempted to turn my head and see if Horikita had fallen asleep but all of a sudden, she spoke.

".. The truth is... for these past two days, I did nothing but think of things that could make me hate you... and all those things that I said to you just now..... is everything I could think of."

If that's how it is.... then why are you suddenly saying that to me? You should have persisted in looking for more things to hate me more. To make it easier for you.

".... But you suddenly coming here now..... only made things harder for me ... Ayanokoji-kun..."

I-.... Did I? How?

As Horikita unexpectedly answered the question in my mind, I asked that to myself.

"I don't know what you wanted here today but, even from a simple act like replacing the washcloth on my forehead made me remember all the good things that you did. That I couldn't deny that it was because of you on how I became the person I want to be. You might have done something that upsets me but I know deep down.... I know you're a good person.."

And she answered the question in my mind once again.

I never considered myself as a good person, instead I even see myself as a monster.

But Horikita seemed like she evaluated me differently. It was like she was saying 'small things matter more', which was so not her again.

"You are also the reason why I just couldn't bring myself to side with them, Ayanokoji-kun..... Do you know that?"

No. I don't.

I did not know that I was unconsciously making it harder for you, Horikita.

"You might want to have freedom for three years in high school, but I wanted you to get more than that..... I just want to help the first ever friend I made to attain freedom for the rest of his life...."

Hearing that, I felt a sting in my heart once again.

Freedom for the rest of my life huh.

Only if that's easy. Or to be more accurate, only if that's possible.

But wait. Did I hear it correctly?

Did she just say friend?

If I didn't mishear it, then that could be the reason why Utomiya had to include Manabu, because without me knowing, Horikita started to see me as someone special to her.

"Ayanokoji-kun..."

And then she called me.

No....from the sound of it, Horikita was actually asking me.

I see. Her opening up to me was for this sole reason. She was giving me her final plea.

My answer. She was waiting for my answer. She kept her silence and waited for a while to hear it.

If I had to use my brain, my answer would stay the same. But then, Horikita is....

Should I try to reconsider? Should I?

For the first time, I tried finding my heart that I considered non-existent for a long time. I wanted to ask that question and see if I could get a much better answer.

But then, after a minute of searching, I still couldn't find it. I wasn't able to as I buried it very deep down. I don't even know if it's still alive, if it's still within me.

No. To be more precise, my mind kept on interfering and was saying that I don't have to find my heart as it already has the right answer.

But still, I am very eager to know if I could give Horikita a much better answer, that's why I tried it once again.

But then...

"I decided.... I'm going to decide now."

Horikita suddenly spoke.

"From now on, I will switch my thinking and I'll strongly hold on to it."

And then she took a deep breath.

".... If I couldn't do anything but to choose only one, then I have no other choice but to protect my family..... because helping you would only mean losing my loved ones."

Before I could even reach a new decision, Horikita already gave me her's.

But, for some unknown reason, upon hearing it.... I feel disappointed.

Wasn't that the path that I wanted her to take? That I was telling her to do? ..Then what's with this disappointment?

"....Sorry, Ayanokoji-kun but.... I just can't imagine myself not seeing them again... "

She added with a trembling voice.

And then, as expected, after a moment, I heard Horikita cry. Slowly and slowly, she started weeping like a child.

It was so different from the first time I saw her cry, because now, I could feel how worried she is, how heavy her heart is, and her fear of losing the important people in her life.

It's crazy how I could feel other people's emotions but I couldn't feel mine.

As I listened to Horikita crying her heart out, my mind chose to make a decision.

I decided to completely bury my heart, that I won't ever try to find it once again.

That's right. This is how it should be.

It is better off this way.

People who make decisions based on their emotions are either dumb or they are just that strong, because it leads to nothing but hurting themselves.

But even so, I know Horikita is strong enough to face the challenges while carrying all her pain..... then, she'll eventually move on.

After a while, her crying started to slow down, then, I heard her little sniffs which eventually stopped.

Horikita had fallen asleep after she got tired from crying so hard.

I turned and looked at her face.

"It's not good to sleep after crying, you know. Your eyes will swell."

As I said that, the last drop of her tear slid down, so I moved my right hand and used my thumb to wipe it before it reached her ear.

You don't have to feel sorry, Horikita.This is the life that I chose and will still choose in the future. It's inevitable.

But I'm truly grateful for what you wanted for me. For hoping that I could still attain the freedom that you think I deserve. The freedom for the rest of my life.

I admire your positivity but being hopeful won't be able to change the outcome. Being hopeful alone won't guarantee success.

Author's Note:This chapter is not yet finished actually but I had to post this already as it's been 4 months since I posted that last chapter.

Hope I can start the continuation of thischapter immediately.

Anyway's, thank you for still coming back though I update so slow.

Hope you enjoyed it.😊

Warning! Spoiler for y2v7

It seems like there are indeed 3 wr students in the official LN. I know Riku is not the one and I'm liking it since I'm afraid he'll get clowned on the sub after Kinu sensei might nerf him so hard but sad at the same time cause he's no longer appearing in the LN.

But still, 3 wr students huh.. 😂😂