Chapter fifteen

Tw; talk of self harm

Izzy's POV:

***

"Yes my love?" I reply softly, waiting for her next question.

There's a pause. Not for long, maybe ten to fifteen seconds. I allow whatever thoughts are drifting through her mind to simmer. If she needs time, then I won't push her.

I run my fingernails up and down her forearms, trying to provide her comfort.

"What happens now?" She match's my soft tone previously.

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"With us. What happens?" She says, moving from her position in the bath so she is now facing me.

"I leave New York in a couple of days and fly home. Which is on the other side of the country, and may as well be the other side of the globe" her lip starts to quiver.

"Hey" I put my finger under her chin as she looks down, and bring her eyes level to mine.

"We will get through it" I reassure.

"I'm scared. I don't want to leave and then everything go back to the way it was before. I can't loose you all over again, I don't think my heart can handle the trauma" I tear slips from her eye and I pull her close to my body, wrapping my arms protectively around her.

"Baby, that's never going to happen again, okay" I rub her back.

"But you can I understand why I feel that way, yeah?" Her voice muffled from being in the crook of my neck.

"Of course Angel" I coo.

I would think we would get ripped apart again too if I wasn't so 100% in with all of this with her.

I won't allow anything or anyone to pull us apart ever again.

"Billie, I don't ever want to live another day without you" I try not to cry as I say my truths.

"My heart broke a little more every day we were apart. You are it for me, the one I am meant to be with forever. You're my soulmate and all that mushy stuff" I say making her chuckle.

She moves her head to face me again and we share an intimate moment, looking lovingly into each other's eyes. I get butterflies just looking at her.

"I don't want a life, if it's not with you baby" I say and lean in to press our lips together gently.

"I love you" she says giving me another kiss.

"I love you more" I reply between kisses.

"Lets get out, we have been in here way too long" I laugh as I take her hands in mine and show her our fingers turning into prunes.

I remove myself from our hold and get out of the bath. I take two white towels off the rack, wrapping one around my body and then holding the other out for Billie.

She steps out of the bath and I look at her naked body, shamelessly. There, in all her glory, is my one true love. I smile lovingly, that is until I start to notice marks on her skin.

I knit my brows together as she steps out of the tub and walks over to me.

I never noticed when we were in the heat of the moment before. There are scars on her wrists, also a couple on her upper thighs and stomach. Some more prominent than others, and also, I hate to think it but new.

My stomach twists and I feel ill.

I can't tear my eyes away, and I know she notices my smile dropped.

I wrap the towel around her body and don't say a word.

"I know you saw" she speaks up.

My shock has turned into hurt. Hot tears pour down my face at the thought of her doing this to herself.

Billie cups her hands over my cheeks and pecks my lips.

"Bil" my voice chokes up.

"Come with me" she takes my hand and leads me into the bedroom.

I wonder what she is doing as she releases my hand. Walking over to the bed she sits down and pats the spot next to her. I follow her silent instructions and take a seat of the fluffy blankets, sinking down into them.

"I don't want secrets" is all she says before holding out her right wrist. She traces her left index finger over one of the more faded scars on her body.

The cut is horizontal and about an inch or so long.

"The day after you left" she speaks, her voice wavering as I inhale sharply.

"No" I release in a puff of air as all my fears are spoken and true.

I put my own fingers out and hover over another one higher up her wrist, without touching, I glance at her face and she gives a small nod confirming I can touch.

My fingertips lightly graze it, rubbing circles like I am trying to remove any pain left. I give her another look in which she understands my question.

"The night I released my album, and you weren't there to celebrate with me" tears are now streaming down both our faces.

I continue to move her fingers over her body to each new place.

The next being her inner thigh.

"I kissed someone at a party, and it's wasn't you"

This is burning me like a bullet, but I want to know and I can tell she wants me to know too. So I suck it up.

Now touching another spot of her thigh I wait for her to answer.

"That one-" she pauses, noticeably gulping.

"That one was your 18th birthday" I squeeze her thigh like I do my eyes when she says that. I sob escaping my throat.

We had planned that day. I wasn't even sure if she remembered it to be honest.

We were going to get breakfast at a little cafe we both loved. Then go to a place to look over the Los Angeles skyline and then dinner, not much but it was perfect. Billie always said she had a surprise for me too, which of course I never got to experiment, but I would tell her no and all I wanted was her presence.

"I think that's enough for today" she speaks knowing I might break at any point hearing more.

My sobs still wracking my body, she engulfs me in a bone crushing hug.

"Shhh, it's okay" she try's to calm me.

"I-I'm ss-so Sorry B-bil" I stutter out.

"It's okay. They don't hurt anymore" she says holding the back of my head closer to her.

I don't know why, but that sentence stings.

After my crying stops and I can finally breathe at a normal pace, I pull back from our embrace.

I lift her wrist to my lips and kiss it, making it better, of course it won't but it makes me feel better at least.

I then pepper kisses over every single scar I see, soft and slowly, taking my time.

I push her back on the bed and lift the towel to kiss her inner thighs, innocently.

I open her towel revealing her naked body and kiss every area I see there too.

I stand up from the bed and pull the large blanket down on one side as Billie removes the towel from under her throwing it on the floor and rolls over to the now exposed crisp sheet, allowing me to move the other side of blanket down too.

I take my own towel off and crawl into bed bringing our naked bodies close together and entangling our legs.

We lay there staring at each other's features taking in our time together.

She leans in first, our lips attaching as we melt into a passionate but tender kiss.

My hands on her collarbones and hers on my waist. We stay like this for a while, making out but not taking it further.

Eventually sleep takes over of bodies and bliss lingers in the air.

Our first night falling asleep together in a very long time.

"Night Bil" I say groggily as I'm half asleep

"Good night my angel, I love you" she replies pecking my lips with a good night kiss, that I pray to god, becomes something we can share for the rest of our life.

"I love you" I reply, drifting into a peaceful slumber.

***

A/N:

So much fluff, awe I love it 😍

I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you are well loves ❤️

Vote, comment, add to your library, whatever you want 😊