14 LIFE IS LIKE A TURD

Hey guys!

Slightly silly chapter here before the onslaught of romance. We're nearing the end of zapped, so I just wanted to say thank you so much for 1K readers, it really means a lot to me.

Here's a small peak into your old middle school life and also Denki's predicament whilst trying to win you that teddy bear<33

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TWO YEARS prior...

"Oi, Shima! Lend me some gum, will ya?" Makato's voice called out from within the middle school classroom. She was one of your 'friends'. Was.

Dark green hair, golden hoops, a nose piercing and smoky eye shadow. Her perfectly lined lips matted with newly stocked Charlotte Tilbury constantly smacked together as she chewed gum obnoxiously.

Her gum stocker, Shima, wasn't any less obnoxious. In fact, she was worse. Pastle pink hair, a cutesy theme with bows and pink. She constantly sucked up to Makato in every way.

"Kay!" Shima replied, her hands digging into her bag to retrieve the pack. She giggled lightly as she threw the item across. However, the item missed Makato entirely. It flew across the classroom and whacked against the white board at the front. "...oops."

The green haired girl groaned, and made a moment to stand up from the desk she sat on. She froze when Rudo stood up, immediately running over to grab the gum. It was a poor excuse to talk to the girl.

"Here you go." The boy grinned, handing the packet over as if he was some hero.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you soooo much, Rudo!You're a life saver." She smiled, grabbing the packet and popping a piece into her mouth.

"Haha. Anytime!" Rudo chuckled, scratching the back of his neck with an awkward grin. "It was uh... not a big deal or anything." He looked to the side, leaning against the desk beside her with one arm, obviously attempting to flex his bicep.

"You're right. It wasn't a big deal." You deadpanned from beside the two, cheek rested on your palm as you stared ahead in boredom.

"Haha, Y/N!" Makato giggled, switching up her attitude entirely. "Don't be so silly! Remember that one time you picked your nose and wiped it under the desk?"

"Wait, wha—"

"Or like when you had explosive diarrhoea and I had to help you?"

Oh.

You knew what was happening here.

You never really understood it. What was the point in changing yourself entirely for a person? In Makato's case, yeah, many changes had to be made to make her a somewhat lovable human being. But no one changes just like that. Why act perfect when you're not? Everyone's going to find out all your flaws eventually.

And here she was, pulling some bullshit out of her freshly waxed ass crack to make you sound like some hideous deviant.

You didn't give one shit though.

You sat there and let her pile it on, like a layer of lies to your name. Why?

It wasn't like you were some pushover. No, she wasn't black mailing you. And no, her words were not secretly true.

In reality, you couldn't care less about what people thought about you. Especially whoever the fuck Rudo was.

"Oh my god, Makato, did you see the new hottie?" Shima skipped over, leaning over your desk with a wide grin. "He's sooooo cute!"

"Ooo, a new one, huh?" Makato immediately turned around, practically shunning Rudo at the thought of a new guy. "Is he exchange or transfer?"

"Transfer." Shima sighed. "That's the only boring thing about him though."

"Awh... so he's not exotic?" Makato whined, a small pout on her lips.

"Jesus. He's a boy. Not a zoo animal." You scoffed, rolling your eyes. Your words went ignored when they immediately began to gossip again. Something about shredded guys, you tuned out after that.

"You know who I might go for?" Shima giggled excitedly. "Kirishima. That black haired kid with the sharp teeth."

"Isn't he... a bit too average?" Makato questioned judgementally.

"That's what I originally thought. But turns out he got into UA high school. Isn't that totally hot? Hero course too." The pink haired girl gushed.

"Huh... not too shabby."

"What about you, Y/N?" Shima then turned to you, a smile on her lips. "Got any guys in mind?"

"Nope." You replied curtly, your response flat and uninterested.

"God, you're boring." Makato scoffed.

"Lighten up a little! Seriously? Not even one person?"

"I'm not really interested in all that sappy stuff." You sighed, growing slightly annoyed at their nosiness.

"That is like such a waste." Makato frowned. "You're like smoking hot, girl. Live a bit." She said. It was ironic how she said that when she was a living cock block. However, you decided not to bring it up for the sake of keeping peace.

"Seriously. Haven't you been asked out by like... a bajillion people?" Shima continued. "You rejected them all! Talk about brutality."

The reason for your relentless rejection was because you knew that each and every person didn't actually like you. And you meant you.

Not the person you put out front, not the person you choose to display. They didn't actually know you. And you had a feeling they wouldn't stick around to do so either.

Whether it was because of your looks, your popularity, your intelligence, or maybe even the fact that you were a hero in training and had been accepted into the country's top hero academy. You didn't genuinely know if someone liked you.

It wasn't words that told you, it was actions.

Not grand gestures, not big surprise parties. The small, meaningful actions. The ones that show they care, that they look out and actually see. See you.

So when Denki Kaminari stood in front of you with a teddy bear in hand, a black eye, and an empty wallet. You realised what actually drew you towards that idiot in the first place.

——————

"You've got to be kidding me!" Denki exclaimed, flipping through the pockets of his wallet.

"Seriously, kid." The worker sighed, his voice croaky and old as he took a puff of his cigarette. "You got some real drive. Whoever you're doing this for is a lucky lady."

"I missed every shot! Again!" Kaminari threw his hands onto his face in frustration as he whined.

"Ehh... lucky in a way that you're meaningful. Not reliable."

"There goes my groceries and my will to live. Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Dignity down the drain." The blonde shook his head, turning around and leaning against the pillar to the stall. "Why do I have to be so darn useless all the time?" He huffed out, releasing his daily struggles to the old man. "I mean, gosh. One zap of my quirk and I'm high off... fucking... I don't even know!"

"Sounds tough, kid." The old man shook his head. "My quirk lets me distort light. Makes me shit a whole lot though."

"And then there's this girl... she's amazing, sweet, pretty, and—and-wait did you just say you could distort light?" Kaminari turned his head over to look at the worker, who leaned over the counter with a melancholy expression. "That's actually pretty cool."

"Thanks." The old man replied. He took the cigarette bud between two fingers, dropped it on the floor and stomped it out. "But you see, kid. Life is like a shit. A big, fat, meaty log."

"Can you stop talking about poop for at least two seconds? You're making me really uncomfortable."

"I mean it, boy. Listen to what I have to say." He interrupted Kaminari's request and continued. "Sometimes, yeah. I mean, it could be pretty good. Can feel good, you know? Glide out, slick and easy. Or, it can be fat and painful. Sometimes spiky. But the difference is, theres always the backsplash, ya' know? Poseidon's kiss. No matter if it's going good or bad, theres gonna be some bad stuff in life. But that's okay. Nobodies turds come out easy." He spoke, staring up into the moonlight.

"Shits can get pretty messy too. That's why we have toilet paper. You wipe the yucky stuff away. Or, you could lay the toilet paper down before you shit. Trust me, that one stops backsplash easy peasy." The man continued. "What I'm getting at is... who is your toilet paper? Who stops the backsplash? Who wipes away the shit for you? You hear me?"

"Please don't make me compare her to toilet paper."

"There's always that person. And if not, like me, you have your own—huh? What's that money doing blowing about over there?" The old man paused mid inspirational sentence, and gestured over to a ten thousand yen note skimming through the wind.

Denki could've sworn that time slowed as the thin material flew past, almost like fate.

Without another word, he sped off.

His panicked spiked, adrenaline kicking in like a switch. Rushing past the people and stalls, following the wind as it lead him to a secluded area. He pushed forward, lunging for the yen like it was his last limb attached. His hand reached, fingers practically twirling around the material.

He landed face first, bang into the ground. With a slurred groan, he pushed himself up with a wave of disappointment. However, he wasn't discouraged. No, the opposite even. He was going to find that bill and bet every last penny into winning you a teddy bear.

His body moved, shifting into a sitting position. A shadow loomed over him, and as he looked up, he was met with three older teenagers. Probably around seventeen.

One, blue haired with a cap on, stood with his foot on the yen, a cocky grin on his lips. "Ya looking for this, blondie?" He smirked teasingly, the arrogance practically spitting from his words like venom.

EEEK! I'm not looking for any trouble! Is what Denki would squeal on any other occasion.

However, he needed that money.

Swallowing his initial terror, and reminding himself that he was in UA for a reason, he pushed himself up to stand. He dusted down his shirt and looked up with for once, a serious look. "Yeah. I am. Like I said, it's mine. You got a problem with it, or what?"

The blue haired boy looked taken a back for a second, not expecting what looked to be a first year, so early in the year, so confident. "Tch."

"Do you know who you're talking to?" A black haired kid with a buzz cut stepped forward, a scowl on his lips. "This is Enzo. He runs Mitodori High."

"Mitometro what now? I've never heard of that one before." Kaminari raised an eyebrow, entirely unimpressed.

"WHAT—ugh, it's a hero academy! Duh!" The black haired boy stuttered. "He's basically a hero already."

"I don't think heroes loiter around trying to steal other kids money." Denki sighed, running his fingers through his hair for a moment. "Clearly, your boy Enzo from Midametro—nobody gives a shit—needs some true sense of justice knocked into him. I can do the honours if you're really up for it." He grinned, slamming one fist into his palm.

WHACK!

A short silence followed, before an obnoxious chortle erupted.

"HAHAHA! WOOOOHOOO!! That's our Enzo!" The buzz cut boy cheered. "You knocked the knickers right off him!"

"Heh. I hate when losers get cocky." Enzo smirked at his friend's cheer, dusting off the back of his fist.

Denki stared to the side, his fingers brushing against the probably now bruised skin around his eye. This freak had just punched him. His eyes drifted back towards the three, who stared him down with glares.

"The hell are you looking at?" One spat.

"You want another?"

Denki merely let out a sigh in reply, shaking his head as his cocky grin returned. "UA doesn't really teach us much about bullies. It has more... hands on villain training." The blonde stated, crossing his arms.

"UA...? Is this kid messing with us?"

"Why you..."

"For example!" Kaminari stuck up his finger, interrupting the boys insult. "THAT VILLAIN OVER THERE!" He then exclaimed, pointing off in an entirely different direction.

The three boys snapped their heads over, their eyes meeting the sight of a homeless man pissing on a wall with his newspaper out. They raised an eyebrow in confusion, before turning back to Kaminari, or where he once was.

"Shit! He got away!"

"That little shit tricked us!"

"After him!"

Turns out, getting into fights in high school wasn't the greatest look for a future hero. Unless it was for a noble reason, of course. It would've worked if he was saving an innocent school boy from bullies, stopped them from stealing, or even just disturbing public peace. But it was pretty obvious that fighting over ten thousand yen was excluded from that list.

With the yen in his hand, he sped back over to the original basketball stall. He slammed the money onto the desk, the old man already waiting with a bored expression.

The blonde grabbed a ball, moving one foot back. He held the ball in one hand, aiming with the other. One second he was in perfect form, the next he was body slammed onto the floor by Enzo.

Time moved in slow motion. From the ball leaving his fingers, to him being bodied to the floor, and to the positive ringing of the net. He scored. He actually finally scored.

"Oh my god." He gaped, before his lips curled up into a wide smile. "I did it... I actually finally did it!" He stood up immediately, earning confused glances from the three bullies. "Thank you so much, man." He thanked Enzo, suddenly dragging the boy in for a big hug.

He quickly grabbed the prize and left, dashing back over to the food stalls and leaving the three bullies behind who were frozen in a mixture of shock and confusion.

——————

"Y/N! Y/N!" You turned around at the sound of your name being called, half a slice of pizza in your hand and aimed towards your mouth.

Your originally calm state immediately shifted when you saw Denki speed over, his appearance pale and sweaty, almost like he had ran a whole marathon to get to you.

"Woah, woah. Kaminari, you good?" You asked, walking over to the Blonde. He was hunched over, hands on his knees as he panted heavily, gasping for air. "Jesus... what happened in that bathroom?"

"I got..." he wheezed. "I got you... this." He then pulled out a teddy bear, the same plushie you had been eyeing up at the basketball stalls.

You could feel your heart pound in your chest, the same tummy flipping feeling bubbling up again.

"Kaminari... you..." A wave of redness hit you, and you looked up to meet his eyes—eye? "Jesus—what happened to you?!" You gasped suddenly at the sight of a gnarly bruise forming around his eye.

"Haha... long story." He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. "You wanna go for a walk?"

"Wha—oh!" You paused, the heat rising to your cheeks at the thought. You and him... alone? Walking around together at the carnival? Didn't that sound... romantic? Something couples did? The mere thought gave you shivers. "Sure." You confirmed, gripping the teddy bear closer to your chest.

"I'd love to."