11 - My Dilema

Joshua pov.

"So how do we do this?" I asked in the middle of the silence between us. We are currently in my apartment facing each other for the first time in years. It's weird seeing him and seeing my face.

"How are you?" He asked and I exploded.

"No! You're not gonna blow past all the things that happened before and just randomly go back here! What the hell? Where did you disappear to? And my god I have so many questions I might explode!" I shouted and he just looked at me as I had my meltdown.

"Alright calm down. Fix yourself. I'm gonna talk to you and explain everything. Then you tell me why you're dressed in my clothes and going to my school apparently." He said as he pointed at my I.D and uniform hanging in the back of the door.

"Your mother made me pretend to be you. He told me you got kidnapped! I am stuck as you. Because of your silly trust fund. Now what happened to you and you said something about our mom! You saw her?? How is she?" I said with panic because it has been a while since our step mom told me anything about the case.

"She is doing fine... it's just that I can't tell you about her. My mom, my step mom, she threatened to kill her if I say something to you... and I don't think she's kidding anymore. I saw... i saw Yuki.." he said as his face contorted as if he saw something he shouldn't have. Then a tear fell into his face. He had a hard time continuing and then he took a deep breath.

"She killed Yuki." He said.

"Your step mom is a monster! I mean who would do that? Wait sorry but Who's Yuki?" I asked.

"I didn't know she was crazy like that. Yuki's  my fiancé." He finally admitted.

"You have a fiancé'!!?! But Kyeomi told me you were single! He's gonna freak!" I suddenly said forgetting the severity of the situation.

"Had. She's dead." He said.

"So that's why you've been gone for almost 2 months. I'm so sorry. What can I do?" I asked as I gave him a hug. He looked collected earlier so I didn't know he was hurting this bad.

"She's too evil to be entertained. I just ran away wanting to be gone from this earth. But I later realized that she's gonna continue all this even if I go. I just need to face her and warn dad." He said with conviction.

"You can't talk to dad without her knowing. Believe me I tried. And I got beat up." I told him and he shook his head in disbelief.

"I thought she was nice. She went to my every event. Comforted me when I'm down and supported me in every choice I make. And acted like a real mother. I even called her mom." He said as he looked lost in the eyes.

"I'm Sorry. Did she tell you why she did it?" I asked him.

"It's always about money. I just realized it later. She only got close to me and my father because of the benefits I come with. At the age of 18 if I get a fiancé or get wedded, my father would give me my trust fund which is under her name right now. Without me getting any partner, She will still be the one handling my trust fund. When I told her I had someone already, she freaked and told me to cut it out." He said.

"But you didn't." I said.

"And she killed her." He said sadly again.

"Oh Joshua come here. I'm sorry you had to live like that" I said as I hugged him again. I know we are not close as brothers but it looked like he was so devastated.

"How did she do it?" I asked as my brother continued to sob. Gone is the perfect man Kyeomie described to me.

"Someone shot her. She died alone in her apartment. Before I could come visit her. I was too late. When I arrived she was already cold. And there was even a suicide letter. But I know she didn't write it." He said. I can't imagine the hurt my brother is feeling right now. I mean who would do that?!?

"I'm so sorry Joshua" i told him and he faked smiled.

"It's fine now. I just need somewhere to hide from her. And sort things out. " He said and I looked at my place.

"You can stay here for today. But i don't think being with me is smart. She also monitors my movements. And Kyeomi could see you. He often goes here. He's gonna freak." I said.

"Thank you but what does Kyeomi have to do with this?" He asked.

"Oh right. We're kinda close already. I learned a lot about you from him." I informed him.

"Wait is this my classmate Kyeom? You're talking about? He keeps on popping in." He asked.

"Yup. He's obsessed with you." I told him and chuckled a little remembering his cute face.

"He's a little too much for me. He even gave me a letter of his confession. I haven't read it yet. You can have it if you want." He suggested and I looked at him as if he was crazy. Kyeomi probably put his heart and soul into that letter. What the hell is my brother being this rude.

"I know you're hurting. But Dude that's rude. He idolizes you." I said and he looked at me confused about my seriousness.

"Oh sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like that." He said with worry in his eyes.

"It's fine. Let's just get you settled down." I told him and then he nodded.

How the hell did this all happened??!?! I should have stayed our lane and never interacted with my father. Now I'm in this deep hole trapped as always.

________________\________________\

Kyeomie pov.

I woke up with nothing on my mind but the thought of what happened last night. I remembered every bit of detail last night.

I think Joshi just told me that he liked me and I kinda like the idea of that. Am I crazy? For having this kind of thoughts? Maybe because he looked so much like Joshua? I slapped both my cheeks to wake me up from Thai confusion. No I think I like him for him... right?

Then my phone rings. I answered it after Hoshi's name popped up.

"Hello! Dude you would not believe what happened yesterday when we both got drunk." I said in excitement. But I was stopped by his running breathing sounds. Is he running away from a dog? Because he sounds like it.

"Dude! I'm gonna die." He said as I still hear labored sounds from him on the other line.

"Dude would you stop and take breath for a second I can barely hear you." I said.

"Help meee." He said and I was already getting worried.

"What why? Where are you?" I asked in panic. He seemed really in distress.

"I'm already at your house open the door." He said as I heard him knocking. I ran down without even fixing myself and then opened the door.

"Oh thank God." He said as he ran into the fridge right away. He grabbed a bottle of water and poured it right into his mouth and face.

"You're cleaning that" i said as I pointed on the pool of water he made on the floor.

"What exactly is going on? And you better make this important." I said.

"I went into Woozi's studio last night." He suddenly blurted out.

"You did? What the hell did you do there? And did you ran from there?! " I asked in surprise.

"Yes I ran. And I have no idea what I did last night. Please help me. I just woke up next to Woozi and he was sound asleep." He said and I laughed.

"Oh he let you stay the night? How great of him." I said.

"Yes I know he's the best and I'm the absolute devil! Ahghhhhh" he exclaimed.

"Why? What did you do?" I asked in horror. Drunk Hoshi is never really sane.

"Well it started when I woke up...and remembered nothing..." he started off .

——hoshi's pov flashback—-

Oh? Where am I? Ow my head hurt. Maybe I did drink too much. Wait what am I sleeping in? Wow such as soft pillow I thought to myself without opening my eyes.

I must still be dreaming. I looked around and the place looked familiar. It was comforting.

Then I looked at around and saw this...

WHAT THE HELL! I'm with Woozi?!? What is he doing sleeping here next to me?!? Wait is this still a dream?

Then I just looked at him without moving a muscle.

Alright relax. Try to remember what you did yesterday self. You can do it. I thought to myself because I was already in panic.

"Damn it look at that cute face. I should wake him up right? Or maybe don't????? What the hell." I said to myself.

I then really got into my head and moved closer to his face. This is really not bad to wake up from every morning. Wait I sound like an obsessed person. I then tried to move away from him because my head was leaning into his pillow. Maybe he tried to share it with me.

I smiled trying to imagine if he really did share. Then I just looked at his face one more time. How captivating is that look. I would give anything just to feel those lips. But I am a mannered person. I will not let my desires push me into kissing him. I am very professional. I just moved my head closer to his face because I wanted to get a closer look and stared at him as he sleeps. Wait I feel like this is obsessive behavior. Like someone I know....

Feels like I'm gaslighting myself. When all of sudden he moved which caused our very near faces to collide and I brushed his lips into mine. I panicked and backed away as soon as it did.

What was that. Yet so soft. I was still a little dizzy from the drinking and I was not thinking properly.

I wanted to kiss him for real. Just a little wont hurt right? I asked myself and leaned a little closer on his face. I held his cheek with my hand and lowered my face to kiss him. More like a little bit of lips touching lips. Damn it I really did kiss him for real!!!! I'm gonna die! This is abuse and I know it I should be in jail.

I stood there in shock of the situation that just happened but he was still asleep. I grabbed my jacket and ran away.

—-end of Hoshi's morning—-

"And I ran here! I am a monster! I just kissed him without asking his permission!!! I should be in jail." Hoshi shouted at me.

"But you told me he was the one that moved? Isn't this just an accident?" I asked.

"No way. I was thinking of kissing him. That's bad enough. And I even tried to kiss him again! What face can I face him now??? I could never get closed to him but I just kissed him." He panicked.

"First. stop fidgeting. And relax. You did kiss him so that's a bad move... without consent that's just sexual assault. But I doubt he even cares. He was sleeping right?" I said and he started drinking my mother's juice box. Seriously it's like he owns the place.

"I'm so dead seriously." He said.

"Wait a minute. You ran away without waking him up or even saying thanks?!???" I asked.

"Well yeah I panicked!." He said.

"And tell me. You did leave a message right? Or even a note?" I asked in horror.

"No." He said.

"What the hell? Just text him and say thank you." I told him.

"I can't i'm too embarrassed about what I DID." He emphasized the problem.

"You're too much. He didn't even wake up. But you need to come clean. Woozi's a friend and you kinda kissed him without him knowing. Just be honest." I said to him and he pouted. He knows he's wrong and he didn't argue.

"Are you gonna be fine?" I asked.

"Maybe I'll just avoid him for real" he mumbled. I just knew he wasn't listening anymore.

"You are very stubborn." I said while shaking my head. Then he suddenly stood up and ran out the door. Seriously is asking and telling the host they are going such a hard thing to do?

I then stood there alone in my house. When the door opened.

"What's up with Hoshi? He's running out from here and Why are you being weird?" Dino asked as he sat down the couch opening the television right away.

"Nothing. And why are you here early in the morning. Don't you have school?" I asked.

"I skipped. I don't like the teacher." He said nonchalantly.

"Mom's gonna know you know" i said as I sat beside him. Then he looked at me.

"You seem different. You have a boyfriend?" He asked.

"What? Where did you get that?" I asked in shock.

"Well first of all, that's not your sweater because I steal all your sweaters." He said and I looked down. Wait is this Joshi's? I didn't even remember him putting this on me. Awe.

"Stop smiling you're creeping me out." Dino said and I smacked him right away. Why is this kid being so mean today.

"Why don't you correct that attitude of yours and go get your brother a glass of water." I said. I mean I'm still pretty hung over last night. I should just never drink again. I closed my eyes and fell asleep before Dino could come back.

Later that day I learned that my brother was just dumped by his girlfriend. That's why he was extra crabby.

Poor Dino. I took him for some movie and ice cream for the day. He will be fine. ————————————————————————-

1 week later... (Kyeom and Joshi has never talked to each other because of the space that they both needed.)

Kyeom's pov.

"What's wrong with this guy?" Asked Cheol as he pointed at me. We are in the canteen and eating our lunch.

"Oh he's just love sick. He just saw another one of Joshua's post and he's already sulking" Hoshi explained. It was all because of that childish delusion.

"What post?" Asked Cheol.

"Daddu you're always late to news. Here let me show you his post last night. Joshua has been posting these photos in the last few days and it's driving our friend here crazy" Hannie said as he showed one of Joshua's picture to Cheol.

"Ew you have pet names??" Hoshi joked.

"You're just jealous you don't have a person you can have one." Jeonghan snapped and Hoshi glared at him.

"Anywaysss..." Hannie continued as we laughed at his comment and Hoshi's face.

This picture is from yesterday.

And this one's the 2 days before.

"Ohhhhhhh it's a soft launch!!" Kwannie suddenly interrupted. Yes after the party at Giggly bar, Vernon and Boo started hanging out with us too. And stinking up the place by their lovelife. Rude right?!?

"What's a soft launch?" I asked.

"Oh it's like showing people you're taken but not showing them who." Kwannie explained and I frowned. Aren't we supposed to be finding out what feelings we have for each other? Why did he start dating other people. He's so unfair! Plus he was always unavailable when I want to talk to him.

"He's sulking again." Hannie commented. This is so irritating I just wanna kill him right now. Is he just playing with me. Wait I should Calm down. I should be the one sorting out my feelings too.

"Let him be." Vernon commented and everyone just agreed.

"Hey dude, I know you're in your mourning stage. But can I get your fries?" Asked Hoshi again. He's totally not caring at this point.

"Just take it. It's not even important. One day you like fries but later you go and be with potato wedges or hashbrowns! I don't care just take it all." I said without thinking and everyone looked at me. And when I said everyone, even the people from the other tables. Shit I exploded.

"Dude you can have my fries let's not disturb him today." Wonu said to Hoshi and I just continued sulking.

I end up walking out of the canteen and I told them not to follow me. I could hear them talk what is happening to me but I didn't care.

Then as I was walking to the restroom I saw the last person I wanted to see today. He smiled at me but instead of smiling back, I rolled my eyes at him and went the other direction. Date all you want you liar. I thought to myself.

Maybe he wont follow me if I pretend not to see him. And it actually sucks! I hate this decision and I hate him. I actually thought he liked me.

I went inside the restroom and locked myself in one of the stalls.

"Wake up Kyeom! You are too much! No one likes a strong personality like yourself." I said to myself and then sat down in defeat. This is making me sad. I hate it. I hate feeling this. Maybe I do like him as him because I don't see Joshua in him anymore. I just see Joshi.

It's weird that these realizations come out now in the bathroom stall. Seriously I am so down. Down bad and I'm pretty sure he isn't.

"Kyeom? You've been gone for a while." Hoshi said outside the stall.

"I know." I snapped.

"Are you alright.?" He asked. Then I asked myself too. Am I alright? No I'm not. Then I opened the bathroom stall. I hugged Hoshi right away.

"I don't like feeling this way!" I said it in like a whisper as my voice cracked. I guess I'm having a breakdown. Hoshi reciprocated my hugs and hugged me back as he stroked it up and down.

"What's wrong? Tell me." Hoshi asked genuinely.

"I think I like Joshi too." I said without thinking.

"You mean Joshua's twin? The bastard with no manners?" Hoshi asked and I stopped breathing. The hell?!? How did he know about the twin thing?!?

"Huh. What are you talking about" I asked and faced him.

"You kinda told me when we were both drunk. And then poured the remaining tequila at me as a deal to shut my mouth." He said and my eyes opened in shock.

"I did?" I asked and gulped in panic.

"Yes but that was all. You told me I could get trouble if you continued talking. That was all. I was shocked but looked at the facts since last time, and it checks out. Don't worry I haven't told anyone." He said and I hugged him again.

"Please keep this to yourself only. But I'm so glad you know now! It's been eating me alive!!!" I told him.

"I know. I didn't even bring it up since I don't have any proof you were saying random stuff but then I noticed the change in your behavior too.. so I figured I should ask you." He said and I looked at him.

"It's true. Joshua has a twin." I said.

"Oh alright and this new Joshua is the one you like? How about your husband?" He asked and I raised my shoulder.

"I don't know. I know I still have a crush on him. But Joshi is different. He makes me feel things. I don't even like how I feel right now. But he makes me feel different." I said and he chuckled.

"You like him I know. Stop being cheesy. But isn't this ironic? You like Joshua and then his twin showed up, and you like him too. The universe must be giving you a chance after all that obsession." He jokes and I smack him in the arm.

Then all of a sudden the door opened and Joshi was went inside. I could see the worry in his face as he saw me and Hoshi talking.

"Sup." Hoshi said nonchalantly.

"Can I talk to Kyeom?" He asked and then I looked at him.

"I don't wanna talk. No thanks." I said and then grabbed Hoshi out the bathroom leaving the stunned Joshi inside confused about what just happened.

I dragged Hoshi out until there was no sign of Joshi.

"What's wrong with you?" Asked Hoshi.

"I don't wanna see him. Did you see his posts??? He's obviously with someone else now. He probably just wanna come clean and I don't think I'm ready." I said.

"You're overthinking this. What if he wanna talk about something serious?" He asked.

"No. I'm not involving myself anymore. It's too much." I said sadly. Then we saw Joshi walking towards us again. This time we were about to run away again but then Woozi stopped us from the other direction.

"Oh shit. Please face Joshua now I need to run." Hoshi said as he panicked and then I looked to see Woozi.

"No you face your problem because I wanna run away from mine." I said and then pushed him into Woozi's direction. It's like a game of which of the two of us could face our fears. In the end we were both trapped.

"This is it huh? See you on the other side." Hoshi said.

"Stop being crazy. You're over reacting but alright you go come clean to Woozi and I'll face this bastard." I said.

"I'll try. Bye goodluck." He said.

We both went to different direction and hoped for the best.

"Kyeom. Is something wrong?" Joshi asked as I faced him.

"Let's talk in private. Here let's talk here for the mean time." I said as I pointed on the supply closet. It was the nearest private room I see.

"Alright." He said as he followed me into the room.

"Let me talk first." I said and then he hesitated but still nodded.

"Alright. Can you be clear to me? Are you dating someone else already?" I asked him and he looked shocked.

"What? No. I think I made my feelings perfectly clear the last time we talked. I was just giving you space." He said and I looked at him.

"Then what are these posts?!? It seems like you're soft launching someone." I said a little softly this time. He then chuckled a bit as he looked at my screen.

"This? I just had a drink with a long lost friend. He just came and saw me so I treated him dinner. We have been hanging out for the past days. I have no one." He said trying to justify the pictures.

"Are you sure? Because you don't need to be pressured. If you like someone else I'm not gonna be mad." I tried saying it calmly but it turned out the opposite of what I was intending to do.

"You don't sound okay though." He then chuckled .

"Oh you find this funny?" I said angrily.

"No I find it cute." He said as he poked my nose. I swatted his fingers away because he was being annoying.

"Shut up." I said and rolled my eyes at him.

"Kyeom. I knew you get jealous easily when that's why I wanted to talk to you first. I have been hearing rumors about my posts all week already and I know you're gonna think like this." He said to me as he looked at me in the eyes.

"I'm not jealous." I defended my self.

"Says the person that screenshot my posts." He said while smirking. Damn it he got me.

"Whatever! I don't even care anymore." I said as I tried to turn the knob and open the door but he grabbed my shoulders and pushed them in the door. My back was in the door.

"I think you do care." He said as he held on to my chin and made me look at him.

I stayed silent as he continued to look at me and then looked down to my lips  and back to my eyes again. I could just read his mind right now.

"Do you wanna kiss me?" I asked innocently.

"Was planning to." He said in a low voice. He then leaned in closer to me and then in panic I placed both my hands in his mouth covering his whole face.

"Well too bad! No kissing me if we're not officially together! These lips are reserved to people that I actually like!" I said to him or more like shouted at him.

"You're crazy." He said.

"What did you say?!??" I asked annoyed.

"You're crazy if you think, you can resist this." He said as he pointed at himself. Oh he's back to being his old bragging self.

"I can and I will." I said firmly.

"Kyeom. I know you like me and you know I like you. What else is there for us to clear up. This space thing is just absurd. I already miss you." He said with an innocent face.

"Miss your face! Stop being cheesy. And for your information, I never said I liked you back." I said and he smirked.

"Well but you do right?" He asked.

"What?" I asked

"You do like me right? I mean why else would you get upset over pictures." He said cockily.

"You wish." I said in defense. Not the best answer but that was all I could think of.

"Well then if that's what your stand is. I issue a challenge. Are you up for it?" He asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Whoever gets the person to admit they liked the other person first wins." He said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"This feels like a child's game". I said.

"Well you wont admit it. So I made it easy for you." He said again.

"But I already won if that's the case. You already told me you like me." I said confidently.

"Then I take it back." He said and I looked at him.

"You can't just take it back." I said.

"Too bad I just did. So are you up for the challenge? Or are you afraid that you'll lose right away to my charms." He said and I got irritated.

"You're on!" I said as I looked him in the eyes without blinking.

"Alright then I hope you lose." He said as he opened the door behind me and winked at me. I glared at him as he walked away. Oh you want a challenge huh. Alright you'll gonna get one.

—————————————————————————

Meanwhile Woozi's pov.

7:00 am Oh good there he is. He just went home without telling me and he even left his sweater in my studio.

"Hoshi." I called out and he looked panicked. Our eyes met but he ran away as soon as I said his name. What if wrong with this guy??? I should be the one running away from this child.

9:00 am Now it's the second period. It was the only class we are in together so I figured I should give this to him then. I placed the sweater in the paper bag and then I saw him entered to room.

As soon as he did, he scanned the room. He looked at me and his eyes automatically panicked and then ran away from class again. Is he seriously avoiding me to the point of being absent in class??? He's so annoying I just wanna return his stuff.

12:00 I saw him in the hallway talking to Kyeom. He was about to run again but it seemed like Kyeom told him to walk towards me. And he finally did.

"Hoshi, this is yours right?" I asked and he just nodded not even looking me in the eyes.

"Thank you." He said and then walked away. I then called out his name again.

"Hoshi."

"Huh?" He said without meeting my eyes.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked.

"I'm not.. i was just uhmmm going to class." He made an excuse and I shook my head in disbelief. I thought he wanted to be friends with me? So is that just like a drunken mistake? That can't be right?!?

"Hey! Stop running away and talk to me." I said as I grabbed his hands.

He didn't say anything. Then he bowed in front of me.

"I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye last time. And also for avoiding you. I was just ashamed." He said and that made me laugh a little. Well he's like a little hamster.

"No worries. I was just asking out of concern." I said and he looked at me.

"Also I have a confession to make." He said.

"What?" i asked.

"I like you. Wait what? That's not what I wanna say. Scratch that". He rambled on

"So you hate me?" I jokingly said.

"No no that's not what I meant. I mean.. wait are you teasing me?!?" He said finally getting to look at me directly. I chuckled a little

"No. Say what you wanna say. I was just messing with you." I said. I don't know why I feel a lot comfortable with him now.

"I'm sorry for kissing you while you were asleep!" He said and I looked at him dumbfounded. Kiss? Where what?

"Kissed? We kissed!!??!" I asked in shock. I'm not even awake!

"No no.. i kinda kissed you accidentally as I was trying to run away like you said. And I'm so sorry about that" He said with embarrassment in his voice. I also felt embarrassed. I had no idea this happened at all.

"I don't even remember it. I don't mind." I said. But in reality I was already in panic mode. I can't believe I didn't even feel my first kiss. Wait this doesn't count right?!?!

"You're not angry?" He asked in shock. Surprised yes but not angry.

"Nah.. a simple as that? I get kissed all the time I don't mind." I said it without thinking and the look on his face says it all. Shock confused hurt? I don't know I can't read him.

"Oh really? All the time.. " He asked softly.

"Ya it's fine don't worry about it." I said trying to blow past my sudden panic.

"Oh thank God. I thought you were gonna hate me again." He said without expression this time and then we both suddenly got awkward.

"So... uhm I'm gonna go. See you in class I guess." He said awkwardly but at least he looks at me now. I nodded and then walked the opposite direction. Well I didn't expect that at all. Way to end the week.

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Author's note.

Joshua be fighting for his life and being depressed while Joshi and Kyeom flirts all day. 😂😂😂😂 See you next chapter...