Unsure

Kai

I'm lying in our bed. Panic constricts my chest, and it feels like I can't breathe. My heart is pounding against my ribcage. I need air. I get up and walk onto the balcony. The moon is shining down on Ilya, and there's a cool breeze, but I can't seem to enjoy the view. My stomach twists. I press my palms against the railing. I can't be like him. Memories of him lecturing me and giving me stern looks flash through my head. He was always disappointed in me. Never proud. A lump forms in my throat. I want my children to feel loved. What if I can't do that for them? A shaky breath leaves me, and I rake a hand through my hair, gripping the strands at the back of my head. A soft voice cuts through the silence.

"Kai?" I turn, and Paedyn is standing in the doorway, wrapped in a blanket, her face still drowsy from sleep. But her eyes—the ones capable of making me forget everything I had ever known—hold nothing but concern. I exhale slowly, forcing the tension from my body. 

"Go back to bed, Gray," I murmur.

She steps closer instead. "What's wrong?"

I hesitate. I could lie. Say it's nothing. But the words won't come, not with her looking at me like that.

So I just shake my head. "I don't want to be him." The confession slips out before I can stop it, raw and unguarded.

She doesn't ask who. She already knows. 

Paedyn

I place a hand on his back. My heart wrenches for him. Although my dad wasn't my biological father, he made me feel loved. Every child deserves that, but Kai didn't get to experience it. 

"I don't know how to do this." he whispers. "What if I'm like him?" I shake my head.

"I don't know how to do any of this either, but there is one thing I know. You won't end up like him. You are so much stronger, and you are not him, Kai." I say firmly. I lace my fingers through his. "I trust you, and I know you're going to be a great dad," I say before kissing him gently. Leading him back inside, I offer him half of the blanket that I'm wrapped in. He drapes the blanket around his shoulder before pulling me in by the waist. We get inside, and once we're under the sheets, he buries his face in my hair. 

Inhaling deeply, he murmurs, "I don't deserve you." I scoff. 

"Probably not," I laugh. His chest shakes with silent laughter, and I smile, pressing closer. And just like that, he falls asleep.

Word count - 438

this was a LOT shorter but i'm just trying to get content out for you guys bc i love you SO SO SO MUCH. we reached 200 something reads and i'm so immensely grateful for you guys reading my silly little fanfic. i might have enough time to get ONE MORE chapter out today but i'm honestly not sure. i hope you enjoyed this!

also, thanks @Powerless77 for the story suggestion, i'm definitely going to write something based off that. (js no killing of poor pae) but i WILL do something similar. thank you so much for your support ilysm!  

mwah