Part 53 - I love you

Y/n

You know that moment when you're seconds away from falling asleep, and then your body suddenly jolts awake and scares the crap out of you because it decided to make you feel like you just fell off a cliff?

Well that's the exact feeling that shook me from my knocked out state, only this time I wasn't falling downwards like usual, I was being pulled up, and it was messing with my brain.

My feet weren't on the ground, and I could feel something boney digging into my abdomen, which was really fucking uncomfortable, but I had no idea what it was.

Wait. No yeah that's a shoulder, great.

The last thing that I remember before passing out is being sucker punched by that fuckass psychopath after I almost got away, and I swear..as soon as my equilibrium returns to normal I will roundhouse that mother fucker for that blow. It hurt so bad, I don't even know how to describe it, but I had no air left in my lungs, and no matter how hard I tried to get it back, I couldn't and I felt so dizzy to the point where obviously I lost consciousness.

If I haven't made it clear before, let me say it again.

I fucking hate that guy.

My senses were slowly starting to come back to me, and I was finally able to will myself into opening my eyes, and they were met with the view of a metal grate floor, with nothing underneath for at least 10 feet, and then there was a level down below that I could see through the gaps in whatever I was being carried across.

But I noticed a pair of familiar boots in my view down on the floor standing behind whoever I was currently hung over, and I lifted my head up knowing exactly who they belonged to.

"Pugsley...?"

His hands were still held together by the piece of rope that had been tied around his wrists, but I saw them move up to my face gently, and I strained my neck just that little bit more to fully look up at him.

Even now when both of us have been literally fucking kidnapped by a mad scientist and will probably be killed by him, he still had this way about him that made me feel just for a moment that I was going to be okay.

He had this relieved look in his eyes when he saw that I had woken up, and he scanned over my face for a second before letting out a deep exhale.

His words were still kind of muffled by the gross looking fabric in his mouth, but they sounded a lot like,

'you okay?'

I mean yeah sure aside from the aching pain in my stomach from being sucker punched, I'm greaaaat.

I just nodded, but before I was able to say anything else, there was another voice from next to him that broke the peace, in it's own, high pitched annoying way.

"Oh thank goodness you're awake sweetheart, I was so worried."

Uhm...what the fuck?

I looked to the right of Pugsley and I see a woman standing there with a weird smile on her face. I've never met her before, nor do I think I particularly want to get to know her, because I immediately get the creeps from her, just from that one sentence.

And it looks like I'm not the only one, because when I glanced back to Pugsley, he was already giving her an uncomfortable side eye that almost made me laugh.

Okay, so we don't like her, got it.

I send her an insincere smile as to not seem rude, because I still wasn't entirely sure if she was a good person or not, and it didn't take long for the not very gentle holding onto my back let go of me, and my balance got thrown off as I fell from what I realized was a shoulder, but I managed  to catch myself on my feet and stand up straight on the metal flooring.

It took a moment to get used to being up right again, but as soon as I stopped feeling light headed, I looked around at the room, or I guess I should say tower where I realized we were.

I do know this place.

And I forgot how badly insulated Iago tower was, it honestly felt colder than outside did. But it's not like I really expected to end up here, so once again I was feeling the regret of not bringing warmer clothing.

Pugsley was helping a little bit though.

He might not have been able to hug me to keep me warm, but having him next to me was definitely better than nothing, plus I was a little afraid to move away from him since we were surrounded by a bunch of weirdos.

And unfortunately the space up here wasn't exactly the biggest, meaning that I was within arms reach of the woman standing not too far from Pugsley, and her hand began to reach out for me.

"Aww aren't you two just adorable."

I pulled myself further around Pugsley to hide from her grasp, and glared at her over his shoulder.

"I will rip your hand off, do not fucking touch me."

Let's just say that she backed off pretty quickly after that, and her innocent smile was long gone.

But a shrill whisper echoed from behind me, and I turned my head to see the head of greasy curls that belonged to the very same guy that put us in this mess in the first place.

"It's all still here...good."

He's lucky I don't wanna leave my human heater right now, or I would have already returned the favor for the stunt he pulled earlier.

"How are we gonna put this junk back together?"

Tyler, who I'm also assuming is the one who carried me here, sounded kind of skeptical as he looked over at the broken pieces of some machine that used to be in here.

I've seen them a couple of times lying around when I came up here for Nightshades meetings, but I never thought anything of them, I thought they were just junk, like the Hyde in front of me said.

But Isaac's head turned quickly to face us at the uncertainty in Tyler's voice.

"We're not....I am."

Wow why don't you just start reciting Shakespeare while you're at it you over dramatic ass face.

What came after that wasn't exactly poetic retellings like I had hoped for, but it was equally just as over the top and unnecessary. He used his telekinetic power to rid the pieces of the machine of the dusty covers that they sat under, and a very loud, and very obnoxious tune started to play. 

And I'm pretty sure it was the same song that's used for that blue lobster meme. Though it probably had a more proper name, I just never cared to learn it.

But hearing it out of the blue (get it), brought a laugh up my throat that I couldn't hold in, and I could just see the lobster in my brain as I hid my humor in the sweater of the boy standing close to me, and he let out a very confused noise at my antics.

I wave a dismissive hand at his concern, and I go back to watching as all the different parts began to lift into place, and the power roared to life in a steady hum, making the machine attached to the roof above glow a very creepy blue color.

I feel like this isn't going to end very well...

Though I wasn't given much time to think about how badly this could go for myself and Pugsley, before everything in the room finally shifts into position. And clearly it used up a lot of Isaac's energy, because he fell to his knees in exhaustion, just from that.

The woman immediately reached out for him in a rushed manner.

"Isaac, are you alright?"

I lifted one of my hands over my mouth in a fist and fake coughed a couple of times, not making my words in between very hidden on purpose.

"Ahem- Drama queen-"

Clearly I struck a nerve within the guy I was pointing my insult at, because he lifted his head back up and glared daggers at me without a word before standing himself back up and nodding to the woman.

"I'm fine.."

He gestured over to where we stood, and spoke to Tyler as he walked off.

"Secure the power source."

I'm sorry...the what now?

He couldn't have been referring to me, because I wasn't even a part of this fucked up plan that he had in the first place, which meant that when he said power source, he's talking about...

Tyler yanked the chain that was connected to the collar around Pugsley neck, and he was starting to be dragged away from me, and I tried to stop Tyler, I didn't want him to take Pugsley from me, but my own arm was caught by a hand that I hadn't expected to be so strong.

Even after I had told her to keep her grimy little fingers off of me or she would lose them, she still decided it would be a good idea to stop me from going after my boy, and I was getting frustrated REALLY quick.

"I said don't touch me!"

Surprisingly enough though, I wasn't able to pull my arm out from her grip, so instead I refocused my attention on Pugsley, who was now almost half way up the stairs to the level where that freaky machine was. But he was already looking back over his shoulder at me, and he looked just as pissed off at this lady as I was. 

"Pugsley!"

I called out for him, but it wasn't any use. Tyler had already taken him up the stairs, even with all of the struggling and sounds of protest, that Hyde would not let go.

And I felt my own body be pushed in the same direction by the woman whose hand was gripping my arm way too hard, and she spoke in that same annoying tone.

"Don't worry dear, he won't be far."

She wasn't lying, she guided me up the same set of stairs up to the top level, and while Tyler had shoved Pugsley down into the chair at the end of the metal pathway, I was lowered to the ground by this woman, and she tied my hands with a piece of rope around one of the supports. 

Thankfully though, I wasn't in fact that far away from Pugsley, and I could see as he was being restrained by the kind of of things that looked like they should be used in a mental hospital to tie down patients who have...violent tendencies.

But in this case there was only a little bit of push back from the boy in the chair, because I think we both knew that it would do us more harm than good if we were to try and escape from this right now. 

All I was really feeling at the moment was an annoyance at these assholes for kidnapping us, and an equal sense of fear in knowing that they're about to do something to Pugsley, that I have no clue how to stop.

I may have an idea how to get us out of here though...I just needed a little bit of time.

As Tyler was crouched down on the floor securing Pugsley's ankles to the chair, I watched as one of his already strapped down hands reached out towards Tyler's shoulder, and there were tiny little sparks forming between his fingers, that once they got big enough, they sent a shock into the Hyde in front of him, which earned Pugsley a very angry glare.

But he didn't give a shit, and just grinned happily at his successful irritation tactic before moving his eyes to look over at me, and he winked.

I didn't even know he could do that, but it was funny.

I couldn't hide my laughter behind my hands anymore, and so it was made pretty obvious to Tyler that I found humor in his angered state, which got me my own unimpressed glare over his shoulder.

He stood up straight again, and grabbed onto the weird looking head gear that was connected to the machine, and I felt my heart drop when he placed it upon Pugsley, because it was at that moment that it really clicked in my brain what they were going to do to him.

His power makes electricity flow through him, like it was in his DNA, meaning it has a stronger output than any regular energy source you could make from materials you buy in a store, and so of course he was the perfect person to power whatever this thing is.

But that was bad for him, if it uses too much of his power it could kill him.

And once again he's just that little bit too far out of my reach, and I couldn't do a fucking thing about it. I wanted more than anything to get him out of this, to save him from the pain that I knew that they were going to inflict upon him.

I want to go home. With him.

I want to go back to our dorm and talk about the one thing that's been weighing on my chest since last night, because literally everything that could have gone wrong in the last 24 hours, has gone wrong.

But the chances of me being able to say everything I want to before something horrible happens, are rapidly decreasing with every second that I wait to get the truth out.

And I mean hey, now seems like kind of a good time since he can't talk over me.

I didn't really wanna do it with Hyde dude standing right there though, so I'd have to wait a little bit longer until he left us alone. Because as much as I do want to tell Pugsley all the shit that's been running through my mind since he told me he loved me, I wasn't too fond of the idea that Tyler could hear me, it's too personal for that.

Luckily for me, he started to turn away from Pugsley and he made a move back down to walk in the opposite direction, but what I thought would be a simple walk away from us, ended up being paused just as he moved past me, and his foot made a very sure move into the exact same spot where I had been punched, causing a sharp pain to shoot up from my lower abdomen.

I figured it was probably payback for laughing at him, but did he have to be such a dick about it?

This time I made sure to inhale as soon as I could, so I didn't end up passing out again, and I heard a very concerned sound from Pugsley, to which I held out a thumbs up to him as I groan.

"I'm fine, it's not as bad the second time."

I lift myself back up again and take a deep breath, trying to block out the subtle aching pain. And I muttered a small 'asshole' as Tyler walked away, while I glanced over to see Isaac standing by one of the control panels, still trying to work out how to properly operate the machine, since it's most likely been a while. 

You know, being decayed underground for years will definitely mess with your memory a bit.

But, with them distracted, if there was any time to get this weight off my chest, now is better than ever.

I let my head turn back towards Pugsley, who despite the fact that he was tied into a literal death machine, was still staring at me with a reassurance in his eyes that made the shivering cold air around me just feel that little bit warmer.

As much as I hate to admit it, me telling Pugsley how I really feel about him may very well end up being a now or never kind of situation, and I don't want to regret it later if I stay silent. The thought of something awful happening to him made my skin crawl, but right now I'm not sure that it's not a possibility, so I have to do this.

I sigh, pulling my legs up to my chest as I try to maintain eye contact with him.

"So, I uhm...I know that this isn't exactly the most ideal place or situation to be in when saying this, but if I don't...it's just going to keep eating me up on the inside until I physically can't stomach holding onto it anymore. Plus it'll be a little easier now since I'm the only one able to speak."

I could practically hear his eyes roll, but I didn't pay much attention to it since I was sort of preoccupied with trying not to get my words stuck in my throat.

"I really need to talk to you...about what you said, back at the gala?"

I hadn't intended for it to come out as a question, because I knew he couldn't say anything in return, but I saw his expression shift slightly when I finally looked at his eyes, and he nodded slowly before letting his shoulders relax.

Okay, very much now or never. There's no backing out of this.

"I'm...sorry."

I swallow the lump of fear that had built up in my throat. I got this....it's fine.

"I wanted to say something...literally anything at all would have been better than the silence that I gave you, and there was so much that I wanted to just blurt out at once. And if I wasn't so frozen while trying to process all of those amazing things that you said you felt about me, then I could have told you just how wrong you were.

You said that you could be okay with having to let me go if that's what I wanted, but that is literally the complete opposite of what I want you to do. I don't ever want you to think that what I want is for you to not be a part of my life, because I do, more than anything in the world.

I would have told you that every single thing you said to me was exactly how I've been feeling about you too, so much so that it's been making me nervous in those moments when we got a little too close, because the way you look at me is the only thing that can make my heart beat faster than is humanly possible, but...

I guess I just got scared.

Because as crazy as it sounds, I don't really know what I'm doing. I mean yeah I've had crushes on boys before, but it was always just the kind of crush that wasn't real. I would just look at them from afar, without ever talking to them or getting to know who they are as people, and it was easy. And I think for a while I thought that what I did was what loving someone was suppose to feel like...

But with you...it is so much more than that.

I know you. And you know me, probably more than I even know myself. I've told you things about me that I've never told anyone before, and that kind of scares me a little bit. But at the same time, you are the only person in my life that I feel safe enough around to tell you those kind of things, and I have no idea how to describe just how special you are to me because of that.

I can't say that I know the first thing about love, or romance, or anything like that, but I do know that what I feel about you is so different from anything I've felt before, and it's absolutely terrifying that I can't figure out what it all means."

I couldn't make my eyes move away from my knees in front of me at this point, because I didn't want Pugsley to see that I was almost crying just thinking about this all, but I managed to huff with a small smile when I remembered something.

"You know, when we met...and you didn't realize that I was just sitting there waiting for you to turn around while you just kept rambling on about how excited you were to finally be at Nevermore, I honestly thought you were just the oddest guy I had ever seen in my life, but...I dunno, I admired the way you carried yourself, how you could just be unapologetically you.

And sitting down at just talking to you was the most refreshing feeling that I have had in years, because you didn't judge me, even when I said the weirdest things. You listened, and you never try to tell me how to solve my problems, which shockingly isn't something that I find very often in guys.

When I got sent my letter before school about this mysterious new roommate that I was getting, it said that you had never had any friends before, and I told myself that I would try my best to be the first, even before I knew who you were. And now that I do know you, I wouldn't want anyone else to be the one who walked into my dorm that day, because you are literally the coolest person I have ever met.

I can't even begin to describe just how honored I feel knowing that I get to be the one who wakes up to you every morning, who gets to listen to your random thoughts and jokes that make no sense, but they still somehow end up being funny, because it's you. I get to care about you with my whole heart, so much that it hurts my chest to think that you couldn't see that, because I do, I really do.

And I think over time, that feeling of admiration that I had for you, shifted into something a lot more, which to me was really scary. It was new, and I didn't know what to do with it, which made me freak out completely when you told me the exact things that have been running through my own head, and I am so sorry.

I shouldn't have let you walk away, but I did and I regret it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not just shutting you up back then and telling you that you don't have to let me go, that you don't have to get over me. Because I sure as hell am not getting over you, and I never will.

You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. And yes I know that you have made some pretty questionable choices in our time together, but I don't care. I mean I'm not exactly perfect either, and honestly those things have just made our relationship that much more fun, and I love you even more because of those dumb decisions.

Do I wanna bash my head into a wall sometimes when you say crazy things or do stuff that makes me question my sanity? Yes absolutely. But I am not going anywhere.

I would rather bash my head into a wall a million times than have to see you walk away from me again, because I genuinely don't know who I would be without you. And yeah that thought scares me more than anything else has before, and I still don't entirely know how explain it all in words...

But that doesn't mean that I don't love you.

I didn't want you to take my silence as me trying to say that your feelings aren't reciprocated, because they are. You have no idea how much I care about you, and this definitely wasn't how I thought I would tell you, but I guess the circumstances can change very quickly, as we both know."

I take a deep breath.

"I love you. And I know that people say that good things always have to come to an end sooner or later, but I don't want you and me to be one of those things. I want you to be a part of my life for as long as I live it. I can't promise that I'll always say or do the right thing, but I want to try. With you. You have made me feel more loved than anyone else has before, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world. And I just hope that I've been able to make you feel the same.."

"Of course you have."

Oh thank god. Wait what the fuck-

I whip my head back up towards the sound of the sudden voice, which I knew instantly belonged to him, and I looked to see him still sitting there like I had thought, only now the piece if cloth that was stuck in between his teeth, is sitting around his neck as he smiled at me with that look of smugness that usually would have left me a blushing mess.

But now I was just speechless.

I mean how did he even-  Ohhh, right. I loosened it while we were still back in the forest, I just forgot about it after I passed out. 

Part of me was glad that he was free to talk now, but I was mostly just unsure what to do with myself. What am I supposed to say after all of that? I can't exactly one up myself after that kind of confession.

So I just returned his smile slowly, feeling increasingly awkward by the second as I spoke.

"I uhm...how long have you been able to talk?"

He feigned a thoughtful expression for a moment before sighing.

"Wellll, I think was about two years old when I started using full sentences, so about that long."

I laughed. I couldn't hold it in, not when the last five minutes of my life have been spent in a nervous spiral trying to fuck up my words, only for him to come back at me with a joke like that. How could I not find humor in the fact that he was making me feel like I didn't just dump all of my feelings on him at once. He made me feel okay.

But his sarcastic tone didn't stick around for long, and his eyes softened a little.

"Do you really mean all of that? About loving me?"

Oh he has no idea.

I turn my body to face him as much as I could with my hands still tied, and I smile.

"Do you remember what I said to you, about the moon?"

It was probably a dumb question, I bet he remembers everything I've ever said, but I wanted to make sure.

He nods.

"Mhm.."

I sigh.

"Well...I may not have known it back then, but I do now. You are my constant. And I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it's true."

Pugsley shook his head with a smile.

"Nah, it's not cheesy at all... I love you too."

That was what, the third time he's said that to me now? But this time I was actually half expecting it, meaning my head was clear enough to react in a fit of happy, but quiet, giggling at his words, and I rested the side of my head onto my knees, not letting my eyes move away from his.

And my happiness seems to have caught on, because his once smug smile turned into a full blown grin at my expression.

He loooovvessss meeeeeeee.

That little girl buried deep within my soul is so happy right now, and so am I.

It feels incredible to finally have this out in the open, and while the situation we're in still isn't the greatest that it could be, that confession was followed by the outcome that didn't leave me in tears, but instead with an overwhelming sense of joy.

"So...are we good now?"

He questions, and I nod.

"We are so much more than good, and we were never not good."

Pugsley shifts in his seat a little, at least as much as he could.

"Good. Then would it be too forward of me to ask you...you know, if you want to, maybe once we get out of here, that I could take you out on a uhm..."

"Yes."

I speak before he could finish his sentence, and I grin.

"Yes, you can. I would really like that."

He nods.

"Then it's a date."

I glance behind my back at my wrists that were now held a faint tint of red to them with how tightly that woman that wrapped the rope around my skin, and I try to grab the knot with my fingers, only to be faced with the reality that I wouldn't be able to get out of these on my own.

I sigh.

"I do kind of wish we weren't tied up right now though, again sorry for saying all of this here, I know it kind of makes this whole thing a little weird."

I saw one of Pugsley's hands turn up in a dismissive manner.

"It's fine. But I would prefer that we leave this place alive, so uhhh...any ideas?"

My head turns back around to look over at Isaac, who unfortunately for us seemed to be starting to get the hang of working the controls to the machine, meaning we didn't have a lot of time left. But I think back to when I had laughed at him earlier, and how pissed off he got with me, so maybe...

"Actually...yes."