Part 45 - Songbird

♪:Prison for life - Olivia Rodrigo

Y/n

"I'm sorry you want me to do what now?"

I genuinely could not believe the words that had just come out of this woman's mouth. What is it with people and telling me these ridiculously insane plans that I had no desire to be apart of whatsoever.

I walked into this night thinking that I would just hang out with my friends and have a great time being one of the people that just spent their time in amongst the crowd, not standing out at all, because that's what I wanted, to just focus on having fun and not worry about being stared at.

But Miss Capri's request would throw that plan right down the drain if I agreed, which I wasn't even sure if I was going to yet, but she just looked so desperate for my help, I'd feel bad saying no, even if it would mortify me to do what she was asking of me.

"Look I know it's very last minute, and I wouldn't be asking you if I didn't absolutely have to, but I can't find Enid anywhere, and these people are expecting to be entertained, and you are quite literally my last hope."

The pleading tone in her voice only made me feel worse about wanting to deny her. It's not like I felt good about letting her down with this, but I also wasn't really that find of the idea that I had to stand up on that stage and sing in front of everybody while they stare at me and judge.

Plus I'm pretty sure I'd get one word into the song and choke from pure fear, and then never be able to show my face to anybody at this school ever again, so you know there's that too.

I sigh.

"Well- Why can't somebody else do it? Like Bianca, or Kent! I'm sure that dude would be thrilled to get up there, you know how he is with big crowds, he loves 'em!"

Her eyebrows raise into a 'really?' look as her head shakes slightly.

"I am aware of exactly how he is, and that is why you and I both know I can't let him anywhere near that microphone. And Bianca is so busy tonight already, I couldn't ask her to do this on top of everything else."

Dammit.

I knew she was right. Kent would go way too overboard if he was on stage, and Bianca had done so much for this gala, it would be selfish of me to dump this onto her just because I have a little stage fright.

But why the hell did it have to be me? I swear I have the absolute worst luck.

I let my head turn over to the stage, and my teeth caught my bottom lip as I tried to wrack my brain around the possibility of actually doing this. Am I seriously considering it right now... I think I've officially gone insane.

But....

"What if I mess up? I mean it's not like it's a secret to anybody, including you, that I'm not a huge fan of being the only person under the spotlight. That's why I always ask to be in the back row in the choir, I just get so frozen under the sort of pressure that you're asking of me."

Miss Capri sighs, placing her hands on either sides of my upper arms.

"I know, and I'm really sorry to put you on the spot like this. But also, if you're scared about messing up in front of all of these people... Then just don't."

Oh wow that's really reassuring thank you.

She notices the unimpressed expression on my face when I press my lips together into a thin line, and she rolls her eyes.

"Okay you know what I mean. I've seen what you can do in practice, you have the skills to go up there and amaze everyone in here, you just have to be brave enough to try."

I knew I had the skills to do it, I basically sing any chance I get, it's just become sort of a habit of mine that I don't even notice I do half of the time, but that wasn't the issue I had with this plan. If it were that, I would have said no immediately. 

"Between you and me, I've already done a lot of brave things tonight..."

She lets out a deep exhale.

"Do you think you'd be willing to do just one more?"

««« ♪ ♪ »»»

Oh god what am I doing.

At no point leading up to this night did I think I'd spend any of my time standing back stage preparing myself to go out and sing for dozens of people, and honestly I just hoped that the fact I'm wearing a mask means that not everyone will know who I am, because I have a feeling this is about to be the most embarrassing thing I ever do.

Enid owes me big time for this.

I mean who disappears right before they're supposed to perform? 

Well, I mean I'd like to, but that's different.

I shift my weight in between each of my feet, breathing deeply and focusing on calming my nerves, which I thought I was done with doing tonight, but I guess not. Not when I was about to stand under a blinding light in front of a crowd that I'm like 90% sure I didn't even know who half of them were, and show them all something I figured I would only do in the comfort of my own space, just quietly humming to myself or to Pugsley at night from across the room when he couldn't get to sleep.

Oh fuck.

Pugsley.

He's out there right now, wondering where I am, and I'm going to be absolutely mortified when he sees me up on that stage. Maybe it isn't too late to back out...?

No, no it definitely is too late now.

Miss Capri was walking out there, microphone in hand as the light shone down upon her, and she started her big introduction for me as I closed my eyes, continuing my deep breaths while her voice faded into the back of my mind, tuning it out so I could focus.

Maybe I could just pretend like nobody is watching me.

Although that might prove a bit difficult if I look out to see hundreds of eyes locked straight onto my face when I walk out there.

This is definitely the first, and hopefully the last time that I ever do something like this. I'll be perfectly happy just living the rest of my life not being the center of attention, and just going about my days only remembering this moment occasionally. The only question is am I going to remember it fondly or not.

That feeling of wanting to throw up was slowly creeping into my stomach, but I barely had any time to try and get in under control before Miss Capri's voice echoed through the microphone and back into my ears, bringing my mind into this reality once again.

"...please welcome our first singer of the night, Y/n L/n!"

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I almost wasn't able to move my feet from the floor beneath me, but they ended up walking me from out behind the curtain that was keeping me hidden all on their own, and before I knew it, I could feel the stares of every single person in the room as I made my way over to where Miss Capri stood, though she moved away as I approached, leaving the microphone in its' stand for me to position myself in front of.

The reality of this situation was hitting me all at one time like a truck straight to the fucking face, most likely flattening me and any sense of confidence I had in myself right along with it. But no matter how terrifying doing this in the first place would be, running off now with all these people watching would be 100 times worse.

And I was right, the light above me was glaring into my eyes, and it took me a few seconds for them to adjust, so I could finally see just how many people were witnessing this right now.

Okay yeah, that's a lot.

With all of the eyes that I had imagined would be on me in this moment, that number would not even come close to how many there actually were. Oh boy if only they knew how fucking terrified I am right now, maybe then they wouldn't be staring at me so intensely like I'd just stripped all of my clothes off right here in front of them, because that's kind of what it felt like. 

Wasn't I the one who was supposed to imagine them naked?

But out of every pair of pupils in this room that were watching me as I stood frozen in place, sharing silent whispers with each other which only made me feel even more conscious than before, only one pair caught my own.

Him.

He was standing right there, I could see him admiring me from in amongst everyone in the crowd, and he had the dumbest grin on his face as he looked at me. It may have been a pretty smile, that yes normally I could not get enough of, but I cannot believe he really thought this was funny right now.

He and I maintained eye contact, and I shoot him a glaring look, trying to make my eyes scream 'help me', but when he saw it, he simply raised both of his hands to give me a thumbs up, and I was genuinely almost going to burst out laughing at the sight. But, I managed to keep myself composed, and instead I discreetly hold my hand against my leg facing him, flipping him off.

I heard a small snort of a laugh coming from the direction he was positioned, and the sound brought a calmness to me that I really could use right now. Even if it was just a silent moment that we shared, hidden from everyone, it still helped me in more ways than he would ever truly understand. I thought I would be embarrassed to have him watch as I do this, but him being here is exactly what my mind needed to get through it.

I glances to the side over to Miss Capri, and she sent me a quick nod before the soft tune started to play in the background of the stage. I recognized it immediately, it was the same song that Miss Capri had me practicing every time I was in her classroom to help me with the areas I was struggling with a little bit. But it meant that I knew the words like the back of my hand, so thankfully I didn't have to think too hard about messing up that part.

I still felt frozen where I stood though, I couldn't handle the fact everyone's eyes were on me. I wish I could just shut mine and have everything just disappear so I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

Wait...

That's it.

««« ♪ ♪ »»»

Once my eyes opened, I felt like I had just awoken from a dream, the kind that you forget the moment you become conscious and don't ever remember again. I remember closing them, and inhaling a deep breath into my lungs, but from the moment that happened, until just now when the crowd roared in a unison of clapping and cheering, my mind was completely blank.

But if the reaction in front of me was any indication of how I did, then I suppose it couldn't have been that bad after all. And honestly I was kind of glad that I ended up zoning out while I did this, otherwise I definitely would have choked for sure, but I was grateful that I could just sing without having to even think about it, I guess it had sort of just become second nature to me over these past couple of years.

When I looked back over to Pugsley, who was still standing in the same spot as before, I'm met with the most charming look on the entire planet. The kind of look that made everyone else around him seem like a blur, while my eyes could only see him. The crowds cheers were loud, sure. But his were the only one's that mattered to me. He brought his hand to his mouth, letting out a sharp whistle through his teeth, and the gesture made me smile as my head turns down towards the floor.

My focus shifts over to Miss Capri once again, and she imitates a small curtsy gesture for me to mirror, and I do so, lifting the front of my gown slightly as I bend my legs only a shallow bit, looking to the front of me at the dozens of smiles facing my way.

Holy shit. I actually did it...

As soon as I straighten my legs back up, I make a quick move back towards the edge of the stage where it leads off behind the curtain, and Miss Capri takes my place in the light. 

But as my gaze lifted to the spot hidden just behind the curtain, it locks onto a certain blonde, who was currently grinning ear to ear at me with her hands grasped together at her chest. Oh so NOW she decides to show up, yeah great timing dude. 

The moment I'm out of sight from the people out there, I stand right on front of Enid, who was accompanied by Agnes not too far away, and she actually didn't look too bad. I still think she's a little odd, but I had to admit it was nice to see her finally looking like her own person. Green was 100% her color.

Enid jumps on the spot once I reach her, and she giggles happily.

"Girl! You were incredible out thereeee!!!"

I lift one of my hands, pointing a finger directly at her face. Because while yes, I was grateful for the compliment and the excited demeanor she had was a little infectious, I was still a tad bit mad that I had to do this all because she ran off.

"You owe me."

Her expression turns a little guilty, but her smile remains as she nods.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. But you did awesome, you should be proud of yourself. Also, that song?"

Her grin shifted into more of a cheeky smirk.

"You are down bad for him girlll."

What?

Wait, holy crap. I hadn't even realized. I always just thought of it as my practice song, but now that I really took a moment to think back over the lyrics, I felt the heat rushing to my face when I replayed them in my head. But it had to be just some really weird coincidence, right? I mean it's not liked it was planned to be like that...unless Miss Capri is some sort of psychic, then it had to have been.

I hadn't intended for it to come across that way at all though.

"But that's not what I-"

My words were stopped mid way through when I saw the mischievous look in her eyes, as if she were saying 'uh huh, suuure' 

I rolled my eyes at Enid, lightly punching the side of her arm.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, now get out there and knock 'em dead, okay?"

She gives me a short nod, and her and Agnes make quick work of moving out to the stage where I just was, while I continue my path out from the area backstage, turning around the corner and popping out from the side of the room once again. 

I got a couple of smiles from random people I had never met before, and I returned them out of politeness, but my focus was more on finding the boy whom I had made laugh before, for he was the person that I truly wanted to see right now.

I couldn't find him straight away through the rest of the people in my way. He might have been tall, but not so much as to be easily seen over the top of a crowd.

I weaved myself through the sea of strangers, determined to get to Pugsley before long, but before I was able to push through the crowd, I felt my wrist get caught in a grip so tight that I thought my bones would break.

And not in that nice way where you felt safe.

Because if anything, I was scared that I couldn't see who it was at first.

I thought maybe it could have been Pugsley, maybe he found me first and was trying to get me to stop so I didn't run away from him, so I turned my head over my shoulder with a small sense of hopefulness, even though I knew he would never hold me tight enough to hurt me.

I guess I just wished it was him.

But when my eyes locked onto the person who was attached to the hand that was gripping me hard enough that I thought I may not end this night with my hand still on my body, I felt a tad bit disappointed.

Instead of being met with my dazzling roommate, my eyes wander over another familiar figure, one that I hadn't actually expected to see at all tonight. With how much he's been avoiding me recently, I thought that he wouldn't want to talk to me at all, but I guess not.

I admit that my muscles relaxed by the tiniest amount when I saw that it was him, but only because I knew that he probably wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose. 

I wonder if he's here to apologize for being such a bad friend recently with how much he's been brushing me off. Wouldn't that be nice.

He looked a little different tonight though, not that it was much of a surprise, but I will say that he appeared fancier and maybe a bit funnier than usual. 

His hair- Or what I suppose you would classify as his hair, was covered by a scarf, holding his snakes from escaping, and he had a matching pirate looking hat to go with it. Frankly he looked a lot like Dort did, with the ruffles and everything, just in a different color. And it took everything in my power not to laugh at the sight before me, but I manage.

"Ajax...hi."