Part 35 - Lucky

Pugsley

"You know, you know where you are with...floor collapsing floating~"

I always felt more at peace when she sang.

And she did it so effortlessly, like it was second nature to her.

Although I suppose it kind of does become like that when it comes with the power she had, just one of the many perks of being a siren.

Thankfully not the kind that are obnoxiously loud and are used for fire warnings, but instead the kind where you could very easily fall asleep listening to their soft singing, lulling you into slumber. Or you know, luring sailors out on the seas to perilous deaths simply by hearing their song.

But she may very well be doing the former right now without even thinking, because I was genuinely going to just take a nap right here at this desk if I had to spend one more second studying for this stupid class that I don't even like.

But when Y/n says we're having a friend group study session at Eugene's dorm, I have no reason to refuse spending the time with the both of them, even if it meant doing work I wish would just burn in a fire, never to be spoken of again.

Her and I set up on the same spare desk and bed that she used the last time we were in here for the shop a few days ago, with both of us hunched over our notes and various sheets of paper, trying to wrap our head around the content we were supposed to be memorizing.

But I was memorizing her instead.

She left her hair down today, letting it fall down her neck, while also occasionally getting it in her face and needing to push it back behind her ears.

I noticed that her pen on paper was in fact not studying so diligently as I had thought, but instead was sketching what looked to be a small crescent moon in the corner of the page, tracing back and forth over the curve, making the line darker and more pigmented with each stroke.

It was something I had seen her have quite the infatuation with over the time that I have known her. Whether it be drawing it such as she is doing now, or laying in her bed at night staring out of the window up into the night sky, just to stare at the only source of light in the dark. 

Though the mystery of why was still left unanswered. I suppose I never thought it was important enough to ask her about, but if it was something that she did love this much, then I wished to know what made it become such a thing to her.

"Hey..."

I felt a tad guilty for interrupting her concentration, even if it wasn't being used on the task that she was actually supposed to be doing, but the sudden snap back into reality seemed to have caught her off guard as she turned her head at my voice.

"Hm?"

The movement of her pen stopped, and she rested her elbow against the edge of the desk next to my hand with her chinned perched on top of her palm as she looked at up at me with that adorable sparkle in her eyes, like she was waiting for me to bring down the moon itself for her. And trust me I would if I could, but for the moment I could only give her my words.

"I've been wondering...why do you like the moon so much? I noticed you doodle it on basically any and all pieces of paper you have, and you stare at it when you can't sleep."

She shrugs, and her lips turn upwards into a small smile.

"Because I love it. It's my constant."

"What?"

She huffs, removing her arms from the desk and curling her legs to sit criss cross on the bed.

"It's always there for me, no matter when I go looking for it, it is never too far away to be found. It may not be as bright during the day, but it's still hanging around somewhere for me to finally see when it decides it's time to grace me with it's comforting presence.

And yes, I know that some may argue that the sun is the same in that sense. It too is visible for even longer time than the moon, and both have their own responsibilities when it comes to taking care of the earth. But it hurts when I look at the sun, and so I can never really appreciate it to it's full extent. I mean why would I try to find comfort in something that causes me pain just to set my eyes upon it? When the moon is just as beautiful, and brings me no harm when I want to stare.

I like the sun, but I love the moon more."

That was...oddly poetic. But I understood where she was coming from. I guess I've also preferred the moon too for that reason.

"So, you like it because you don't have to ever worry about it hurting you?"

She thinks for a moment.

"Yeah, I suppose I do."

I nod slowly at her confirmation, before turning my gaze back down to the drawing on her page.

"Well, I must say that you're quite talented. Is there anything you cannot do perfectly?"

She seemed a little caught off guard by my compliment, but she accepted with a small laugh, in her own kind of sarcastic way.

"Uh yeah, I can think of a few things, like whistling. I'm pretty shit at that, I sound like a deflating balloon whenever I try."

I bit back a grin at the mental image that was putting in my head, and I shrug.

"Maybe I can teach you one day. But, in terms of drawing, I've never seen better."

She smiles, glancing back down to the moon she had drawn.

"Thank you, but obviously you have never seen my brothers work. He's the one who taught me everything I know."

Her voice always become just that slight bit fonder whenever she talked about her brother, and it was endearing to think that maybe she looked up to him so much so that she wanted to continue doing what he loved so she could remember him whenever she did so.

She had this adorable little smile on her face, and I couldn't help but poke fun at it.

"You must really love your brother then."

She shrugs, and her expression becomes a little more disgusted at my questions.

"Eh, he's alright I guess."

Yeah right. I have a sibling, so I knew what she really meant.

"Well, I'm sure he'd be proud to see the kind of person you are."

Her head flicked up at that, and she just stared at me for a few seconds before blinking rapidly and stabbing my arm lightly with her pen. It hurt a little, but I liked the pain, so I just laughed as she returned to her work, and she muttered a soft,

"Shut up..."

In that affectionate tone that I just adored.

Gods above she is so pretty...

Ever since that moment yesterday behind that pillar when I saw her staring up at me, when the only part of her face I could see was her eyes, I saw it.

I didn't want to believe it, but it was there, my dad was right.

That emotion in her eyes when she was looking at me...I never wanted her to look at me any other way. She had just looked so pure, like I was the most dazzling thing she'd ever seen in her life.

I didn't want that moment to end.

But I will admit I couldn't bring myself to maintain eye contact with her after that same moment, when I'd realized I was holding onto her in such a personal way without asking for permission first. I was mortified, I wasn't even thinking when I did it, it was just an instinct. One that I would be careful not to do again unless she wanted me to, but I doubt there'll be another instance like that.

The whole not being able to look at her thing made it a little awkward for me to be sitting here with her one on one, without talking at all. I mean, it was a comfortable silence, but part of me wondered whether conversation would make it feel even more so.

Plus it's not like bug boy was being much help in keeping up the team moral, seeing as he's decided to do his own thing and not interact with us much about anything.

And Eugene wasn't even doing any work. While Y/n and I sat on the spare desk and bed in the corner, he stood in the middle of the room looking at a moth in a jar, the same as the one's that he had found in Slurp's skull, only now they had grown out of their larva phase, sprouting wings and everything, and he was talking to MY SISTER of all people. That was also partially why I couldn't focus on studying, I was too busy listening in on their conversation.

And if the look Y/n gave me earlier when they started talking over there was any indication, she was eavesdropping too. 

"A New England corpse moth. Extraordinary specimen, where'd you find it?"

His question warranted a very pointed tone from Wednesday, but rather it being at him, it was pointed at me.

"Following SOMEone's emotional support zombie."

Apart from the fact that she'd just referred to him as that, her comment made me turn in my seat, and Y/n sat up, shooting me a hopeful look.

"You found Slurp?"

The two of us move from our corner, walking over to the table where the jar of moths now sat for us to look more closely, and Y/n takes her spot near my sister while I stand next to Eugene, who put down his own collection of the moths, leaning down close to the table top to inspect them.

"Tweezed these from Slurp when they were larvae. Now they're about to enter their migratory phase."

I glance to the side at him as he stands up straight again.

"What's..that?"

He knew a lot more about bugs than I did. Sure we both really liked them, but my knowledge of more in the area of which ones taste good with others, not so much about what they do while they're still alive and wriggling, well, most of the time. There are some exceptions when they're better alive.

But he got excited just talking about them, the same kind of excitement that I had when I'd found Slurp. Who was still out there somewhere... But, that's not the point.

Unless it is?

"When they return to their host body. To lay their eggs?"

Oh, well that was cool, but I think Y/n thought about it differently, seeing as I could very easily tell how hard she was trying right now to not look disgusted at the mere mention of insects laying eggs. I thought it was awesome though, I mean it's apart of natures cycle of life, that's gotta make it pretty cool.

"What if the body's on the run?"

The monotone question brought me back to thinking about Slurp, and how I just let him go... I know it was the right thing to do, but still, I'd only just gotten him back, simply to see him walk away again.

"I bet they can still find it. Insect GPS beats Google Maps every day of the week."

I admit I was a little envious of Eugene, mostly because he had something like this that he was so passionate about, something he could put his time towards and enjoy every second of it. I wasn't really sure I had anything like that in my life. I mean, taking care of Slurp brought me purpose, however small of an amount it might have been.

I stare down at the bugs, shaking my head softly.

"I just wanted a friend..."

I looked up at my sister, who subtly raised an eyebrow at my remark before quickly replying with one of her witty comebacks.

"What, couldn't find one with a pulse?"

What the fuck.

The way she said it just...hurt.

Listen, I am well aware that receiving love from my sister has always come in the form of bullying, torture, lighting me on fire, and even being shot at with arrows. And heck I am even used to pretty much all forms of insults and verbal abuse. 

But she knows how bad I am at making friends, and how it is literally the only thing I have ever wanted my whole life. To have someone, just one person who I could have to myself, who would always stick by my side no matter what happened, and I've waited years to find it, only to be disappointed around every turn when people would either run away, or shove me in a locker for being a so-called 'freakazoid'. Wednesday knew what I've endured better than anyone.

So to use that against me just feels like such a stab in the back. And yes, before you ask, I do know what that feels like, I have the scar next to my shoulder blade to prove it.

Y/n's head whipped to look at Wednesday with a slight glare, and honestly I was impressed she had the balls to do that considering my sister is sort of feared around the school.

But I didn't need her to fight my sister for me, I was plenty capable of doing that by myself.

My jaw clenched slightly as I send my own stare across the table.

"I tried. Okay? But no one was interested."

At that, Y/n looks back towards me, and her eyes held that wounded puppy dog kind of sadness, that didn't look like the usual sympathy gaze she sent my way occasionally, but more like she was hurt by my words.

Fuck.

I didn't even think about it before I'd said it, but I'd basically just claimed I had no friends, while my closest one was standing right next to me. 

Oh god I am such an asshole.

And Wednesday seemed to have the same thought, because she quickly glanced at Y/n before tilting her head so slightly that it almost wasn't visible, and I sigh.

"I didn't mean- I..that...it's different. I got really lucky to find Y/n, but she is the only person at this school who even gave me a second glance."

Y/n's once saddened expression shifted to more of a speechless look, as I push myself away from the table to get away from the situation, before I fucked anything up further. 

Walking over to the darker side of the room, I sit myself down on one of the lone chairs that were stationed next to the bookshelf, while Y/n stays with those two, giving me a small smile before turning back to focus on Eugene, who was opening the ceiling window to let the moths out into the world.

As their wings fluttered, carrying them towards the sky, I let my head fall into my hands. But not before I heard Wednesday mutter quietly.

"Go find your host."

This whole thing had just become way more complicated than it was ever supposed to be, and it was entirely my fault. If I hadn't gone into the forest that night to look for Slurp in the first place, none of this would be happening, and maybe I wouldn't be putting the people I care about in so much danger.

The sound of my sisters boots stomp across the floorboards, soon shutting the door with a small click, and the room was left silent again. 

But it didn't take long for another set of footsteps to echo against the ground, only this time they were getting closer to me with each step. I knew it was her, just by the way she walked, but I didn't want to look up. She was probably hurt, and mad at me for what I said, and I don't blame her. I would be too if I were in her shoes, which had now come into view through the small gap between my hands.

...

"Hey.."

I couldn't look at her, I just felt too guilty.

But before I could ignore her presence in hopes that I wouldn't have to see the disappointment on her face,

I felt a warm, comforting hand be placed onto my knee, and the act of compassion caused my own hands to fall away from my face, and I saw her crouching down on the floor in front of me.

She didn't look...mad. But why? She had every right to be, but instead of glaring daggers at me, which I knew she could very well do without any sort of struggle, she looked up at me with kindness in her eyes as she kept her palm against my leg.

"If Slurp is still out there, then that means we still have time to find him, alright? He's not gone, just a little farther away than he was before."

A soft smile crosses her lips, and I nod, as it made me feel more at ease, but I still didn't feel right about my previous words.

"Y/n I'm really sorry, I didn't mean what I said about me having no friends, because you are my friend, and I-"

Before I was able to fully finish my apology, she just shakes her head, still keeping that same smile.

"Don't apologize. I know what you meant, really. I was just a little caught off guard by it, but I'm not mad at you, I promise. Now come on, we still have a loooot of study work left to do, so get off ya butt and let's finish this shit."

Her reassuring words, mixed with her ever so admirable sense of humor, lifted the weight off my chest, and I slowly reciprocated her smile. 

She stands up tall again, which is something that doesn't happen often because she is literally the size of a hamster, not that I'd ever say to her face. But she extends her hand out for me to take, and I do so without hesitation, letting her pull me up off the chair with a small huff.

I might not have entirely said what I really meant back there, but there was one thing that I was sure I'd said that I would never take back.

I really was lucky to have her.