Chapter 23

Trixie

Two weeks turned into a month which turned into three months. After the first week there, Trixie resigned from her job in New Jersey and took a sub position in Poughkeepsie and Dr. Banner moved his show production to one of the airfields of the compound. The move was sparked by James's relocation, but benefitted the experiments even more, as there was now more flexibility for higher intensity experiments. James studied physical and chemical properties and designed experiments to show them off. Making water explode was a favorite of his, showcasing the duality of something so necessary, yet so dangerous.

Trixie fell into a routine within the compound, she and James had breakfast together every morning, and dinner together every night. They each had their roles and budding friendships, but they always started and ended each day together. Her new normal felt comfortable until one day, while chatting with Hope, her phone rang.

It was Aunt Lydia.

Trixie answered and tried to process what her aunt was telling her.

Car wreck.

Drunk driving.

Coma.

I know you always didn't see eye to eye but...

Funeral.

Trixie hung up the phone and stood from the table. She raced to the bathroom, crouched in the stall, and waited for her nausea to come. Waited for the wrenching to start, but it never came. She opened the bathroom stall again and found Hope waiting outside for her.

"You ok?" Hope asked tentatively.

"I think so, yeah." Trixie walked through the compound, and out the back, noting the sun, almost completely below the horizon, turning the sky various shades of pink and orange. She reached the edge of the compound, where the cleared field turned into woods, and stepped into the trees. The sky continued to darken; Trixie climbed a tree and looked up as more and more stars came into view.

James

"How's Trixie feeling?" Scott asked as James walked past him and Hope several hours later.

"I'm gonna need you to clarify," James said.

"She seemed ill earlier," Hope began.

"And she never joined us today," Scott finished.

James turned on his heels, waved to them, and jogged up to his room. He checked his phone again to see if he somehow missed a message from her while he was at work. Nothing.

James got to their room and noted the dark and stillness. He tried placing a call to her, but it went to voicemail. "Scott said you were a no-show, which is whatever, but Hope seems to think something's wrong. Please call me if you need me."

James closed his phone and sat down on the bed. She needed to come to things in her own time, but waiting felt helpless. He fed Alpine and sat down in his meditation space, and let the helpless waiting period begin. Alpine batted the smoke as it rose off the incense stick, the only movement in the room.

After an hour, James's stomach growled and he headed back to the kitchen. He looked around the room and noted everyone present, but someone still missing.

Bruce noticed him standing in the doorway and crossed the room. "You don't look so good," he commented.

"I don't want to sound dramatic," he said, "but Trix's missing. Something happened and no one's seen her for hours. She wasn't in our room, never came back to our room. Isn't here. Isn't answering." He ran his hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. "I'm trying to follow Sam's advice and let her come to things on her own. Which works when I can see and hear her to know if she's in distress or..." His mind flashed back to the morning in the hotel room, and he imagined Trixie hiding away somewhere, unsure if she was alright and just wanting to hold her until she was.

"Where would she go, if she needed to get away from this circus?" Bruce asked, indicating the folks milling around the kitchen.

James turned to the window and saw the tree line. He nodded towards the woods and headed back out the kitchen, out the back of the building, across the field, and beyond the edge.

He crossed into the tree line. "Trixie?" he called. He took a few steps in and closed his eyes, trying to call his instinct forward. He had much more control than he had in years, and even when things went wrong, he became slower and slower to anger. He got his bearings about him- south was ahead as the compound was to his north. He listened to the night around him, listened for breathing and movement. There was a rustle to the southwest, so he headed in that direction, but only found a fox. More movement due south, so he turned and headed further into the woods. He found an owl perching on a branch, after swooping down to catch dinner.

James steadied his breathing. He quieted his quickening pulse, and looked up at the little bit of visible stars through the canopy. He kept his gaze up and scanned the trees for movement, then he noticed a very still figure about 30 yards ahead of him, quite high in a tree. He dashed over to the tree and climbed up.

"Hi there," he said, making it to the branch where she perched.

"I couldn't see the stars from the ground," she answered.

James took in the steadiness of her voice and instantly felt at ease. "What's up?" he asked, "Besides you."

"The last words I heard from her," Trixie said slowly, "was her calling me stupid in the parking lot."

"Last words?" James asked.

"Before then, was the voicemail at the hotel," she added, ignoring his question, "She never once said she loved me. And now she never will."

"Trixie," James asked, "what are you trying to say?"

"There was a single car wreck," Trixie answered. "She drank too much and wrapped her car around a telephone pole. Slipped into a coma for a few weeks and never woke up. And I feel...nothing." She finally stopped looking up and turned to face him, "I keep waiting to feel sad, or even relief. But instead I just feel numb."

James scooted closer to her. He took in her eyes in the darkness. There was no redness around her irises, her cheeks weren't tearstained.

"I spent my whole life waiting for my mom to say she loved me. But it never happened." With that, the dam broke and Trixie began to sob. James reached out to steady her on the branch with his right arm, and sunk his left hand into the trunk, but before he got a full grip, they slipped and fell. He held her close to him and twisted midair so he would break her fall. They landed with a thud, her perfectly on top of him. He caught his breath and checked her for obvious damage. She pushed herself off him and started laughing.

"What?" he groaned, pushing himself off the ground.

"We don't have to stay here anymore," she said, hiccuping between laughing and crying. "You can have everything you've ever wanted. After you put everything on pause because of her, because of me. You don't have to wait anymore."

James took Trixie's hands into his. "There was no pause. This is more than I ever imagined I could have. More than I ever thought I deserved. My life is perfect because of what you bring into it. Since meeting you, everything has fallen into place for me. It's time we start focusing on you." He paused, looking through the canopy and towards the stars, "I bet we can see the Northern Lights every night from Anchorage this time of year."

Trixie looked at him surprised, "But Dr. Banner's show..."

"...is coming to an end," he finished. "Bruce and Thor are headed to the cosmos for...something spacey." Trixie couldn't help but giggle. "So," James finished, "you find a school district with the wooded mountain of your dreams, and that's where we'll settle. Wherever you want to go."

"Distance doesn't matter anymore," Trixie said. "It's really lovely here. I was offered a permanent position at the school today. Wouldn't you want to stay around your Avengers?"

"They're not my Avengers," James laughed. "Do you want to stay at that school?"

"I think so, for a while. Then maybe we can try something else."

"So, where do we start?"

"Dinner?" Trixie asked, hearing her stomach growl.

They walked for another few yards and stepped back into the field, met with a dozen or so flashlights heading towards them.

Sam jogged forward. "Everyone ok?" he asked. "It's been an hour since Bucky headed out. We were getting worried."

"Bucky?" Trixie asked, stealing a questioning glance at James.

"When I wear wings," Sam said, "I'm Falcon. When James gets all twitchy, he's Bucky."

"So this is what a real family actually feels like," Trixie said wistfully, squeezing James's hand.

"Yup," he said, "This is family. Quips and all."

"I guess that gives us our answer," Trixie said, smiling.

Sam looked at them, unsure of what was passing between them, but his attention was called away before he could ask.

"Sam!" Rhodey called from behind him, lowering his phone, "trouble at The Raft, we've gotta go."

Sam looked behind him to Rhodey and nodded, "Grab Scott and Hope. If the nature of the issue is cosmic, do not hesitate to message Carol." He turned back to James, "You wanna come save the day?"

James stopped in his tracks as Trixie's grip on his hand tightened. "No," he said thoughtfully. "Over the last few weeks, I finally came to terms with why Steve went back. It wasn't just for Peggy. He went back because it was the only way he could be Steve and not be Cap. I've been going from fight to fight for 70 years. If I start again, if I let Winter loose again... He had to go back to find Steve. I need to go forward to keep James."

Sam smiled, "And you said you don't do therapy."

Everyone headed back towards the building, with a small group heading for the helicarrier. James grabbed two sandwiches from the kitchen and brought them back to their room. As they ate, they talked about building their small cabin.

"You don't have to go to the funeral," James said softly.

"I know," Trixie answered.

"Or we could go," he added.

"No," Trixie responded, "I have no respects to pay. I don't want to look back. I just want to look forward."

James leaned in for a kiss and they fell into each other. For now, this was home. Tomorrow, they would start working on their cabin, not just their room. So long as James was near, however, home could be anywhere. They would figure out next steps later.

One day at a time. Never alone.