Chapter 15: James

James and Trixie arrived to their midtown Manhattan hotel late at night on July 3rd. Pepper and Happy arranged for Steve's memorial to take place at Avenger's Tower, still officially owned by Stark Enterprises.

James watched in awe as Trixie took in all of the opulence of the hotel. "This is beautiful," she signed.

"Yes, it is," he responded, never taking his eyes off her. She looked towards him and leaned in for a kiss and he dropped the bags and scooped her up and into their room.

He placed her gently on the bed and then returned for the bags, leaving them haphazardly by the door. He began to return to the bed when he realized he didn't search for exits. He no longer looked over his shoulder. His fear of outrunning his past was being replaced with love for this woman who had seen him at his worst, more than once, and loved him anyway. He dove into the bed cartoon style and situated himself so he was eye-to-eye with Trixie.

"I love you," he said as he kissed her deeply and passionately. He didn't wait for a response. He didn't need one. She wrapped her arms around him and they fell into each other, then into a deep slumber.

James awoke the next morning before Trixie, grabbed his notebook and pen from the side table and put down his realization of not searching for exits. Shuri and The Dora freed him from Hydra's coding, but Trixie freed him from his own fear. He was deep in thought when he felt Trixie move out of the bed. She silently went to the bathroom, knowing his journaling was one of his main recovery methods, and turned on the shower water. James put down his notebook after his last thought and reached for his novel.

While Trixie was in the shower, he noticed her phone ringing. "Mom" was all it said. He mentally noted she talked about her grandma and aunt, but never mom, aside from mom sending her "real" jobs. He walked over to the bathroom to let her know and when he said the word "mom," she tensed in a way he didn't realize was possible for her.

"When we get home, can we go to the shelter and get a cat?" was her only response.

"Sure," he smiled, "I like cats. Black ones especially."

"When is your lease up?" she continued, seeming not to notice his affirmative response to her cat question.

"Actually, at the end of this month," he said.

"Don't renew," she answered, "You don't actually live there anyway."

He smiled and turned to brush his teeth. In the mirror, he thought he saw her hand shaking and she was rinsing shampoo from her hair. She went to pick up the conditioner bottle and it clattered to the shower floor. She crumpled into a heap and swore at herself. James spit out his toothpaste, turned off the shower water, and pulled her close to his chest. He held her as she sobbed, muttering to herself about her worthlessness.

James cupped her chin in his hand and pulled her face up so their eyes met. He saw the broken spirit in Trixie's eyes and his heart shattered. Anger boiled up from the pit of him.

"Who told you that?" he growled. "Who made you think you're not enough?" She pulled her face away and looked down. She didn't have to answer, this change didn't happen until "mom" called.

James reached for a towel and wrapped it around Trixie. He got a second one and wrapped it around her hair, gently squeezing it until it was no longer dripping. He then got a third towel and started drying her legs.

"I'm fine," she chided, pulling away, "This is so stupid. I'm sorry. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," he responded gently. "You always take care of me. Let me take care of you." She stopped pulling away. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. And you don't have to do anything alone." Trixie looked up, hearing her own words spoken against her. She gave him a small, sad smile. "I'm gonna call Sam," he said. "We're not going."

"You can't back out now," she responded. "Steve..."

"...is my past," he finished, "You're my present and my future."

Trixie let out another sob, "That is the kindest thing anyone's ever said to me." She leaned into him, towels and all and continued, "But I won't let you skip this and then regret it later. Besides, I could use a happy distraction right now."

He kissed the top of her head and pushed her to her feet, never letting go of her waist while he stood. "Are you ok?" he asked before letting her go. She nodded and went to the sink to try and brush her hair, but her hands were still shaking. He moved behind her and took the brush, gently working it through her hair and then tied it back into a simple yet elegant French braid. She looked at him in the mirror intrigued as he worked and he shrugged, "I had a little sister. There are some skills you don't forget."

James put on a simple blue t-shirt with jeans and Trixie donned her favorite red sundress. He went to the hotel room door without his jacket. Trixie stopped to grab it for him, but she stopped her saying, "Today I am Bucky." He sighed and shrugged. "Tomorrow I'll get to be James again." James heard the tone of a voicemail ding on Trixie's phone, still on the night table. Neither of them turned to retrieve it.

One battle at a time.